| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:51:24 PM | | Maybe the Porn is more exciting than the Sex he is having .... Men are Visual creatures after all !!!! | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/17/2007 9:06:07 PM | Well take me for example, a woman RARELY is able to get me off.. so the result is sex for hours until she FINALLY dries up! And of course I'm still in the mood so the only way I could do it is by myself. Porn helps for that. :)
"Baby what do you think you're doing?"
:: fast hand movements::
"Trying to get you off?"
"HAHAHAH! babe stop come on now..." | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/18/2007 3:19:15 AM | | Fantasy is very alluring and never disappointing. A different beautiful woman every day, ready and willing, can be a serious distraction. He is obviously comfortable with the way he touches himself and may not as comfortable with the way you touch him. Perhaps you can talk him into waiting until you are with him before he satisfies himself. But don't get upset if he sneaks in some private porn time. Those damned old habits are hard to break! | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/18/2007 9:20:40 AM | I'd say that there's not much of a relationship, there . .
Watching Porn should be a _Shared_ experience . .   . . | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/18/2007 10:10:32 AM | Maybe you should try something that he likes in the porn. Maybe he is just bored with his sex life. I am not a doctor so I don't know. Maybe you should expierment or do something out of the ordinary that will make him want to have it with a real person. Maybe he should go see a sex therapist. Maybe that old sex lady on tv could help. Anyone remember her name, and is she even still alive? | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/18/2007 10:58:54 AM | There's an underlying issue... A couple of possibilities...
1. What is getting him off is something that he doesn't think that his partner will enjoy/provide.
2. The whole Whore/Madonna complex.
3. He may just be over-sexed.
4. Stoopid is as Stoopid does.... What I mean by that is the communication level on both sides of the equation. If you haven't said something, then say it! D*cking around, LOL, won't solve the problem.
5. Maybe he considers sex with his woman as too labor intensive....
Just some thoughts.... | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:12:23 AM | This story is IMO too weird for me to express an opin. We need more data.
Why does the guy not feel confident enough with the OPoster? Who is doing what to whom to fix that? | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/18/2007 12:53:06 PM |
so he is quite self absorbed .
I agree......in porn !! It sounds like because he has been doing this so long he has built up a "comfort zone" in fantasy land so "real"sex within a relationship is alien to him !!
People are fearful of the unknown/Unknowing !! | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/18/2007 12:58:29 PM |
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION OF A MAN THAT WHILST IN A RELTIONSHIP PREFERS TO WATCH PORN ON HIS OWN AND RELIEVE HIMSELF THAN MAKE LOVE TO HIS LADY?
I think he's figured out the truth about sex and women.
The porn is almost always better. | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/19/2007 5:35:00 AM | Yes Porn is Easier than dealing with most women, and when the `Urge.. is gone, you can get on with life or sleep, and not have to put up with the `Crap, that come`s with the commitment of Sex with a woman, especially if they are ~ Precious !! about being a Female ..
Is it True ? that 70% of men would rather go home to `Porn, than try to pick up a woman in New York ! i read this on the Net .
And is it true ? that women who have no Sex ? get really ` Shitty ! if they dont have Sex for a while . If so ? how Stupid are they !!!!!!!!!!!!!  | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/19/2007 5:59:04 AM | "that 70% of men would rather go home to `Porn, than try to pick up a woman in New York !"
Wow, does that mean the NYC women are that "un-imspiring" or "complicated" or that New Yorkers have become addicted to porn (or both)? Dating in NYC must be a beatch! I wonder why! Imagine if they had to deal with the Amazons!! | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:23:33 AM | the man in question does not feel adequate in the sex department and whilst spending years on his own has replaced a natural sex life with watching porn . so when it comes to a relationship he finds it difficult . i love a bit of nookie and am not against porn . great to watch together or on your own but not to replace completely.
he came around one day and said he didnt fancy it cos he had already satisfied himself! he could not understand why i was a bit put out about it . (especially as we had not had sex for ages).
he says he does fancy me and doesnt want anyone else but not sure i can cope with the lack of intimacy.
banging my head against a brick wall | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:31:04 AM | Maybe the OP should do things to make him feel more at ease and inspired?
