| Can anyone take a guess as to why I can't seem to follow my own advice?
Posted: 12/9/2007 1:18:19 PM |
Sounds like you can dish the advice out to others, but can't seem to take it.
Aw, Serpent, I found your post a titch harsh on the OP. Little evidence that she can't "take it" at this point, although she is certainly flumoxed over her current situation.
After all, we all tend to see others' situations clearer than we can when it is our muddle we find ourselves in. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/9/2007 4:23:23 PM | | I'm sorry, but he's doing this because he can get away with it. Can you imagine treating him the way he is treating you? I doubt it. He should plan ahead with you, with your opinion on the outing to be taken into consideration equally with his. He should also only agree something that you have already agreed you would like to do too. He should keep his end of the bargain - turn up on time, to do what you'd both agreed. He shouldn't change anything without your agreement and consent. What is the matter with him? He needs to grow up and you need a mature man, not a child. I think you deserve much better than this. Tell him where to go. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/9/2007 5:37:44 PM | | Yup he is a control freak you are definately finding out why he is divorced, he is playing the I control you game. The sad part is that there are children involved, get a restraining order if you have too. Odds are once you break up it may become and angry situation with lots of oh I love you I'm sorry's and all that playing with your heart crap then half the time he's mad and angry then apologetic. It appears your head has caught up to your heart in this case. Good luck alot of the previous advice was spot on. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/9/2007 6:57:52 PM | | Dump the guy! Why would you date a guy who treats you like that? He does it because he thinks he can treat you like that and get away with that. So far he's been able to. You teach people how to treat you. Have some self-respect. | |
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Beedo
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Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:42:53 PM | In the Beginning.. your seeing a "show" to win you over.
You've been seeing who he REALLY is now, had one just
like this once, all about him, get over here in 10 minutes and you
can come with us, lets not make any plans together ..I'll make them
with my guy friends first then invite you along...Ha ha!! no way,
this will go on and get much worse, problaby a cheater as well,
it's all about whats "convienient" for him, and this IS the real him.
He's done it before, and expect a long letter later in life all about
Himself, and how he misses the sex.  | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/9/2007 9:13:01 PM | | Love is a drug... easiest way to kick the habit is "JUST SAY NO"... I just posted the same comment on another thread that I would post here... he'll show his true colors when you stop being so convenient and stop having expectations of him. You simply have to be willing to let him go if that is the result... seems that he has already let go of something. You both agree together on things but not on every thing he suggests. Make it a relationship with communication and not just one where you are constantly obeying his every wish. You're pushing the relationship too hard by trying to constantly satisfy him rather than being honest with him about your own needs. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/9/2007 10:10:42 PM | Wondering, do the words USED MANIPULATED CONTROLLED mean anything to you?
Cause that's exactly what this guy''s agenda is with you. It's not about care, consideration, comprimise, communication, honestly or even maturity from him.
That's where you're creating your own chaos, by allowing , condoning and participating in his dysfunctional pattern.
Whatever it is going on between you , it's not a loving healthy relationship.
It's about abuse of power. He wields it , he's getting what he wants when he wants it, It's all about him, and your personal power you've handed over to him. | |
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Kee2
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Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 35 | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/15/2007 11:35:37 AM | Thanks EVERYONE for all the advice you've given me.
As you've all probably guessed, he did it again this weekend.
We were supposed to spend the weekend together xmas shopping for our families and doing other things when a friend of his, "Robert" called just as we headed out the door driving down the highway.
Robert, who lives 2 hours away needed help with a TV he just purchased and couldnt seem to get it up and running properly.
Robert and his wife also happen to be the friend of not only him but my boyfriends' exwife as well.
He's also the guy whom my boyfriend borrows the hunting cabin from when he goes hunting like he did last week.
He asked me what i thought he should do eventhough early in the morning when robert initially called i asked him to turn off his phone.
So i told him i wasnt going to force a man to spend the day with me if he didnt want to and that if he felt his friend came first then to go to it and i turned around on the highway and headed back home.
He explained that he felt he was in a bad position because on the one hand he didnt want to let me down and make me feel like i am not priority but on the other hand Robert never calls him for favors and robert did lend him his cabin last week to go hunting. So, i asked "why not tell Robert that you already have plans with your girlfriend whom you havent spent the day with let alone a weekend with for the past 3 weeks?"
Then he says, hey why dont you come with me? We can head out there and you can meet him and his wife (this is the same wife that is best friends with his ex).
I just said no because we planned on spending the day together and had things to do and i was not interested in meeting hanging out with his ex-wife's best friends all day. That i wouldnt feel comfortable with that or changing our plans yet again.
When he asked me what to do again i simply said:
"I have never been comfortable telling a man what he should do or forcing him to spend time with me when he has something else in mind. You have to decide who's going to be priority, i am not going to tell you to decide between me and your friends"
With that i got out of his car and he simply drove away. 2 minutes later he realized that i left the keys to my place in his car and turned back. When he walked up to me i was just sitting on the stoop with tears in my eyes and he looked at me and said "I dont have to go if you dont want me to"
I took the keys from him and told him that should be his decision not mine.
