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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/11/2007 8:57:23 PM |
It's hard for a guy to be all those things!
So stop trying to be all those things. Be the ones you are and don't be the ones you're not. Then when you find someone you don't have to keep up a charade... resulting in her ultimate disillusionment. If you aren't naturally all those things, you clearly don't want someone who requires them all. If they're too picky, that's their problem, not yours. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/11/2007 9:58:50 PM | Don't worry about it brother. I'm 60......Let me tell you something. Probably one out of a thousand on this site even look like here picture and has an honest profile written.
They're all self-centered and self-seeking.
You'll learn that as life goes. They're all players. If they think they can scorcth you, they'll play with you until they have what they want and are bored with you. They have no feelings. Conscience isn't even in their vocabulary..............LOL...........It's the truth. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:27:23 AM |
Plus your headline "Scotch..." makes me think you're a heavy drinker - not too many looking for that quality in a man .....Just what is it with a lot of people on this site when alcohol is mentioned? Because a person drinks scotch as there preferred drink doesn't mean they have a drinking problem.....sheesh! Sorry had to vent that one, as I'm sick of hearing it.
On topic.....I don't think people, not just girls OP, but people in general as we all do it are looking for the perfect person, because the perfect person doesn't exist.
I think we all have an idea of what we are searching for, and because of past experiences don't wish to meet people with certain habits/qualities.
I want someone employed. Why? Because I supported my ex for too many years. I don't want someone who cheats, I don't want someone who lies, I don't want someone to control me, and I don't want someone who puts me down. Is that being too fussy?
Someone who doesn't display the above qualities comes close to the perfect person, but will never be that perfect person as I'm sure they will have other imperfections just as I have, however imperfections that I can accept. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:35:08 AM |
Is love about finding the perfect person? or loving an imperfect person perfectly?
No, personally, love is finding and loving a person whose character you appreciate, whose flaws you can live with and who make you want to touch them.  Having said that, I don't want to "love" an addict out of his addictions, liar out of his lies etc etc. and hope that my love will somehow make up for all that and reform them..so better start out with something more promising. Is that looking for perfection or just being realistic? | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:45:59 AM | Just writing from a male perspective (I'm sure women can supply a female's pov), I found "most" women (avoiding the dreaded "don't paint the entire gender with one brush" tag) are looking for the Prince Charming-type; a guy to pursue and sweep them off their feet. Women will of course deny such things and swear up and down on stack of bibles all they're looking for is a decent, normal, honest man with a job and that lives responsibly, but my experience tells me otherwise. (I actually just recently read a woman's profile that said "I'm not asking for much, just a man to fly me to Cancun for dinner and maybe Paris for dessert"....I'm sure she was joking, but the mere fact she even made the remark tells me volumes.)
Ladies, there are plenty of normal, decent men out here, as I'm sure there are women, so I don't buy the argument that your only choices are creeps, druggies, losers, and skid row bums. If, however, you're looking for a guy to worship you like a Princess or Queen, has no faults, idiosyncrasies, and vices, and possesses a mindset that is both ambitious and aggressive yet humble, you're simply deluding yourself. Vain, narcissistic, driven, go-getters that look like male models are usually not shallowless, sensitive, modest types. They're demanding, venal, egotistic demigods and are usually very emotionally high maintenance (everything revolves around "them", not you). You will NOT get what you may regard as "good" attributes without the bad.
If you're looking for a fairytale romance and Mr Perfect-For-You, rent a Disney movie. I'll be living in reality. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 6:14:47 AM | Motown is spot on there! I read profiles that said "just after a kind hearted guy blah blah blah. i always choose the bad ones blah blah blah" but the first thing they do is look at you and go "hmm? not dark haired or handsome i'll give him a miss" I have chatted to women on here and another site and they added me to MSN and we had some great chats but they say "your not my sort so dont want to meet" (all based on what i look like) which is fine but they never even bothered to meet the person they got on so well with on msn or the phone. One girl who did bother to find out is now my GF.
Ladies if you want to find a true diamond look beyond the picture. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 6:15:02 AM | Motown is spot on there! I read profiles that said "just after a kind hearted guy blah blah blah. i always choose the bad ones blah blah blah" but the first thing they do is look at you and go "hmm? not dark haired or handsome i'll give him a miss" I have chatted to women on here and another site and they added me to MSN and we had some great chats but they say "your not my sort so dont want to meet" (all based on what i look like) which is fine but they never even bothered to meet the person they got on so well with on msn or the phone. One girl who did bother to find out is now my GF.
Ladies if you want to find a true diamond look beyond the picture. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:21:32 AM | I'm just wondering if girls in my age groups (22-28) are too focussed on a guy having "it all", rather than communicating with a guy that might have many more pros than cons, and see where that discussion goes?
