HulaH
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Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 126 | |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/17/2008 1:05:58 PM | Personally - I think being single for quite sometime now has done me the world of good but it gets a little miserable after a while (i.e no one to share the couch with, laugh with over your granny underwear). I love being in a partnership, but wouldn't drop everything for the first guy I saw/got along with just to get myself into another relationship- somethings take time.
I don't know if I could say I was good in relationships, but having my last 2 relationships, last 3 years each and I remain great friends with my exes, I think that speaks volumes. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 3:50:57 AM | Every one has there own feeling about if they better off being single or not i guess some people had enough with the lie's the game's some get to demanding or some just like to be alone what ever it is as long as they are happy who care's right.
But i been living single for now three year's and i dont bother going out to bar's or anything that deals with drinking i gave that up long ago.
We all get loney after a while and it it can be depressing at time's but like me i let fate take over you never know when that time will happen who your going to meet or where it just happends thats how i like it i keep telling my mom i will never get married she tell's me differnt she say's never say never lol | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:49:03 AM | | I believe some are meant to be single. Relationships come in many forms, so you can be alone, but not neccesarily lonely. Not everyone develops the requisite tools to have a successsful relationship. We have to see good examples around us, things we can emulate to make our our relationships sucessful. To often people get this from popular entertainment, so they are starting off on a poor foundation. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:57:39 AM |
I've been in relationships. And I've been single. And I have to say....I'm ten thousand times happier being single.
Does that mean that I'm not meant to be in a relationship? I have no idea. I know I don't WANT to be in a relationship right now, and so many people seem to have a problem with that. They think that dating = searching for soul mate. But that's not true. For some of us, dating = having fun, no expectations, and whatever happens happens.
I think too many people rely on someone else to make them happy, and that's where the mistake lies. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person. But as you get older and the longer you are single, you kind of get used to having things your own way--no need to compromise, do what someone else wants to do, etc. So entering the relationship status can be difficult.
Overall, I'd say I'm meant to be happy. And if that happiness is by myself or in a relationship, then I'll take it as it comes. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't...hey, life's still good.
This sums up my feelings - almost exactly. Well said. 
Not only do I not expect to find happiness from someone else, I am quite adverse to someone coming along and thinking I might be the key to their happiness. Ick, no thanks. That eliminates a lot of people, but since I like single life - luckily I don't see it as much of a loss. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:58:52 AM | Yes, monogamy is not for everyone, good solid relationships are not for everyone.
It's the people that cannot be happy alone but insist on finding someone to share in their misery that kill relationships. God forbid they don't have a BF or GF, ready or not here they come. Take a look at yourself and realize what you bring to the table if you want a relationship. Is it fair to expect someone else to deal with your baggage, when you yourself won't deal with it? Do the rest of us a favor, wait to date until you've healed, settled your divorce, gotten your sh1t together, taken control of your life, gone for anger therapy or moved on.
There's another thread on the board from a guy that's still married, living with his wife, has not filed for divorce but whining that women won't email him back, and guess what, It's the women's fault. Is he meant to be in a relationship right now? | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:41:16 AM | for myself its not my parent that tries to control me..its my kids lol...they dont like the fact that i am on a "dating" site to find someone..they dont understand that where we are from, its hard to find someone in my age bracket that is not either a good friend of my brothers or kids,or that im related to them..they rather have me be at their beck and call..its pretty sad that when i do get to "go out", my chaparone are my kids..:cry another way of them keeping an eye on their momma lol...but deep down i think they want me to find someone that i can be happy with...please pray for me... | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:51:08 AM | love message 18 and 24 replies.
many people don't have the skills to be in a relationship. they haven't had healthy ones modeled to them growing up.
this simply means that perhaps such a person could be more aware of the impact their family of origin plays in their life and take steps to learn what are healthy behaviors versus repeating old patterns.
I think many people aren't self aware and don't see the patterns they are repeating until it's become too difficult to get needs met or being in a relationship forces them to do something different to make it work. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:25:34 AM | Some people dont realize what they are doing untill it's to late or they end up in the same problem as befor it's almost like if a person was in a abusive relationship and go's to another one god i seen some women do that it must be a pattern.
