| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/4/2008 1:12:31 PM | Can you miss a person that you have never met?
Absoulutely!! At least I can and did!! There was a guy I talked up a storm with. The first time we talked on the phone, we yakked for over two hours. On msn and in emails we really clicked. He wanted to meet. He is only in Burlington. But I had 2 assignments due and an exam in the upcoming week. So I asked him to wait just two weeks...for the mid term break when I would be off school. We kept in touch almost every day. But something happened. According to him he had been seeing a woman and thought it was done, but apparently it wasn't. He was concerned that if we met and it was all good, he'd be in a worse pickle than he was already in. He asked if we could leave things there and maybe pick it up again if his relationship with this other person didn't work out. Because the timing was all wrong for me, I had heavy post-secondary ed commitments, I said that was fine and asked him to keep in touch and let me know how he was doing. Well, I never heard from him since then...although I don't think that other relationship actually worked out. And believe me when he was suddenly out of the picture I did miss him...because we had excellent rapport and really made each other laugh. My friends all said it was obvious I'd developed feelings for him even though we'd never met. Maybe one of these days I will call him out of the blue. But I don't know...I haven't really decided about that as yet. But for sure I think we can miss a person we've never met when suddenly they aren't there anymore.
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/4/2008 1:17:32 PM | People build attatchments. People build bonds with those they have met. There is a difference between attatchments and a deeper bond.
You become attached to the idea of a person but to form a bond you have to be with the person.
So yes I can believe you feel like you are missing the person but it is not a complete picture. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:17:13 AM | OP
I really believe you can miss someone you have never met, I have many online friends and yes they are friends because they have shared so much with me over a number of years and when I don't hear from them or I hear that something good or bad has happened in their lives I feel the same emotions I would with the friends I have here and see regularly. The new techno age has opened up the world so much. I also believe you can fall in love with someone you haven't met, maybe we do build up an illusion of them but its no more than when you do first meet a person in person. Say you meet them in a bar and when you like them after that first meeting don't you come home and think about them and the little things they have said and done. And build on that in your own mind until you see them again. Isn't that also building an illusion?
JMO | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:26:51 AM | there are a number of people who leave pof or seem to drift away after almost daily contact for weeks or even months. in a recent occurence, i believe something i said was misinterpreted and then "poof" that person was gone. but i also figured if that leap of "unfaith" was made, then that person really did not "get" me at all and so i was not going to worry myself over it--even though for a while there, i thought i had made a really good friend.
i'd like to think that those who disappear have found happiness and are going forward with their lives. even though my life is complicated and often difficult, i try not to dismiss people i write to that quickly or at least send a sentence or two explaining that i am unable to write much, do to whatever situation. for those where i have had in depth contact, we still write and call each other, even though they have left pof and going both ways, we know that we could always drop by, if ever finding ourselves in either of each other's neighborhoods.
i think that ongoing contact via email can be as powerful as talking to someone you see at regular meetings or having coffee regularly with a neighbor or friend.
HOWEVER, if you are talking romantically, then i would be very wary. i only had one dating experience, with a pof'er in fact, that was unbelievably electric in our immediate and ongoing phone conversations. hours and hours of non stop talking and i hadn't laughed that long for years--and i really needed to do so. however, when i met him i found many lies, a lot of drinking and overall gaps in reality. i continued to try and met him again--both times he had to come down to where i lived and stay overnite at a motel--so our times spent together were lengthy and very "realistic".
clearly no matter how charming he was on the phone and indeed he was quite brilliant, had i not ever met him "in person", my mind would have built many castles in the air. but, by meeting him, i realized that no matter how great a conversation can be, you absolutely must meet someone in person and for an extended duration or you really don't know who s/he really is.
an analogy would be to hear a really great speaker at work or maybe in a twelve step meeting or as a motivational speaker--a seemingly wonderful and inspiring person to those who just hear him/her speaking. but, YOU really know this person and know what s/he is espousing is a "crock" in his or her own everyday life.
