| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:17:56 PM | | Red n Blue, you said it! I have known people like this, that in no way see their own culpability for their many failed relationships.........they just keep sailing along, thinking that somewhere, they will find that elusive special someone they're looking for, and all will be well. Problem is, that person only exists in their mind. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:11:37 PM | Now red n blue my question is that what if a person has sufferd with depression or has some kind of mental illness i know i worked around people with such problem's and they have a hard time as it is dealing with life but i also seen some have a relationship and was able to keep it for a long time.I can see if the person was a drug attic and became abusive or if the person was a danger to them self's and other's but not all people who suffer from a illness what ever it is will be destructive,emotional or any thing like that.
What i see is that every one has sufferd some kind of depression,anxity,or even became very emotional that dont say that they cant be stable enough to handle a relationship.See it's a cruel world we live in.
And what iam saying is that just because a person who has a history of any kind of illness dose not make them unfit for a relationship and what's sad in this world there's a lot of people who sit there and talk and make fun or judge people who have such issues .
I even know people who soberd up and went to A.A and met in there and now they live in happyness knowing they are clean.
I worked in many field's and i learn so many thing's out there and if the person had a common problem with him or her self and distroyed the relationship then they will have that pattern for there life .
But if a person was treated and doing well and doing the best he or she can then i think they deserve a chance in life to find there love.
I believe in fate and i believe in that not all people are ready or dont want a relationship if thats what make's them happy then so be it .
I have seen people who are alone and complain and say thank god iam single or if they see some one in love they get a little upset and walk away maybe some out there are just not happy with them self's and hates to see others happy who know's . | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 9:05:29 PM | Anyone who sings loudly and off key in the shower...should be alone.
Any fella who looks better in your dresses than you do....
Any fella with nicer hair than yourself....
People who burp at the table....
People who drool...... and anyone
...who is already happy! | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 9:08:42 PM | | No, having a condition or illness does not automatically make a person unfit for a relationship. what does is refusal to see or admit they they have a problem in the 1st place, and that they need to control/address the problem. Instead, they say the relationship failed because their partner was this-and-that, and often "project" their own moodiness, instability, irritability, victimhood on their partner. They sometimes even accuse their partner of exactly the things they themselves are doing. They blame childhood or bad influence for their substance abuse or disorderly life. Until they recognize that they need to change something.. they will go from relationship to relationship, person to person, destroying every one of them, no matter who their partner is. If I meet a person and in a casual conversation I hear that all ex-s were evil, incessant " it's so-an-so's fault", "my boss is that", " my friend is this", "THEY did it to me", "it's just my bad luck", "it always happened to me" , everyone is against them and treats them badly -- that's a sign sign that they are not able to keep a relationship, blame others for everything, and, most importantly, refuse or unable to recognize, and do not want to change this. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:01:20 PM | Yup, definitely, about a third of those I meet aren't single, they're "Single for a darned good reason."
This includes, but is not limited to, substance abuse, mental illness, sexual compulsiveness, being a stalker (OCD), having made lots of bad choices in parenting and not seeing their part in it, etc, etc, etc.
I'm starting to worry I'm one of those "Single for a reason folks" myself :-( Time has been kind to me, but my ex is a big ol' piece of freight I wish I'd never seen. Not baggage, as I don't get involved in interactions with her, but I do have to put up with the consequences of having made the mistake of marrying her. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:43:38 PM | I don't know about not being meant to be in relationships but I think there are plenty of people out there who aren't ready for relationships. I don't think they're synonymous. I'd say I'm a mix of the two. I have a few traits that I'm not willing to budge on that make me not the best relationship material.
Too many people ignore the fact that they should put dating on the back burner while they get their own shit together instead of bringing their issues into the next relationship and then fucking it up, and in turn, passing that bitterness/anger/jadedness/mistrust onto the other person, who then carries it to their next relationship, and so on. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/22/2008 11:51:06 PM | Meant = Intended: implying some divine or cosmic involvement in the random affairs of however many billions of people there are on the earth.
I don't know the mind of God. I don't believe in the Tarot, Numerology or Astrology.
Some people give up on the looking and then it happens anyway. Some people give up on looking and learn to be happy without a partner.
I have sympathy for anyone that would prefer to be IN a relationship, thinks about it all the time, and lives in abject misery. They have my respect too.
Why people are alone is a big question. I can't even be sure why I am alone, let alone everyone else.