He then left , i was stunned and then walked into my place had a glass of wine called him on his cell and gave it to him.
Told him i was done taking a backseat in his life . Said a quite a few other things which i prefer not to mention here.
Then again he asked me what do u want me to do and i said "you take care of what you have to I may or may not be here and i am no longer making plans to do anything with you."
He listened to me carefully and just said "I love you but i need to help out a friend that seldom asks for help"
SO i took a backseat to not only another friend but a TELEVISION as well.
Damn it! Got dropped again so he can help his friend set up a new TV his buddy bought.
Well i am a patient person in relationships and i do believe in cutting people slack.
But this is F*ing ridiculous!
He just called me back saying that he could turn back if i wanted him to and just told him not to bother that made plans and wont be available the rest of the weekend and very possible the next few weeks.
Now does anyone know how to go about ripping a guy out of you life and heart and falling out of love? | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/15/2007 11:48:01 AM | Oh and by the way for the curious;
My boyfriend is one of the guys that was Bi**chng on POF saying that girls here never go for the "nice average guys"!
That they either want a rich guy, a hot one or a bad boy. Neither of which he is.
Well I went for the "Nice average looking guy" as opposed to the "Hot looking bad boy" And he was nice for the first few months until that is, he started taking me for granted.
So from now on any guy that even dare tell me he's one of the "Nice average guys" on POF that will "treat a lady with respect, consideration and would 'appreciate' what he has, is going to have to prove it very early on"!
I for one will never believe that Bull*sht line again. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/15/2007 12:44:37 PM | Just remember that he wasn't only taking you for granted-- He showed a distinct lack of consideration towards you, such as making major plans that involves you without even consulting you, or changing his plans at a whim without considering how much inconvenience he would cause you.
As a matter of fact, that's not "nice average guy" behavior. That's "bad boy" behavior in all its glory. I'm willing to bet if you talked to his ex-wife, she'll tell you he did the same things to her.
Long-term relationships (and by extension, marriage) should be partnerships, and I see no signs of that here. Ending it before the relation"ship" becomes the Titanic is the right thing to do. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/15/2007 4:23:43 PM | | OP, he's given up pursuing you and now he takes you for granted. However, I suspect that he doesn't just take you for granted, but he regards you as an impediment to his plans. I think he's fallen out of love with you and even out of like; it's time to get out. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/15/2007 7:09:53 PM | Ladydallas:
It is good that you took a stand...having one's heart torn out and stomped flat always hurts. However, do not immediately presume that because this guy was not what he claimed that others who say similar things are not either.
Do not go from being a victim due to naive trust to becoming a victim of corrosive cynicism. You are a beautiful woman who obviously has a lot to offer. Your absence from that schmuck's life is his loss not yours. And he may not be a "bad boy" in the sense he intended but he certainly is in another context: a "bad boy" for letting someone such as you get away. Chalk it up to another lesson from the "school of life" which unfortunately can have some pretty high tuition at times  | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/15/2007 7:39:52 PM | What you're describing sounds very drama-filled.
Why didn't you just talk it over with him in an adult fashion instead of posting on POF and leaving him in the dark?
Lack of communication always screws things up in relationships. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/15/2007 8:58:15 PM | I agree with you LadyDallas, just because they say they are a "nice, average" guy does NOT mean they are any more dateable.
You took the right approach and you should disappear for a couple of weeks. Let him miss you and realize you do not live around his schedule. Sure he's now trying to back out of it, but its a little late for that.
If he contacts you, wait several days before you respond and then tell him the reason why, again. He needs it to go through his head. You know what they say, it takes a commercial 7 times before the viewer/listener actually gets the message.
If you really care about him and you think vice versa, give him one last chance. But do not make this last chance easy for him. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:24:11 PM | A simple statement but true.........
if you need to question this to such an extent, it isnt right.
Get out before your self respect is destroyed, and then you face the uphill climb or regaining it again. You know in your heart of hearts this man isn't treating you properly.
RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT!!!! | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:33:50 PM | | I was married to a man like that for 24 years, before I married him I knew this, if only I had done something about it then because once I was married it just got worse. I wont say men are self centered but people that behave like that are selfish and all about self. My advise is RUN. You wont waste all those years like I did. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:34:26 PM | He is a selfish person and obviously lacks respect for you. And you are still going along playing his games with him why?
I would be willing to bet he is two timing you. There is absoutley no reason for any man to stand up a woman or not call her when he is supposed to in this day and age with all the communication out there.
Married or not, he needs to be treating you with respect. And yes, he is putting you on the back burner because he can. He is not into you at all. You put up with his immature behavior long enough. Move on and do it quickly. | |
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| Can anyone take a guess as to why a man would behave this way?
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:38:10 PM | I have two questions for you. What would you have done if, at the beginning of your relationship, he had laid down the ground rules as you now find them?
Why is now any different?
Why he is acting like he is, is a matter for scholarly debate. Now you have to make a decision that could save your life. Get out before it has had a chance to escalate. Get out now! Yesterday! | |
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