| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:49:35 PM | i will attempt to use rigorous logic rather than unbridled enthusiasm to root out the truth.
1.any partner who conceals their sexual persuasion(the gay gene) may (i am not saying does)deserve to be ripped apart with a harsh stare IF THEY ARE BEING DISHONEST
2.statistically,gays are far more likely to have more frequent changes of sexual partners MAKING YOU FAR MORE PRONE TO SEXUAL DISEASE if you are in a relationship with someone secretly gay*
3.gay partners are statistically far more likey to have aids*
*i am (again) happy to provide sources if this is required
THIS THOUGH IS AN ASIDE TO MY MAIN QUESTION,WOULD YOU DARE ASK YOUR PARTNER,AND WHAT WOULD BE ENOUGH EVIDENCE
eg.a bf who likes bronski beat,billy elliot,kylie minogue....or what would it take to make you ask.
I WOULD PUT IT TO YOU THAT IF YOU HAVENT THOUGHT OF THIS ISSUE WHEN DATING THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD
thanks again for all the suggestions,this thread is REALLY ROCKING | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:01:48 PM | I would not want to be with someone who is bisexual.
A lie is a lie is a lie.
I'm straight and I expect the man I am with to be as well.
With all this talk about men being on the down low and ppl being bisexual and women being attracted to women. It's a wonder there are still dating sites. LOL | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:38:25 PM | Well, I'm pretty open about how I feel, so I doubt any body dating me would need to lie. I suppose if I had any doubts that way, I'd bring the subject around to it gently, not rip someone apart. This all goes back to knowing who you are dating in the first place. Certainly shouldn't you know something about them before you are hopping in bed with them? Like, if they had AIDS? Which can be carried by perfectly straight people. If I had been in a long term relationship and found out my partner was cheating on me with either sex, I'd be pretty mad.
And if you do ask them, what guarentee do you have that they won't lie? | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:50:39 PM | "3.gay partners are statistically far more likey to have aids*"
Actually last I heard it was straight women.
I haven't heard this much B.S. spewed from some one's mouth in a long time.
Why do you care if people are gay anyway? Its not as bad as it used to be, its more excepted now, for the most part, so I do not see people hiding in the closet too much anymore, unless its from thier family, in some cases.
As far as the changing partners more often, I have quite a few gay friends and the majority of them are with the same person and have been for quite some time. There isn't much of difference there either.
And what are you talking about ripping into some one for being gay. Why would a woman want to be with a man if she were gay, or a man with a women if he were gay?
Again I don't see that happening often anymore.
And your whole issue with how people dress and that that could mean they are gay?
Get some help you need it. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:14:23 PM | thanks everyone for all the input and may i say I VALUE EVERYBODIES POINT OF VIEW IRRESPECTIVE OF WHETHER THEY AGREE,WELL DONE ONCE AGAIN
i notice that there may be some need to justify my view that maybe it is necessary to consider potential partners gay proclivities,and more particularly point 3
"3.gay partners are statistically far more likey to have aids*"
here is one source but please do not hesitate to ask for more if needed,
http://www.aliveandwell.org/html/risk_realities/whatever_happened.html
in particular,i quote,
``Straight men and women make up 90 percent of the population, but they account for only 15 percent of non-childhood AIDS cases. Only 6 percent of men with AIDS, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says, contracted the virus from straight sex. ``
and
``Since doctors first reported the outbreak of a mysterious new disease in 1981, an estimated 900,000 Americans have been diagnosed with AIDS. Nearly half of them were men who had sex with other men, 27 percent were IV-drug users, and another 7 percent were both. But the politically incorrect truth is rarely spoken out loud: The dreaded heterosexual epidemic never happened. ``
KEEP THE THREAD ROCKING FOLKS | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:32:42 PM | cheekysquirrel, since you didn't answer any of my questions. ....
You are obviously talking about a woman and therefore possibly a lesbian. I don't think HIV is rampant in the lesbian community UNLESS they are syringe drug users or promiscuously active bisexuals. Do you suspect your date is either? And if so why?
As you have just been "dating her for years" and HIV is in the straight community now ...shouldn't you be talking about regular blood tests and practicing safe sex anyway? | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:36:25 PM |  this thread is crazy!
