| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:10:26 PM | To Gay or not to Gay,
That is the question...
Not really.
Me thinks: you are not happy or satissfied... Why stay in such relationship? Who cares if he is a gay, or has low libido, or is a smoocher....
He lets you cook and clean for him, while he sits on the sofa and drinks his beer? You pick up the check when you go out? And, what is it that you get out of it?
Snap out of it, Madame... sooner rather than later.
PS Just read the post below --makes a lot of sense... OP, time to find the way out. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:12:50 PM |
I put on some very sexy black lingerie and he went in the bathroom and came out with a matching pair of underwear on- does that count?
AHHHHHHW, so zee TRUTH comes out?!
There ARE (have Been) 'More reasons/signs/RED FLAGS'
That motivate you to ask this Specific Question
k-Listen Good dear lady
*You Pay for...EveryThing , Do EveryThing, 'Initiate' EveryThing
(there is the answer to yer "Why he came back/doesnt jist leave you)
*He rides a bike? (um, does he Have a Car?) Or, do ya cart his a s s all over/around Too?
*He's WHINY (ewwww YUK! No Way! No How!)
*He Clearly doesNT like you ('LIKE' , as in...actually respect/admire/think highly of WHO you are, what you 'stand for')
*He may not LIKE any WOmen - at All (sept his mommy)
*He doesNT appreciate You
*He Obviously views, FEELS that showing Affection to you/Sharing Connection With you
(Sex IS so much More than 'jist sex')
IS - a Chore
the 'answer' To
"Is He GAY?"
is of NO Importance (to You)
the Answer to
"Which way do i turn?"
is MOST Important
Toward the 'DOOR'!
ya know? YOUR door , to YOUR House , that You OWN
*and Close it , Lock it , behind You , with Him on zee...OutSide*
No Matter 'which way ya slice it'...He does NOT care about You!
sincere ~SORRY~ for the Pain that it may cause you to End a ~LOVE~
however, You are IN that ~LOVE~...by YourSelf
the pain Will go away - you Know it
be stealth, be swift, be ~STRONG~ | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:16:44 PM | Hey lady. You do not have to do a damed thing with your profile. What you do is your decision and no one has the right to judge you . This site is not called plenty of winners or plenty of degrees for a reason. Does everyone posting judgement on you not have some issues of there own. That may be why they are so happy. Why there lives are so full and the reason they just do not have time to diss people on forums!
And yes I know as little or less than they do. I just see the hate in there replies to your post and wanted to say. Take from theres the same as mine. Only what makes you feal better and leave there vinom spewd here. Were it like they are just useles. Good luck dear. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:25:23 PM | We all have diffrent levels of Sex drive, sounds like his in way lower that yours... Long ternm that is a deal breaker for me... I agree with alot of comments here... sounds like the two of you are growing appart, and perhaps are still together out of convience and are too lazy to find a new partner.. Well lazy is a harsh word... Don't be afraid to be happy...  | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:39:07 PM | Well OP, do a history and read your own posts. You say yourself that you agree with your friends who tell you your a fixer ... otherwise phrased at attempting to force solutions. You consider waiting 3 whole weeks for a person with a low libido to initiate sex as the point at which you give up and initiate. Hint: you didn't wait long enough. Second hint: He wants less sex than you do.
Did you ask him what his point was with the matching undies? Was he trying to get across to you that he didn't appreciate the pushing they might have represented to him?
You think so little of yourself that you pay for all dinners and weekend vacations for both of you .... no equity there. More importantly, disrespectful of him. That isn't healthy relating. I do realize that is a tough pill to swallow, but you need to hear it if this is the first dating you have done since your marraige and apparently you are out of the loop as to healthy dating behaviors.
Personally, if libido and being more there for you is important to you and this guy isn't delivering than let him go and go fishing (which this does sound like fishing).