Hate to tell you this, but it doesn't get any better in your 30's.
That said, I don't think people should settle either. But, I'm just looking for Miss "perfect for me" not Miss "perfect". It does drive me nuts though, on those rare occasions I find a profile who's interests almost identically match mine, we're within a few years of age, live in or near the same town, seem to be at similar points in our lives, seem to be similar looks-wise ... you write a nice e-mail to them ... the system tells you they looked at your profile or read your mail ... and then you get no response. It really leaves me at a loss as to what they could possibly be looking for.
In real life experiences (bars, places where singles mingle), Motown is somewhat on track. From what I've seen most women go for guys who are 1) tall and to a lesser extent attractive and more importantly 2) sweep them up in some kind of humor. The men I've known who fit that description are pretty much all PLAYERS. Oh, I've done the sweep them off their feet with humor in the past, it takes work, and I end up feeling like I have this extra job of entertaining her. So, I don't find it too surprising that the player-types do this over and over again ... it works! and I suppose if they dump them soon enough the "entertaining them" part never gets stale or tiring (stupid me, it's the dump them before the entertaining gets tiresome part I never got). But my sense of humor doesn't work that way, I'm much more funny after I get to know a woman better because then I know all the "inside jokes". Well that was in the physical world ... enter the virtual world and what are two of the most common things women say they're looking for in their profiles? 1) tall, 2) humor. And then they post forum topics asking, "are all men are players?"
Anyhow, yes, most women seem to be looking for someone to sweep them off their feet up front, "rather than communicating with a guy that might have many more pros than cons, and see where that discussion goes" (as the OP put it). The latter is probably less fun, and takes more time ... but I suspect the relationship outcome will be far better. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:10:20 AM | What puzzles me why do people think it has to be either-or? Why cannot it be some of both? I am sure there are some kind hearted, honest, smart, humorous people that are also nice-looking.
Assumption seems to be that better-looking people are all players or spoiled and "bad", and the average looking ones are all nice gals/guys. I really do not see how one excludes another. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:14:31 AM | I believe I'm an example of one of the "normal" people we're talking about here.
Regarding my general "fitness" to attract the opposite sex in dating/relationships.....
My Pluses
I don't think of myself as God's Gift. I'm average looking, and like most possess physical and personality imperfections.
I have no vices—never smoked, did drugs, or gambled. I drink socially, meaning about once every two or three weeks, but have gone months without so much as a beer. I've never been a physical or psychological abuser.
I earn a modest income and live within my means, and keep up on the normal loan debt (mortgage and vehicle) and utility payments most do. I pay off my credit card charges every month, nothing carries over.
I believe I'm reasonably intelligent and down-to-earth. I'm no Einstein, but not the Village Idiot, either.
I don't sleep around nor have multiple sex partners. Once in a relationship, I'm strictly monogamous.
My Minuses
I've analyzed my short-comings, and my biggest negatives with the women I seem to be attracted to are....
Not ambitiously aggressive enough, meaning: I refuse to play the pursuit game. (To explain further: I will not worship at the feet of any woman nor bend over backwards to earn their trust, respect, and affection -- I believe any relationship should be shared "equally" and "fairly". I will not put up with drama queens, status seekers, or materialism freaks.)
Not rich and materialistic enough. (goes with above)
I'm a loner (but can be fine in crowds and social functions if need be).
That's really about it? Maybe what's needed is all my exes answer a lenghty questionnaire to expand further, but obviously that's not gonna happen…lol.
As far as dating choices, I'm not geographically-challenged, meaning I live in a huge metro area and not in the middle of nowhere, so choices "should" not be a problem.
But I find myself single. Maybe some women can sympathize because their circumstances are similar, I don't know.
I've found once you strip away all the fancy idealism and feel-good talk from people that say they're only looking for "normal" and truly think they're being realistic about what they want, you find a huge disconnect with the reality of their actual dating/relationship "behavior". This goes to both genders, I suppose, but I'm sick of the disingenuousness I always hear from too many women. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:32:00 AM | I suppose that all bols down to "normal" being different to different people.
What's normal to me may be something above/below normal in someone else's perception. The only thing I can say that *I * personally do not look/expect for anything beyond the range of what I myself have to offer/posess in most "sensitive" aspects - money, looks, employment etc. In simpler terms, not looking for/expecting anyone "above" what I am such as wealthy, high status/profile person, or picture-perfect-goodlooking type of person. Just somewhat similar would be good. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:44:25 AM | What I was trying to get at, Red_n_Blue, is you'll never get everything on your checklist, but only a close "approximation" of what you want. I can understand dealbreakers like alcoholics, druggies, abusers, no job/huge debt, etc, but I've seen women reject because they didn't like the way the guy parted his hair or because be liked to sleep in (obviously being facetious to prove a point about frivolous rejection), then turn around and say they just can't seem to find anyone normal?