I have been with partner and thought that they might one day say they were gay, I would have been pleased for him if he had found himself. I had said that I would not be surprised or upset if he turned out to be gay.
He also said he though I was gay sometimes, usually if he was upset with me and what do you know he was close to the truth.
I have identified as hetro, lesbian and bi so far, I don't think me identifying as something I'm not is a lie I'm just still finding my feet.
Peoples sexuality changes through time, it's a hard thing to put into three separate categories, most people will have times when they move closer and further from the boundaries of each category and some people just swing allover the place.
I think hormones can be a strong influence, I remember something about finger length and sexuality and it's link to exposure to hormones in the womb. It's all very new research so it will probably be disproved one day. Know knows.
So long as we do our best to be honest with ourselves and the people close to us that all we can do.
Have a conversation with lots of "I feel..."
"I feel worried your not interested in men anymore"
"I feel worried your hiding something from me"
"I don't know what I feel yet, I feel confused"
Erm and being attracted to the same sex and sleeping with the same sex are two different things.
"Is my partner mostly attracted to same sex?" and "Is my partner sleeping with other people ?"are two very different questions. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:51:01 PM | If 90% of people COULD be gay, but only 10% are, doesn't that suggest that the relationship has a good chance of survival? I'd be quite willing to be with a bi girl. Bi = is open to an exclusive relationship with a man or a woman. So I fit the bill.  | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 4:58:18 PM | I'm asking myself ~ wtf!!!! gay gene ~ Not the sharpest tool in the tool box perhaps ~ but you are on the cutting edge ~ or full of crap!
I've never heard of such ~ and I absorb science ~ I question your data.
but ~ for game-ing purposes I accept it so ~
People love ~ regardless ~ arms ~ legs ~ ability to ~~~~?
Love is not genered ~ thou some might wish it so ~
so what was the question? ~dar
Okay ~~ I got it ; ~ live a lie or confront and tear to shreads ~~ neither ~ we'd deal with it ~ together?
You did say love didn't you? ~ dar | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:32:36 PM | without wishing to particularise the argument,i would like to make reference to the above post which mentions love.the thrust of my argument is that we are talking about a genetic disposition,and no matter how much,for example,a lady of 30 tells you she loves you ,SHE MAY JUST WANT A FAMILY AND YOU ARE THE DONOR.at least examine how many previous relationships she has had are same sex,before accepting she is the lady of your dreams
it is also worth mentioning that such partners have a VESTED INTEREST IN BEING DISHONEST AT YOUR EXPENSE because biology dictates that without a partner they may be childless
ask yourself,do they want YOU OR A FAMILY.be questioning about their motives.i would say to all readers of this thread,do you doubt that there are NO SUCH PEOPLE using dating sites.i submit that,just as dating sites contain a fair share of married folk looking for a fling,there are also people(maybe claiming to be bisexual)that are just looking for a donor,and who will disappear once the biological function is performed.
so too,some men wish to be fathers DESPITE their genetic predisposition | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/15/2007 1:55:10 AM |
Bi = is open to an exclusive relationship with a man or a woman.
That might be what it means to you but it's not what it means to me and a lot of other bi people! For example I'm not open to a relationship with a man, romantically or sexually I mean, it would be a waist of time for me but I still fit into the bi category because I have some forms of attraction to men.
Cheeky, some women do want a man for children. I know a lesbian like this, she is with her partner as a companion and a father but she was clear about this from the outset. For some one to get into this kind of relationship through deception, well I would be very hurt.
If you think you have been "had" in this way just be careful how you approach her, in case your wrong.
Make sure you take responsibility for your feelings this will make you seem less accusatory, good luck. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/15/2007 10:16:24 AM |
That might be what it means to you but it's not what it means to me and a lot of other bi people! For example I'm not open to a relationship with a man, romantically or sexually I mean, it would be a waist of time for me but I still fit into the bi category because I have some forms of attraction to men. To bi people, they are physically and sexually attracted to men and women. If they are not, they don't regard themselves as bi.
