| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/19/2008 5:31:01 AM | | a very interesting question, and one which i have pondered for years. i have heard it said by many people that there is someone out there for everyone (the so called soulmate) but is that necessarily true? i have had nothing but bad luck with women all my life, despite the fact that i always put 100% into all my relationships and have nothing but respect for women. i always seem to attract the wrong ones, what that says about me i have no idea lol. there is an old saying, nice guys finish last, so maybe it applys whether you are male or female. its a sad fact of life that the nicer you are, then chances are you will never have luck with the opposite sex because all the decent ones are too busy dating the idiots. my ex girlfriend always used to say that everthing happens for a reason, so maybe some people are simply destined to remain single. who knows? | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/28/2008 2:21:39 AM |
wondering if there are other people who just feel that they're not very good at relationships, for whatever reason, because of bad role models, or fear of losing themselves
My best friend and I had this conversation a while back~ she's of the same belief as yourself and doesn't think that she is cut out for a long-term relationship.
I had started to think that way myself, some time back, but due to events in the past few years, I've started to think that anything is possible.
Saying that you are not 'relationship material' and sincerly believing it, only opens you up to a self-forfilling prophecy, and when the chance comes to have a loving, caring and satisfying union with someone, you will no doubt push them away~ thinking that you couldn't possibly be the one for them, or that you'll screw it up somehow.
Why write yourself off so easily?
If you try and predict tomorrow, you won't enjoy today.
Bad role models, past experiances, 'a fear of losing yourself...they are issues that can be worked around, worked over or worked with, when in the right relationship. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/30/2008 3:51:19 PM | OP- it's hard for me to completely understand what you are asking-(she may have left the building a long time ago- or met someone)
You are asking about being 'good at' relationships or seeking/finding them- those are two different issues-
Arguably, most people aren't 'good at' relationships, given the high divorce rate and transitory nature of so many relationships.
It sounds like you want to be in a relationship otherwise you wouldn't be on here-
And you are asking yourself questions it seems as well- Maybe therapy might be a good place to explore these doubts you have.
There are people who decide to be asexual- famous ones like Thoreau and Kant come to mind. And there was George Washington Carver who couldn't keep a girlfriend because he was so obsessed with his work.
But best wishes to you- | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/30/2008 3:58:04 PM | | hi... sure there are people who do not do well in relationships, romantic or otherwise however I believe that everyone can change if something is important enough to them... blessings to you to find your perfect match, warmly Mona | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/30/2008 4:11:51 PM | I had to stop when I saw this oldie but goodie thread still going on. My perspective is a bit different; I see that it's been alluded to somewhat in the answers, but not entirely.
Rather than saying "are some people not meant to be in relationships", has anyone else considered the view that the opportunities to cultivate romantic relationships may never have existed for some people in the first place? Think of it this way: You have to meet someone first before anything else can happen (and you might say, "Well, duh, Zeeba! Tell us something we don't know!") 
That's precisely my situation. I never met any man who was willing to stick around. Period. The end. I speak in the past tense because at my age, a relationship ain't gonna happen (not my choosing because hoping against hope, I would still very much welcome something. I would have made a GREAT wife, you guys out there; you really missed out. Just yesterday, I was puttering around the house, with college football on the tube and a casserole baking in the oven. See, you could have been watching sports and I would have fed you! What a deal.)
So, I am not sure that we can make a blanket statement about some people not being meant to be in relationships. There's an awful lot of lonely people out there, ladies and gents -- including me -- and they would be wonderful "mates" or "significant others". Takes two to make it happen, though. (Insert virtual shrug here...) | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 11/30/2008 10:15:25 PM | | i dont know anymore either but i guess if been single and not getting married i guess you do miss alot on in life and having familys at the moment im happy been single and im not tide down with any woman and kids so that gives me the advantage to travel around the world later on as i will be happy with that as of next year im going to see more of australia and look for work on my travels and thats the things i would prefer to do then be tide down with a family as ive pretty much got the world to explore my mates are already got girlfriends and im happy for them they have moved on with there lifes and im happy for them | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/1/2008 10:29:23 AM | i think some people are an acquired taste just like certain movies-models-musicians -artist/art-etc; some people need more understanding/patiend or accepting people, for them to really work out.
they don't have the obvious or widespread appeal wether its because of looks, philosophy, personality or idiosyncracies; relationships are for everyone, but some people only appeal to a certain type (very specific) or can only be dealt w/a certain type of person because the way they dress express and interact isn't as fluid or familiar as most. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/1/2008 10:57:57 AM | Obviously, we are all different and desire different things from a relationship. I do not cohabit well with anyone. My best relationships were when we had own own homes and stayed at each others homes.
