| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:15:40 AM | | We are only responsible for how we react, not for how someone else reacts. It's not your fault. It's ok to feel sad for his daughter but IMO, it's not ok to feel anything for him. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:03:19 AM | While it's all well and good to remember that some people kill themselves because of an overwhelming act of despair and yes that is all very sad... Suicide is one act that is much, much worse for those who are left to deal with it, than for the person who does it. Humans need to think we are not alone, that we are all in some way interdependent. When someone breaks that chain and does not reach out in that despair, we not only empathize with those feelings... We feel like we have failed them in a very real way.
Actually, I think it takes some guts to go out with a bang. The effect on loved ones and the community is much the same whether someone suddenly ends it or slowly destroys oneself over time. Addiction can be a slow form of suicide--the Chinese Water Torture of self destruction. It strikes me that both suicide and addiction involve a fundamental decision to turn one's back on the human race and look for solace elsewhere--in death, in a bottle, through food, gambling, sex, romance, the drama of codependency, domestic abuse, political aggression, or drugs. Or, if there's no lasting solace to be had, at least a person can find some temporary and compelling distraction in those things.
What a lot of people don't know is that so-called process addictions in which no outside substance is administered, such as gambling, sex, eating, and codependency, are mediated by mood-altering hormones. People with those addictions seek out situations that stimulate the release of those hormones. Adrenaline, for example, is an amazingly effective anaesthetic that shuts off both painful and tender emotions. It's the drug of choice for gamblers. Just ask them!
And that's why, in my view, politicians who prey upon people's fears are far more dangerous than those who exploit people's guilt. If you want to turn people into unfeeling, aggressive robots who can't fully appreciate the moral ramifications of their actions, keep 'em scared and worked up. Do that long enough, and they become capable of doing, and of justifying, just about anything--just like those gambling addicts. After all, it's the same drug.
Jesus had it about right when he said to love your enemies if you want to be truly free.
Now, to be fair to someone who is suicidal, the "choice" to turn one's back on humanity almost always feels forced. Who knows what perceived betrayals a person has endured before they decide that eating a gun is a more practical option than trying to find someone who can listen to them, understand their pain, empathize, and see them through it? If you are convinced that such a person does not and cannot exist for you, what choice do you have when the pain becomes unbearable? A bottle, a drug, more food, more drama, a gun, or a noose.
No one wants to become a walking time bomb, and it is a miserable existence. So maybe, instead of passing judgment on these poor souls whose lives have gone so far astray, we can think about ways we might support them in becoming the people they'd hoped they could be after all. But to say we shouldn't feel for them is wrong. There but for fortune goes every single one of us, and these prisoners of mind are just as tormented as anyone else who's spent long years in solitary confinement. If you had to face the unrelenting prospect of having to live that way forever, that gun or bottle might start to look mighty tasty to you too.
Jesus also had it just about right when he suggested that we minister to the prisoners if we want to be peaceful ourselves.
However, in the case of our "walking wounded" it's a little bit difficult to get past their guardedness. In our ruggedly individualistic culture, isolated individuals can often pass for normal. The suggestion that one might need the help of a dedicated counselor is still, sadly, considered dismissive and an insult--even though we've divided the labor into specialties when it comes to just about everything else around here. --So much the worse for us all, and so very backward!
In the case of Momi's harrasser (I'm not sure what else to call him), all those people along the way who had observed his pattern might have been able to get through to him if they'd understood that they were dealing with someone who was walking around inside a cage. Maybe he built it to keep the memory of some unbearable pain out, but it also kept him from having real contact with others and that's unbearable too. By the time he got to her, he was simply too far gone reach.
So, in my view it's just a bit too easy to say we don't have to think or be concerned about the ones who commit suicide. If they are cowards, so are those of us who turn away from them because they're "odd," "difficult," "unpleasant," or "creepy." Breaking through those invisible walls can take work, but letting someone fester inside them and then blaming them when they can't take it any more is simply cruel.
Perhaps during this holiday we can think a bit about those who are less fortunate than we are when it comes to emotional resources as well as material ones.
Well, that sure got deep, didn't it?
One thing is sure, the drama is over for Momi's harrasser. The sooner she bounces back and the rest of us forgive him (might as well 'cuz he sure can't hurt anyone else), the sooner he can rest in peace. I for one am glad that he's no longer in such pain, and I remember the days when I too beleived that no one could possibly relate to mine, or would care enough to deal with it even if they could. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 3:31:31 PM | Yes, well once men date me a few times, they seem to be dying to date me again.
Sick humor, just another no charge service we offer here at "the dungeon." | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 3:42:22 PM | The sicker the better ?? Hell, count me in !!
*...as Hilly starts counting the greenbacks in his wallet.... | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:21:37 PM |
well once men date me a few times, they seem to be dying to date me again or they become homosexuals or religious zealots...just an observation. XOXO | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:48:10 PM | ^^^Damn!... you are even better than I knew.
Seriously, there's this guy I use to date...
I think you'd be great for him...
for about three dates.
Let me know if you can fit him into your busy schedule, Mom. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 6:32:33 PM | Well, I am only dating men who do drugs or own guns currently.
I have my personal standards and I don't want to date any more swingers. Even if they are well hung. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:59:15 PM | | Thanks for the tip Sock... I am sure it will make watching football much more rewarding in the long run, as well. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:10:47 PM | I have my personal standards and I don't want to date any more swingers. Even if they are well hung.
Well now Mom, please don't keep us dangling on tenterhooks like this.
Did you mean well hung or well and thoroughly hung?
It don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing ... doo wah doo wah do wa do wa do wa | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:12:44 PM |
Never understood how someone could kill themselves over another person.
You obviously haven't dated ... the Mominatrix!  | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/17/2007 9:12:44 AM |
You obviously haven't dated ... the Mominatrix!
Of course he has not dated Mom....he is not a homosexual, does not appear to be a religious zealot and he is still alive........classic signs! | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:04:21 AM | Now now, to be fair, I have not had a man I dated decide to be homosexual since college and I was a drama/music major. It was a bad statistical sampling. Like "All the men from the cosmetology school I dated became gay."
As for the religious zealotry... Hey, we all evangelize in our own way. I marry them and apparently when they are faced with life without me, only God can serve as an effective substitute for my divine presence.
As for the alive thing... I am not going to incriminate myself. I am taking the fifth. I will say the ones that I wish would have, didn't. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/17/2007 4:10:31 PM | | You know what they say bout daing Mom "That which won't kill you, will make you gay" or something like that. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:54:26 PM |
Hey, we all evangelize in our own way. I marry them and apparently when they are faced with life without me, only God can serve as an effective substitute for my divine presence.
Or maybe they are just thanking God for delivering them from Hell.
Oh my, did I just type that? The devil made me do it. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:11:01 PM | You are most definitely NOT responsible in any way shape or form. This man was troubled long before you met him. Is it possible that he is not dead? That he put someone up to the phone call to try and reel you back in? Ive seen that happen before.
I know it's difficult but try not to let it eat at you. After three dates you saw he had obvious problems. You did the right thing. | |
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| How do you react to a suicide?
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:13:43 PM |
Is it possible that he is not dead? That he put someone up to the phone call to try and reel you back in? Ive seen that happen before.
It's confirmed. He is not longer with us. | |
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