| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 2:46:01 PM | Apparently I've been too restrictive on myself by not posting links to the articles in question. I just reread the forum rules and posting the link is permitted. Guess I've been burned one too many times by overzealous admins that I'd rather err on the side of caution.
Here is the link to the entire article so you folks can read it in its entirety: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22161502/
Also, to the poster who indicated that my nickname has two different meanings; yes, I'm aware of that. My original intent was for my name be 'the real one' but for whatever reason, I didn't include spaces or underscores so now everyone reads it as 'there alone'. Both are acceptable as I am 'the real one' (i.e. that good guy every woman claims to be looking for) but also 'there alone' as obviously, I'm alone.
To get back on topic (sorry mods), I think that what this guy is doing is doing exactly what most women say they want. He is being honest about what he wants out of a relationship. He doesn't want to be with someone just to be with them but rather, to eventually fulfill his needs (and hers if he's good enough).
On one hand, I don't find anything wrong with that. As many on here have said, he's being honest. He's not trying to trick women into doing something they don't want to.
On the other hand, it's guys like this who give the rest of us bad names because women everywhere consider any guy that comes up to them as wanting only one thing. Thus begins the whole, "Why are women so cold/such bi***es/so standoffish/etc".
As humans, we are conditioned over time to react to certain situations due to our past experiences. So, when women find that the guys they've been seeing want only to get them into bed, women then think that is how every guy thinks (which is partially true) and so put up a wall whenever a guy approaches them.
Men on the other hand, keep hammering away with the idea that if they're nice enough/alpha male enough/whatever enough, some woman out there will eventually give in. In the mean time, he's just as frustrated at his lack of successes and so keeps trying new ways to approach women to get his way. It's a vicious circle.
There really is no solution to this problem as everyone wants something different. Even different from what we say we want. The only true solution, from my perspective, is to let anyone who wants to to approach you, even if you know they're not your type, and be polite about telling them, "Thanks, but no thanks." Yes, there will always be those who can't take a hint (or direct quote) or those who will get upset but that's their problem, not yours. | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 2:46:14 PM | Interesting article.
The truth is women do not respect men whom intimidate them, subconsiously this causes fear therefore any agreement on behalf of the women in relation to this man would be subconciously created out of fear. Psycological and emotional bullying is what they call it. Women also do not respect men that are calculateing and ruthless like this man is.
I would consider this man to be a psycological basket case that has an enourmous amount of insecureity and an inability to create and maintain intimate relationships, his actions are mentally unstable, this might work well in the boardroom but there isn't any room for it in the bedroom.
And besides any person that thinks in the manner that this individual thinks is totally self obsessed or megnamaniacal, and everybody knows that men like this make lousy lovers anyway they lack in generosity and consideration I think maybe this man is quite dellusional and the mere word conquest implies a fight. Maybe this man's so called conquests are a figment of his imagination. Or maybe he is a closet rapeist the threatens women.
Cheers - By the way I have conducted indepth research on this type of individual and the general consensos amongst females in relation to this type of man is run - don't give him the time of day.
Cheers | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 3:43:24 PM |
I think maybe this man is quite dellusional and the mere word conquest implies a fight. Maybe this man's so called conquests are a figment of his imagination. Or maybe he is a closet rapeist the threatens women.
Please tell us how you feel, don't beat around the bush. | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 3:57:46 PM | ~OP~ Oh dear me, ignore those silly posts about not posting the citings correct, spelling errors and bad grammar. Geeezus, this is a free dating site, filled with forums ~ people need to lighten up just a touch, you weren't delivering your disertation here.  ARGH. 
~OT~ I didn't find a thing shocking about post #1 or the man's private life or how he claims his private life is lived. I've been single almost 9 years (minus one serious 2 years) and quite frankly, I've met quite a few men with this philosophy and I, myself, had it. Although I did it differently, I dated a man for over a year, once a week, clockwork ~~ and flatly told him sex was NOT an option. He had an FWB and me to date in public. I didn't care, nor did she. We all knew the situation, what's the problem??? I don't understand all the upheaval when someone suggests something out of the "norm." So the guy prefers to be a player up front ~ OK. If you date him, you know what's it's about. Lying on the other hand........different deal ~ some may contend he's lying. Well, he was on national TV.....how secretive is that????  There are all sorts of stigmas, stereotypes, rules, this & that ~ the only thing about dating that truly matters: Do it how you want to do it. One on one, frenzy-date, don't date at all, just be honest. (Like that's ever gonna happen....pft....LOL) At any rate ~ if I were datable, I'd find that particular person unique and at least up front, that's rare.  Just because we are polarized on monogamy doesn't mean it's the ONLY way ~ it's just how MOST think. Whatever works at the time is what is important and you have to be honest to get at that. Those who lie, get a little action and disappear are far more enraging than someone who flatly states: "I'm here for the bootie, let's go shopping, then I want the goods." That I personally can say, "I can carry my own bags, thank you but no thanks." or "Great.....Gucci????" JMO  | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:04:31 PM | I imagine if he's so successful, he has plenty of women who agree.... and find some satisfaction from it.
