| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:45:57 PM | I think that everyone has the capacity to be in a relationship, for sure some people struggle with them more than others but I doubt that there are very many people who just sail through them without a hitch.
then there are some people whose personalities are meant for adventure and I am not refering to weekend warriors or people who like to travel or skydive for recreation. For one example some may have a calling to be in the military and are constantly away
I think that it's peoples expectations for what a relationship will provide them that may be the thing that is causing much of their dissappointment. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/13/2008 7:57:53 PM | Carpaccio, this is my last post on POF since I am recently married. Your question reminded me of the days when I was single and looking for love and a rewarding relationship. Now looking at my dating experiences, I found that it is not so much whether someone is GOOD at a relationship, but whether he/she is ready and willing to make a relationship work. It takes a lot of faith and patience to find the special someone.. Sometimes, the real treasure is hiding in a plain package, with someone with whom we never thought that the relationship would work out. We have such high expectations and often try to find the dream relationship in people who seem to offer a lot, but not really. I am only speaking from own experience. I am very glad that, with the help of my friends, I was able to see the potential of my best friend, who is my dear beloved husband.
Best wishes for everybody and may peace and joy be with you!   | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:40:55 AM | I was thinking and this may make a lot of sense to a few out there.
Do any one know why some people out there have a hard time keeping a relationship or they may feel as there not ment to be in one?
Think about it there are people are so used to there ways that they have a pattern where if there in the relationship they have to be in control or they have issues from there past relationship that there not fully recoverd or what ever.And then who ever there with may see this and run away.
So to correct it the person first has to see what there doing wrong and try to correct it and it can take time. But in the other hand some people rather live alone because maybe they feel as if they had some one with them they will loose there freedom or had a bad experience living with some one and have it in there head that every man or women is out there to hurt them.
Then the world has changed and some out there are to picky in what they want in a relationship not many people ever sees what in the heart any more they only go for the look's,money,ect. and they wonder why that they cant stay in a relationship because some people feel as it is a turn off.
So it's not if a person's not ment to be in one it's how the act in one that can ruin a good thing and it becomes a pattern that every time the person is in one the same thing happens all over again but that it self has to be looked at and perhaps change.
So lets say if a person has been hurt in the past and has trust issues they get in to a new relationship now that person starts to feel insircured what happends then the relation ship falls apart and they feel maybe i just give up all together. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:48:29 AM | | Yes, it's true that some people aren't meant for relationships. I see people together that cheat on each other constantly, try to control the other person, or are just mean as heck to one another. These people do not need to be in relationships, but they are. Why?? I suppose it has to do with "settling" for something. People think that something is better than nothing, but that isn't true. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. The a z z h o l e s and w h o r e s belong together and nice, sweet, faithful people like me belong with good people. Unfortunately, nice and sweet can translate into gullible and dumb, therefore we end up with b u t t h o l e s. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:58:47 AM |
People think that something is better than nothing Hmm...Interesting. I like to think that nothing is better than "just something." Besides, I usually quickly dump a person with the ego problem that requires her to judge without being asked to, or who displays an attitude of superiority/deferrence. Other than delighting in having a lot of privacy, these are two big reasons I'm not the relationship kind; every other person tells me that it's "human" to render judgment/compartmentalize/humiliate/totem. That sucks. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:58:33 PM | ''So it's not if a person's not ment to be in one it's how the act in one that can ruin a good thing and it becomes a pattern that every time the person is in one the same thing happens all over again but that it self has to be looked at and perhaps change.
So lets say if a person has been hurt in the past and has trust issues they get in to a new relationship now that person starts to feel insircured what happends then the relation ship falls apart and they feel maybe i just give up all together.''
That last bit is one thing i absolutely agree with. Beofre i even start to even get into a new relationship, my insecurities from the previous relationship mess it up. I don't think that it's a case of people not MEANT to be in relationships, more of a case you WONT let yourself get into a relationship becuase of what something has happened in the past, which on the otherside of the coin, is understandable.
