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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:05:50 PM | girldiver:
<div class="quote">Why is it that ONE person whose turn of phrase thrills you and not the 100 others that you know online? What if there is no yearning nor hope and you get smacked upside the head by this particular person and no others? It is more than just projection.
I hear what you are saying, and I know because I have experienced it, but, but.... I believe it is a projection, and no more than a projection at this stage of the game. The desire that this maybe the one, and wanting this to be, ... yet, it simply cannot be at that moment. You still need to go through the motion of cutting through the illusion of the internet and meet face to face and overcome so many other things, that are ahead of you. You and him are two strangers, and although the two of you may feel that the pull is strong, but life is full of errors and trials ... how long can it last? I don't deny the connection can be strong and intense but if you only rely on this "feeling" to make it in the real world, you won't pass the test. At that moment you have connected with another soul out of other 100s or 1000s, but since you have not met yet and experienced life together, this feelings is very fragile, like a soap bubble... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:06:00 PM |
When we met I was in love. Dumped her straight after the meet - I realised I'd gone way over the top. Made me feel too vulnerable too soon so it did.
I should do research on this site. The trivial stuff people say seems like crap to many people, but they are nuggets of gold into the human condition. Like this, dude. I understand where you are coming from. You fell in love with the idea in your head of her. Not her. The two became different people. The one on your head won. End of story. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:13:41 PM | ^^^ Or he just freaked out from being vulnerable.
Allowing yourself to fall for other is scary and beautiful... it's a leap of fate that one makes. Some take it easier than others.
But, please go back to missing a stranger question... I am really, really curious as to what people have to say about it. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:24:14 PM | Allowing yourself to fall for other is scary and beautiful... it's a leap of fate that one makes. Some take it easier than others.
And quite often results in a "Broken Hearts" forum post 3 months later with one party saying the other led them on or lied to them....
Can you miss the car you never drove?
Can you miss cheering for the team that never played in your town?
Can you miss steak if you have never eaten meat?
Can you miss beer if you never drank?
Can you miss college when you didn't even finish high school?
You need to have/experience something before you can miss it. Missing is longing for a return of something. Having never met, it is metaphysically impossible to "miss" someone.
Now, "I miss TALKING TO YOU" I will buy.
This is in the "heart on the sleeve" category in my eyes for someone to read more into faceless chatting.
But that's just me. As I said, believe whatever you want to believe. My life doesn't change either way. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:24:36 PM | ... I may as well add, the connection with another soul out of 100s or 1000s is simply a potential that may grow into something real and strong, substantial.
On the other hand, it may feel very real, and strong, and you just want to jump this one, but you must wait for time to pass. I have seen it many times with friends and myself. During my stay with POF since last May, I felt one strong connection with the other soul, and just recently another (less significant, but...), neither of them turn into anything more than a short fling. So, I know what you are trying to describe, that strong pull to another, ... yes ... it is very rare, that's why when you experience it, you want to give all your shots. I don't see my two encounters from here in the last year as strong connections, but they were what they were and they were meant to be. They left me with more yearning and longiness for only real, and strong soul connections, ... analysis paralysis.. i know. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:32:09 PM | | Those are what I call "false emotions". I'm saying that because I have experienced them many a time and have had my heart broken in those relationships many a time. Here's the lowdown: when you develop a relationship via email or phone, you are seeing only half the picture at best. Your mind fills in the details, and when you do meet the person, it's quite shocking because you often fill in the details incorrectly. I've done this and it's the biggest reason why I meet people from online as soon as possible. I don't want to fall in love with an illusion that my mind has created. I want to know the real person. I'm afraid that these emotions are deceptive because they are based upon an incomplete picture which you've provided the remaining details. I wish I could say that it was otherwise, but I've been scarred way too often to hold out unrealistic hopes. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 8:40:57 PM | | Absolutely weird as it seems. I am currently struggling with this issue. I have been communicating with someone on another site for several months. We live in different parts of the country but he seemed nice and he was attractive. Lately we had some disagreements over some (in retrospect) insignificant issues. I didn't think I took him too seriously since it seemed unlikely we would meet, so I told him about some possible up coming dates. I was frustrated by his lack of support and told him so. After the last email I checked to see if he had a response and I saw that he canceled his account. There was no way to communicate off the site and now I am sorry that our last communication was a bit unpleasant. I regret saying what I said and I would like to apologize and open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone from out of town. I was surprised by how empty I felt after realizing he was out of reach and if there is any way possible for him to get in touch PLEASE do. I really would love to communicate again. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 9:26:23 PM | The thrill of caring for someone I have turned in to what I want them to be!
The grand illusion!
I read about it all the time in posts! People see a nice picture and read a good profile.
It gets them worked up to chat and then talk.. Through out the entire process people are letting their imagination create a person that doesn't exist.
I can say I have been guilty of doing the same thing!
~Belly~ | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 9:31:28 PM | nfpexec:
There was no way to communicate off the site and now I am sorry that our last communication was a bit unpleasant. I regret saying what I said and I would like to apologize and open myself up to the possibility of meeting someone from out of town. I was surprised by how empty I felt after realizing he was out of reach and if there is any way possible for him to get in touch PLEASE do. I really would love to communicate again.