Then, when we wanted time out, we stayed at our own place. That is my preference. To find someone compatible is the key. And it's a tough key to find. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/14/2008 12:32:31 PM | Who cares!
I think that this is a boring and uninteresting question. There is way to much
_ _ _ _ going on in the world to find this question very stimulating. My degree in psychology did not lead my down the road of my life feeling like time was a real thing or that I am summised by anyonne else. Relationships are not a thing, a tangible object, or a cue for your place in the world. Relationships, knowing others is a beautiful reflection. Of what? That's the part that you have to figure out.
The self and the lack of our concern with the group is the anti-markist view that we are and have been over indulged for decades. We have been obsessed in this lame ideal of being self actualized with the self over the group. This is this kind of hard riddled need to know everthing so that we can claim some sort of controll over our lives.
This very simply tells me that we need to start caring about somthing more important!
I found punkgeek's post interesting, so I came here to continue to check out what more he may have had to say. I turn to his profile and tell him that Bill Mauer comes to mind.
An archive of relationships leaves me very happy. Raising a kid was a blind blower.
All of my friends running wild with their grand and crazy inspirations, the late night conversations about Derida, John Cage show at the MOMA, Charles Bokowsky, the sweet pain of love leaves me with a list as long as a lifetime of inspiration with it's mistakes and strides of a human life. A life with it's conditions past to us from our dogmatic retraints. This restraints of sexism, racism, hedonism and capitalism. Marx said, "you give a capitalist any slack in capatistic rope and they will hang themselves! All of this boils down to what we think is important. What we think will save our lives, add meaning to our journey, mortalize us in some way that will make us live forever.
My hope is that anyone seeking fulfillment will work to find this answers in places that you have not looked to before. Your journey may find you in a totally different place, a metaphorical place where you may not need to question anything. A place where you can just be.
My apolgies for now finding speelcheck...I am going to the beach and my dictionary feels very heavy!
All the Best! Summertime8/56 | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/14/2008 1:21:28 PM | op
I would say that any person that ask's themsevles that question would be open to say that they have taken a little damage from each realtionship they have been in the past and taken some of it to the next one, and relates to ones thinking process of the relationship that they are in and know the defects that that suffer from and or cannot change of how that they feel when involved with someone verses when they are not. It all comes down to a comfort level that someone can be happy with or without someone. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/14/2008 1:27:04 PM | To be in a relationship of anykind is just human nature to want and need.
As far has having to rely on anyone for anything as far as happiness or anything else is just wrong!
In my eyes the ones who are self-reliant, self-sufficant are the best and most qualified to be in a relationship. Expecting nothing in return but the simple fact of wanting to be with each other. In any kind of relationship being selfish, wanting and expecting never works!
And yes there are people out there who are just selfish..but that just comes with immaturity and up-bringing. There should be some sort of "scarlet letter" used to identify those until they see the error of thier ways! | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/16/2008 2:05:27 PM | I believe it a our natural state as human beings to pair up and be in relationships. How successful we are in them depends on a whole host of factors.
I believe some people are not very good at relationships due to the fact that they are very self-centered. This mode of being in the world suits them as long as they are not very connected with someone. Some learn to give their time, energy and resources when they have a child/children. Some learn to become more giving with a pet who gives unconditional love, but whatever the case we all have the capacity to give of ourselves fully if we allowed ourselves to do it.
Fear is (I believe) the biggest factor in failing in relationships. Some people are so afraid they will give "too much" and they will end up hurt. The fear turns our normal natural loving instincts into a selfish desire to only look out for ourselves. A relationship is essentially loving someone and treating them with love and care; looking out for their needs/wants before your own. If a person allowed themselves to open their heart and just be human without all the BS that they've accummulated over the years they could have a full and satisfying relationship. Of course finding a "mentally healthy" person that is also open and giving is necessary too.
I am really surprized to see so many on this site that are really NOT looking for a relationship at all. They have admitted here that they are not capable or don't feel they could do it. I thought the object of dating was to find a partner and be happy?? not just date forever  | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/16/2008 2:30:53 PM | You can succeed in life without another human being, I think we just got brainwashed into thinking we can't. I am perfectly fine, I am not like crying or depressed about being alone. Put it this way, imagine all the things you can learn being alone. And you can be whatever you want and do whatever you want without the hassles of kids or a spouse causing your turmoil.