As to the original question, black panties could be a cross dresser not a gay person and it doesn't sound like that was his point in any event. I do find the original information given as insulting to Gays I know who would not be identified based upon the information you originally provided. Not necessarily anything wrong with their libido. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:16:49 PM | You certainly don't come across as independent to me. You're separated after a long marriage ( ie: with a man) and been with this new guy for year, since your marriage ended.
A new guy to replace the old, doesn't sound independent to me. Where's the independence? You haven't even been single for at least 19 years, probably alot longer.
So what's your point, the guy isn't a sex-maniac. Obviously you discovered that fairly soon into in the thing, yet it's been a year and you're still with him.
Lots of complaints too, rather a long list. I suggest perhaps it's time to try living without at man for awhile, and see how you manage? | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:19:21 PM |
I seriously do not demand anything from him. He comes to my house I cook for him and clean up afterward. He sits on my couch watching tv and drinks beer. When we go out to dinner I pay the bill. We go away for the weekend I pay the tab. I also am not really demanding for sex either- at least I don't think I am. I would be happy with 1 or 2 time weekly but I am lucky to get 1-2x monthly. Is that demanding?
No you aren't too demanding at all, and actually I am quite envious........(of him) because you obviously care for the guy but he doesn't act too interested. Yet you still do all of this for him......I have to literally bend over backwards just to get a date with someone once a month whom I am ostensibly "seeing" and it is a given that pretty much I will have to always foot the tab. I don't intend to sound mean or hurtful to you, but this guy is a loser, and you need to find a guy who will APPRECIATE you and will give you the affection which you obviously crave. Damn, I'd be giving it up every night for a woman who does all the stuff that you do......... | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:26:10 PM | | I'm with you...he might be gay or just sexually messed up in some way. If he's like this now in the beginning, it will only get worse later on....if I were you, I'd find someone more compatible to you in that department. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:33:21 PM |
He doesnt really have a pot to pea in and I am financially secure.
He comes to my house I cook for him and clean up afterward. He sits on my couch watching tv and drinks beer. When we go out to dinner I pay the bill. We go away for the weekend I pay the tab. What woman would date a guy who doesn't pay even his half of the bill? Seriously. He doesn't have any money to spend on women, and you pay for him. He is what people used to call a "kept man". You pay for him, and he gives you sex when you ask for it.
He makes me laugh and he does not try to control me- My marriage was one where my husband told me how many times I could breath a minute ( slight exaggeration) it is nice not to have someone telling me what to do and how to live my life. This is your problem. You are so used to a control freak for so long, that anything seems nice by comparison. But he's not nearly as nice as most guys out there. You can seriously do much, much better. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/13/2007 11:44:17 PM |
You can seriously do much, much better.
No... she can't.
She has the forty foot blinders on that tell her that "he must be gay" rather than "I'm a complete idiot for dating a mooching asshat that walks all over me."
I will say it again..
You are his mom.. and no one wants to go there for sex... | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:16:17 AM | EveryOne ~Deserves~ Better
(unless they are jist Plain BAD - dont See 'that' Here / with OP)
You are his mom.. and no one wants to go there for sex...
*clears throat, TRIES to clear ~mind~*
i wont 'go there' , in regards to how 'half true' That is (ewwwwww)
if OP is Still 'wondering' WHY he Did 'come back'?
from what Has been disclosed , sounds like his 'behavior' became even Less Affectionate...
whilst Away from OP ? After the phone call - "Sorry, I was Stupid/crazy"??? (dont recall)
He shows even Less regard, For OP - upon return?
Well OP? It May Be...While 'away from' You , this fella was gettin 'an EarFull...
From some buddies?
"DuuuuuuDE! What Were/Are ya Thinkin?! That one was/is a ...Sweeet Ride (Free as a library pencil!"
"Call, Pretend to Regret , Get back on dat 'tour bus full of swag'!"
*psssst-"Just be Sure to Not ~Give~ her Much (dis time around) , So she dont go gettin all lovey dovey , happy joe sappy , end up goin Psycho on ya ...When ya Do Ultimately
Dump Her On Her A S S"
at yer 'age' (Life Experience/Not yrs) , i would think that you would KNOW...
