| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:33:56 PM | Well OP ~ you can't have it all. I have a slew of restrictions on my profile after a year of none. Why? For the exact reasons you mention. You either stop complaining about what lands in the inbox, or you restrict out what you don't want there. It's just that simple. I realize that having men much older than you writing can be a little troublesome, when someone 65 or older writes me, which used to happen a LOT, I had a hard time writing the proverbial, "I'm sorry, I don't think we're a match." But I did it and to be honest, it was the best thing to do. No need to complain, just fix the problem. I can assure you, if someone in forums wishes to write and restrictions preclude it, they will publically ask you to write them, it happens all the time. JMO  | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:52:12 PM | | Sorry if someone has already said it, but I think it's the tiara. | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:04:07 PM | OP, I would say that you are being too specific rather than too unrealistic--and also that you are doing yourself no favor by listing your requirements here (whether the forums or your profile) in such extreme detail. The best profiles I have seen--women as well as men--put much more emphasis on what that person has to offer, far less on what he or she is looking for. In the end, you have no guarantee whatsoever that anyone reading your profile will meet all your qualifications (or will write/respond to you, even if so), but you do have the ultimate control over what you tell the world about yourself.
I'd also suggest that the lesson you learned by taking off your restrictions so that forum participants could easily write you is a lesson you may wish to apply to your lengthy list of wants and must-haves: You let everyone write to you, and you got a batch of delightful comments and conversations you might not have otherwise seen. Yes, you also have more unwanted e-mail now, but how hard is it to either read/delete or simply send a two-word reply saying "no thanks"? Methinks if you stop focusing so intently on every last thing you want in a mate, and instead just let the world flow about you, full of men who are suitable and not so suitable, the batch of delightful men will come your way amid the less-delightful ones.
And finally, I fully understand how painful it can be sometimes to be the only single one in a sea of couples. But it by no means has to be something that breaks your heart. You can choose to see it as excitement and opportunity and freedom. And the more excited you are by the life you lead, the more you enjoy it, the more likely it is that someone will want to share in that excitement and enjoyment.
--Ms. Flis (excited and enjoying--just ask me!) | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:15:17 PM | wpg chick:
Get off the net. You won't find anything here. You DEFINATELY won't find anything in the forums. Forums are for the whole world, sweet pea. You need to concentrate locally.
You have your youth, nice skin, brains, and a decent body. (You don't look fat in your pictures, and as you well know, "fat" is the death knoll.) So, before you lose it, USE IT.
You do not currently appear to wear your hair or makeup in ways that can accentuate your natural good looks. You probably don't dress to accentuate your sex appeal either. I can relate to you. I WAS you, at your age. I regret HIGHLY, that no one ever took me aside and gave me a good shaking. You can get what you want...but you need to make some changes NOW.
And if you balk at this.....then you need to just be ready to be alone for quite some time. Men cannot see past the surface. Men are not visionaries. If you really want one, and you, young lady, are LUCKY enough to be in the age group that still HAS a lot of WINNERS OUT THERE... (I know...cuz the only profiles that I ever read that are truly attractive are the ones written by 19-25 year old guys, either here, or on Craigslist locally....oh what I would give to be in that age group again. THIS time I'd know what the hell to DO with one of em!)...
I wish I were there to help you. I could give you a do-over that would have em eating out of your hands....for SURE.
As for the poster below me?
ESAD, Markerr. | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:31:25 PM | It sounds like you've got a lot going for yourself, and you know what you want. Your long list of what you're looking for may be too intimidating for a real guy to even think he'd stand a chance. You come off sounding way too serious, dating is supposed to be fun and romantic and enjoying being with each other. Lighten up. 
Pink | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:07:29 PM | | Oh, for God's sakes! What IS your rush, anyway? God, I can (almost) remember everything at your present age. Just wait till you're an old bag like myself! Haha! I would not re-do a single thing, even if given the chance. Just know that you're doing the right thing today, as you speak...you agreed upon it, anyway...way back when...God, you're still a kid! Haha! All I can tell you is the following: if it makes you queasy inside, go the other way! Don't be in any rush to build a nest and hatch babies. You're good to go for quite some time now. Believe this: you'll be knocked on your a$$ when the real deal comes along. Only that comes in it's own good time. All the best! Love, Titus | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:09:45 PM | | You posted what you want and that is great. Only problem I have is the tiara in pic. You look like the queen of England and it may be tough to get the average guy to email you. You don't sound like a girl who wants to be contacted by pompous asses. Use a different pic. | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:16:36 PM | No, you are not being unrealistic at all. I've read some of your posts and I get the sense you are someone who should have high expectations for yourself. The only problem, as I see it, is that finding the right person will just take longer.