well, that could also be true of the person you write to all the time. maybe not, but who is to say unless you meet? therefore do not get overly emotional about someone you have not met. miss the conversations and the contact and the lack of emptiness on that particular day by writing to this person--but do not assume that you miss the person, until you really know who you are missing. in many cases they get to play who they want to be--younger, not married, different job, etc. etc. there are way too many instances like this for me to be that naive. but will i continue to write? sure, why not. i just don't get it confused with anything else. i drew the same conclusion even before i started dating the current man in my life. in fact, that is why i agreed to meet him so quickly. i was getting lonely and i didn't want to be deceived for any great length of time by an internet romance, having met the man i described above. i realized that real contact was absolutely necessary --not only real contact, but extended and continous real contact. if that takes a few airplance rides, so be it. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:50:27 AM | yeah I think you can miss them.. they are/were part of your life afterall..
but I think it's also dangerous to miss them like this.. you should think about how rational this is.. When you haven't really met someone, your brain tends to fill in the gaps to make a complete picture of who this person might be... I know some people whose online mannerism's completely different from their real persona....
I'd hate it if I met someone and we turned out to be totally incompatible/disappointed because we built up so much expectation of who each other was suppose to be.... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/5/2008 5:35:46 AM | I really think so. Reading emails which are witty, sharing, and part of a daily ritual become a part of your life.
If you've spoken with them, there are other qualities to treasure.
I think you 'meet' the other person emotionally.
I miss someone I've emailed. I used to rush in from the school run in anticipation. And then they stopped.
I think it's important not to let the other know how important their mail is until you feel sure they won't think your some kind of stalker in the ether, or worry you'll get 'strange' if their situation changes.
But heck, yes, you can miss someone you've never met!!! | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:22:09 AM | Of course you can. You have a relationship with them. Friend, potential boyfriend, etc.
You don't have to meet someone in person to care about them. Perhaps you've talked on the phone. It is no different to me, then when I speak with friends that moved away. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:45:07 PM | Hey you can definetly miss someone you have never met, to me chatting online is the same as meeting up with a friend for a coffee. But be weary the longer you dont meet someone in real life. the longer you have this perception in your mind of what that person is like, which may not be an accurate reflection of him/her, regardless whether its a mate or a potential girlfriend. Ive met some great mates online in the past, but have been hurt quite badly by one of them (a friend of 7 months)-who wasnt who she claimed to be and we are no longer friends leaving me feeling heartbroken and used.
What I would say to you, to avoid disappointment and posisbly get hurt meet them as soon as possible, so you know what they are like in real life :)
Good Luck | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:46:35 PM | Just had to answer this one...YES,, you can miss the person, I am going through this now..WOW ...what a feeling..scarry. but great...I never dreamed this could happen, he is feeling the same way. missing you all the time. on my mind 24 hrs a day, dreaming, thinking, wondering, we wake in the morning and are sending emails to each other, saying what was on our minds..we feel as we are besde one another many times during the day...we are miles apart 7hr drive, have not met yet...talked ,emails and on the phone all the time. we feel we have known each other forever. this life or another,who knows...but we miss ,,like you would not believe...I do think our future is in the keeper of the star's..And when it happen's I will come back here,and let the world know, it can happen, this site does wonders. this is where I met him.... | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:56:06 PM | | I have a very close friend and it has been going on 3 years now since we met. He was in Iraq and it was several months before he was severely wounded. I knew something was wrong before I was contacted and I was contacted before his family. I was contacted again when he reached Germany as he was unable to speak. He was the only survivor and the officer in charge and has had a hard time dealing with it. He is suffering from PTSD and become a trucker. He has visited all of his soldiers families but not me and sometimes he goes days and weeks and even months without talking to me. To this day we have never met face to face. I miss him when we don’t talk. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:00:43 PM | | Regardless of whether you "really" met, he or she was "really" who they said they were, or anything else... You still "really" missed them, so yes, it was real. This is the case with any emotion. What we feel is the only things that we can honestly know are 100% reality after all. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:07:52 PM | For sure the 'feeling' was real, no doubt about that, but the relationship wasn't, hence, it is real emotion wasted on an unreal goal, or in other words, a waste of time and energy.
Usually you can't just give advice to people hanging on to something, you just have to wait until they've exhausted all their efforts, and once nothing has come of it for a prolonged amount of time, ( I know, I was one of em), something new and exciting will come along, to which they can re-direct their attention. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:23:02 PM | Yes, I can and have. Right now, after I came back from holiday, about five of the guys whose fav lists I was supposed to be on, have left POF and I have never met them but they are gone and I miss them. Not because my list is shorter but because I have enjoyed chatting with them and I thought I have established rapport with them. We were online friends.
