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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:57:57 AM | Yeah, a "responsible Party animal" is an oxymoron. He's smokin' weed while he goes out and buys groceries and and bangs women w/o a condom.
Anyways, what's really funny is, when I look at a woman on a dating site, see that she has her own shortcomings (ie - is overweight) but expects a man to be no less than 6 feet tall or not be bald (or balding).....that's when someone needs to look in a mirror
(And yes, men are guilty of this too, I have a friend that is not all that up there in the looks dept, however, he wants a model, lol)
I consider myself relatively average looking, bald or balding, 5'9, etc.
I've even heard peoples FREINDS say to the average guy/gal, "Hey, you ever consider dating someone more your speed?"
For instance in my case, date a more conservative, eye glass wearing, book worm type (and believe me I've seen some cute ones, that others go, "Nah, I wouldn't bother with her). And that's more realistic.
HOwever, if she happens to be a perfect 10, I'd attempt a go at her, and if she says, "yes" then I consider it a bonus...but it's not a requirement.
I get a kick out of people how they say, "Well, I prefer TALLER men" (And these ladies are only 5'4"...and they'll only date 6 feet or taller)
I had an older female friend, she had a couple of female friends my age, and I asked if she could introduce me to them, and she stopped me right there and said, "Sorry, but they only date guys X amount of inches" lol Heck< I can't even be introduced!
Also, there IS a difference between "Preference" and requirement"
Preference, you have wiggle room on...requirements are something you don't budge on. Some people , when they say "preference" they REALLY mean requirement.
Like I "prefer" women with big boobs, but I won't only LIMIT myself to women with big boobs. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:04:32 AM | Frankly. every one writes things they "think" they want in their profile! Nobody really knows what they want 100%. If we did know what we wanted the divorce rate wouldn't be at 50%.
Sure the risk is loneliness. It seems to be a symptom of urbanization. The more people there are the pickier one can be. In Alaska women can even be pickier. In india men can be. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:26:42 AM | crayonzz, please please. Are we talking about million/billions of money? then yes, I can see how a person could be too busy for family life etc.
I am talking normal, not millionaire-super-high-pressure jobs people. I am no millionaire, but I am doing quite allright, I do have a career that still leaves me time for me and potential SO.. and that's the level/type of guy I mean. The other example you gave- athlete/football start/celebrity.. again, phhhlease. All I meant someone who takes care of themselves and participates in some sort of athletic activity other than watching it on TV. I can carry on a *fairly* intelligent conversation(yes there are some that may feel it is in stratosphere.. but maybe anything beyond weather and sports news is stratosphere for them).. so why cannot there be a guy that is also able to? Why is that unrealistic? You are s-t-re-t-c-h-i-n-g it to make your case why people like that cannot exist by using millionaire/star athlete examples....Makes it sound that wanting a normal well rounded(in most areas) person is unrealsistic. I have to give you this one I guess - results show (so far) that it must be a rare find indeed. Have not found it yet 
P.S. Not using words "perfect man". If you saw my profile, it states - no total perfection exists, and I do not expect it. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:05:27 AM | Some women ( and some men as well ) are looking for the perfect person. High expectations aren't necessary the same thing as unrealistic expectations. Suppose woman A is slender/fit, non-smoker, has a good job and has no kids. Woman B is obese, smokes, has a low income job and is a single mother with 3 kids. Both women have the same high expectations. Both women are looking for a man that is athletic/fit, has a good job, no kids, among other things. Yet only woman B has unrealistic expectations because she isn't able to match what she is looking for in a man. Sometimes people will state "I know what I want and I'm not settling". Sometimes what a person wants isn't what a person is realistically able to get. It is okay NOT to settle or lower your expectations ONLY when you have realistic expectations.
I too have looked at hundreds of women’s profiles and also find very, very few that list unreasonable expectations or demands in a partner.
