| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 12:06:02 PM |
Can you fall in love with someone, b4 you have met them?
I explained in post #74, that I think online dating is merely the reverse order of dating someone you first meet in real life.
So, for me, the reciprocal question to yours would be "do you believe in love at first sight?"
For me, I'd answer both questions "yes, but it's rare". | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 12:17:07 PM |
Having had it happen that I've met someone, and become truly fascinated online, and then had her disappear, I know what the OP is referring to.
I never said anyone disappeared... I hope he did not. I hope he will not.
If you look into post #29, I tried to give examples of different ways in which you can miss a person.
Sometimes it is vanishing act, and sometimes you can long for thier physical presence while on the phone -- I still think of that as missing a person.
Sometimes I think that most of my life is long distance. I moved many, many times... My family lives in Europe. Most of my friends live in the West, or North-East... I am in Florida... for the time being.
I miss many people... each and every day. I am a queen of missing and loving those that are far.
Are they still part of my life? Yes. Because we talk, we think of each other, we are part of each other's lives despite geography. But, I knew them in real life...My question was about those you never met.
My question was not if you can fall in love with someone you never met. Although that is a legitimate question.
My question is not if you can become infatuated with a person you never met.
My question is: How can you feel that you miss someone you never met?
I don't think this is something that should lead to heated discussion... We have different experiences. But, if you FEEL that you miss a person, your feelings are real. They might not be rational and/or logical. They might not lead to a romantic relationship. As rune3 (always so smart, that one is) said -- those feelings cannot give certainty about the ways that things will be in real life.
But the sense of longing AND the pain are as real as they are when I think about my parents, my sister, or my friends...
Ms SadRed | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 12:36:36 PM | | yes, i think it's possible to miss someone you've never met - you can miss their conversations, their wit, looking forward to hearing their ideas, their thoughts, the exchange of banter... some of it depends on the emotional energy and time you've invested in them i think... especially if they were a daily "habit" over a long period of time... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 1:58:18 PM | I've had this happen before. It was last year and I was really busy with school, my son and trying to cordinate friends for "Ride For Babies". I had been talking to someone that I had instant chemistry with and wasn't able to communicate because of all the stuff I had to take care of. (forgive me I'm a man ) I ended up E-mailing her and sending my number and she replyed. "Don't you want to see where this is going to go?"  I sent back to her "Yeah. I always let women I'm not interested in have my number so they have more ways to stalk me." | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 3:48:14 PM | | I don't know about that DaveB, I met a lot of wonderful women online who later became friends when I was able to meet them in person. There was no "chemistry" thing to overcome. I couldn't have cared less what they looked like and I certainly wasn't interestd in them sexually. Sometimes you just "click" with people. Sometimes, you experience a "mind-meld" that blows you away. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/10/2007 8:29:02 PM |
yes, i think it's possible to miss someone you've never met - you can miss their conversations, their wit, looking forward to hearing their ideas, their thoughts, the exchange of banter... some of it depends on the emotional energy and time you've invested in them i think... especially if they were a daily "habit" over a long period of time...
agreed and well said - be it physical, mental, emotional - it can be simply said as missing their essence - their physical state need not have been present. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 3:32:53 PM |
I don't know about that DaveB, I met a lot of wonderful women online who later became friends when I was able to meet them in person.
Thats all well and good girldiver and happy to hear you made some good friends and I agree this can and does happen but this thread and my posts were concerning never having met the person and strictly related to a relationship (exclusively) by e mails and/or telephone. Your post is about after the fact...... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 4:34:45 PM | | There are several people I've met online that I miss and I haven't met them in person. I didn't meet on a dating site, but nontheless, the became my virtual friends. I hate it when those friends go POOF. Yes, I miss them. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 5:19:54 PM | I've been in the position on a couple of different levels. Most recently was someone that I connected with from a different country. I'm not getting into details but we won't ever meet for a variety of reasons.
I miss talking to him and I am sorry that I will never meet him face to face.
On a different level are all the kids and adults that I made friends with when I was an online gamer. I think about them sometimes and will occasionally log into IRC or MSN just to say hi... But it makes me sad that the gay teen kid in Orange County or the shopping cart thief in Ontario or the two best friends in Iceland or the ex- Marine in Maryland and the computer geek in Vegas and the student in Belfast etc... People all over the world that I spent a portion of my free time for three years with... I'll never meet. And I miss them and it's a pretty deep sadness to be honest — knowing that these people came to mean something to me. Instead I will go through my life not ever having seen them in person though I would have liked to... if only to give them that one big hug to thank them for being such an entertaining part of my life..
