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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 3:32:08 PM |
My point exactly......... real friends don`t go * poof *
Friends in real life go poof too. They disappear from your social circle and you may not run into them again for years, if at all. Close freinds don't go poof. There are two types of online friends: those you meet on sites like this who may or may not be real and/or lonely and those you meet online because you share an interest or a hobby. My experience has mostly been with the latter virtual friends where we met because of a hobby discussion. Many of those from my scuba group I did eventually meet IRL.
I would argue the point further, but I have to go meet a RL friend for some antipasto and wine. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 3:33:53 PM | Trapped,
I think I am just saying you can't fully miss what you don't fully know.
I can say myself that I have been lost in someone I had never met but to me it's fantasy land and you must bring your self to reality, will you ever actually meet? That's in the case of online love. And if we are talking friendship between two people that have never shared the same air then I think once again you miss the contact between the two. Not the physical. For me anyways. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 5:56:42 PM | I think I am just saying you can't fully miss what you don't fully know.
Ok, well seeing as you're further qualifying it - then I can agree with your statement - that being "fully".
It just basically boils down to how one defines "the person". Topic for another thread in phillosophy.
However, when I see a statement for example "How can a blind man miss sight when he has never seen?" or "How can a deaf person miss sound if he's never heard?"
Those two above examples, I agree as they have never experienced what they can't, zilch, nada, there is nothing to draw from experience - yet with someone, one has never met, yet experienced in many facets other than the physical - I have some experience that I can draw from and can truthfully say I miss them.
It's an existential debate, no one is right or wrong - I'll still miss her greatly, the part of her that I do know. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:43:34 PM | | Just my opinion here... but I believe it has to do with how much emotional involvement you have with someone, even if not met in person. I've had emotional attachments to friends online, and for one reason or another, they eventually seem to disappear for a while. Fortunately for me, they never seem 'gone for good', but their lives (and mine) can put off time online for a while. Yes, I've missed them dearly when not in contact for some time. I've got gal pals I've chatted to now for more than 10 years, and when one of them, or myself, is offline for a long while, then of course the talks and sharing are missed ~ because we've grown close emotionally. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:03:10 PM | Sometimes, you experience a "mind-meld" that blows you away. by girldiver
Yes.....I have experienced this.....and yes I can believe you can miss someone you have not physically met....you can develop a bond of some kind. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:54:11 PM |
It's an existential debate, no one is right or wrong
I concur.
Not to mention everyone will have their own individual definition or feeling
of what " missing" someone is. | |
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JtheE
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Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 107 | |
| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/13/2007 5:09:01 PM | | I think it's absolutely possible to miss somebody you've never met. When you interact with people, whether it be in person, on the phone, or even through e-mails and IM, you start to develop a bond with them. I know, at least in my personal expierience, that it's possible to become emotionally attached to people you've never even met, and yes, you can definitely miss them. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:40:27 AM | Thread cleaned of all off topic conversations. The thread is pretty specific and does not deal with defining and explaining soul mates of any variety.
If you wish to discuss soulmates - please search those threads out.
Thank You
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:39:00 AM |
Can you miss someone you have never met?
It's an existential debate, no one is right or wrong - I'll still miss her greatly, the part of her that I do know.
I think it's more correct to say the part of her that I thought I knew or the person she presented herself as online.
People are sometimes able to misrepresent themselves for long periods of time when you know them in real life. The internet has given those who are decent communicators via analog and digital media the opportunity to level the playing field in the friend/lover world...at least as long as the step into real life isn't taken. It's not so different than reading the diary of a person who is long dead and romanticizing his/her life (think Anne Frank). What they wrote in the diary expresses only a part of them, and only the part they wished to put into written words. You're forming your view of the person based on a flat model, and only the model they want you to see...one they construct themselves. It's easier to hold that model together without presenting the whole 3D person. It's also a model that you're romantically fictionalizing because of the very human need to connect to others.
I think a better question might be Can you know someone you have never met?
And my opinion is that it's unlikely, for all the reasons I mentioned above. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:22:39 PM | It's not so different than reading the diary of a person who is long dead and romanticizing his/her life (think Anne Frank). What they wrote in the diary expresses only a part of them, and only the part they wished to put into written words. You're forming your view of the person based on a flat model, and only the model they want you to see...one they construct themselves. It's easier to hold that model together without presenting the whole 3D person. It's also a model that you're romantically fictionalizing because of the very human need to connect to others.
It's very different but also somewhat the same. Who is to say whether or not Anne Frank and I would have been bestest buds but she has certainly impacted the world. No?
I can understand your point — TO a point. Literature is full of characters, real and imagined, that by chance or by design we feel connected with. However there is a big difference between feelings for a long dead Jewish girl and feeling empathy, friendship or attraction for someone that you have conversed with online, on the phone or in person. The reader's relationship with a character in a book is one sided and not interactive... (Unless you're reading Griffin and Sabine's corrospondence, which is as close to interactive fiction in a book as you can get)
It's different online.
