| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 2/10/2008 10:49:21 AM | @OP...and guys arent looking for the perfect woman? lets face it, it doesnt exsist. so while they are looking, life is passing them by. I'm not a 10 or a trophey doll that most want, but i personally dont care if theyre not into my looks, what matters is how i feel about me. funny thing is, when they take the chance to meeting me and getting to know me for who i am, they are intrigued, my personality shines. I dont waste my time on those who focus only on appearances because its about the heart, soul and mind. I dont spend time looking in the mirror 24-7 like many do...lol..i have better things to focus on.
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| I call it the Cinderella Syndrome...
Posted: 2/10/2008 11:15:33 AM | The socialization of the Western Woman to believe that at any point in her life no matter what her circumstance or current situation is... that a 'PRINCE CHARMING' or 'KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR' will come to her rescue and Sweep her off her feet and wisk her away to a future of Marital, or Relationship, Bliss.
Cinderella had no kids and no debt. She was Cute and Fine and Virginal. The same can be said of Snow White and Rapunzel... and Sleeping Beauty was the only one of Royal Blood... and the same can be said of her.
Western Women are socialized(Reared with the Images)to believe they can achieve this at anytime.
The Internet is the Lonely Woman's Best Friend. The vast majority of women that come to websites like these suffer from emotional voidness due to the low self esteem inflicted upon them as a result of their failed marriages or relationships. The vast majority of women here are divorced and/are single mothers to 2 or 3 children. The fathers of those children have all moved on to bigger and better relationships. Usually with younger and more attractive females. This is a reality for the attractive man that has a home, career, and a decent car. God help him if he is physically fit or athletic and has goodlooking kids and enjoys being a dad to his children. The world is his oyster. If he is single it is because he is having too much fun entertaining many different kinds of women. These divorced/single mothers are experiencing the opposite lifestyle. There are no Goodlooking guys, with homes, careers, and cars, that have profiles that say they are looking to meet divorced/single mothers to 2 or 3 children. When the self esteem is repeatedly attacked and diminished in such a subversive way the individual on the recieving end inevitably begins looking for someone to validate their existence and self worth. Thus... the so many profiles of women looking for a MAN that don't EXIST. Especially a MAn that doesn't Exist for them... but they have been soicalize to believe that this is what they deserve and as long as they remain hopeful... they will achieve it. In the meantime they serial date. They accept invitations from the guys that closest resemble what they claim to be looking for in a Man.
Now... don't get me wrong... there are Men online that fit the same bio... but Men are typically more willing to pay for having someone to boost their self esteem. Men offer to buy women homes, to pay their rent, to pay their bills, to buy them gifts, to spend time with their children, to take them places.
Donald Trump is in no way Attractive. Hugh Hefner is pretty average in Looks. Puff Daddy(aka P.Diddy; aka Sean Combs)ain't attractive at all.
Don't Cry and Whine about being a Nice Guy. Learn to Manipulate the way Women Think and What they say they Want to your Favor.
NICE Guys do Finish Last. It's a Dog Eat Dog World and Highly Competitive.
Learn the GAME... then Get In the GAME. The GAME Of LOVE. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:47:05 PM | | I knew those darn Disney Princesses were just trouble waiting to happen. So much sweetness and light and way too many frogs you have to kiss! That's just wrong, I'm going to teach my granddaughter to shoot for being a Queen not a Princess! | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:07:29 PM | msg. 115 >> the standard argument I hear is people aren't looking for THE Perfect Partner, just one that is perfect for THEM. Yeah right, whatever.
Even with this redefinition people aren't going to find it. If one is holding out for the perfect match, you will NEVER have everything on your checklist.
I agree with the Perfect For Me Partner being an almost impossible ideal. Mo, I think most people realize there's no one who is perfect or even perfect for them. The personality disorders that you mention aren't usually revealed early in a relationship. Every venture into a new relationship is by trial and error. It takes time to get to know the real person.
