| | whats in the heartPage 2 of 2 (1, 2) |
Sometimes, some "ideas" thrown about in the fora are completely disconnected from real life experience] What makes you think they aren't someone's real life experiences? Those who are not primarily attracted to the physical DO exist, Melo, even if you are not one of them!t | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:35:31 PM | LOVE ,HOPE ,ADMIRATION,DETERMINATION,KINDNESS,UNDERSTANDING,JOY ,PAIN,TRIUMPHS,TRIALS,AND TRIBULATION,ETC,WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE BEEN SOME WHERE GONE THROUGH SOME OR DEAL.NOW ITS TIME TO TRY AGAIN  | |
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EyeDye
| | Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 28 | |
| whats in the heart
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:51:14 PM |
So, again, for what reason would I try to overcome human instinct, and attempt to fool myself that I can be attracted to a woman, who isn't attractive to me, or that I can "make myself feel" desire for someone I don't?
Evolution. That's why...learning about the world around you...not being bound by social stereotypes and popular beliefs (or jackass studies that claim to have some understanding as to the complexity of the human condition).
Having both the knowledge and wisdom to overcome our basic instincts so that we may better ourselves. I find it rather shocking, and somewhat sad, that at your age you have not come to this realization yet...Inner beauty must be an alien concept in your world.
Looks are fleeting, the soul is forever...
P.S.
Or you could just club women over the head, and sh!t where you eat...evolution is selective afterall... | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 12/10/2007 7:40:29 AM |
Having both the knowledge and wisdom to overcome our basic instincts so that we may better ourselves. I find it rather shocking, and somewhat sad, that at your age you have not come to this realization yet...Inner beauty must be an alien concept in your world.
I questioned the premise, that there is something inherently "better" about the "who" of women, who aren't attractive to me. I did not say that I would choose a woman, who looked great, but was otherwise "difficult", "mean", or selfish. In point of fact, I've never found it necessarry to make that trade off. The women I've dated in the course of life have generally been attractive, and if it has developed into a relationship, were also good human beings. I'm in a 24/7 relationship now with a woman who is beautiful both inside and out, and who I admire more than anyone I have ever known, for what she had to overcome, to be who she is.
So, yes, heart matters. So do looks. Great looks don't exclude having a good heart, nor does the fact that someone is unattractive mean that she is any more likely to have a good heart. In fact, in my experience, it's more often the case that really unattractive people tend to be angry and bitter, and rather unpleasant to be around, but that's not to say that there aren't many physically unattractive people, who are fine human beings, nor that there aren't many great looking women, who are stone cold b*tches. It just means that there is no correlation, such as some have implied that unattractive people "make up for it" by being great people.
As to overcoming human instinct, or trying to impose logic over what I find innately attractive, I won't do that. Why? Because I don't want to, don't need to, and don't see the point of running counter to what is naturally attractive. It's a supply/demand thing, I guess. I haven't found it inordinately challenging to find attractive women, who are also good people with good hearts. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/18/2008 4:15:49 PM |
This is the reason to use a dating site in the first place. If you want to go by looks then you are better off finding someone in the real world. These sites can be a poweful tool if you know how to use them. Going primarily on looks is not using the right tool for the right job, much like trying to use a spoon to loosen a phillips head screw...
If you want to find something worthwhile, something that will last, you have to look deep...
I can't agree with that enough. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:52:25 PM | | First attraction is ALWAYS physical. All the real stuff happens after that | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:53:48 PM | | BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:37:54 AM | Feel the calling of your hart... that lover.
We have an iner beauty that beckons us to know our selves, and in this the hart needs to feel the hart. we need to feel'love, This is who we are. your purpose is to feel sweet joy , and to move to your own calling. To apppreciate love is this art. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:30:52 PM | Physical appearance is an Attention-getter
. . an appreciation or interest in a persons profile can lead to writing
and discussion of a miriad of topics . .
which could lead to a phone conversation . .
which could lead to an In-person meeting . .
..All the while .. developing the chemistry and getting the Heart more involved . .
It can be Devastating if something minor or trivial causes it to fall apart . .
..but.. CAN be  Spectacular if it's nurtured and cared for over the long-run!!
***
My Heart says . . : ' Go For It . . !! '
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:38:00 PM |
I think there has to be some form of physical attraction for it to work.
I disagree.
I have met a man in the past who I didn't find attractive. But the more I talked to him, the more I learned about him, the more attraction there was and I fell in love with him.
Someone else had mentioned there had to be a spark. I can get that "spark" during a conversation on the phone without seeing them personally.
The media has taken the word "beautiful" and only applied it to thin, tall, outwardly attractive people. What a shame. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:40:36 PM | It would be nice if we were a society who did not care about looks and just went on how a person's character was and what was on the inside. However, we are not a society like that and some are worse than others.
We are all guilty of this. But, it is human nature to need to be attracted to the other person for the relationship to work. What is attractive to one is might not be attractive to another, its all in perception.
I think there is someone for everyone. We need to be attracted to them and what is on the inside and their character is what makes us stay.