However, women have dated men for personality as much as initial physical attraction, by choice. Also, in the last 20-30 years, plenty of straight women have had sexual relationships with other women. So, a bi woman who chooses not to date men she is attracted to, is not really that different than a straight woman who chooses not to date men she is attracted to, IMHO. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/15/2007 11:05:12 AM | Ok...first off, don't believe that theory personally....but nevertheless....if I had been dating (as you say) a person for MANY YEARS, who was a wonderful person and all...I think I would have suspicions wayyyyyy before now if it seemed they had gay tendancies. But then, what I think you are really asking is "what are those tendancies"? How can you "tell" if someone is gay...or do you just ask them and would you have the nerve? Isn't that the point of your query?
Each person has their own personalities, be it girly-girl, macho man, tomboy, sissy, or something somewhere in between. In all these personalities can be found those who are gay. So yes, just about the only way to tell if a person is gay is either ask them, or stand back and see who they pick up on dates. Sometimes nothing BUT asking them could tell you, if they are bi. Still, if I wondered, or suspected and was uncomfortable with wondering, I would ask in a respectful way. If that person has been a large part of your life and has up to now gotten your respect, there should be no reason for it to be withdrawn because of this, even if you discover they are of a different orientation and you wish to part ways. JMO | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/15/2007 11:32:00 AM | | whats it sayin about a woman when a virile hot blooded male decides he wants the gay gene to kick in. lol think im gonna have a look into people this has happened to. surely its gotta be the parntner pushing the buttons to make this happen, i mean he must really hate the sex hes getting or something, cause surely thats not possible. I got to much testotirone i know that much | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/15/2007 11:52:26 AM | people... THERE IS NO GAY GENE. how do you expect gays to pass on there genetic material if they usually don't reproduce. And as for it being a relationship destroyer I personally don't see it. Most young ladies now a days are bi and I've never had a problem with dating one.
would you confront the person and rip them to shreds with a harsh stare,and if you did and your suspicions were wrong,could the relationship survive the distrust.
^^^ see i don't get this distrust thing, just because they didn't announce it doesn't mean they were lying to you. and furthermore if there with you then obviously there not gay there just bisexual . OP, i think you just have a problem with queers.
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/15/2007 1:51:55 PM |
That might be what it means to you but it's not what it means to me and a lot of other bi people! For example I'm not open to a relationship with a man, romantically or sexually I mean, it would be a waist of time for me but I still fit into the bi category because I have some forms of attraction to men.
To bi people, they are physically and sexually attracted to men and women. If they are not, they don't regard themselves as bi.
And here we have a perfect example of the social construction of sexuality, as one message put it, a spectrum of sexuality. Femredhead posted that she identified as bi, and this was her definition. And now Scorpionmover is saying that Femredhead's definition of her own sexuality doesn't meet his definition.
As for the OP, he insists on trying to link increased STD risk and using a partner for sperm/egg donation to sexual orientation. There is no such link. Humans use each other, lie to each other, do all sorts of spiteful things to each other. Sexuality has nothing to do with it. Just the genetic code that makes us human. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/15/2007 3:37:52 PM |
And here we have a perfect example of the social construction of sexuality, as one message put it, a spectrum of sexuality. Femredhead posted that she identified as bi, and this was her definition. And now Scorpionmover is saying that Femredhead's definition of her own sexuality doesn't meet his definition. No. We have a perfect example of euphemisms, like someone who will only date a certain type person, a requirement. Femredhead didn't like what I said, because she's young, and trying out women before she decides to settle down with a man. Her profile says that she is looking for a woman for an "Other Relationship". She writes:
I'm single, 22, super exited about dating women!
I'd like intimacy and affection but not particularly a full on relationship.
I like fem women but I'm pretty open to suggestions
And I wouldn't take my personality test results as accurate I'm only 22 so I'm still getting to know myself but that test made me put no more than 10 undecided lol Sorry, but this woman does NOT want a real relationship. She's just looking at trying out women. Most women who do this are "bi-curious". But lesbians and bi girls don't like bi-curious females, because they tend to only want FWBs, but then go back to men when things get serious. So she's pretending to be bi, so she gets to play at a relationship with a female, but gets to go back to men for something real. That way, she's going to break a woman's heart.