I'm probably just lazy, and rather enjoy holding onto the idiosyncracies that make me a pain in the ass to love. I could've made myself a better catch over the years of my life if I wanted to. I'm not going to throw a tantrum with what remains of my time here, bemoaning the consequences of my own self-indulgent nature.
However, regarding the O.P.... seems like a fun person to me. I don't get "it," whatever "it" is.
If you're waiting for other people's authority to feel good about yourself, you'll NEVER get to BE yourself and have a nice life.
Screw 'em, they don't know what they're missing. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:11:51 AM | Yes I totally agree some are not meant to be in a relationship of any kind. I know a few actually some are my friends.They are just better single and not involved thats them saying that..I have seen what they have been through,, and they are so much happier being single.. and that is their choice.
I have also met a few folk that would be so much better off single than in a relationship.and thats because of who they are and what they want in life.
The way I look at it..if its mean to be it will. we all have time do we not. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:03:00 PM | I have noticed that more people rather turn gay then go back to the other sex so i hear from a few people now and again.
But as for people who say iam the one who gets hurt or im the one who got blamed for everything why not they look what they are doing wrong there are alway's two side's to a coin.
I have seen my friend's go through hard ship and hurt and even go as far as loosing everything but they dont give up iam a fighter i dont go down that easy i always managed to pull myself up and start again.
I think that some people rather just give up all together and live alone because they rather not deal with what's out there or afraied they may get hurt or loose there freedom or they hate the other sex because what happend to them.
im sorry but life is what we make out of it and life itself is to short .
But i am not here to judge those for what they choose in there life's if they want to live single so be it. Thats who they are but as for me i dont give up and what amazes me is that if some people wish to remain single why are they on a dating site?
That's a question i been tring to figure out myself. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 3/24/2008 2:01:23 PM | | Well, I'm beginning the think that is me too. when I first started on POF I put "LTR" for my search, then just a week or so ago I changed it to "Friends". You see, i'm just not sure I want another LTR. I'm not saying I don't, but I do know that I want to be friends first. I am actually very satisfied with this life. This is not because of hard feelings or bad ex's or anything like that, I just think maybe I should be single from now on. I have a couple of girlfriends like this too and I have some that just can't live without a man. I think I can live without or with, but no matter, it's ok! and I'm Ok! | |
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Reme23
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Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 164 | |
| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:50:14 AM | | im so with you there!! I suck at the whole relationship thing im only 24 and am more then happy to be a single mothere for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong men have there place in my life but a "boyfriend","soulmate" please god thats bed im 24 and alredy bitter but im happy so who cares! I have better things to do then hunt dowm Mr.Right!!! | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:52:29 AM | I'll be the first to admit that I'm not good in relationships and for the simple reason that I know I like a lot of attention and I also like my alone time as well. With me, what you see is what you get. I'm the same way on day one as I am 6 months or a year down the road and few people are like that. When the "new" has worn off for my partner I'm still wanting the attention I got at the beginning.
I also find that men don't seem to like it that I don't want to consume all their time in the beginning of the relationship, or that I don't want a step by step account of what they've done while we were apart. They also seem to think I'm hiding something by not giving an account of my free time. I just believe we all deserve our own private time and as an adult we shouldn't have to explain what we do to someone.
Yes, I have come to the realization that, while I think I make a great friend and lover, I suck as a wife/girlfriend. LOL The time I spend with my partner I want to be the center of his attention, and he be the center of mine, but I also want a man that can be secure enough in his self that he can allow me the freedom to have a life of my own and let me give him the same gift.
Evidently, this type of relationship doesn't exsist... | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:53:04 AM | | Some people, for various reasons, don't have good social skills, or have psychological problems which make it very hard for them to form stable relationships. Other problems like chronic poverty and unemployment, or criminality, can be extremely toxic to human relationships in all their forms. Some people should avoid relationships if they have some sort of emotional or psychological issue which would make life for a partner very difficult, or are in personal circumstances which would not be conducive to the formation of a good, stable and long-lasting relationship. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:57:38 AM | in your case, some people are more unusual than others and so it takes longer to find the right person....but when you do, it will be all the more of an enriching thing.  | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 4/1/2008 2:55:36 PM | | Well... I suppose some people are just not meant to be in relationships. My boyfriends ex is a good example of that. Seriously the most clingy, paranoid, jealous girl you'd ever meet. I'm not just saying that because shes his ex. I think maybe she was that clingy because her mom commit suicide and she didn't want to be alone. Maybe by being alone she can cope and heal. I don't know, but she was terrible in relationships. Cried about everything, complained about everything. I know other people see that shes not mature enough for a relationship but I don't think she realizes it. As for myself, I feel that I'm great in relationships, it makes me feel calm and at ease. Though I do think there are some people out there, who need to at the very least stay away from dating for a little while. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/17/2008 5:04:03 AM | OP, yes I do
I invest my energies into other things, I take full responsibility for my being useless in a relationship, bloody useless as a matter of fact and I honestly can't see anything changing that either.