Never ask the "WHYs"
they are seldom answered , Never to satisfaction | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:02:42 AM | People can sense deception in others... and he's being a gentleman by allowing you the upper hand to leave him... hell, since you're bound to anyway... what's the point of this thread other than for attention?
Dont be silly.......she's trooling for a new one!!!!........... | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 1:36:46 AM | Sounds like passive aggression to me. Non-confrontational people just love to think up new ways to gain power while making the other person look like the world's biggest scumbag if they complain about the behavior.
When this type of person is backed into a corner ( breaking up), they come yowling around about what a mistake it was. As soon as they are back in good graces, the whole cycle starts all over again.
Unless you have masochistic leanings, you are in for a bumpy ride. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:03:18 AM | Well... I have read your question and the entire thread.
If your so concerned about your boyfriend being gay and the fact that he wore some frilly lace underwear yet you continue to stay with his once or twice a month sex...
then maybe it is time you got a little girl on girl action going for yourself and stop worrying about him or any guys erection.
I think you should check it out since you seem to choose males that were controlling and told you what to do or think and now have settled for a once a month boner.
Jump the fence and check out the other side, you might like me... love it.
dykestergal | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 2:13:04 AM | Dykstergal said,
I think you should check it out since you seem to choose males that were controlling and told you what to do or think and now have settled for a once a month boner.
Jump the fence and check out the other side, you might like me... love it.
LOL You go girl! If I was trapped in a woman's body I'd change teams for the op too. She might not go for your idea, but gotta love your confidence! | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:47:36 AM |
seriously do not demand anything from him. He comes to my house I cook for him and clean up afterward. He sits on my couch watching tv and drinks beer. When we go out to dinner I pay the bill. We go away for the weekend I pay the tab. I also am not really demanding for sex either- at least I don't think I am. I would be happy with 1 or 2 time weekly but I am lucky to get 1-2x monthly. Is that demanding?
Hmmm. Poppy dog syndrome. The problem is you. I am sorry to tell you this. But you have an innate necessity to help people, to fix things. Consequently you feel comfortable in a relationship that offer, quite frankly NOTHING, because as long as that need to help is satiated you can tolerate the rest.
So you have to choices. Kick him to the curb for once and find your self a man. Based on what you have described above, you do not have a man here, you have a boy you take care of. Second choice, change ALL the habits you've created. It is time that this boy becomes a man and starts doing SH!T FOR YOU. If he comes to your house, do something, together, not for him. Make him do romantic things while you are cooking. Also, what's with this guy? He doesn't work? He needs to pay at least every now and then. Now wanting sex 1 to 2 times a week is not anything exorbitant to ask. But your real problem is not sex, it's all that happens before that. That's the real problem. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:01:37 AM | | most women know wether the man is into them or not, i'm sure you both have feelings for one another? level of love, friendship etc. hasn't been determined. Truth is... most people can't stand to be alone and will shack up with the first thing that comes along....until something better seems more promissing to them. I say you just need to COMUNICATE a little more, be open and honest about your feelings. If your being realistic about it? you will find the truth in it! | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:48:50 AM | OP, It's been said many times - not to get involved with anyone after coming out of a long marriage, (esp. if you are not even officially divorced I might add). It is said for a reason. But we humans tend to learn *only* on our own painful experiences. You *think* you have your head and emotions straight, but you do not. Come on, you have been married for 18 years. Last time you dated you were much younger, different age group, different times. So you are out of marriage where you only interacted with one man, now you are not so used to being alone probably, and right into the dating pool. Chances are you get involved with a 1st or 2nd guy that shows some interest initially and simpy hangs around you longer than the others you met pretty early on. You don't REALLY know if he's nice or not, good for you or not, compatible or not, if what he does is normal or not, because you have no reference point, no comparison, and no experience if this or that works for you or does not. Sure he does not beat you or mistreat you, introduced you to his family, so he's nice and will do, right? Takes a long time for you to realize that this is not normal, that maybe he's not so invested in the relationship as you are, but you hanging on because he's 'nice' and what if there will be noone better, or you have to go through daunting dating process again? Your sense of self worth may be damaged after the divorce, it happens, that is why we get in / put up with the situations that would not be acceptable if we were in a better place in life.