There's obvious denial going on that most people just don't seem to be self-aware of?
 Mo | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:15:53 AM | are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Yes, many to most to nearly all do, no matter what they tell you. There are a few women out there who have enough to offer to secure their "perfect man". If they can get him, good for them. Most to many to nearly all women don't have enough to offer to get their "perfect man", they will eventually have to settle (where they will most likely be miserable and resent themselves and their partner for not having the life they think they are entitled to) or simply die alone with their 10 cats.
Why worry about people out there who aren't smart enough to realize that they are headed down a path where they are probably going to die alone because a guy was two inches shorter, or didn't have the "right kind of ambition" (code word for money), or had one or two other glitches that don't mean jackshit when you are 70 and growing old together with someone.
Women want to be around people who make them feel good about themselves. It's true, typically the guys with looks and cash scratches their egos. But they aren't the only issues that scratch a woman's ego.
Go to the gym, get a better job, excel at your career, get some new clothes, try a new haircut, be a positive person, pretend women don't exist and if women don't work out for you in this life, be ok with just living a good life. When you have a lot going for you and you could care less about women and what they do, women are naturally drawn to you. The typical plus of good looks, money and so called "perfection" is that its naturally implied that you could care less about women and what they do.
Be the kind of person other people want to be around. But don't do it to get laid. Do it for you. Do it to live a full and happy life. Getting laid is the consolation prize. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:27:36 AM | Screw what everyone else thinks, your standards are YOUR standards. Don't lower them for anyone.
Yes, women are looking for a lot of things, but so are men.
Everyone's definition of perfection is different. What I think is perfect, others do not.
Who DOESN'T have a checklist or some rough outline they go by when looking for a mate? I highly doubt there is anyone out there who has "must have blue eyes" on their "checklist" and then meets mr. everything else is perfect excpet he has green eyes and dumps him.
I find when people complain about others having standards that are too high usually have low self-esteem or just wanna feel sorry for for themselves. I have never in my life felt I couldn't live up to anyone's "standards". Adpot that attitude and maybe you'll have better luck. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:36:54 AM | Ok, enough of this now....
Everyone get's "caught up" for something..
Man, women, young, old.
It has nothing to do with wanting a "perfect man" OP, nobody is perfect.
Do I want a millionaire?????? NO
A job???????????? Yes!!
Do I want him to live in a mansion/drive a $50.000 car?????????? NO
But he must have a car, and at least be responsible enough to put a roof over his head!!!!!!!
Do I want a Brad Pitt look alike?????????? NO
But you need to have an attraction to a person..
I could go on and on, but you get the point, I hope.. :)
Are those unreasonable demands?
No, not in my book...
Just be patient OP...
Dating is hard, meeting a quality person is even harder, but they exist. Men have just as many, if not more expectations alot of times.... Again, it's not a gender issue...
Chin up..
JJ :) | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:54:31 AM | Some woman are as caught up in looking for the perfect man as some men are as caught up in looking for the perfect person.Men are every bit as bad so don't make it seem like it's only women who do this. Most men will not even give you the time of day if you are not super hot .
To all the men on here who say women have expectations too high ,well why are you still single then men. Shouldn't you be able to find someone , anyone at all since you don't believe in having expectations ?Yeah i can hear the responses already from men" but my expectations are reasonable" . Well how come you can have "reasonable expectations " but no one else can ??
"MOST" women just want someone "THEY" are attracted to . The person does not have to be considered attractive by everyone just "THEM" .
"MOST" women want to be treated special by someone they love and who loves them ,and in turn will want to treat the man they love special."MOST" woman want a man who is supporting himself financially because they don't want to do it . He does not have to be rich just have as much as they do or some where around the same ."MOST" women do not want to be treated badly by a bad boy . Don't lump everyone together like that because you have seen some fools out there that get off on being treated like ass wipe.
From the responses by men on this and every other thread like this "MOST" men are whiney ,self centered babies who want to blame "ALL" women for the fact that they are single .If there is something in your life that you don't have and you want it then it's your fault you don't have it , not all the evil , nasty , shallow women out there. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:54:46 AM | I realized that I had never read profiles that other women write, so I did a search as a man looking for women in my age group in my area. I didn't see a lot of expectations of 'perfection'. Out of over 100 profiles, a few wanted a "handsome" man, but didn't really say what they meant by handsome. One or two wanted a "Knight in Shining Armor" (good luck). No one mentioned money, house, car; I don't think I even saw 'job' as a requirement. Honesty and integrity came up a lot.