I miss a very good pen pal and we used to communicate daily but we are now too busy. I missed not seeing his e-mail everyday when I log on my addy. I hope he misses the absence of my daily e-mails too, as he said before. Once there is a connection, there is
a good chance you will miss that person, whether you have met him in person or have known him only online.
I have never met a very special cyber friend who inspired my poems. Though I don't miss him that much now, I do occasionally and it triggers an e-mail about my activities. He does the same. We exchange missives maybe every two days. But if I don't hear from him in a week, I would truly miss him and a telephathy has been established between us that when I think of him, I usually get an e-mail. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/10/2008 2:01:30 PM | I just opened an email (not from POF]that simply said, Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you...
After emailing/chatting with someone 2 years, that little reminder shows how you can miss someone you never met | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:45:29 PM |
Fact is you did 'see' them, you did indeed 'touch' them & they in turn 'touched' you. Obviously not in the physical sense, but for some of us, our hearts & the feelings harbored within are so damn large, so true, so ethereal, that like a vapor just through the written word or the mere sound of voice these vast distances can easily be breached.
Beautifully expressed. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:16:49 PM | | Yes, I think you can miss someone you have not met. I have been tlaking to someone for a while and when he went out of town for work I kinda missed him, luckily he called, but it was still a few days before I heard from him. We have plans to meet up on Tuesday, I hope it goes weel, b/c if not I will miss him. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:36:24 PM | Of course you can. When someone brings joy and happiness into your life even if it is through written word or telephone calls while not physically being there an attachment can still be formed.
However, I don't think that long term communication this way is a good thing. I think the stronger the "virtual" bond or attraction becomes the hard it becomes to live up to the "ideal person" you have created in your head. I think it is really just meet, face to face and find out what exists outside of the virtual world. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:16:31 PM | | i think we can be attracted to someone without seeing or touching them my friend married a lady he emailed for 4 years they are happy and enjoyng every day together as for me ive havent feel a special connection to a lady that wasnt one sided. | |
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:02:55 PM | I studied this very question in psyche class! .. it's the same reason we cry at movies that we 'know' aren't real but to the subconscious they are. It stems in the subconscious. Even though you've not yet established physical contact, on the subconscious level you've formulated some notion .. a picture. That picture will either be satisfied .. or not when you meet. bonus if it's better! lol
It's interesting, but if both parties are being real then you potentially get to know each other much better when it is through email and IM before actually meeting ..
Anyway OP - if this is about you or whoever it is about! I hope you meet and there are fireworks! (The good kind!!) :D
A.S.is
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| Can you miss someone you have never met?
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:39:54 PM | If u had someone in ur life and if u had a normal life u wouldnt miss unknown people!
Oh...I so do not agree with that!
OP- Yes, I think you can miss people that you have never met. When I was just starting in to my teenage years I met a boy online (2 years older than me) in a religious chat room. Anyho...we struck up a friendship on there, then moved to e-mails, and then moved to phone calls (much to my parents displeasure, since we were running up $400/mo phone bills). This went on for almost 6 years....until I was 18 and finally flew out to Las Vegas to meet him.
But during those 6 years, there were many times that I 'missed' him. As we got older we tended to drift apart some...daily phone calls went to weekly went to monthly. Just because we were both wrapped up in our own lives and our own friends that were physically close to us. During those periods I remember missing him...wondering how he was, what he was up to, wishing I could share whatever was going on in my life with him, etc.
Around the time I was 16 we had a sort-of falling out. Even then I think we both realized that we loved each other but we were too young and too far apart to do anything about it. He ended up giving me the cold shoulder for about 8 months. Wouldn't return my calls, e-mails, etc. Broke my little 16 year old heart.
Anyho...finally met him at 18. Haven't seen him since in almost 8 years. We still talk and I still consider him one of the greatest men I have ever known. As a matter of fact, I think he is one of the only people that truly 'gets me' and knows me. In my heart I feel that he is my soul mate. And after 13+ years....and only one meeting...yes, I still sometimes miss him.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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