You did tell him originally, you felt frustrated and obviously you wanted something tangible and so you went ahead and arranged for some dates in your local town. This was real, you said, expressed what was real for you at that time. You regret now, only because you can't reach him, because he closed the account. It adds more mystery to your communication, you may even fantasize how regretfull you are now, but the reality is you live in different worlds, how realistic or probable is your meeting with him. You still would have to adjust the picture you have created in your mind and he would have to do the same, and then you would go back home, and then, what's next? Long distance relationships? ... they maybe for some, but... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 10:01:42 PM | ^^ I never met her but I will miss her very much
I have been missing someone I have never met ...almost from day one. I know he is out there ...someplace... but with my luck he is riding around on a camel in camel land and I am stuck here in the midwest tipping cows and tipping bottles. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/9/2007 10:50:05 PM |
Think about how many posts have been done in the various forums describing how people who were great long distance chat pals until the met in person. Then the emails slow down, the chat stops, the text messages stop......
May happen to some, though I don't recall *great* numbers of posts on the subject. . . . My own experience has been wholly other. I've been on a political blog for four years now. Have met a great number of the peeps I blog with. And they've been exactly who they said they were, and we felt about each other in the meat world just like we do in the virtual world. And that goes for a romantic relationship generated from the same source. We blogged together for a year; emailed for four months; met. And were virtually living together from the first meeting. When he was in ICU, another "blog-friend" joined me in Ft Worth and stayed with me through the memorial service. Others were volunteering to leave their lives and come, too. I cannot discount the *reality* of what happens, or can happen, online.
What we get when we "meet" is a couple of new senses activated: touch, smell, vision. The rest is available online. And makes up a much larger part of our personalities/personas. My brain is a much bigger sense organ than my nose or my eyes. My soul, a much better gauge of who this person should be to me than my fingertips. I'm gonna trust my mind/soul.
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 12:25:00 AM | I believe you can.
I met someone in person that I had corresponded with via snail mail for some time. We formed a pretty good friendship that has survived for many years.
I have also corresponded for a while and had a bit of a mismatch between the written and spoken word once we met.
I think which of the two you experience is partially dependent on how willing people are to share their "inner selves" in their communication. I have on-line friend(s) that I feel closer to than people that I have known for longer periods of time (in person) with whom nothing of major depth is shared. In person people are sometimes much more guarded than when communicating with someone thousands of miles away that they may never meet in person. This distance can create a sense of "safety" that acts as a catalyst for sharing information that may otherwise take much longer to surface... I think it also requires two people who are VERY in touch with themselves... Would not work well for people whose feelings change with the direction of the wind... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 4:14:41 AM |
Apples and oranges.
You have MET your brother....
You're missing the point. If my baby brother doesn't check in in a while I miss him. It was the exact same feeling I had when I stopped talking to J. Wanting to hear how his day was, how he did in a hockey tournament, seeing the way he cracked up before he told a joke, etc.
A friend of mine was adopted and spoke to her birth sisters regularly before they got a chance to meet. They live on the other side of the country. She missed them if they didn't get to talk for a while, got upset when things weren't going well for them. Are you saying that she was just living under an illusion too?
But you know what, all that really matters is what YOU think and believe. I am not trying to tell you that you are wrong for thinking what you think. If it helps you to think the way you do, bless you.
Why are you being so condescending? | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 5:18:11 AM | | I don't think I could ever miss anyone I have never met but each to their own. I think you are asking to get hurt if you take some one too seriously on here if you have never met them before. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 6:36:53 AM |
Why are you being so condescending?
Because you are going to hammer your point of view home until I say "Yes dear. You are right. I am, wrong."
YOU missed the point. Your chat buddy is a name on a screen. Maybe a photo or two. Your brother is a real live person.
Just to go from sublime to ridiculous, what if your chat buddy turned out to be a woman posing as a man?
"The point" is that you miss CHATTING, not the guy. You never had the guy to miss him.
And I'm done sparring with you.
See: "Yes dear" above..... and think what you want to think.
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 6:59:21 AM | yes,Ive had that happen to me,,I started to feel something before I even met them, rediculous, never again, most people are game players on the net and on dating sites,I don't believe in emails,too cold and impersonal,if someone offers there email,instead of their number,thats like saying i'm not interested enough to actually talk to you,but i might read something you type me,how lame is that I ask you,,im's aren't a good idea,it seems to dilute interest,they 'find out enough',and don't have to bother meeting you, so keep it brief on the phone and set up a coffee date, you need to telegraph to them you find them interesting and that your only mildy interested,but your busy person with a life,keep your first call to 20 min max,it lets them know your the real deal ,and you can't be messed with easily,thats usually when theres 'someone at the door' they realise their not going to get anywhere messing with you,on the other hand,if they 're real,they 'll respect that and agree to a coffee date.
the phone should never be used for 'getting to know someone',big mistake if you do, I use it to build mystery if anything,never giving direct answeres,best to keep it light "just learning to make excellent nachoes here,whats going on with you" something superficial and interesting is better,and poke a little fun at them too,don't try to impress.I've even got on a girl for asking me boring questions,"so what do you like to do for fun",jeese,how original,its lazy phone etiquette,she realised she had to work a little to keep my interest,some will,some won't.it has to be to keep game playing to a min.,thats my 2 cents darlin | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 8:09:29 AM | OP, I've experienced something similar. It's not the fact that you really Miss them per say, its more of the fact that your mind is convinced of certain things and expectations, and its that false reality that one is missing. Don't get me wrong here, its NOT a bad thing, we all do it.