An old soul doesn't get to be that way without experimenting to be able to tell the difference between a player and seducer.
And having enough consciousness to play when they feel like it........old souls also like to play.
They are not conditioned to fall for any garbage that's out there.
Whether I agree or not is not the question his techniques work because he's getting feedback. He's not gay is he???? | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 4:20:13 PM | | He sounds like the typical player to me. I'd be amazed, if he follows his own rules, if he really is that successful. | |
|
| |
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 5:11:17 PM |
you weren't delivering your disertation here.
True. I've written elsewhere that who we say we want and who we want are two different things.
As far as this guy is concerned, I was just posting to see who had what to say on this guys philosophy. Personally, I don't care what he does. It's his life. We all have to make decisions and live with them.
As I also said, it can go both ways. On one hand, the guy is being honest which is supposedly something women want. On the other hand, he is only slightly above a player but only because of his honesty and his outlook carries over to the rest of the male population.
I just wanted people's opinions and thoughts on the subject. Very fun to listen to(er, read). Would make a great subject for someone getting their PhD in psychology. | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 5:51:21 PM | Here's the thing - if you are a guy who just want to tear one off, just say so - maybe if I am feeling WILD I will want to DO IT too!
average_anomaly oh pls dont say that when you know you its not true. what are you trying to say that if he came and just said, "oh average anomaly baby, i so wanna tear one of you" you will feeeling wild enough to do it!!! maybe if you were feeling reeeeaaalllly drunk enough. women who are manipulated or put themselves outthere two be manipulated get there in one of two ways
1. they go out looking for those manipulators, because the process of being manipulated is just as much a draw as the manipulation. you hear of a serial manipulator (playa in my lingo) and you thier area of operation(clubs bars etc..) she dresses her a** of and her walk is mean (thanks J-Z) and you dont expect to attract them?
2. you dont know what you want from men. and he can convince you what you want is what he is offering.
like uglybetty will argue to ends of this earth, whatever hurt from a relationship however brief it may be with a playa . you got to deal with it. if you dont want to be manipulated by them dont put yourself within thier range. | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/21/2007 6:00:35 PM |
I dated a man for over a year, once a week, clockwork ~~ and flatly told him sex was NOT an option. He had an FWB and me to date in public. I didn't care, nor did she. We all knew the situation, what's the problem??? I don't understand all the upheaval when someone suggests something out of the "norm."
is it just me or is that one of the scariest thing i've heard come out of a womans mouth. i'm afraid to ask why you would want a relationship like that for so long, because verygreeneyez could actually make sense!! a toast to the times when beauty and simplicity of "boy meets girl and they fall in love" still existed and hope to high heavens its cyclic and will come back again | |
|
| |
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 10:15:04 AM | Man you are so way off the subject it's unreal... A serial seducer doesnt just wine and dine and take you home and have a great night of sex. A serial seducer manipulates you into thinking your his/her only one and you have a future together. He talks of marriage and spending your life together. In reality, he has no intentions of this but prefers to get your guard down to "possess" youin a very unhealthy way. He causes drama with other women fighting over him. He tries to isolate and keep you to himself all the while doing the same to other women. He is having unprotected sex making telling you that your the only one they ever want to have sex with. A very dangerous emotional and physical situation..
I wonder how many marriages there are when the other person is not emotionally there for their spouse because they are too busy hiding the romances they have with other people. I agree it would be nice if married people tried to seduce each other but this is a much much different..
Droberts:
After all the complaining around here I would think that most women would love to have a decent looking guy tell them that, "Tonight I am yours alone and am going to wine and dine you, followed by a romantic evening chasing the stars, and then will take you home and make love with you as if the approaching sunrise will be my last.
Or you could have the standard, dinner, movie, and pray to your god that he believes in foreplay after a few rounds of drinks. Assuming, of course, that the popcorn didn't make you gassy...
If you want something lasting with a woman just keep doing the first part (it used to be called romance) at least occasionally, and then eventually don't be afraid to tell her that you love her and mean it. The difference between a player, and a good boyfriend is how the romantic attentions get divided and how much he means what he says.
I wonder how many marriages would still be together if husbands and wives still tried to seduce each other? | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 11:17:17 AM |
A serial seducer doesnt just wine and dine and take you home and have a great night of sex. A serial seducer manipulates you into thinking your his/her only one and you have a future together. He talks of marriage and spending your life together. In reality, he has no intentions of this but prefers to get your guard down to "possess" youin a very unhealthy way. He causes drama with other women fighting over him. He tries to isolate and keep you to himself all the while doing the same to other women. He is having unprotected sex making telling you that your the only one they ever want to have sex with. A very dangerous emotional and physical situation..
That description right there just nailed it! | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 11:22:19 AM | Guys like this exist and men wonder why women seem to always say "guys only want one thing".