I disagree. I have seen plenty of profiles where a woman wants a man to be 6 ft tall even though she is only 5' 4". The 6 ft tall requirement eliminates 80% of men. Some women have a narrow age range. Therefore her perfect match could be a year older or younger than that age range. Yet he can't contact her because of her restrictions.
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:53:59 AM |
Men always say " women don't give nice,average ,good guys a chance " , when what they really mean is hot women don't give nice guys a chance. Nice guys for the most part will not give the average woman a chance and will turn up his nose at her like she is not good enough for them. Then continue to chase after women league ahead of him in vain .Hey if you are content to chase and never catch women who will never want you then go for it .
You don't even have to go outside of this thread to find that this is far from reality. As okeedokee444 already gave examples above (and women in this thread admitted), most woman won't even consider an average height man. In contrast, there may be a few men who won't date really tall women, but even then those women make a a small fraction of the female population. Most women won't date bald or balding men, but as you go from 30's to 40's to 50's those men increasingly make up 30%-50% of the population. Although some women experience hair loss, this is once again a small drop in the bucket. I've gone through the numbers a few times and roughly two-thirds of women eliminate about 8 out of 10 men on those two factors alone. And a good share of those 8 out of 10 men might be active, in great shape, have great jobs, be good family oriented guys, etc. (or certainly not to a significant degree different than the really tall men with perfect hair).
So, no, it's average women (not just the hot ones) who don't want to date average guys ... and that's average before you even look at factors that might actually impact a real relationship. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:13:02 AM |
If its what she wants then its what she wants. Complaining about it, isn't going to change things. If it eliminates 80% of men then it will be her problem if she waits till almost forever for the wish list to be filled. Not your problem.
I don't think it hurts to make people *aware* of the statistical factors in their dating decisions, especially the most superficial ones. When I was younger and didn't have the Internet as a resource, I mainly dated taller than average women because that was what I preferred. In hindsight, looking back with what I know today, it seems pretty stupid. I could've easily doubled/tripled my opportunities to meet women. Call it complaining if you want, but I come to these forums to see if I can gain any insight or offer any of my own. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:17:55 AM | Heyyyy there's nothing wrong with gargoyles!!! lol...
I've no answers for you that will cover all women. But there are a couple of observations from a life time of experience. Women like the guy that looks like a thug, and respond to the idea that there may just be more than a thug on the outside. That only THEY can change him. It's delusional, but it is true.
So, my advice? Get a couple of tattoos, a piercing or two.... Ride a motorcycle & wear lots of leather... Y0u should have babes crawling at your feet!  J/K!!! Don't change you to become someone that is a cookie cutter of the next. Celebrate your individuality and eventually you will find someone that is your ideal partner. Being you should be something that is precious, and letting someone enjoy the grace of you would be the ultimate gift.
Keep the faith, youngun... It doesn't get easier with time, but time makes it easier to figure out what is real. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:38:32 AM |
Both women are looking for a man that is athletic/fit, has a good job, no kids, among other things. Yet only woman B has unrealistic expectations because she isn't able to match what she is looking for in a man. Sometimes people will state "I know what I want and I'm not settling".
Another excuse commonly used for this phenomenon is "I am picky". In translation, this means that their expectations of partner qualities are above their league yet they fail to recognize this as they are under the delusion that they deserve prince charming. The end result is that the woman (and man for that matter) who wont "settle" or is "picky" will remain single until the day they comprehend their own value proposition.  | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:45:52 AM | If its what she wants then its what she wants. Complaining about it, isn't going to change things. If it eliminates 80% of men then it will be her problem if she waits till almost forever for the wish list to be filled. Not your problem.
