| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:05:39 AM | The guy manipulates his best friend by dangling help for a future for her and her kids and shes a whore.
The man is a manipulative user. He doesn't even defend her when people here call her a whore, yeah great friend. He's stopping the help because he's not getting what he wants. The poor used man.........BS. Now I know what a troll post is. I'm off
Karma bites......hard. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:17:44 AM | to coin a phrase, it sounds to me like your "**** whuped" i dont think your stupid or crazy as some of the other comments suggest. we as men often fall for the wrong ones (ladies) its part and particial to finding the right one. we also are more then willing to help the person we care for, again no fault just life. the problem in your situation maybe you not seeing the reality of your situation, what is her hold on you.
you mentioned that the two of you have been togeather a couple of times, i suspect the root of your problem lies within those couple of times. she needs you for support, you need her for sex, she's not on that sex page with you despite how you feel about it. if she was you would not get what you got from her.realize whats happening here and deal with it accordingly. theres no lost in living life, even with our mistakes. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:23:38 AM | Let's see here.
You tell her you need a "break" away from her.
Then you are upset because she has taken interest in another male.
Me thinks you have psychotic issues.
You broke up with her. If she wants to date other men then it's her perogative.
Why were you upset for?
A vagina will attract a penis much easier than a penis will attract a vagina.
She says i should probably take that break cause nothing is ever going to happen between us
I wouldn't make things work with someone who dumped me either.
Deal with it and move on. Remember it was your decision to begin with. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:37:43 AM | There are two types of nice guys.
1. A genuinely nice guy, who is fun to be around, easy to talk to, genuinely LIKES helping people just to be helping them, doesnt let people run over him, stands up for himself while maintaining his 'niceness'.
2. The 'nice' guy who wants attention for everything he does. Usually his good deeds include 'Look at me! See what I just did for you? Did you see, huh huh? Arent you eternally grateful for this thing or that thing that I've done for you? Did you point my good deed out to all your friends?'. Which is usually followed by, 'I'll sacrifice anything for you, I'll let you take advantage of me, but let me keep a record of it so that I can go back to your friends and my friends and make sure they know how you mistreated me, even though I'm willing to do more and more and more for you, isnt that special of me?'
OP, I know which one you sound like, but which one do you think you are? | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:56:42 AM | Best friends take each other's feelings into consideration - you guys are **** buddies. Of course she apologized - she saw her meal ticket going out the window.
It sounds harsh but the best thing is to cut her loose, let her thrive or flounder on her own and take time to heal. Take time to get your priorities in order and examine why/how you got into this situation and how you are going to avoid it in the future.
Good luck | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 7:57:39 AM |
Why were you upset for?
A vagina will attract a penis much easier than a penis will attract a vagina.
Maybe it seems like a natural state of affairs to bang a guy who's name you don't even know while drinking within three days of breaking off a relationship, percentilendex, but I'm sure that the OP was hoping for a bit more than that from this girl.
I love how people seem to feel free to kick a guy when he's down by dragging in "psychotic issues" into an issue where normal feelings are at play. It's not psychotic to have feelings for someone even when a relationship is on murky grounds.
OP, it's fairly easy for some people to align their feelings with their best interests, and therefore her feelings were probably genuine. As soon as there was a shift in her best interests, maybe her feelings changed. Ask yourself whether she is remorseful for her actions or if she is remorseful for the consequences of her actions.
All in all, were you doing her favours by supporting her material needs? Sure, in the short run you were adressing immediate concerns, and providing things she couldn't otherwise afford, but in the long run maybe you were just teaching her how to be more dependant on someone else. That really isn't a healthy thing to be doing to her.
If you want, spend time with her and give her advice, but no money. See if she values that. I'll bet you'll get some answers pretty quickly.
Just hope that the next guy she turns to for help isn't a manipulative abuser. However, it won't be your responsibility.