Emails, IM's, phone conversations, etc. We put aside time and space in our lives, and become dependent upon it just like our morning coffee, and when that email, IM, or call is not there, we are lost and looking for it.
Like I said, it's Not a bad thing, it's human nature. The bad part comes when the individuals finally DO meet, and are not up to the expectations one has created. He/She doesn't look like the pictures, He/She isn't as attractive as their voice on the phone, He/She doesn't have that magic chemistry, or an abundance of other reasons.
I'm sure there are a lot of us who do miss people we haven't met, so don't feel like you are the only one...
CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas | |
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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 71 | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 11:34:09 AM |
Because you are going to hammer your point of view home until I say "Yes dear. You are right. I am, wrong."
Actually I was trying to explain a different point of view. I don't give a sh!t if you agree or not. This thread was started to discuss the topic, and I gave my point of view. You were the one who laughed at my opinion, dismissed my valid feelings,then gave me what amounts to a pat on the head. I've had quite enough of that in real life, thank you very much.
YOU missed the point. Your chat buddy is a name on a screen. Maybe a photo or two. Your brother is a real live person.
There is always a real person behind each screen name. I saw him on webcam often enough to know he exists. This didn't happen after one chat, it happened over years of reading his posts, talking to him on the phone, etc.
Just to go from sublime to ridiculous, what if your chat buddy turned out to be a woman posing as a man?
If he was, he was the most masculine woman I've ever seen. :D
"The point" is that you miss CHATTING, not the guy. You never had the guy to miss him.
I never claimed he was "mine" to begin with. I don't see my friends as possessions. When I do think about him, I wonder how HE is, how things worked out with his girlfriend, if his team won the championship, if he ever got the job he was waiting to hear about. Sometimes, Eddie, people just care about others. It doesn't matter if they live next door or on the other side of the continent. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 11:43:46 AM | Words I didn't say:
I miss you, although your words and wisdom I have felt only through your forum posts and the few letters we exchanged, I can’t help but think you’re the mystery soul mate that people talk about. I realize the physical distance between us will keep us apart and that it didn’t stop me from being with you in the moments we shared. Please don’t let me scare you when I am to say what I feel. The experiences you write of I want to experience. How you describe the wind in your face, I crave. I don’t know how to explain what it is that attracts me to you. When I read your words, I hear Sean Connery reading (heheheee). When I see your picture, I feel your fingers softly brushing my lips. There are moments when I feel this is insanity. I am reminded constantly that my world begins when I walk away from reading your words, and it adds a sense of adventure to everything I might come to deal with today. I need to thank you for having been there when I needed you most and I do hope your journey reinforces everything you passionately believe in. Again, I know I am missing you now. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 11:44:04 AM | While I've garnered a fair amount of experience with "online dating" over the past 8 years, the more I understand it, the more I realize that I don't truly understand. Having had it happen that I've met someone, and become truly fascinated online, and then had her disappear, I know what the OP is referring to. Having felt tremendous connection with someone online, and then there was no attraction in person, has happened a lot too. Then, there have been a couple of times, where it had passed from online to real life fairly well. Now, in my current relationship, passing from online to real life was completely seamless, without missing a beat.
So, in trying to understand what it all means, the best explanation that I have come up with is that "online dating" is merely the reverse process from meeting someone in real life.
Online, you are meeting the thoughts/words/emotions/hopes/dreams of other people, with only the hint of the physical person that a picture can give. One can, fairly quickly, be absorbed, and feel a form of love for someone who has never been seen in person. Then, when the two meet, it can either "affirm" the imagined other, or quickly cause disillusionment.
In real life, the opposite happens. One meets someone who attracts him, and idealization about all the unknowns takes place. One "fills in the blanks" as he would like to see them, and as you get to know each other, knowledge of the reality replaces imagined ideals, and it often creates disillusionment.
Real relationships can only be, when you know both the "inside" of the other, and also are attracted to the "outside" appearance.
Still, it is a "loss", when relationships end, and loose ends remain. It's not really surprising that someone who captured the imagination, sparked deep feelings, and was very "real feeling" to someone, would be "grieved" to some extent, just as much as someone from real life, who turned out to be incompatible, but for whom, for a time, one had real feelings. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 11:51:00 AM | I believe that we can make a connection with people on here, that is as real as anything you may experience in person!! If you have really gotten into each other's mind, heart, and soul, it is entirely possible!!
Can you fall in love with someone, b4 you have met them? | |
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