I don't know who wrote this and I guess it does sound sort of cheesy, but it also makes alot of sense to me. A friend sent this to me when I broke up with my last boyfriend:
"Women and men are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men and women don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man or woman to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. "
When some people on the internet encounter a "good apple", they believe that the person is too good to be true and try to find faults with them, which can be disheartening for the apple. Honestly, I'm beginning to believe that internet dating is not necessarily the right medium for some people and maybe meeting people through friends, hobbies and interests is the best way to go about finding someone.
PS: Your tiara is lovely. I'd keep it! | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/12/2007 11:46:58 PM |
(I'm not at a point in my life where I can travel to date someone and don't feel it's fair to ask a man to do all the traveling).
K- before i get to 'addressing' that^...
OP? i have Also read a couple of yer posts in these forums-And?
You seem like a bit of an 'Anomaly' ...to me/My lil world/MayBe...this site? AlTogether?
i Will 'splain' (and, before i Do , lemme just 'say')
I do Not mean 'Anomaly' in Any Negative sense-tis Not an Insult...~promise~
You seem to have your Life...Quite Planned Out , doNT seem to have done/had Anything
Happen To 'mess that up'
That, in and Of its SELF is 'why' i use word 'anomaly'
(not Many have been so 'studious' *OR* had the Luck/Fortune to claim Your Reality)
*least, not from what I have 'seen' - here (pof)*
K- to ^quote^ : Maybe tis Not 'fair' to EXPECT others to do Travelling?
BUT? Whilst You are Not 'at a point-in Your life...'
Somebody Else might Be? One (all, really) Never Know ...just What/When/Where/If
~Love~ Can 'come from'
I know, you are Busy - HowEver, somebody else just might be Right SmaK Dab ...
IN 'the position' , AT the 'point'
That, they Can travel , wouldnt mind one bit?
(or...Not - never know)
i wont 'comment' on Your 'other posts' / profile / wants / expectations / 'criteria'
(other than ^)
The simple fact is , i caNT even Begin to Relate to YOUR life , Your world
Mine Is / Always Has Been , very very Different , Thus...AlWays Will Be
NM (No Matter)
*Point* IS : they are ...YOUr posts/wants/expectations/profile/Criteria
AND? tis YOUr life that YOU will be living , YOUr Future that is 'at stake'
Perhaps, if you keep on 'plugging away' , with Such Tenacity ...
You Will 'get' , live out the Future that You are Planning
(or ? Not) *Never Know*
Try to Not worry , 'approach' that effort with the Same diligence as all Else in yer life.
(about Others, Their life / relationships / marrige / Etc)
i know the TimeLine you have set for yourSelf is causing Some concern.
HowEver, You Are Young (~Trust~ me - you Will 'look back' in 10 yrs/so And think...'wow-i really WAS young , was worryin Too much)
ah, jist Too Much to write-at such late hr
fer now
*Good Luck* , just Try to ~relaaaax~ a bit
(not to the point of compromising YourSelf / Your Life) | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 12:17:22 AM | | Dont lower what you are looking for in the person you let into your life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. It will be hard to resists since others around you are getting involved/married but how long will those last. Keep looking a good one will show up. | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:39:50 AM | Your new profile is much better, although I would definitely remove the sentence about 'nice guys' and 'commanding respect'. You're expecting someone your age, not someone that's had extensive life experience! If that's a code word for wanting a dominant man, then say so.
It looks like you've taken the advice of other posters and made your profile more generic, so that you'll get more dates at the expense of finding some less than ideal people. It is possibly better to winnow people down through messages rather than in your profile; the only note of caution I'd offer is that if your current profile is a true representation of who you are, you sound extremely average and don't match up to your own set of stated requirements. | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 5:41:04 AM | Op.. You want what you want. Go for it!
Why settle? I've been single many years out of my adult life and never married.
While I don't want many of the things you want, I still can't seem to find the right guy.
I had one thing I thought was odd to reply on in your list, I personally was raised with good manners and I don't understand why one in this day and age would need to go to 'ettiquette school'. That reminded me of the movie 'Mona Lisa Smiles'.. where the poor jilted woman at the all women's school in the '50's taught that type of thing.
The other thing I felt I wanted to touch on is, you are ONLY 23, what is your hurry? When I was your age I was enjoying life, not just guys or partying either, just enjoying all my interests and not really worried about finding a man who met my ideals at that time in my life. LOL.. believe me ... my ideals in a man have changed.. meeting someone who is not too young, too old, too needy or too bitter AND can carry on a decent conversation would be a start in the right direction.