Look to the future. Imagine how good a relationship will be with a girl who pulls her own weight. How that money can go towards really neat and usefull things rather than down a seemingly endless pit.
It's probably pretty hard because you were genuinely hoping for the best for this girl (something that some of the bitter hags on here don't seem to understand). However, it's really only giving when you are expecting nothing in return. I think that maybe you were expecting something in return when this girl turned her life around. She hasn't yet and she probably wont. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:20:06 AM |
Maybe it seems like a natural state of affairs to bang a guy who's name you don't even know while drinking within three days of breaking off a relationship, percentilendex, but I'm sure that the OP was hoping for a bit more than that from this girl.
Hearsay. She may have said it to hurt him the way he hurt her when he dumped her. The way he said she was talking to him like they were barely friends says it all. She was hurt and being vengeful. Does it make it right? Not at all.
What I see is a man that had expections without thorough communication. When she failed to meet these expectations he threw a tantrum. He wanted her to basically read his mind and conform to his ideal.
He is the one at this point with issues. I don't condone her behaviour but from his explanation she did and said things out of spite. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:20:31 AM | | we all get played time to time now it's up to you with the knowlege you have to walk away.break it off completly save your heart from torment she wasn't much of a friend or lover. save your money shut off your phone take care of your self. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:24:02 AM | | YOu shouldn't feel like an idiot. She should feel like a rotten witch. She is the reason men don't want a serious relationship with good nice women like me who want to enhance a relationship. You should take a break from her permanently. Find someone who will be you friend and you lover your soulmate. Who will not just take but will also give. Even if its just emotionaly. I hope you find what you are looking for. REMEMBER WE AREN'T ALL EVIL. SOME OF US ARE FAITHFUL AND LOVING. ROSE | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:25:32 AM | | I feel for you bro. As soon as I feel that a woman is taking advantage of me I get up on my run. After 5or 6 dates if she still wants to date other guys, I move on. end of story. I really stay away from women who drink to the point of stupid behavior | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:35:28 AM |
Hearsay. She may have said it to hurt him the way he hurt her when he dumped her. The way he said she was talking to him like they were barely friends says it all. She was hurt and being vengeful. Does it make it right? Not at all.
The whole thread is hearsay. Only the OP was there.
Are you just going to assess the points that fit your theory and toss out the ones that don't by calling them hearsay? | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:37:07 AM | Lynnluv, it is hard to go from a sometimes FWB and financial support bank, to actual just friends with boundaries.
It IS doable, and of course your friends will all wonder what the hell you are thinking, because there is NO WAY for them to forget the past hurts that they've seen, and you have expressed..
Probably the hardest part for you is that until you let go of your "love feelings" and move on, you may want to step in and offer help when she is once again drowning. Perhaps you will want to copy this entire thread to remind you how much of an idiot you felt like. Some people really do need to learn to swim on their own, and IT IS the most loving thing you can do for them.
So the love of your life moved to London to get married...Geez, you seem to pick the wrong ones don't you.
No worries, you are in good company...Try not to grow as angry and bitter as some of the folks on here... Believe me it only will hold you hostage, and nobody deserves that amount of power over you, especially when they haven't asked for it.
Australia aye? Good luck on that....
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 11:57:13 AM | prescient: my stance sticks.
He dumped her
She acted out of normal context that he was used to
She didn't pay attention to him nor respected him AFTER HE DUMPED HER
He's upset as to why she would act this way AFTER HE DUMPED HER
The man has issues.
She has issues with how to deal with circumstances that she's been dumped. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:39:14 PM | Dear lynnluv
You are not an idiot just a nice guy who is terribly in love with your best friend. You seen like a very caring person and i believe that your best friend was not in love with you. I have doubt's as to believing your friend ever did really love you.
Because she knew exactly how you felt and still she deliberately set out to hurt you and treat you with contempt. By my own experiences real friends allways care and love each other no matter what. Whatever the circumstances they are in they dont lie and manipulate to get what they want or act like your friend when it suites them.