I don't fall in love with or become friends with the characters in all of the books I read. NOR do I become friends with every person I speak to online. But now and then there are those rare gems that shine more brightly and I connect with them — for a VARIETY of reasons. Maybe they make me laugh, or they make me think, or they make fun of me in a way that makes me laugh, or they notice when I'm down, or they keep me in line on forums — or all of the above. What I end up missing in the long run is that final piece of that relationship which to me is seeing the emotions and reactions cross their face while we're talking.
We all present a model of ourselves that is incomplete without the 3D. All of us. That doesn't mean that the other dimensions are not as important or as real. In fact, without being able to physically connect with body language, I think it could be compared to the heightened senses experienced by the deaf or blind. You become more aware of the subtle nuances of character when all other distractions are removed.
Saying that I or anyone else is not worth missing, or are somehow less real, because someone hasn't seen the package is sad, but unless someone has experienced the feelings first hand, it is understandable. Ignorance can be bliss but I still think it would be sad to miss that.
Sure you can qualify it all you want saying that you "can't miss someone as much if you haven't met them". Sure. So what? It doesn't mean that you didn't miss them anyway. It just means it might have been even more painful if you had that last piece of the puzzle, the physical presence, in place. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:10:03 PM |
Saying that I or anyone else is not worth missing, or are somehow less real, because someone hasn't seen the package is sad, but unless someone has experienced the feelings first hand, it is understandable. Ignorance can be bliss but I still think it would be sad to miss that.
? "I" didn't say that anyone or anything wasn't worth missing. I can certainly look back fondly and even miss many characters I've "met" online over the years. But I never really knew the real person. I only knew their online persona. So that's what I miss.
And feelings are always real to us...whether or not they make sense to someone else or not. The abused woman who cries "But...I LOVE him" as she lies bleeding to death on the ground and sees policeman dragging her abuser away...those feelings are REAL. Maybe someone else is standing there and thinking "Freakin nutcase...no way someone could love someone who does that to them." But it doesn't make the feelings less real...no matter how unrealistic they seem to others.
Speaking from my own experience, it is far better to get to know the person in real life if you're interested in a romantic relationship rather than to spend weeks or months online falling in love with the online persona, or thinking they're just PERFECT for you if only they lived closer. That's fooling yourself and avoiding real-life intimacy. And that real-life intimacy (again in my experience) is far more satisfying, and yes, even painful when things don't work out as we'd hoped, than any internet pseudo intimacy could possibly be.
Again, in my opinion, you cannot "know" someone you've never met. But it's very possible to miss the person you think they are....the person the two of you have made him or her out to be in your minds. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:11:07 PM | I dont think you can. Meeting someon on the interenet and in person are 2 totally different things. Depending on what boards I'm on, I can be a totally different person to an outsider. especially if the topic is something of which i really enjoy or like. It goes back to school and being in lust and having puppy love and crushes. But not even to that effect. I have gotten to know many people through the internet and have never met any of them. I consider them very close friends, but as in missing them, loving them, or fantasizing about them. Come on... ...
Not to get off the subject but how do oyou think all the abductions and date rapes happen. I've experienced a few working in the ER in the hospital. All being women, GHB, date rape drug, internet on over half of the cases. and always the first irl meeting.
Dont get me wrong, i think this is a great place to meet people, and make great friends. After meeting if something develops, well that is after the fact of the topic. There are PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA... no pun intended, but alas.... twas kinda funny... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:24:08 PM | | Yes, it has happened to me, although we do still talk periodically. He went back with his ex and I miss the phone calls and the sometimes all night IMs we had learning about each other. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:38:31 PM |
I have gotten to know many people through the internet and have never met any of them. I consider them very close friends, but as in missing them, loving them, or fantasizing about them. Come on... ...
If ever an individual contacts another ...whether via: e-mail, phone call or face to face... then they are in effect, at the very least, missing them. Because, to correspond to the other you must think of that individual before hand.
While thinking (missing, loving, fantasizing... call it what you will) of the friend, I feel the need to express something. As such, you could say that, the mere thought of the other person while not in their company is a lost that needs to be put to rest. I am missing them right now.
When I miss someone, I think of them when they are not beside me, in front of or on the other end of a copper wire.
So, when I miss another, I am thinking of them.
What I am thinking or feeling hopefully gets divulged to the other. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:48:08 PM | Can you miss someone you have never met?
It’s funny that I came across this thread today, as I was just thinking this very thing only about an hour ago before I logged on.
I think this question should have ended with a, ‘ in person ‘, but I think that’s maybe what the OP was getting at.
There is a difference between meeting online and that of meeting in person, of course there is, that’s a no brainier to me. What they have in common however, is the fact that they have met. They are just two different types of meeting is all. Online we get to meet the inside person first, and it’s just as real.
I’m not talking about physical attraction here! I’m talking about mental, intellectual, and a commonality of attraction. Who’s to say it’s not important?