Of course he'd need to be either really attractive (to me, that has always been something most of my friends don't think is attractive) or he'd need to have a kick ass personality.
I just don't understand why you are not out in the real world with your friends and letting things just happen. It's much more fun that way. | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 3:30:44 PM | Hey Bethlet:
"Men cannot see past the surface. Men are not visionaries. "
You should be locked in a cage for saying such things. And you dare come in here and critique someone's profile with an attitude like that? All I gots to say is good frikkin luck with YOUR search!  | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:06:15 PM | I think its ok to have expectations of others a long as your remember oher people hold their expecations too and just cos you think your pretty great (your words) doesnt mean other people do. What i mean is we see outselves differently to how others do. So while your wondering around with your expectations list bear in mind they do to. If you ridgid in your ideas then bar in mind you could be on your own forever which s fine if your happy that way!
There are no perfcet people in this world! | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:22:50 PM | Simple, yes you are and you shouldn't settle for less, your expectations are realistic and reasonable.
Good luck
vapf | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 4:24:38 PM |
I think you should settle for whoever will put up with you
I would, but they don't let people that crazed near computers.
Cindy O | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 5:07:57 PM | What if it is unrealistic? Would you be willing to try something different or is it acceptable to write your profile in the forums now?
AWARENESS is what you are missing in all of this. If “you” are so hard driven to be and do at University, then do it. Along the way, if you aren’t in a hurry or become too desperate, “you” will find the person you are looking for right under your nose. What better place to find someone that is similar to you, than someone doing the same thing?
How about living in the 21st century and asking someone out yourself if you need to have it so bad? I don’t even get why an attractive young girl has to be on an internet dating site anyway? There are literally hundreds of students attending University.
When a person is in or starts a relationship you have to take the good with the bad and if you only want the good (perfection) you will wait forever! Lots of guys, have lots to offer but lady’s need so much nowadays….it thwarts me the way television has enhanced or imperviously heightened the sense of what man is or should be to a woman, but not one woman will lay claim to as to what a woman should be to a man. Ask yourself…how can I get from this person what I want and ensure I am giving them what they want?
I don’t know if any of this will make sense to you but you know, in ARTS you study the social sciences and you should be able to put a lot of this together. Take care!
GOAL SETTING ALSO DETEREMINES THE KINDS OF OBSTACLES ONE WILL MEET ALONG THE WAY, SO THEY MAY BE BETTER PREPARED TO HANDLE THEM……fyi
Dave | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:27:19 PM | I dont think the OP is being unrealistic, but the presentation is not right. I know EXACTLY why she felt the need to be specific as to who can or cant message her. I dont have any luck on this site but on other sites, I used to received an enormous amount of guys emails who had obviously not read my profile and didnt care at all about me. They were just trying to send the same one line badly written email to as many women as possible. In my opinion, this is much MORE rude than for the OP to state that some people cant contact her. I also found out that true, it does make people think you are snobby or whatever. I solved my problem by keeping a short line about this, like "I am sorry but I will not reply to one liners generic emails". Obviously it still does not stop people who dont read your profile but it doesnt make you sound too bad either.
I also think your profile probably makes you sound older and a bit boring than you are. I think whe most people hear "the girls next door" they assume "no personality". You are obviously not the girl next door, you love cats, you love football, you are passionate about your studies. there are a lot of positive things about you! | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:32:34 PM | | As for the tiara, I am not shocked as a woman but if Iwas to date you, I would be put off. You dont look bad in it at all, just that its a fancy accessory and it doesnt reflect how you are in real life. Also tiara probably makes you look immature, I bet people wonder why would a young woman wear a tiara? Otherwise you are pretty and thts more than enough for a lot of men. | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:47:23 PM | ur thread was exhausting like a profile all ova again in case n e one missed it...waaa waaaa waaaa...i hate to sound cynical but we strong women dont enjoy readin these types of things
chin up and brave the storm brave the WORLD girl kathi
o and  | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 6:56:51 PM | | Sorta, age thing limiting it to over 30 is ridiculous. Its a money/stability issue I know. But as for finding the perfect guy over the internet out of the blue thats like a crapshoot. Both woman and men these days have to many idealized views of the opposite sex. Tv , Magazines etc etc. | |
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| Am I being unrealistic?
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:12:22 PM | Op, after reading your posts here....I'm like ....why the rush and pressure?
You have it all planned out. The criteria how he has to be, the time frame concerning getting married/having children.....
Wow...I 'm getting 'claustrophobic' reading this all.
Life can not always be planned.
C'est La Vie! Carpe Diem! | |
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