Only superficial friends do and we all find these things out and they are painful . My flatmate Rachel read what you wrote and she said you seem like a really nice guy.
Then she said to me that you shouldn't worry to much because their is a lot of lovely ladies out there who would really appreciate a decent guy like you and their is plenty of women who would love you for the unique person you are with no strings attached .
So
dont worry man better things will happen to you in the future and you pain will become just a memory and remember nice guys allways finish first.
regards Mike and Racheljavascript:smilie('')
javascript:smilie('')
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:46:37 PM | fee fi fo fum ... me smell the scent of a dummy dum
something that some of the bitter hags on here don't seem to understand Huhh? | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:53:26 PM | Gee, I cant believe you even let it go that far ... what kind of friend is she if she just treats you like that ... and more importantly how can you want a relationship with someone who allows herself to 'get drunk and have someone have her way with her' ... get mad its the key to getting over people like that
p.s. you're pretty cute ... u dont need to settle | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:23:53 AM | | LOL..."the old just friends" string theory. Just bones and crumbs tossed to each other. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:08:07 AM | | percentileindex, such a overall harsh stance, perhaps u would like to relate some personal pain u experenced along that same line or something. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:29:59 AM | You are not an idiot,something inside you spoke to you to tell you that you needed a break. Your a kind man, and let yourself be used. There are alot of us that have a tough time making it, but we dig in and find a way, I am not overly religious, but I believe the man upstairs helps those who try and help themselves.
Its ok to be free with your heart,but you are a nice person and will find a women who wants to work with you and not be dependent on you, but share in building a life with you both helping each other. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:39:37 AM | | smezolie: It's not a harsh stance. There are no shades of grey with me. It's either black or white with me. It is what it is. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:54:48 AM |
There are no shades of grey with me.
Well that explains it. Unfortunately I don't think this case is black and white. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:00:36 AM | Everything is black and white in life.
The shades of grey come along when you start mixing things up, games are played, and one gets confused.
I've only been confused once in my life and that was last weekend when I pulled into a small snow bank instead of the driveway. | |
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| I feel Like such an idiot
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:17:22 PM | | I think a part of you thought that you could buy her love. Which is just as bad as the idea of her "using you." I actually see it more as you using or manipulating her - she's struggling financially so you think you're entitled to something because you help her financially. That is so wrong. You said it yourself that she knew your feelings from day one. And so I'm guessing you knew she didn't feel the same way, but just couldn't admit it to yourself. She doesn't have to go home and have sex with you just because you paid her bar tab. But you feel entitled to that inside, don't you? You feel jipped because she went off with other guys, when you were the one paying her drinks. Well, it doesn't work that way. She was honest with you in the end and told you it would never go anywhere. She probably gave you enough signals before that too. But it sounds like she got fed up with you hanging on like a puppy and acted like a jerk to you, which isn't nice, but you're starting to wake up, so that's good. Maybe she struggled with her feelings too, wanting to be more attracted to you when you treat her so well, but realizes that she can't force it any more than you can force her to have those feelings. I think you've learned a lesson here, but I'm not sure it's the right one. The lesson is NOT to never give of yourself again like this. I don't think you should stop giving in your life. The real lesson is to understand that it can't buy those feelings, and to not expect it to. Give, but don't give to receive. To expect something in return is not truly giving. | |
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| no grey areas only black and white
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:28:38 AM | percentileindex. grey areas are the land we roam to get to a black or white situation.
how else could you get there if not by going through grey.people meet trying to get to know each other stuff get mixed up, games are played, confusion creeps in and the end result of all of that is black,white,red,green whatever stance that be. in the case we are discussing he reached pink after grey, she reached green after grey(if you get my meaning). lighten up mommy. vaginas may have a easier time getting penis, but tell the truth girl any penis just wont do will it. another grey area for you. | |
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