~Carrie | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:45:51 PM | | Not everyone is attracted to what the media labels as attractive. There are many men that are on People's sexiest man list that I think are icky. But you have to be attracted to the person to fall in love. Whether it is their smile, eyes, butt. Whatever...there has to be some sort of physical attraction to fall for someone. The character of the person just seals the deal. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 2:46:34 PM |
It would be nice if we were a society who did not care about looks and just went on how a person's character was and what was on the inside
Good character doesn't sell a product. Unfortunately.
Too much emphasis is placed on outward appearance. Our children are growing up thinking they have little value if they don't look like the girls on magazine covers, tv commercials, etc. Plastic surgery patients are younger and younger. Teen age girls so worried about their looks they become bulimic, chancing serious health issues.
In a perfect world, beauty would be based on character. This is not a perfect world, sad as that is. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:30:42 PM | Depends: Would you rather a chick be sexy and hott with no brains (sort to speak) and has a horrible personality, or would you like a chick who isnt much of a model, but has a great personality and makes you feel alive?    | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:50:05 PM | | Love, empathy, loyality and compassion to give to the right person. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:50:11 PM | The real beauty is that "attractiveness" is subjective. My female friends and I have NEVER been attracted to the same guy. What is "hot" to one may be disgusting to another. Personally I've felt a spark of attraction to someone who was not physically attractive initially. But the way he treated me, his heart, sense of humor, kindness to others...all these things made him actually look better to me. However, I do agree there has to be some intangible "something" in the beginning or we never get past "hello."
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:04:08 PM | I bet you get a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and want to kindly walk away if yo are not interested after "seeing" who the person is you were just speaking with.
shaylyn, I think you make a very good point. A face to face test like this would be pretty brutal tho if the chemistry was lacking and there was just the two of you. Maybe some form of speed dating - just not done so quickly - might work.
I also think the same type of thing happens all the time on POF without blindfolds when users don't provide a pic on their profile. Once they do it's often game over. Personally I think heart is critical but there has to be a balance between heart, spirit, mind, and body (chemistry) for a relationship to really work out. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/20/2008 12:09:44 PM | Thank you EyeDye!
Amen to your intelligence!!!!
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:48:01 PM | | Everyone is guilty of thinking about a persons looks, even if looks don't really matter to them, it has become a habit starting in school, when you didn't want to be thought uncool to be seen with the plain person, the one who wasn't popular, the geek/nerd. All of this of course has carried over to adulthood. Does that mean that we still feel that way? No not everyone does, even if a persons looks does go through there minds. If you ever step out of the habit, take the time to talk and get to know someone that you would consider "plain" you just might find out what a beautiful person they are. Someone that you think of as beautiful/hot could be the ugliest person, and on the other had, the person you might consider ugly could just be the most beautifull person, you see, in a way looks matter, but only so much, what really matters is what IS inside, their spirit, their personality. There has been times for more then one reason that I might have ignored someone based on looks, or how young or old I may have thought them to be, only to talk to them/get to know them, and realized that they could turn out to be someone that I could really like, if that was the way things where to go. Never, ever, just base what you think of someone on their looks, take the time to get to know them, I still haven't decided if online is the best way, I mean you could really get to know someone by talking online, some may share things with you that they wouldn't feel comfortable sharing in person, but on the other had, they could be feeding you a bunch of lines based on what they think that you would want to hear. I think that a good personality goes a long way, and you just may find that getting to know someone from the inside out is the best way to get to know someone, its "whats in the heart" that matters after all. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:10:35 PM | | friends are someone you can relate to and you dont have to know what they look like to do that,but if you are repulsed by the way someone looks then there can obviously be no chemistry.to have a relationship you must be friends first, so the two go hand in hand. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/20/2008 9:58:52 PM | | I think it's possible...but I think only in the case of getting to know a person in real life without any romantic intent, and then falling for them BECAUSE you got to know them. Or, in the case of online things, if no photo is posted and you get to know them, but then as another poster put it, you get the shock factor of finally seeing them and it can be a turn off....whereas in real life, you know what they look like, but over time and knowing them, you get used to their appearance and are ok with it. Sounds crazy I guess, but it does tend to work that way WHEN it works. | |
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| whats in the heart
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:14:15 PM | | It is completely do-able to get to know someone from the inside out. Are we our bodies? Or are we our souls and our minds? You can't get to know someone by looking at their pictures. You can't get to know someone by looking at them sitting next to you not saying a thing. You can't gauge someone's personality, mind, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, spirit by looking at their face or some favorite body part. The only way to get to know someone is from the inside and then you recognize what they look like. It also depends on what you focus on. Some people do not care too much about who a person is.... because they are after only sex. What kind of spark and chemistry is there? Physical/sexual chemistry or spark alone does not sustain any kind of meaningful relationship. You can get a spark/chemistry by connecting with someone at a deeper meaningful level. That type of spark lasts longer and is worthy of being sustained. People who "go by looks" are after something shallow. People who do not "go by looks" are after something more meaningful. Sounds like the girl you spoke about might be after something meaningful. | |
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