So many people on these boards say that looks don’t matter, that getting to know the person inside is more important, as the inner person is what you fall in love with, care for. A rare few have fallen in love online, and even less remain in love. Is this wrong? It’s not for anyone of us to judge. It’s just the way it is.
The online connection that some make as friends is just as real as an off line friendship. You don’t have to be face to face with someone to share thoughts and feelings. To share idea’s, dreams, and life goals.
The ones that have been in this online world for an extended period of time know how to weed out the fakes and charlatans. These types are not exclusive to the online world.
Can I miss someone I have never met face to face? Yes I can……and have. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:48:42 PM | I had feelings for my SO before we ever met and he had feelings for me. We didn't miss each other too much as we had pretty much daily contact, even if it mostly emails with liberal trans-Atlantic phone calls tossed in.
When we did meet, it was like meeting someone you'd always known. Can't really describe it but we were immediately at ease and comfortable with each other.
But from the start, we were both our true genuine selves. We were both just what the other had expected, with the physical element added.
If you do get to know the "true" person, and not an online persona then that's the person you develop feelings for. If it's something staged or put on then it would be odd not to feel let down or disappointed and that obviously does happen sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't and you discover they're just as wonderful and natural in person as the one you had gotten to know virtually.  | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:59:15 PM |
When I miss someone, I think of them when they are not beside me, in front of or on the other end of a copper wire.
Yea.... and then, (hypothetically speaking) the girl you were IM`ing and e mailing for a year turns out to be a guy who was yanking your chain the whole time. So the question would be.... who in fact were you missing at the end of a copper wire ??? And would you still be missing them after you found out ???  | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:42:50 PM |
When we did meet, it was like meeting someone you'd always known. Can't really describe it but we were immediately at ease and comfortable with each other.
For those of us that have been there you don't need to describe it. I totally get it. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/15/2007 4:36:37 AM |
Speaking from my own experience, it is far better to get to know the person in real life if you're interested in a romantic relationship rather than to spend weeks or months online falling in love with the online persona, or thinking they're just PERFECT for you if only they lived closer. That's fooling yourself and avoiding real-life intimacy. And that real-life intimacy (again in my experience) is far more satisfying, and yes, even painful when things don't work out as we'd hoped, than any internet pseudo intimacy could possibly be.
Again, in my opinion, you cannot "know" someone you've never met. But it's very possible to miss the person you think they are....the person the two of you have made him or her out to be in your minds.
I generally find that I agree with Arugula on most issues, and the rational part of my mind agrees with her completely. It's a feelings thing, that is totally inexplicable to me, because I like to think of myself as one who orders life on the basis of reason, but I also know that there are emotions that I can't fully explain.
There is some "essential connection" that can happen with someone online. In fact, for me, that has been part of the process in online dating, and it generally leads to meeting in real life. To affirm what many have said, the majority of the time, real life shatters the illusion, and there is no "there" there in person. On the other hand, when there is chemistry to go along with that previous online connection, those have been the relationships that had strength and lasted for some period of time.
I've learned to "nip it in the bud" with a hard and fast rule to make it "real life" or be gone in about 3 weeks, because of having experienced one of those deep connections online that never "resolved" into real life, and deep down there remains that sense of "connection" and "missing her" in a way. It doesn't interfere with "moving on" in life, but I do relate to teh OP, and illogical as it is, it's there. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/15/2007 4:41:37 AM | But she was talking about "knowing" someone which is different than the OP of asking if you can miss someone you've never met.
That's a different topic impov. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/15/2007 10:43:55 AM |
So the question would be.... who in fact were you missing at the end of a copper wire ???
In real life one could miss the other, whether they are true or a fake. When and where the masks that we hold to our faces are finally dropped from guard is not the OP's question.
If a contact, live or digital, changes their proverbial spots then I would deal with that at that time.
But, the fact that I have missed them in the past would not change. I would have missed a certain attribute which was put forward.
As for missing someone I've never met, who decidedly wished to mislead me, and then I found out. This does not necessarily dis-include them from me thinking about them or miss them, although most likely not in a romantic way. | |
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vadiv
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Joined: 6/1/2007
Msg: 123 | |
| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/15/2007 10:53:00 AM | | i definitely miss the woman i am hoping to meet. i feel like i have been waiting for her all my life. i really miss her a lot, this isn't someone i am talking with or anything. just someone i hope to meet some day : ) | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/15/2007 4:59:53 PM |
Can you miss a person that you have never met?
Yes, for me it's possible. The "missing" is real even without meeting in person.
Example:
A child who found out they were adopted....missing the parents they never met.
Yes...it's possible. Not for all, but for some. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:43:19 PM | Yes. You can miss someone you have never met.
Anytime, we share, communicate . . . interact with another human being . . . we bond. We don't have to meet the person, nor touch the person.
It is not a fantasy for our mind has made the connection to bonding . . . so we will miss that sharing, communicating, bonding expereince.
Is it love? IMO, no. Face to face will be the real determining factor.
To EACH their own,
~Myth~ | |
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