More likely there's probably a better chance on finding someone while not looking for anyone anyways. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 12/17/2008 5:47:19 PM | | I feel that way sometimes. I am very good at putting 110% into relationships. I am honest and trustworthy and caring and kind and fun.....but then I seem to always jeopardized it somehow...possibly because my parents had a loveless marriage (still do) and so exposure to that makes me skeptical. I hope someone proves me wrong some day. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:54:14 AM | | I think some people are just happy alone. There are some days I don't want to bother with a relationship and some days I miss one. I have male friends that say I will always be single because my list for desires in a partner are far too long. I refuse to settle for less then I think I want or deserve. If you are content being alone there is nothing wrong with that. I do not think past relationships or parents relationships have much impact on a person as they grow up. You are suppose to grow and make you own demands not settle into what you were raised in (pending it was bad). To each thier own! | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:06:27 AM | My answer to your question is NO!
I think that people were put on this earth to be together.
I realize life is tough but it is about the sweet moments and memories in the end.
For whatever reason you are having a hard time with the everyday stuff, maybe you are sabataging your relationships because you like to be alone alot. What I would suggest is trying to pick someone who will be your buddy for life rather than your night in shinning armour.
I once heard someone say once that there are 2 reasons why people do things:
#1 is out of LOVE
#2 is out of FEAR
CONQUER YOUR FEARS | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:39:07 AM | depends what a relationship is, i know for a fact that i am no good at the situation that most people around me are talking about when they say relationship
i like relating, i like connecting, i want closeness as much as anybody, that does not mean i want to live my life according to some fairy tale based reality that does not work for everyone | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:41:36 AM |
...are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Yeah, I think so.
There's seems to be a trend in our current morality that all people should be able to do all things with equal ability. We should all be able to be alone for years at a time and we should all be able to be in life long relationships. We should all be able to put up with some discomfort in order to fulfill our promises and we should be able to kick them to the curb with no remorse only righteousness. We should be able to make lots and lots of money and be respected in our fields and we should be able to be satisfied with what we have and have some humility. We should all be thin, young and beautiful but carry our fat, age and scars with dignity. We should have power in the outside world and make our children come first. We should have some faith, some morality but we shouldn't believe anything we can't see with our own two eyes.
I'm sorry. I don't think we can do it all.
Some people are very good at being alone and getting sh!t done. Some people are very good at relating to and managing the details for those who get sh!t done. We can't fault orange because it isn't purple. Mix the two together and you get the muddiest, most unreflective color brown imaginable. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 11:00:51 AM | I don't think it is a matter of not being good at relationships. It is all about whether the person is deeply attracted to you or not. If it feels like work, the conversation doesn't flow, planning is frustrating, no reciprocation, etc. The person is not that into you. Nothing you have done wrong. You can't force chemistry, it is either there or it isn't.
Amazing, when you do meet someone that gets red faced, a bit shy, touchy/feely, you can't do or say anything wrong? They call you everyday and want to see you every chance they get.
It is all about the attraction. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 11:29:32 AM | Hi OP,i think some people aren't good at relationships for a million different reasons but that does not mean they should give up or live alone.Being in a loving relationship is the best feeling in the world and no-one should be barred from trying to find that,even you.best wishes.
IT | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 12:37:09 PM | | Only about 3 percent of the 4,000 mammal species are monogamous (man isn't one of them). I don't subscribe to this thinking, but there are several hundred thousand years of biology not in our favor. | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 12:37:57 PM | Dear carpaccio,
The mere fact that you are questioning your role of being in a relationship tells me you might want to consider a self-help course, or read for encouragement.
Book stores have many books to help you. All you have to do is want to succeed with what you desire..then reach out for help where possible. Try books before you spend money on a professional therapist.
If you really want to attain confidence to be able to attract a relationship it is totally possible. If this desire is weak I am afraid you'll never get to that place.
NOTE: if a 'relationship' is what you desire most .. other talents will not satisfy you.
Of course if you have other talents you can research to find places you can share them and who knows you could very well meet someone to share that talent with.
Your options are wide..go for it..never give up obtaining what you really want in your life.
Much success.
ABB = ) | |
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| are some people not MEANT to be in relationships?
Posted: 1/17/2009 1:49:55 PM | It's hard to assert with absolute certainty weather or not a person is "meant to be" in a relationship..
But I do think it's valid to claim that some people do not NEED to be in a relationship...They derive their happiness and sense of self and fulfilment from within and do not get their self esteem and joy from anyone else but themselves
A relationship is a addendum to their lives not the central part of it...
vvvv ^5 hun, grt8 minds...:) | |
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