Some also had enough being lied to or cheated on or not being there for the other it's just a nomal human reaction to say i give up for now and to work on them self's.
But you have to look back in history even then relationships where hard i give those people credit for being married for 30+ years if any one would know it's those out there who lasted this long and back then time's where even harder than now.
Now day's most people fight over money and if it is not money it is something else what i think is that some people have a lack of communication with each other and take the easy way out and most of the time it's over some thing small.
Or some out there who just cant let go of there past relationship .
That's some of the reason's why relationship's fall apart or dont last to long.
I do believe in that there is some one out there for every one and it may not happend over night but but as i said befor i believe in fate. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:44:10 PM | I love this post.
It's like throwing your affection at a brick wall and watching it bounce off.
Actually, its more like throwing your affection AT THE SAME WALL over and over and expecting different results each time. Recognizing what it is you keep throwing yourself against, seeing the pattern then actively trying to break the pattern by trying a new approach. with patterns like this usually there is something in you that you're trying to "heal" or "fix" by this particular TYPE of person hoping that the healing will occur when you change this person into what YOU think will heal you. often what you want and what you need are actually two different things entirely. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:42:24 PM | | I am definitely, I repeat, definitely not meant to be in any kind of relationship due to the fact that I am selfish and probably immature and/or not limited to the fact that I also have communication issues. But for some odd reason, even though all of my sarcastic forum replies are on my profile, my in box still explodes. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2008 1:35:24 PM | FordForever,
How did u get so lucky i mean damn i dont get any in my inbox what's the secret lol.
I think that when i started with the forum reply's on religion i got a few | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/19/2008 4:34:39 PM | Yes, I really believe that some of us would be doing ourselves and the others a favour if we do not pursue any relationship. Maybe this is the best way to be happy.
Relationship takes two people. If one cannot be happy with someone in a good, honest-to-goodness loving kinship, then accept it and be the best of what you are. Being alone is not a bad sentence. Maybe it is the best state that one can be. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/21/2008 2:37:59 PM | It all depend's on the person if they want a relationship or not and it is also a fear that some half if they get involved with some one how would they react or even some feel they will loose there freedom or some men feel they have to give there partner there pay check every week.
Or it's just that some people say they dont have to answere to any one and go any where they please.
There are so many reason's why people act the way they do and how they rather live alone then deal with a relationship if there happy and want to die alone so be it they cant be changed it's who tho they are.
I even hear some say they been hurt to many time's and blame the other sex because a few had hurt them and cant get over the fact that not all are out there to hurt just because there's a few bad apple's dose not mean the whole bunch is bad.
I think some people and this is only my opion that in a time in a person's life they shut down completely and build a wall around them and then say i rather stay alone and they feel more independent knowing that they dont need a partner to thing's with or have some one do thing's for them that they have it in there head that iam happy and that's how iam going to stay .
I dont have a problem with it around people who feel that way it there life not mine and that is that. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:49:04 PM | I wouldn't say I'd rather be alone, but it's like every time I try to start dating again, I pick the wrong men right away and it turns to back to being alone again. I'd love to have someone to share at least part of my life with and yes it would take a long time to trust someone again. Sometimes I think I just don't know how to react to men I'm interested in. My male friends tell me any man would be lucky to have me and when I start to believe them and try again I just get let down and sometimes even feel there must be something wrong with me. So it's not that we don't want no one, it's the fact that we have a idea of what will make us happy and when we find one we think may be able to provide that they run. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten on dating web sites and try it out for a month and get nothing but guys who only want sex. I have friends and can have sex anytime I want it. I want more than that. Anyway, I'll share a poem that was given to me.
ALONE by Guy Lyons
No one to visit on beautiful days
Entertaining company but no one stays
Personal phone book but who can I call
Being referred to as you because there is no yall
Studio apartment and still too much space
Hardly anyone comes to visit my place
Open door invitations and still no one comes
Two chairs in my home but I only need one
Visions and dreams of life with a mate
When reality’s gift is just meaningless dates
Most men would love countless sessions of lust
But I feel there’s nothing when none you can trust
Why is it I try and try yet still fail
To find a true friend and a love that prevails
I guess it’s my destiny to be on my own
To grow old and die the way I came, all alone | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:31:14 PM | celpers,
i uderstand where you are at and the way you feel it's hard when you think your with some one that's going to be there for you but then only want sex well not all men are like that i know iam one of them men who dont think with his other head .
i myself ended up finding the wrong women and i had my share of heart break's and hurt but i dont hold that on every women in this world and i know one day that person will find me you just have to have hope and knowing that one day you will find the right one maybe not right away but in time.