I wasn't complaining. Another poster stated that he didn't see too many women with unrealistic expectations. I disagreed and gave some examples. Many times, it's the women with the unrealistic expectations who end up complaining about not finding a man. I wouldn't want to a date a woman with a long list of unrealistic requirements even I met all of them. Chances are she has a sense of entitlement and she is picky about other things in life. Not just who she chooses to date. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:59:06 AM | From my experience many women have unrealistic expectations of the man they want. It seems that 90% of the women are only interested in the top 10% of the men. What is the top 10%?? Everyone knows. They want a man who makes $50,000 a year min. but only works 40 hrs a week. She will compromise though on the hours if the money is there. They want a cute funny tall guy. Women are looking for a trophy husband, just like some men are looking for a trophy wife. As they get older, they become more realistic, but for most of their younger years, think many women are living in fantasy land.
I knew my wife was a keeper when she said yes, and I didn't have much of a job. I got much better jobs later, but the fact that she wanted me as a person, and not cause of the money I made, said a lot.
And no, women should not protest that money isn't important. That may be true in a minority of cases, but men who make a lot of money seldom have to worrry about being lonely. If you doubt me, just think, how many men single Doctors do you know. Just watch Seinfeld or Sex in the City. In men, good job equals a "catch"
I feel sorry for the single men out there. My advice. Look for someone nice who likes people and is willing to put as much into the relationship as you do. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:27:57 AM |
Most women won't date bald or balding men, but as you go from 30's to 40's to 50's those men increasingly make up 30%-50% of the population.
What's really pathetic is, I've seen a 45 year old woman one time state..."No baldies need apply"
I'm like " Hon, you're wrinkly, saggin' and actually think you can find a 45 year old man that's not bald OR balding??" Get real. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:48:56 AM | | Yes, some women are looking for the perfect man just like some man are looking for the perfect women. Very few men would be what society considers to be perfect. Tall, rich, well educated, handsome face, athletic / muscular body etc. The men that meet these qualities would probably be taken unless he prefers to remain single or is gay. Most women that are looking for the perfect man will remain single for a long time | |
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ealey1
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Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 114 | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:43:18 AM | Ealey, the standard argument I hear is people aren't looking for THE Perfect Partner, just one that is perfect for THEM. Yeah right, whatever.
Even with this redefinition people aren't going to find it. If one is holding out for the perfect match, you will NEVER have everything on your checklist. You may indeed find the man or woman of your dreams that also thinks you devine, but they'll also possess traits (controlling, cheating, lying, arrogance) or personality disorders (alcoholics, druggies, gamblers) or incompatible life circumstances (rich-poor, famous-anonymous, smoker-nonsmoker) that may ultimately break the deal.
But keep trying. You have all the time in the world not to "settle". I mean, it's not like life is finite and your time on this planet is short???
Mo | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:14:38 PM | reasonable-unreasonable expectations. here's couple of things.
I agreed to a1st meet with someone I have been corresponding for a while. The person mentioned that he had met some women who shall we say have more weight than their pics/profiles indicate, which seemed to be a big deal for this person. And so, we meet in person -and what do I see? He himself has somewhat of a beer belly. So who isn't having realistic expectations here?
I live in FL. Maybe it's Fl relaxed life style or I don't know what it is. Several occasions - meet someone for coffee. They are wearing baggy wrinkled shorts, faded t-shirts and some old flip flops. Bear in mind we are not meeting at the beach, I told them I will be coming after work(business casual). I am no style nazi (Ross and Marshalls for me), I dont care if it's walmart or Ralph Lauren, as long as it fits, looks neat and nice and like a person put some effort in preparing to meet. I know it is unimportant by itself, but the message it sends me is that a person may be even sloppier in their day to day life, doesn't really care about themselves or the image that they project even when they are meeting someone that they *supposedly* excited to meet.
People like that would not want to look at a woman with unkempt hair with gray roots showing, maybe extra lbs, maybe baggy clothes, nails undone. They want better. So why don't they offer more before going on and on about "unrealistic expectations" of the other gender?
Sure noone can control their height or loosing hair. But things like your shape, weight, grooming, how you dress and carry and present yourself you can control. Is that unreasonable to expect?