I'll admit I do have a Wish List of attributes I desire in a guy but I also realize that if the elusive chemistry is there the proverbial list is tossed aside and all but forgotten. I don't think the reason that some of us who've been on a dating site for a while are holding out for The perfect one - I think it's because we won't settle for anything less than mutual chemistry. I know that's the reason I'm still here. We all know that special connection called chemistry is either there or it isn't. I had it before so I know how incredibly awesome the feeling is.
So my answer to the OP is no, I'm not too caught up in looking for the perfect man... I'm caught up in looking for that rare connection called mutual chemistry. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:06:12 AM | according to current physics theory's nothing is perfect, light can't even travel straight it's DRUNK! unless of course you count the scalar wave which is light with a wavelength of 0.
both sides people are too caught up in looking for the perfect SO they often miss highly compatible ones that are missing out on a few qualities but would still probably be acceptable if they had the chance to prove it. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:25:39 PM | | I think on line dating ... will work if people were honest. I am 58 & what I find is men my age want a Barbie Doll. I have met one nice guy we have chated off & on for quite some time but havent met. The others that have contacted me have been players or looking fo cyber sex. I have current pics I am not here to play games, but have decided not to look for dates. I now enjoy reading topics in the forums.Dont give up youre young & there are nice people out there.Hon no such thing a the perfect man or woman for that matter.You have to look for the good & hope it out weighs the bad. You have to be able to give as will as take. A realaship is doomed if its one sided.I find being completly honest works best. good luck hope you find your someone special. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/11/2008 9:52:46 PM | Sometimes I think they are. I suspect most women are more realistic than that, but they do have elevated expectations. My issue is not that people have too high expectations of others, men and women, but that they don't have such expectations and a feeling of responsability for themselves.
If anyone has read the European Dream, relate the American Dream to dating. Starts off with a feeling of destiny and a strong work ethic. "I deserve the perfect man and I am going to work hard to attract him, If not pursue him directly. " Subtract the work ethic. "I deserve the perfect man and I have faith that I deserve it as I am. " | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2008 1:19:49 PM | i think people who settle for what can work and what is still good for them rather than what is perferct, are more realistic: the perfect mate, physically, emotionally, and finanicially actually doesnt exist, its always something wrong about someone, and i think people who get married to people who arent there dream angel, just realize that that person really isnt out there.alot of girls contradict themselves in what there looking for.... a mainly man, but also soft and cuddly? <--- but then they like to complain men act differently around there friends around u? confident but modest? dependant, but independant?<--- either im calling too much, or not enough, sheesh.
thatd be nice if my dream was out there, but probly not, glad i can draw though. :) | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2008 1:28:54 PM | | Men and women both would prefer to find their 'perfect' partner, whatever that maybe. So, why not wait and keep looking. Those that complain about it seem to be the ones passed over. But as time passes and we get wiser (hopefully) what is 'perfect' changes. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:25:43 PM | You better start being a girl and getting it from the other side.
I am SHOCKED at how EVERY man is looking for a tiny boxed description of a woman. No exceptions, or room whatsoever for difference. And the real clencher is, it is always a woman they say they dislike and one they could never be happy with. It is just some idea, or collection of ideas that sounded good to them. Probably pieces of every girl they have ever lusted, trying to put her together as one woman....yeah LOLOLOL
GLAD THAT's WORKIN FOR YA | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:34:20 PM | As someone pointed out in another thread (that has since been deleted as redundant to this one), there is a difference between how people pursue people online versus offline. In the real world you see average people hooking up with each other all the time, even below average people doing so. So clearly lots of people are very open to accepting imperfection in their partners. But online you are dealing with everyone's wish lists. It's more like "well, if I could have whatever I want it would be this" and they make the profile like that. They are still also trying to meet people in their daily lives and are more open to different sorts of people in that context.
I wish these threads didn't always paint issues as the problem with women or the problem with men. This is really an issue about HUMAN nature.