This whole relationship thing is a vicious circle | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:03:16 PM | YES, and they should be smart enough to recognize it. Not everyone is meant to be monogamous, trust worthy or even kind. Some people are loners, selfish and full of drama. Others are insecure, carrying major baggage from previous relationships and will make the next guy/gal completely miserable with their antics.
They should not be afraid to be alone and enjoy the lack of responsibility not being in a relationship brings. Be a FWB, be a man-whore who cares, your not hurting anyone as long as you don't make promises you have no intention of keeping, make another person believe you actually care or torture them with your insecurities. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 3:41:57 PM | Some people are loners, selfish and full of drama,?
well i find that if a person wants to live as a loner so be it. They aint hurting any one.
But what if the person buys a house up in the stick's with no other houses around and has there freedom to do what ever they want dose that make them selfish just because they choose to live like that maybe they have a good reason to who know's.
And not all men are male whores i know that for a fact because iam a male i dont sleep around i have slept with any one in 3 year's now amzing ha. Or maybe im turing in a saint lol.  | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:30:53 PM | | It seems the people that are crumby at relationships, are the ones that have the easiest time finding them. God or the universe sees they need practice and helps them... | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:45:03 PM | Instead of looking at it in a 'negative' way...
For some people I see it as a positive self realization that they don't want to be in a relationship, for a number of reasons. Just like some people don't want to have children.
I've always been a relationship person but even my best female friend likes living single and the freedom of that... the best. Where I've always enjoyed the closeness of companionship. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:46:02 PM | i believe in fate if it was ment to be than it will happend on it's own i dont ask for it i dont go looking for it it just happends .
But those who are having the problem it may not alway's be them maybe it's the world it self some people want and want and get selfish and than gready or even some are to picky and there are some who jump right in to another relationship with first taking the time to heal so a lot of it has to do with whats out there and it sure was not like this years ago when it was easy to find some one and go out and park and look at the stars ect or even go to the beach.
The world is revolved around money and most people dont want to know you if you dont own a house or a car ect so therefor it leaves those few out there who do have a hard time finding some one to asept them for who they are and not every one was born with a silver spoon in there mouth.
I even know people are disabled and cant work those people have the hardest time finding some one because sadly it show's that there not asepted in the world as soon as the other finds out that there disabled they turn the other way with out first getting to know them wow so we live in a very cruel world dont we. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:47:23 PM | | Some are just only good at the dating stuff. Once it settles down into the day to day..and there's decisions to make the humdrum...so what are we going to do about that and they are still living "single" the way they always have. Not cheating or not monogamous, but the things they do affect others, if they can't accept that then..well it's time to consider NOT going forward with it. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/14/2008 9:36:40 PM | some people dont want to take the next step they want to continue the date game to see what they can get out of it .
I have spoken to some men and the women they went on dates with had dinner and the next day they never heard from them again it's like ok is that the only reason why people want to date is for the free dinner or movie ect like i said this world is revolved around money what ever happend to have a nice romantic dinner at home like the old days or a walk on the beach you would think,
thats why the old saying go's that nice guys finish last because there are not to many of us guys out there .
I had my share to i would get women in the past say hey i loved your profile can we chat i would say ok and then after that one chat i never hear from them again it's like that was a waste of time my friend told me that not to worry they dont deserve you any how they just could be doing that to get your hopes up .
It seem to be a game for some to see how far they can go befor the just drop you and forget you all together that one of my reason's why i dont bother with people like that any more.
i can see your point there bucsgirl but some people rather live together with out marriage or going further it realy depend's on what they want to do next.
I know i wouldnt want any one to waste my time if they choose to give me the run around then i decide to say see ya iam gone iam not getting any younger and life it self is to darn short it may sound mean to some but im not a sucker to fall in to any trap.
I think one of the major reason's why people may feel there not ment for any one is that maybe every time they seem to meet that person they get hurt or used or maybe taken for a ride the old saying go's and thats proberly one of the reason's .