Sure there is no perfection. I am not expecting anything above and beyond that I myself can offer. Are my expectations *somewhat* realistic or not - remains to be seen. . | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:37:26 PM | I agreed to a1st meet with someone I have been corresponding for a while. The person mentioned that he had met some women who shall we say have more weight than their pics/profiles indicate, which seemed to be a big deal for this person. And so, we meet in person -and what do I see? He himself has somewhat of a beer belly. So who isn't having realistic expectations here?
He's not complaining about the women being overweight. He's complaining about women who lie about their weight. Big difference. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:56:41 PM | I never said anything about looking like a slob or not taking care of your own personal appearance.....
I meant that, when you have unusually high standards (good looks, tall, car, house, six-figure salary, caring, honest, faithful, committed, etc etc) that these are highly demanding standards that will simply not be found in one single person. A person may have three or four, others may have five or six, but a perfect person?. Show me one. I never said look like a slob, smell bad, have dirty hair and teeth and all that.
Some people demand so much, but they themselves have nothing to give. They are just spoiled brats who think the world owes them the very best. They have the attitude that I am the best so I gotta have the best. Just like when you give a kid anything he wants and he becomes spoiled and demands everything, and if you do not give it to them they act up and throw temper tantrums, that it WHAT I was referring to.
That is the attitude I am talking about. If you want to argue then argue with your own self, but I was clear: IT is the attitude that some people have that piss me off.... | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:40:37 PM |
I meant that, when you have unusually high standards (good looks, tall, car, house, six-figure salary, caring, honest, faithful, committed, etc etc){/quote]
Looks are subjective, so I leave that out. I have house, car, very nice salary, honest, faithful, committed. I consider it normal and not unusual. In my view it is by no means exception. So why is it not reasonable to look for something similar? | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:19:50 PM |
Looks are subjective, so I leave that out. I have house, car, very nice salary, honest, faithful, committed. I consider it normal and not unusual. In my view it is by no means exception. So why is it not reasonable to look for something similar?
And consequently you are in a position to make reasonable and equitable demands on a potential partner. This is very understandable and reasonable. However, my understanding of this discussion is why females and males who frankly have very little to offer have these same demands. To clarify:
Assume you are a corporate executive (VP or higher) with an MBA and 15+ years of progressive experience. You are in a position to apply for that next VP opportunity as your qualifications gives you a reasonable chance of landing the job. However, if you only have a high school diploma with no experience is it reasonable for you to apply to the same VP job and expect to land it?
This example clearly illustrates the meat of this thread. Why are females with a high school diploma expecting to land the VP job? Because they deserve it? What some of the previous male posters are trying to get at is why some females insist of pursuing their "perfect male" (which often is described as tall, financial stable and intelligent) when they themselves are not in parity. Then when they can't land that VP job (the perfect man) the common excuse becomes -- "I'm picky", "I'm selective", "I won't settle", or my favorite "why are there no good men left" lol. Ohh such irony lol! | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 123 | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:00:12 PM | YOU HAVE TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND!
THERE IS NO 'PERFECT' MAN! (OR WOMAN, for that matter...)
I am currently in a VERY happy relationship.....why? Because one has to realize what is TRULY important....
Are they there for you when you need them?
Do they do thoughtful and considerate things to make you happy?
Back to my previous thread, are they RELIABLE?
Do you enjoy your time together?
Does being with this person make you happy?
My profile, when it was 'Long Term', said NOTHING about what I 'Must Have' except that I wanted someone to join me and have fun!
What is it with the 'you must have' stuff, male AND female?
I've dated guys who were retired, on a fixed income, guys recently divorced with no cash, guys with kids at home, etc, etc. GIVE A PERSON A CHANCE! Again, male OR female! People have rough times, doesn't mean they should be disregarded like job applicants with a dicey resume!
People, you ALL might be missing the love of your life because you are so caught up in your 'wish' list!
And, Happy Holidays to all POF'ers, may the New Year bring you more tolerance, more understanding, and an open heart and mind!
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