Just a thought!
It takes two to tango, but sometimes one has to lead, and I guess sometimes it is the woman (usually I have to take the lead and break the ice, but I guess a woman can fo it too, in this case, lol).
Good luck!
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:47:28 AM | A good discussion seems to be in order here if this relationship is to be salvaged.
Rather than seeking opinions when all the info is not here...or even beginning to wonder why? when each man/woman/couple would have different and very personal responses due to personal experiance I think this lady needs ot talk to her man..
however delicate the subject may be...
ask the whys of it...ask him
Masturbation is release..feels good.. and men are visual..its normal ..they all "pull it"
Visuals trigger can strong responses
Self stimulation can be beneficial..then again swinging far the other way...an addiction..
which begins to interfere with life and responsibilities can be debilitating.
Porn can take the place of sex(comfort) in in between times and also can act as enhancement for self or couple.
There are so many factors in the post not addressed it is not possible to have an opinion other than our own from OUR experiances.
soooooooo again..talk to HIM...
prairie44 | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:50:20 AM | | Porn should be an enhancement not a replacement | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:19:01 AM | differant strokes for differant folks....pun inteded!!!
lol | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:46:21 AM | If he would rather play with the palm sisters than play with you I think you have a major problem. Have you tried to grab his attention sexually. Walk in front of the tv naked or ask him if he needs a hand...keep the porn on or shut it off and see how he reacts. If he tells you to get out of the way...Houston, we have a problem! If he responds positively then maybe he just needs a little coazing. Especially if he's used to being with as you say "religious" or non-sexual women who always turn him down or don't respond or don't initiate or whatever the reason. He might be have some deep rooted fear of rejection or...
Anyway, if nothing changes, I would move on. Good luck! | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/20/2008 12:30:12 PM | | oh Yeah? porn doesn't bitch us out to its friends if we don't call the next day. | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/20/2008 1:03:18 PM | | if i had a choice of porn or sex more often than not id go for porn.that way you can watch the things you enjoy such as women dressing up and taking 14" er up their a$$,3somes that you know your women will never participate in and lets face it your girlfriend is never gonna be as hot as the pornstars you are watching!!!majority of women wont try most of the stuff pornstars do as they find it repulsive disgusting etc etc and what they find disgusting in porn,we generally love lol | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:06:31 PM | Has he distanced himself from just sex or is it all physical affection(cuddles, holding hands, little touches)???
Sometimes when one has been in a relationship long enough one may find the dynamics, highs, lows & feelings of the relationship acted out in your sexual relationship, it may be a way to convey things that one/both of you are unable to verbalize. The physical intimacy maybe a way to connect. Kind of like if there are frustrations/resentments that are causing hostility between you & the relationship is wobbly & the two of you are distant with eachother then possibly sex may be the only connection - even if it is angry sex or cold sex (as long as sex is consensual of course & not being done forcefully against yours or the other persons will) sometimes its a language spoken between the two of you that shows there is still a form of communication between the two of you, possibly a hope of trying to make it work however...
Porn addiction IS an issue & can be very damaging to a relationship just like any other form of addiction.
If he won't talk about this with you &/or doesn't see it as a problem and he can't communicate through touch to stay connected to you then he may have intimacy issues. Its very hard to be shut out on any level even if that person is very kindly in other ways & physical coldness can be very cruel especially when one knows its not a physical problem because there is very much an interest in sex if one is choosing porn over & above the real macoy.
It sounds like he may have problems that are of no reflection on you/his attraction to you & may not realise how distressing or hurtful this is for you, however, if the both of you are/have been having difficulties in your relationship then it could be psychologically linked to the way you both relate to one another & the way he percieves you. There are lots of possability's behind his behaviour but without knowing more of your circumstances one can only post a couple of thoughts. He could even be depressed & using it to escape his pain of his reality. There could of course also be another woman that he possibly doesn't want to betray by being intimate with you even though he is still in a relationship with you.