Many of us been there done that.(At least I didn't have to pay for everything, and I did not have the problem you are having with him in the bedroom). But all that other stuff - not being able to ask him to do a smallest thing (like picking up an itme at a store close to his house), never being able to rely on anything, him not being invested at all... yep.
Looks like only now you are starting to realize what's what. I am sure you have heard this already. But get busy with your own life, develop ypur own interests, maybe meet more new people/go on dates with more than one person to learn to interact, get a reference point and see what works for you or doesnt.. And oh yeah, maybe finish the unfinished business 1st.
JMO, maybe totally off. Best wishes | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:01:59 AM | My gut being a therapist is that he was abused sexually and like he said he is now admitting "emotional probs" he is in counsellng for, but I would be as or more concerned about how badly he treats you.. quote
"If I ask him to do anything for me like go to the store or go out of his way for me he gets angry and says I am too demanding and expect too much from a relationship. "
That is not a very nice person..Sounds like he has issues all around about giving and being loving in general and sex is just one of those. So why do you want to be with a man like that? You're attractive, you can meet others? | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:27:49 AM | | why is it that the first thing people assume about a man disinterested in sex is that he MUST be gay? *shakes head* i was in a 2 year common-law relationship with a man who sounds a lot like the OP's bf...apathy, sexual disinterest, irritability, lack of response to communication...about 6 months after we finally broke up he was diagnosed as clinically depressed and put on meds. depression affects many aspects of a person's life (including killing one's sex drive) and no, it's not the OP's fault if that's the case...it's a chemical thing. watch for other signs, this likely isn't about sexual dysfunction or sexual orientation. | |
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Jax_xx
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Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 71 | |
| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:40:28 AM | I will add my two cents...........If you have to beg this guy for sex there is something seriously wrong here.....this is not normal.........so if he isnt communicating as to why i would say bye bye. You have been seeing him for a yr.....any healthy male wants sex and lots of it........I think the people responding to this forum are just plain mean..........she obviously needs help in sorting this stuff out......where's the support people??? Anywho............i think you should move on...........this is the beginning of the end.........you are an attractive gal.........lots of fish in the sea | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 11:49:49 AM | Op? It sounds to me as if you might be afraid to be alone. Maybe it's not even a conscious thing. People coming out of long-term marriages often are. They rush right out and grab the first thing that feels good. You think he's the opposite of your husband, but really...is he?
He's controlling the sex. He's getting all the benefits of a partner with your cooking/cleaning for him. You might "think" you have control....but do you?
From what you've stated, you're not likely to be happy with a man who has such low sexual desire. There are plenty of women out there who would be fine with that. Cut him lose and let him find one of them. He'll keep coming back for awhile. He's got it made with you.
Spend some time alone thinking about the type of person you'd really mesh best with. Focus on your kids and yourself. You REALLY need to learn who YOU are before you look to become an "us" again. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:47:17 PM | A strange question you answered yourself in msg 19. Having low testosterone and an inactive libido doesn't mean you are gay. Or are you so full of yourself that if he can't get it up for you he must be gay? Nice to know you are so supportive of him in his impotence  no pressure eh? Perform or i'll tell the the world you are gay | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:55:20 PM | | it sounds like he might think you are good for him ,,but the chemistry isnt there .. | |
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| Could my boyfriend be gay?
Posted: 12/14/2007 12:57:34 PM | It's possible that he is gay,but I doubt it.
Does he have problems performing sexually? Maybe he has a lot of anxiety and issues
with sex.
But as another poster has stated,your boyfriend is probably into someone else. | |
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