Thanks a lot for making those of us who are honorable and want to treat a woman with all the respect and decency she deserves be lumped into the same genetic pool as members of the male species as you. No wonder the nice guys out here in the world are never given fair opportnity. lol
| |
|
RavenT
|
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 65 | |
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 11:28:11 AM |
He may be having fun but he also has an empty life
He may not think of it as an empty life... He sounds like he is doing exactly what he wants to do and each person he encounters has a right to chose whether they wish to engage with him on his terms...
I have found thru this site and another site I am on... that its a process of pleasing yourself and not someone else... Not changing who you are and how you interact with others that gets me steps closer to my goal... Just what is the right combination in a man... that will have me awake aware and alert in all aspects of my life... Sex being a very important factor... but good conversation is one of the things that gets me turned on...
I would much rather have a man be who he is from the very beginning... so I know where I stand... instead of trying to change himself to please me. We all talk about truth and honesty... sounds like he is being honest in his presentation of self....
  | |
|
| |
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 11:30:07 AM |
A serial seducer doesnt just wine and dine and take you home and have a great night of sex. A serial seducer manipulates you into thinking your his/her only one and you have a future together. He talks of marriage and spending your life together. In reality, he has no intentions of this but prefers to get your guard down to "possess" youin a very unhealthy way. He causes drama with other women fighting over him. He tries to isolate and keep you to himself all the while doing the same to other women. He is having unprotected sex making telling you that your the only one they ever want to have sex with. A very dangerous emotional and physical situation..
That description right there just nailed it!
I would consider the first quote as a good discription of a "player" not a "seducer".
Any "player's" or "seducers" out there wanna step up to the plate and clarify???
And besides any person that thinks in the manner that this individual thinks is totally self obsessed or megnamaniacal, and everybody knows that men like this make lousy lovers anyway they lack in generosity and consideration
^^^^ What a HUGE generalization. | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 12:51:51 PM | | ive come across a few men like this discribed unfortunately its all a big game to them a power play really suck you in make you think you hit the jackpot hes everything you wanted them bam excuses um something popped up im busy @ work alot going on right now etc.. meanwhile before you were "the one" and they never wanted anyone as much as they want you until you submit to them ugh! sometimes i am so sick of men i am so close to giving up i dont want too but a life alone is better than being hurt and rejected i just dont know anymore | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 1:36:25 PM |
He talks of marriage and spending your life together. In reality, he has no intentions of this but prefers to get your guard down to "possess" youin a very unhealthy way. He causes drama with other women fighting over him. He tries to isolate and keep you to himself all the while doing the same to other women. He is having unprotected sex making telling you that your the only one they ever want to have sex with. A very dangerous emotional and physical situation..
This sounds more like talking from personal experience, was that the case?
I think what you describe above is a user. The so call playaa, doesn't have time to waste telling you about marriage or that you're the only one. | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 1:47:44 PM | I'm a Serial Seducer,.. I like nothing more, thand getting a bowl of Sugar Pops sprawled before me, glistening wet, and having my way with them! BUAHAHAHA!  ooh,. wait, that's Cereal  umm nevermind... | |
|
| |
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 1:57:48 PM | Babe0304 and the rest of the gang,
I too am a social worker/counselor and I couldn't agree with you more...they are nothing but empty shells of human beings that will never get enoughh love from anyone. They didn't receive it when they were young, so now as adults, must continue to feed their low self-exteem with external conquests. Emotional Vampires are what some people refer to them as. There is a great forum/thread called "Have You Ever Dated a TRUE Narcissist?" on POF. It's multiple pages long only because there is so much interest in this kind of behavior. It's quite sad actually.
Good luck out there!
Kate Marie | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 2:05:16 PM |
The good husband has the need for sexual pacification too, but he has good intentions for women and wouldn't hurt them deliberately. I have chosen not to be a rapist; I have chosen not to be a player; I don't want to hurt another human being. The rapist could care less, the player could care less.
Change the word "husband" to "seducer" and from what has been explained to me by my platonic male buddies ~ is an example of the difference between a "playaa" and a "seducer" (or: a 'cad" and a "James Bond")
What I think that many here that are labelling, are not taking into consideration, is that the "serial seducer" is getting with women that Want to be seduced. They enjoy the suduction as much as the seducer does. In the Opost, it was stated that he is honest with all of his seductions... A player would not be.
There are lots n lots of women out there who love to be seduced... That's why the epic Romance Novelists are making so much money writing stories about how the scoundrel eventually ends up seducing the stead-fast yet head strong heroin. (she denies him repeatedly, yet we all know that she wanted him from hello.)
I'm not saying it's right or that it's wrong... just sayin it's so. | |
|
| Inside the mind of a serial seducer
Posted: 12/22/2007 10:36:38 PM | At 32, and let's say he's a late bloomer. That makes 10 women a year. A bit less than one a month. Hope he doesn't quit his day job.
 | |
|
| |
Home
login 