I wouldn't say it's because I have 'bad role models', I defy those kinds of silly psychological moulds, I'm the 'bad role model' instead.
I dont fear losing myself either because I'm already lost, theres nothing to lose
I'm just categorically terrible as a boyfriend, this is simply undeniable.
I'm not violent, I've never raised my voice or a hand to a woman in my life.
I dont get jealous, this causes awful problems, I'm not possessive or clingy, that works against me.
I'm too honest and that never goes down well either especially if she asks me, 'do I look fat in this???' what am I supposed to do, lie??? well **** that, if she's become a lazy little madam and has decided to stuff her face rather than care for herself and approaches me with that question well, I'll tell her so
Else I'd be supporting her self destructive behaviour in my lying wouldn't I
I need my personal space too much, I need my 'alone time', my 'brooding time', I have one of the worst pasts imaginable and it has a tendency to haunt me to no end, so I often find myself lost in some kind of dreadful memory which I find hard to shake myself from.
I wouldn't say I'm 'immature' but I'm not denying that I have the capacity to be, I'm actually very wild and reckless, I just cannot be tamed.
I'm a custom made, 'ticking time bomb' of mischief and trouble, I'll probably go on to commit an incredible crime of some kind in the future no doubt and be remembered as an infamous bank robber.
Unless she's the same way inclined and wants to go out with a bang then forget it.
I'm being honest here.
Okay, here's a typical 'thing I do'
I invited the friends I had at the time over for dinner because I enjoy cooking a great deal. I love cooking, I'm very creative.
Prior to their arrival I'd placed improvised explosives in the bathroom and kitchen with the intention of blowing something up.
I hated that bloody flat anyway.
Naturally, they had no idea about any of this.
It was fabulous, they were tucking into their meal and 'caboom', it was a wonderful moment. My God you should've seen the expressions on their faces.
I had this neighbour who lived in the flat below, he used to beat his girlfriend (she'd usually tap at my door in the early hours of the morning sobbing whereupon I'd console or comfort her in some way)
Anyway, I manufactured this 'dangle bomb' of sorts and together we lowered it via this cord to his window below, it started to swing back and forth
It tapped against his window while he slept (it was his bedroom window) ... tap... tap... tap and then BANG,
Glass everywhere, the guys screaming, it was delightful.
I abandoned that flat and left all the possessions I had at the time in it. I didn't even care less.
Dealing with the law is a whole other story which would take a thread in itself to fully explain.
Long story shy, who on earth would want to be in a relationship with a person like that.
I'll be dead before I reach 30. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/17/2008 4:29:51 PM | | i believe that i am not meant to be in a real relationship.. everytime i get into a relationship i think to myself "wow this is great" then as time goes by more and more little things start to bother me about the person until i am suddenly being a hateful b*tch until the male decides i am NOT worth it. it is happening in my current relationship. my husband is a great person for the most part or he was, until he started to drink all the time. now he is JUST drinking once per week but it still drives me nuts. I have turned into the heinous b*tch.... grrr it is too the point that i don't want to have sex with him anymore. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/17/2008 4:53:05 PM | I am so selfish that sometimes I think I am better off not fooling with the whole relationship thing. I have so many things in my life that are so fulfilling that have nothing to do with anyone what so ever that when someone compromises that time I get irritated. I know this is really a symptom of past relationships (I learned to make myself happy all by myself), but the question for me is do I really care enough to change it?
I don’t know. I suppose if I found the right person. So I guess I have decided to keep my feet wet and see what happens. But I wouldn’t say you should not at least keep yourself open to the possibility. Just don’t get nuts about it. I generally wear my blasé outfit when dating ;) | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/19/2008 4:42:22 AM | I commend the many good insights I've read in here.
From the looks of it people are not in as much denial as I thought, since many have freely expressed they are NOT relationship material and have come clean about their shortcomings. Self-awareness "doesn't" seem to be the problem.
The problem with so many dysfunctional relationships regarding this, then, looks more like disconnection with one's own perception vs the actions one takes? Meaning, if you "know" you're lousy relationship material, why do you constantly get into them??  | |
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