.And then some people feel depressed because they may not be smart enough or good looking enough because there are people out there who do judge other's for what they look like or for who they are. that would make any one feel there not worth dating any one or maybe they where rejected to many time's there are so many differnt reason's out there why people think there not ment to find any one.
And one other reason is that some are to set in there way's that they have to have everything there way or its the high way and those are the type who may not be fit to have a relationship with any one. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:43:09 AM | I seem to be horrible at picking a partner. I inevitably pick the man who won't/can't open up emotionally. It's like throwing your affection at a brick wall and watching it bounce off. Maybe people who aren't willing to take the chance and show some affection are the ones who should stop getting involved with others until they learn to love.
Great post Desi!!  | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:01:10 AM | I have a friend who would tell you themself that they are 'not meant to be in relationship'.
She likes things 'her way'. Has that in her life, work, home and activities and is very happy just like that with no one else. She occasionally will hang out with some people, however on the average - she would just much rather be alone and away from people doing things that she enjoys.
Too each their own. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:07:30 AM | She likes things 'her way'. Has that in her life, work, home and activities and is very happy just like that with no one else. She occasionally will hang out with some people, however on the average - she would just much rather be alone and away from people doing things that she enjoys.
Sounds like me. I like being around people, but it's definitely something I have to be in the mood for...yes most of my life is scheduled/tailored to my liking, and I don't plan on giving it up. If I can maintain a romantic relationship without someone thinking my needing time alone is about them in any way, then i'll consider it. | |
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a9198d
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Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 117 | |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:24:33 AM | i have been married two times.. i did not get married until early 30's the first time. i was single for 10 plus years..
when my first wife and i were getting married we had to go to a church counceler . then after we were4 divorced. iwent to a reecovery group. but i heard the same thing from two councelors in my life..
the comment was.. the way i had my life. . i did not need anyone.. some people are ment to be alone on life. and /or are more successsful being alone in life..
i really do not need anyone in my life.. i have a job that i pay my bills with... ..i have a house to live in. ...a bed to sleep in. ...food to eat..companionship is nice with the right compatible person.. but it is not good when it is not compatible..
i am in my 50's as of now..when i was in my 20's my goals were.. to get a good job. .buy a house with a white picket fence..get married .. have a family.. buy a new car ,etc..
in my 50's. i had a new house. i had a new car ,., i had a family..those forward looking goals are now behind me and in my past..
my present forward goals are different than in my 20's.. i wanted someone in my 20's.. now i am ..do i need anyone in my life..
there is a differance between wishes ...dreams.. and reality..
i am at the point in my life ido not want to get involved with anyone that i loose everything i gained in life.. retirement years are coming fast for me...i do not have time to gamble on someone and feel i need to start over,. ..to gain back what i gained in life for my retirement years..
you can also see it in woman or people that have professional jobs. they stay alone because they seldom have anyone that is at there level of success..i mean the doctors.,. lawyers. ..the very successful busness owners..they had a choice. to be succesful in wokr oor a home life.. many can have one or the other ..a successful work or a sucessful home life.. you usually can not have both. .it has to be one or the other..
so are some people ment to be alone in ,life.. i have to say.. .yes..
dan | |
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a9198d
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Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 118 | |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:31:15 AM | i have been married two times.. i did not get married until early 30's the first time. i was single for 10 plus years..
when my first wife and i were getting married we had to go to a church counceler . then after we were divorced. i went to a recovery group. but i heard the same thing from two councelers in my life..
the comment was.. the way i had my life. . i did not need anyone.. some people are ment to be alone on life and /or are more successsful being alone in life..
i really do not need anyone in my life.. i have a job that i pay my bills with... ..i have a house to live in. ...a bed to sleep in. ...food to eat..companionship is nice with the right compatible person.. but it is not good when it is not compatible.. i feel opposites attract.. likes stay together..
as of now, i am in my 50's ..when i was in my 20's my goals were.. to get a good job. .buy a house with a white picket fence..get married .. have a family.. buy a new car ,etc..