I think about that once in awhile. Though I quit the gaming about 4 years ago, I'm still in touch with some of them from time to time.
It continues as I become closer friends with a few women and men from this site.
I miss them, and I haven't even met them yet. It's not just about online romance.
They know who they are and this virtual hug is for them.
*BIG HUG* | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:45:38 PM |
it can be simply said as missing their essence
How can you know their essence when you can only know what they want you to know. You're only missing what they have presented to you within the bounds of however you have been talking. You could potentially be missing a figment of the persons imagination. So in closing you're not missing the person you are missing the things. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:55:27 PM | | Yes, you can miss someone that you have never met. I know there are people out there that I have only had dealings with over the computer or on the phone and I still think about them wanting to know how they are doing. Missing the fun times that we had and knowing that this will only be what it is. I know some of them I would like to meet in person but this might never happen. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 10:09:11 PM | Jersey101
How can you know their essence when you can only know what they want you to know. You're only missing what they have presented to you within the bounds of however you have been talking. You could potentially be missing a figment of the persons imagination. So in closing you're not missing the person you are missing the things. Knowing someone in real life does not change this possibility. In both cases there is the possibility that you are right or wrong about the other person. Not everyone puts on a false front online or in real life and the people who think that everyone does reveal more than they realise about themselves. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 10:43:38 PM | SURE! I been hosting ARUBA CHAT (for Aruba Lovers) off and on for about 10 years. In there I met the most beautiful person with one of the most beautiful souls around.
I've never seen her or met her. She's is from Boston and owns a a house in Aruba and a has a few timeshares there too. Thats how much she loved Aruba. When she went one time she met my Mom, my brother but not me. When my brother died she paid my airline ticket to Aruba without me asking. I'm not currently hosting Aruba chat anymore but I do miss her and talking to her...I do go in there to chat with old friends. Hopefully one day, she'll l be there the same time I am so that we can fimally meet in person. Instant soul connection ... that's just one story but I have met more people online that I terribly miss mostly from that chat room and mostly women.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL and HAPPY HOLIDAYS | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:46:23 PM | | Well everyone is different but I find it impossible to miss or have strong feelings for anyone I have never met. I just don't see how that works. I need to meet some one and feel their vibe and presence to be able to get feelings for them. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 12:30:47 AM | | Cassandra, you are communicating with people. If you met a person in person, not on-line, you would miss them generally more than for the sex they give you, but for who they are, right? So it's their spirit or your view of who you think you are that attracts you to that person. One of my female friends from another country (not romantic friend) tells me she misses me and my smile. We have no romantic interest for each other, and it is 100% genuine. She thinks I am a great person and I think the same about her... That's it. I can miss her and worry about her. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:20:19 AM | How can you know their essence when you can only know what they want you to know.
one goes on the assumption that what they've wanted one to know or presented, to be truthful
You're only missing what they have presented to you within the bounds of however you have been talking. You could potentially be missing a figment of the persons imagination.
If those bounderies and confines were false, then yes, one is simply missing that
presentation.
So in closing you're not missing the person you are missing the things.
I beg to differ. If you mean things such as the talks, the laughs, the intimate discussions, the evoked feelings and emotions, the friendship, the simple shared happenings of each other's day, all that jazz - absolutely, but "they" had a part in it. The "things", without the person are meaningless - I miss them (the person).
One of the underlying premises of the thread, although not explicitly stated is that the person was truthful, hence my original statement stands - and until i know different of that person, I will still miss their essence - I will still miss that person - always.
I miss them, and I haven't even met them yet. It's not just about online romance.
exactly - it goes much further, much deeper than that. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 5:54:30 AM |
How can you know their essence when you can only know what they want you to know. You're only missing what they have presented to you within the bounds of however you have been talking. You could potentially be missing a figment of the persons imagination. So in closing you're not missing the person you are missing the things.
We always present ourselves. Goffman wrote about "impression management" - ways in which we always play "a role" when we are with others. People can mis-represent themselves in any kind of situation (consciously or unconsciously).
Internet dating, creating profiles, is probably the ultimate way to do the impression management. You have time to sit and think what part of your persona you want to showcase to the outside world. You may opt for a fake persona, but you may also choose to present your real self.