The other funny thing is, those people who in both their online and offline approaches to finding someone really are looking for perfection because they think they offer it themselves, well the longer they go in looking for it, the farther below that standard they themselves fall. They get older, less attractive, harder to keep the weight off, maybe add on a couple kids and some alimony, and start acquiring little injuries and illnesses. So by the time they finally find miss/mr. perfect, they aren't someone those people will accept, because they want perfection too! | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2008 2:35:33 PM | After this thread, there better not EVER be another comment saying that WOMEN are bitter and jaded. The thing is, when women feel that way, it is temporary, but we all know when a man makes his mind up once, it NEVER changes. And you wonder why women avoid you and look for someone else. I saw on here over and over...same old story...
"Women that come to the internet are lonely and pathetic, while men are not"
That is some arrogant, ignorant stuff
You are the same men that spout ignorance at women that women are now rebelling against and won't have you for. The same men that believe a woman with many dates is a whore, but a man with many dates is a stud. A woman with a brain and an opinion is a b*i*t*c*h, but a man with an opinion is just a good man.
A woman that owns a home, got it in a divorce, but a man worked for it.
Uh huh, I have heard it all and you still wonder why we run from you men that say the things that are said on this thread. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2008 3:37:52 PM | I think dating sites are a big problem for women.
Men typically have to send out a lot of messages to get a reply.
This means women get a lot of messages which kids them they are extremely desirable.
In reality the messages they are getting are often from a man who puts the woman quite low down on his preference list.
Women are looking for Mr Perfect so will only talk to men who satisfy this criteria.
Sadly a lot of Mr Perfects are also players or just looking for sex or simply are not interested in that woman.
So the women generally stay on POF for a very long time searching for that illusive Mr Perfect. | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:04:23 PM | Some do try, and that perfection might even be to find a millionaire or a guy with green eyees or hang out places hoping to be with a professional sports player or a fireman. I've had enough women friends to get an idea of the weirdness of the selection criteria. One gal, who was a sister of a gal I tutored ended up living in a mental facility after getting destoyed from her outrageous desire to seek millionaires to complete her insecure self...sad.
There's also plenty who avail themselves for prostitution, and that's not limited just to those in secret brothels like the Emporer's Club, as they are found all over the place if you care to look. I've even had women friends who did that for a living. In a way these gals are seeking something in PARTICULAR: money with a guy that comes along with the money, though he's personally insignificant in the relationship.
Other than the above, there's also many who do want a good man, but they'll often be fooled by men who understand the female weakness and play on it. An honest man will hardly get anywhere despite what some females would like to argue against. Honesty is seen as suspicious and liars are greeted with fascination. Thus, even if some women are trying to find just a certain type of guy, they'll invariably end up with crap.
After a divorce or two or age 40 or so, I think women really finally understand what to look for, but guys wish they would have figured it long before the marriage and kids to be on an equal playing field. | |
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| I call it the Cinderella Syndrome...
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:17:22 PM |
Don't Cry and Whine about being a Nice Guy. Learn to Manipulate the way Women Think and What they say they Want to your Favor. NICE Guys do Finish Last. It's a Dog Eat Dog World and Highly Competitive.
Overall this man's post was very good. To comment on the above selection, I'd have to say that I'd prefer to be an underdog and do no manipulation. I do know what women want, and lots of it is nonsense. I do prefer being single over selling myself out. Leaving this country for better pastures makes good sense. Hopefully there will be one that isn't so prone to holding whimsical notions over men. Women typically hate cheapness and I'll still try to avoid tipping as it makes no sense to me in how society dictates which jobs get the tips. Women might like flowers and I prefer not giving a DEAD cut flower even though the dead variety is preferred over the live variety. If they like dancing and I don't, I suppose I could fake liking it for her benefit, but sorry, I can't sell my soul. .... | |
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| are some girls too caught up in looking for the perfect man?
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:52:18 PM |
I wish these threads didn't always paint issues as the problem with women or the problem with men. This is really an issue about HUMAN nature.
LMAO! I am not sure I agree there slick. I think the online world is more about supply and demand than human nature. Lots of men e-mailing few females causing inflated female and deflated male egos. Hence the reason why I no longer date online! Besides, I can not think of one single occasion when I actually did try online dating where the woman even remotely resembled her picture (and always for the worse). | |
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