It realy depend's on the person to beable to correct what one is doing first you have to see what one's doing wrong .
I cant speek for every guy but what i have learn through the year's some women exspect a lot from a guy or they are to picky or only want a house,ect and maybe that scare's the guy of.
When i worked 3rd shift 12 hours of work all i can hear is how thease guy's complain how there not alowed to cash there own check's or how there women use control and threatend to leave them if they dont do what there told.This is what i heard for 12 hour's and i would think at the time thank god im not married i been controled myself and it is not fun it's like being a caged animal but that was many year's ago.
But i dont hold that on every women out there so i had a few bad one's but living single tault me how to be independent to .And trust me i dont want to live alone all my life and i know one day i wont be alone but i let it take it's own course .
all iam saying is dont give up on your self let it happend on it's own. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:34:00 PM | | I definately have come to believe that some people are NOT meant to be in relationships. Perhaps they've never known what a good, loving relationship can be, and they carry far too much long-term baggage to love and be loved. It's very sad, actually. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:04:29 PM | graywolfe
I guess I'm one of those independant people who don't need a man, I only wont one.
You are obvisously one of the few rare men out there and don't think with his other head. I'm a caring person and defiently not a taker. I have my own paycheck and don't need anyone esle's. Why is it so hard to find someone and just want them and not need them to take care of you? I would think a man would like a women who didn't always have her hand out. But like I said, the few I do find and yes I am picky seem to only want a sex partner or just fade away. Off of this site I've talked to several men, but only two only a steady basis. Sometimes I think I may be just to caring of a person and that's all they see, you can't a person personality on here and it's like the guys are afraid to meet even if you talk every day for a month. I have walls up yes, but I'm also very open to finding someone. I want someone, I just can't seem to find him. I've been single a long time and it was my choice to remain that way until my children were older. Now I think I forgot what attacts men,especially with just emails. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:24:59 PM | We live in a very cruel world and sorry to say there are a lot of people in this world who rather judge then get to know some one for they realy are .And there are types who are to selfish and take but not give or some rather think with there other head it's pretty sick world we live in but it show's that iam not going to give up even if i never meet the right gal on pof it dont mean i wont find some one out in the public .
see i am more a carring person because i have a big heart and it scare's people i wonder why maybe they forgot what it feel's like to talk to some one nice for a change .
but in any case all i ever gotten in my past and i will be very honest here is that i have gotten people who say there interested and want to to chat and we would exchange emails and go from there but as soon as i chat for a hour i never hear from them again and i think to my self that was a waste of time i think that some people out there get scared and run the other direction and my friend told me last week those are the type's of people that dont deserve a person like you and i said i know.
But i been single for 3 year's and it was my choice to be that way not that i didnt want a relationship it was do to all the crap out there but i do know i was not ment to be alone the rest of my life because a lot of my friend's tell me i have a lot to give and that iam a good person and have a big heart but that's me. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:57:09 PM | | I couldn't of said it better myself Lone wolve! We are desinged to not be alone but it's hard to find that one person who is right for you. I'm not giving up until I don't have any breathe left in me. What years I have left I want to share with someone and I may have to go through lot's of jerk's to find him, but I believe he will come. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 2:03:13 PM | | I do believe some people are not meant to be in relationships. But those are not usually the people who question their own ability. On the contrary, they may try and strive, and yet destroy relationship after relationship with consistency, no matter who the partner is, and at the same time have no awareness or be in total denial that they may be a culprit for each failure. I am talking about people with deep phobias, emotional or mental disturbances or untreated illness, destructive addictions or habits, and simply people with deep rooted "victim" mentality that refuse to see and recognize their own role in their own life. | |
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