in my 50's. i had a new house. i had a new car , i had a family..
those forward looking goals are now behind me and in my past..
my present forward goals are different than when i was in my 20's, i wanted someone in my 20's..
now i have a a ..do i need anyone in my life attitude..
there is a differance between wishes ...dreams.. and reality..
i am at the point in my life ido not want to get involved with anyone that i loose everything i gained in life.. retirement years are coming fast for me...i do not have time to gamble on someone and feel i need to start over to gain back what i gained in life for my retirement years..
you can also see it in men and woman or people, that have professional jobs, they stay alone because they seldom have anyone that is at there level of success..i mean the doctors.,. lawyers. ..the very successful busness owners..they had a choice to be succesful in workr or a home life.. many can have one or the other ..a successful work or a successful home life.. you usually can not have both. .it has to be one or the other..
so are some people ment to be alone in ,life.. i have to say.. .yes..
dan | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 7:13:28 PM | I don't think human beings are by nature, meant to be alone.
But when you are for a long time, you become more comfortable with it, and accustomed to it. And it causes a ripple effect- you become a little less social, more self-sufficient & independent. Eating alone in public feels ok, someone snoring next to you feels weird, a good book on a saturday night doesn't feel like the end of the world.
People pick up on this, and assume you don't want a relationship, but all that really happened was that you were forced to adapt to what your life became. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:11:36 PM | The point is if a person want's to live alone and rather not have a relationship then so be it .
thats who they are and no one's ever going to tell them differnt because it's the way they are set in there ways.
But when you are for a long time, you become more comfortable with it, and accustomed to it.
That's only for some people out there who grow accustomed to it. It because some people tend to forget what love is or what it feel's like to be with some one or do thing's with that other person.
some even work around the clock and waste there life by working them self's to death and by the time that happend's they have no time for any one or even family they become more distant to other's but what away to live but if thats the way they choose it then so be it.
But also i know i dont want to live that kind of life style even though i been single for 3 years i never give up because i was alway's taught that there's alway's some one out there for the other it's a matter of when and how thats why i believe in fate.
People pick up on this, and assume you don't want a relationship, but all that really happened was that you were forced to adapt to what your life became.
I think by forcing one's self not to do something it's like a punishment telling your self i dont need any one and im going to stay that way and some time in there life there going to feel that there realy missing something and by that time that person grows old and dies .
Or another way to word this is if a person forces them self to stay in a house and never go out and sits there day by day and waste there life away it would seem like they could be suffering with some kind depression or have guilt to shut them self off from the world all together. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/16/2008 1:23:56 PM | well iam 36 years old im old enough to do what i want regardless my parents dont have any control of what i do that stoped when i turn 18 .
Granted there there if i need help like any parent would but if you are controled by your parents then depending how old you are and if your over the 18 mark they have not much to say what u do with your life maybe its time to move out and live your own live . | |
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| Are Some People Meant to be Resist Slavery, In All Its Forms?
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:29:54 AM |
They should not be afraid to be alone and enjoy the lack of responsibility not being in a relationship brings. DAYAM, that's judgmental!
Just remember, [lack of responsibility not being in a relationship]'s just another [protracted expression] for nothing left to lose.
FREEDOM! | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:48:23 AM | I've been in relationships. And I've been single. And I have to say....I'm ten thousand times happier being single.
Does that mean that I'm not meant to be in a relationship? I have no idea. I know I don't WANT to be in a relationship right now, and so many people seem to have a problem with that. They think that dating = searching for soul mate. But that's not true. For some of us, dating = having fun, no expectations, and whatever happens happens.
I think too many people rely on someone else to make them happy, and that's where the mistake lies. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person. But as you get older and the longer you are single, you kind of get used to having things your own way--no need to compromise, do what someone else wants to do, etc. So entering the relationship status can be difficult.
Overall, I'd say I'm meant to be happy. And if that happiness is by myself or in a relationship, then I'll take it as it comes. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't...hey, life's still good. | |
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