She didn't like what I wrote, because it hit a chord with her, and made her realise that she's just playing, and is likely to hurt a woman emotionally, so she's trying to negate my post, to make out like she's not a player, which she is. I don't agree with that at all.
I'm all for lesbians and bi girls being happy with another woman. Just that I don't want them to get involved with someone, fall for her, and then get their heart broken, because the other girl isn't taking the woman's seriously. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/16/2007 2:00:49 PM | THE FIRST THING I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IS THAT I NEVER EXPECTED THE CONTRIBUTORS TO BE SO ARTICULATE AND CREATIVE
i must apologise if i have left particular questions unanswered but i feel i have some reponsibility to `guide` the thread and not let it go too `off topic`,but i am certainly NOT saying that unanswered questions would receive a negative response were i to.
i think it might be worthwhile to draw together a few themes,like pieces of string forming a stronger and better defined twine
one concept which has been touched upon is that of a `spectrum of sexuality`,another is what i would call a normative rather than positive approach to relationships.
can i give the reader something to ponder,when we speak of a spectrum of sexuality,are we really being normative:are we imposing our own views on how to define other peoples sexuality,and bringing to the debate our own moral interpretation.(NOTE.THERE IS NO REASON WE CANT ADOPT A NORMATIVE APPROACH,IT IS A MATTER OF STYLE)
i am attacking the issue from a different angle:BECAUSE MOST OF US HAVE THE GAY GENE,WE SHOULD RELY NOT ON WHAT PEOPLE SAY IS THEIR SEXUALITY BUT WHAT THEIR SEXUAL HISTORY REVEALS
so the question to raise with your date is NOT are you gay(because they ALREADY have the gay gene)but have you had same sex partners.to put this another way,it is saying YOU ARE GAY(OR HAVE THE GAY GENE),BUT HAVE YOU HAD GAY PARTNERS.this i submit,avoids normativity
if the result is an admission,then fine,but if it is a denial(and later found out to be dishonest)HOW WOULD YOU RESPOND?
NOW WE`RE ROCKING | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:13:11 PM | Oh my goodness! I'm quite annoyed! It sure did strike a cord with me, my sexuality had been on my mind very much for a long time and I feel like your making out that who and what I am right now is unimportant.
I'm not a doll and do in fact have a heart and emotions, I'm studying for a diploma and have not long come out of a 4 year relationship so I'm not in a place to be getting serious, this doesnt mean I don't what companionship and intimacy and I think the fact that I open about the fact I'm ready or seeking another full time relationship means that I'm not a player!
It's been hard for me to say I'm bi as it was easier on the surface to identify as lesbian but I should acknowledge that I have some attraction to men for my own sake and for other people like me. More affectionate and emotional attraction but it is enough to count as bi I think. Well Fritz Klein would seem to think so.
It's a joke you should tell me who I am but it all being very raw with me here I am on my high horse about it!
It has taken a long time and much thought to decide not to date men, it's not the easy option especially when I want kids and want to be open about my partners but I have learned though experience that I will always yearn for a woman were as I will not yearn for a man.
And to address the other sweeping generalisation I have had an FWBs relationship with a lesbian who has become a good friend and I am dating a bi woman who is has also had long term relationships (male and female) and is busy taking a degree so has the same hopes for a relationship as me just now. Also like me she wishes to work abroad when she qualifies so is not in a position to settle down.
As for straight woman dating women, I would have said they are bi at one time but would not want to interfere in that way now.
Just like I would have said your partner Cheeky was bi if she was interested in women and had been with you for a long while but attaching labels arnt that helpfull anyway.
Better to know, what does she want and feel and and what do you want and feel.
Does she want to say with you? Is she still in love with you? Are you with her?
I would not be surprised of a date lied about a previous same sex partner Cheeky, some people would be afraid they might scare there date be revealing such a thing. | |
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| relationships and the gay gene........i love you but your gay
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:30:33 PM | This thread disturbs me and disgusts me!
you say a so called "gay gene" but as a toddler/infant,you have no conception of sexuality.
children play innocently but modern society deems certain behaviour wrong.
My youngest brother is "gay" and i couldn't ask for a more loving,happy and delightful soul 
Think about your own life before you judge others!! | |
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