Learning to distinguish between fantasy and reality is very important in this little dance we do around here. Let's look at that from a different angle. Creating a profile that is not real is probably easiest - you can write whatever you want, as long as it is fairly consistent others will probably buy it. Email correspondence is still easy - you have time to think about your answers and tailor them which ever way you want. Forums are a bit more trutful (I think) - as you can observe a person interacting with others, not necessarily writing a response tailored to you. And, you can learn about their views on variety of situations, if they are forum junkies and post a lot. Phone comes as close to real life contact as it can. A person is communicating in real time, there is not much time to play the game. If you talk to someone a lot, you may learn a lot about them... Not as much as you would in real contact (there are still missing parts, others mentioned smell, touch and that elusive thing that we call chemistry), and I always prefer meeting in person, but if that is not posible the phone can help you learn about one IF they want to be truthful.
If you combine all of the above: profile, email, forums and phone, and IF the other is truthful THEN perhaps you can learn about their essence and you may miss them.
And, no it's not just about online romance... it might not be about romance at all. It's about companionship and friendship, and the ways in which others can touch our hearts, our minds and our souls without ever touching our bodies.
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 12:35:18 PM |
I beg to differ. If you mean things such as the talks, the laughs, the intimate discussions, the evoked feelings and emotions, the friendship, the simple shared happenings of each other's day, all that jazz - absolutely, but "they" had a part in it. The "things", without the person are meaningless - I miss them (the person).
I differ on this. you simply can't be missing the person, you miss the things the person says or does. In your mind you have a visual on who the person is you are speaking to, you miss the visual you have of that person. But until you really meet them I do not think you can truely miss them. I think its the same thing as puppy love vs true love etc. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 12:35:21 PM | .
“Impression Management,” eh? Interesting.
I wouldn’t tag that on everyone -- although it is quite evident that a lot of people act that way. Yes, there are plenty of performers around trying to make themselves look like something special. Most are fun to watch, too. I think of it as just one of the games some people play, but others say it’s “putting the best foot forward.”
But don’t forget that there is another side of that coin: There are a lot of us out here who happen to be quite comfortable with who we may be -- idiosyncrasies and all -- and just say, “Here we are, take it leave it.” And yes, we can also be expected to act a little differently than the “performer” type does with others.
Personally, I look at the way a person thinks, acts and reacts (the true self), more than just looks. Therefore, even on the Internet, I can usually spot someone who would make a delightful friend. This also means that I will come to enjoy the interaction, even when limited, and so miss them when they are not available.
Sure, this may not make complete sense to some. But, I don’t mind; it does to me and I’m the one living my life.
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 1:27:47 PM | I didn't meet on a dating site, but nontheless, the became my virtual friends. I hate it when those friends go POOF. Yes, I miss them
My point exactly......... real friends don`t go * poof *
IMHO.....
Loneliness, being isolated, having few, if any friends and solitude do strange things to some people. Some wander around talking to and amusing themselves, some talk to stuffed animals and dolls, some go insane, some make virtual friends online and chit chat and consider them real friends even though they`ve never met and claim to "miss " them....... one does what one has to do to feel involved socially and emotionally, even if it is an illusion/fantasy of having true friends.... it does, to a degree, fill an emotional and social void that exists in their life. Social masturbation if you will....
Peace... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 1:40:18 PM | Yes you can miss someone you have never met. Sometimes you can become more attached to a person in that way as you don't have all the reality to deal with...so you miss the "perfectness" of your connection with them when you don't speak for a a while or communication ceases. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 1:50:08 PM | I differ on this. you simply can't be missing the person, you miss the things the person says or does. In your mind you have a visual on who the person is you are speaking to, you miss the visual you have of that person. But until you really meet them I do not think you can truely miss them.
Well then perhaps the thread should differentiate between the physical, the collective entity, or simply the things this person does. I think it's safe to say that it's just "the person". There was no definition of what "the person" is.
I can't simply compartmentalize the "physical person" within the context of this thread, without bringing in the entire package. If this person is no different in real life, than they are separated by a few wires - what's the difference? What element is missing? - the physical. I think the thread would be too trivial if it simply meant the physical person, which is perhaps how you interpreted it?
Are you going as far as to suggest that in order to miss someone, there has to by a physical component - end of story? What they do, what they say, how they feel about you can simply be dismissed or separated? I for one, cannot split up a person's entity or collective.
You can experience the same tangible things with one person as you can with another, will you miss those things equally from each person? or will you miss one person who delivered those things to you more than the other?
I think its the same thing as puppy love vs true love etc.
For me, that may be trivializing it a bit much, but then again differing minds can. We all experience and react to emotions differently, some more deeply than others, some need more, some need less, or maybe it's just a matter of experiences - for me at this ripe old age, I can safely say that what I experience isn't "puppy love" any more.
In the end, and granted, one hasn't experienced the person completely as being with them physically - but if one were to, and they were to then suddenly vanish - I'd have to use a few more words to express "I miss them".
Happy Festivus!
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