There ARE ways of working through it together but you need to ascertain what the problem is before you can find a way forward. Also explore with him the idea of seeing a psychosexual therapist together(perhaps this will be helpful for you both)
It is one thing to be patient & understanding on such a delicate issue & compromise is the key in a relationship however for a relationship to work, both your needs(on all levels of the relationship emotional & physical) need to be met. Not talking tick boxes here its not about wants & fantasies, but about what you need to feel comfortable in yourself with in the relationship.
While all this is going on try to look after yourself show yourself some tlc.
Hope things work out for you, send ya a hug sweetie sounds like ya need one - not an easy situation to be in.  | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:37:40 PM | He is addicted to porn or the couple's sex life needs some improvement.
If he is prefering the porn over having sex with his partner, then there is a problem?
If this is an issue in a relationship then communicating feelings is important and just ask him " whats the deal" with all the porn!
If after the conversation and if he says the sex life is great with his partner but still insists on needing to watch porn constantlyand masturbate, he needs to seek some professional psychological help. | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:47:15 PM | | Well you could always dress up like a porn star!!! or then again, maybe he just sn't that into you! Anydood who makes up excuses not to touch boobs... yea wrong!!! Who doesn't want to touch boobies? Even gay guys want to touch them!! I think also watching lots of porn makes it difficult to having a normal sex life because he constantly gets off to some dood busting his nut on some chicks face, or some other nasty thing that he won't get in real life. Ask him what's his fantasy? | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:57:54 AM | | I had this problem a few years ago with a man named Evan. We started out fairly well but about 6 months later all of a sudden, we stopped communicating, I would try to talk to him and he would yell, every day he was downstairs watching a damn porno but wouldnt touch me for 6 months. Literally. He started throwing things, I would try to give him a hug goodnight and he would pull away, would be away from home alot, it was just bad. This is not gonna fix itself. The man needs help. I know because I waited with that nieve hope for a long time. And it just got worse. After a year of these kinds of problems, if it was gonna get better, it would have. If he will not seek help, then stop wasting your time. | |
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| PORN INSTEAD OF SEX
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:37:07 PM | Has he distanced himself from just sex or is it all physical affection(cuddles, holding hands, little touches)???
Sometimes when one has been in a relationship long enough one may find the dynamics, highs, lows & feelings of the relationship acted out in your sexual relationship, it may be a way to convey things that one/both of you are unable to verbalize. The physical intimacy maybe a way to connect. Kind of like if there are frustrations/resentments that are causing hostility between you & the relationship is wobbly & the two of you are distant with eachother then possibly sex may be the only connection - even if it is angry sex or cold sex (as long as sex is consensual of course & not being done forcefully against yours or the other persons will) sometimes its a language spoken between the two of you that shows there is still a form of communication between the two of you, possibly a hope of trying to make it work however...
Porn addiction IS an issue & can be very damaging to a relationship just like any other form of addiction.
If he won't talk about this with you &/or doesn't see it as a problem and he can't communicate through touch to stay connected to you then he may have intimacy issues. Its very hard to be shut out on any level even if that person is very kindly in other ways & physical coldness can be very cruel especially when one knows its not a physical problem because there is very much an interest in sex if one is choosing porn over & above the real macoy.
It sounds like he may have problems that are of no reflection on you/his attraction to you & may not realise how distressing or hurtful this is for you, however, if the both of you are/have been having difficulties in your relationship then it could be psychologically linked to the way you both relate to one another & the way he percieves you. There are lots of possability's behind his behaviour but without knowing more of your circumstances one can only post a couple of thoughts. He could even be depressed & using it to escape his pain of his reality. There could of course also be another woman that he possibly doesn't want to betray by being intimate with you even though he is still in a relationship with you.
There ARE ways of working through it together but you need to ascertain what the problem is before you can find a way forward. Also explore with him the idea of seeing a psychosexual therapist together(perhaps this will be helpful for you both)
It is one thing to be patient & understanding on such a delicate issue & compromise is the key in a relationship however for a relationship to work, both your needs(on all levels of the relationship emotional & physical) need to be met. Not talking tick boxes here its not about wants & fantasies, but about what you need to feel comfortable in yourself with in the relationship.
While all this is going on try to look after yourself show yourself some tlc.
Hope things work out for you, send ya a hug sweetie sounds like ya need one - not an easy situation to be in. | |
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