The thing that really floored me, though was that all but a handful of profiles included the word "cuddle" somewhere. The ones that didn't use 'cuddle' said 'snuggle', 'affection', 'kiss' or 'hold hands'. Wow.
Are women that obsessed with physical affection, or has it been missing so much that they felt the need to put it in their profiles? I know that after a relationship without any, I just added a line about "giving and receiving affection" in my profile. Is lack of affection (non-sexual cuddling, kissing, hugging, etc) a wide-spread problem? | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:06:13 AM | One of the things I have learned in life is that expectations are disappointment seeds. The more expectations you carry around, the more likely one of them is going to sprout into disappointment.
I have known both men and women who carry this dream scenario around with them almost like a screenplay. They are looking for the person to cast into that lead role. They "know" in advance how this person will react when they say something and "know" exactly how the relationship will go. Sometimes these people have an entire interaction chain of events thought out in advance, again, like a screenplay. They are going to say X, and the other person is going to say or do A, then they Y and the other person will say B and they say Z and the other person says C ... problem comes when they say X and the other person says or does L,N,Q, or F ... they have a mind of their own. Then the person who had the grand scenario gets disappointed and possibly even tries to "direct" the other individual back "into character". Resentment, anger, disappointment ... all because someone wouldn't allow things to just be what they are. They had to go way down the path in their minds and paint this fairy tale picture and then when their prince arrives he doesn't behave exactly according to the story line and they are upset.
Don't get caught up in the perfect scenario. Chances are it exists only in your own head. Allow people to be who they are. Allow relationships to become what they will and love them for what they are. Don't exert a lot of effort into trying to make them be this or that. It is like trying to rope the wind. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:32:25 AM |
I'm just wondering if girls in my age groups (22-28) are too focussed on a guy having "it all"
The relentless stream of tales of woe suggests that if they are they aren't very good at it, to be rather generous.
Thus, OP, your best hope is be involved in a case of mistaken identity.
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:42:55 AM | The fact is, a lot of people will spend a lot of time single. Many of my exes have been single much of their lives, I have spent large amounts of time single.
There is 50% divorce rate, lots of older people are single. Even in past generations, many men and women were "effectively" divorced early on in life, and lived without a romantic relationship.
And for anyone complaining about internet dating and the "search for perfection" HELLO! Look at the competition on this site. There are thousands of singles absolutely prowling around POF. Check out the forums, hundreds of them are very funny, very cute, employed, healthy, and very SINGLE. Totally available.
So that is your competition. It's almost depressing, and just remember my first point, a lot of people will spend a lot of time single. Get used to your own self. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:50:28 AM | Look, there's nothing wrong with wanting whatever version of perfection you're seeking in a partner, and that can include (depending on gender) looking for a woman that's supermodel gorgeous or a man oozing charm, money, and status. Just be totally honest and SAY so upfront; don't hide behind empty rhetoric. That's the gist of my argument at least, and what all this is really about, right? I've found most people won't come clean and say what they're "really" looking for because they think it might make them look shallow and unrealistic, but are found out rather quickly once the relationship is initiated. It's the wasted time and effort because of this initial dishonesty that I'm rebelling against. I put myself out there without sugarcoating a damn thing (you know my views and exactly what you're getting), and I expect the same.
Getting back to the definition of normal, there could also subtle differences between what you would think of as "normal" and what you're ultimately attracted to, and they're not necessarily mutually reinforcing or complimentary. Maybe a lot of us are attracted to people that have dysfunctions that other people can dispassionately see as abnormal flaws? Obviously, one person's definition of normal behavior could be the object of your desire's dealbreaker?
 Mo | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:43:06 AM |
The thing that really floored me, though was that all but a handful of profiles included the word "cuddle" somewhere. The ones that didn't use 'cuddle' said 'snuggle', 'affection', 'kiss' or 'hold hands'. Wow.
Are women that obsessed with physical affection, or has it been missing so much that they felt the need to put it in their profiles? I know that after a relationship without any, I just added a line about "giving and receiving affection" in my profile. Is lack of affection (non-sexual cuddling, kissing, hugging, etc) a wide-spread problem?
I have done the same thing occasionally trying to figure out where so many males seem to get the idea that women are looking for some millionaire with "Hollywood" looks and I also have found little of those types. As to what you pointed out about "affection" , what you describe sounds more like either women that are tired of being approach with the "casual" relationship or tired of being made to feel that any kind of “closeness" has to lead to the bedroom. In my personal opinion though I would think it would be a given in a "real" relationship because a man only out for the no strings attached fling or those that are only affectionate in the bedroom can usually be detected early.
To the idea that women (or men) would not be interested in someone because of the way they part their hair or a belt they wore, these people either never grew up past 16 or in reality it had nothing to do with hair or belts but they just didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings by stating the real reason. | |
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