| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 2:35:32 AM | | to justyntime...do you get a lot of"cant we just talk about things?does it always have to be an arguement?" | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:00:49 AM | Wow excogitator! You didn't get me at ALL, did you? I so clearly explained that doormats & what we are referring to as "people pleasers" are not actually concerned about the one they are supposedly trying to please but rather, are driven by deep insecurities so that their actions are actually performed for their own benefit.
And what on earth could lead you to believe that people, by being themselves, would lack compassion, kindness, etc.? Those who truly know, love and accept themselves are actually far more likely to be much more giving and loving (but for the right reasons!); and why? Because they are not preoccupied with themselves at all! They are able to look on others with genuine interest and consideration as they are not expending their energy on self protection.
Any healthy relationship, be it romantic or otherwise, is based on give and take; love and RESPECT! | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:54:25 AM | | most alpha females need an alpha male, thus the weak girlie man is a big turnoff. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:36:31 PM | I used to have a female colleague who was very aggressive. She had a habit of getting 'gangs' together to have a go at people and because I wouldn't join in she'd then target the gang on me for being a wussboy. But when the position for a manager came up she and her gang members wanted me to go for the job.
I got the job and then she and her gang members (my subordinates at the point) refused to accept me as their manager.
So I took them in a room and threatened them with the sack and they all did a lot of crying.
Then I trained them in how to train others and they resented the hell out of the fact that the guy they once thought of as wussboy had done something for them they couldn't do for themselves and I got them promoted to jobs higher than me.
Then one day the gang leader is sitting in front of me and I'm watching her do some work and she freezes and she says: 'stop it; you're making me feel as if you're watching me' to which I replied 'you are correct - I am indeed watching you'. And I watched her working for another 10 minutes, too.
Is that the kind of non-girlie behavour we're talking about here or is that a bit too much? Just to be clear. I need tips.
Personally I find ladies who complain a lot about men being too soft are just revealing they don't know too much about men but who am I to judge? | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:37:33 PM | I'm with Carbonrust on this one. That's the best post I've seen on this subject yet.
The way women manipulate men, especially when they're younger, is exactly why men turn into calloused a-holes when they get older. I went through that, and then I realized that it was partially my own fault for letting my first wife use and abuse me. I never stood up to her.
If you (as a guy) want to know, or if you (as a woman) want to understand where a guy should step in during a date and put a stop to a situation just ask yourself whether you'd let one of your friends of the same gender do the same thing to you when you're out hanging out one on one.
It makes things a lot clearer. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:46:57 PM |
most alpha females need an alpha male, thus the weak girlie man is a big turnoff.
Maybe, but then often "alpha" females won't tolerate having to answer about anything to anyone. My last relationship was with an alpha female.
Beautiful powerful woman. She loved because I was stronger, wiser, and more experienced.
She said found me attractive because I was the only guy who would put her in her place. I was the only guy who she couldn't physically take down (I'm kinda largish and trained in various martial arts).
She resented me in the end, however, for being right most of the time. The situation for me was less than enjoyable. Personally, I don't think I'l ever date another alpha again even if her and I are still good friends. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:13:07 PM | I agree 100% with the OP. I dumped my ex for being girlie and many other reasons. Alpha males are more attractive and appealing. Too bad they don't like me.  | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 4:26:35 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^All I can say nerdygirlie that the guys must be blind....wow | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 6:19:24 PM | *looks at nerdygirlie*
*reads profile*
*reads it again*
Good lord... I gotta go find myself "Alpha Male for Dummies" right now.
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/16/2007 7:07:56 PM | OP -
Your profile indicates that you are 39 years old, so I'm going to assume that the men you encounter are roughly within your age range... let's figure we're talking about men from, say, 35 to 45, okay?
Now - we're talking about men who are not married, yes?
A 35-to-45 year old man who is not married... How did he get that way? Well, obviously, in one of three ways: widowed, never married, or divorced.
I'd say that - while it happens - 35-45 YO widowers are rare. As are men in the same range who've never been married. So most of these guys are divorced. Are ya with me so far?
Now - are you looking for a partner who was the cause of the destruction of his prior marriage(s) - the one who was at fault? I don't know about you, but I aint!!
So what are you gonna get? A guy who's been beaten down a bit. A guy who's become a bit unsure of himself. A guy who might be in a mode of second-guessing where he went wrong and what he might have done differently...
Years ago, I had an album that had a song on it by Robert Goulet (of all people!) called "If She Walked Into My Life". The first verse went like this:
"Did I need a stronger hand?
Did I need a lighter touch?
Was I soft or was I tough?
Did I give enough?
Did I give too much?
At the moment that she needed me,
Did I ever turn away?
Would I be there when she called
If she walked into my life... today."
It always affected me - especially the way the guy sang it - and I never quite understood why... until I thought I had a good life... then my wife divorced me... and I came to truly know the sentiment of the song.
Having the rug pulled out from under you is unsettling but the good news is that the effect doesn't last forever. It's about trust that has been lost. Trust that someone is not gonna run away at the least provocation or whim. And the fact is that trust of another is built back ever so slowly...
So when a good man is perhaps a bit too deferential at first, perhaps you should just take it a compliment that he wants to make sure you stick around through the first few chapters - and not be so quick to label and demean... | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 2:22:50 AM | | do what i tell ya women.no really do it....cmon just once........ok i will .....now will you do what i tell ya?....ya fine ill do that to.now?....geez fine .....now?...thank god i was starting to think you would never do that.lol. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 2:32:10 AM |
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?! .... Do men turn all 'girlie' when you start to date them? What ever happened to the Alpha Male? Is that just a myth in the business world?
Men, I love you. I love the way you love....I love how simple it is for you...you are amazing creatures when you are falling in love...
But for the life of me....why is it that you lose yourself when it comes to women? Being a door mat and doing whatever the girl wants is not attractive! Being a yes dear, no dear kinda guy is not attractive! Be a man! Speak your thoughts. If you don't like something we do, tell us instead of holding it back and allowing us to think you don't have a spine!
Take Charge! Be the man in the relationship. We want to feel like we are taken care of, not the other way around!!!
Ok, I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks.
lol, well, I'll give you my two cents. My ex wanted me to have sex with her, she asked for it and asked for it. I told her, "hey, you do not tell me when you want it. I tell you when I want it, and right now I do not want it or need it. Plus, I will be the one asking for it." That was my way of taking charge. LOL, Another way was to just lick her to just get her riled up, but not let her have it, and I believe a few of you know what licking is. LOL
heck, I am also an artist, that is a step away from being all girlie. Yet, I also take martial arts, just to be able to protect what I care for. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 4:21:41 AM | | Ggirl is right. Women want dominant men. the psychosis of our society exists because "educated" , "culturally sophisticated" women have been taught to want something they do not want, an equal male. Hence all the 'I don't need a man' knee jerk reactionary statements from the "lost in time" baby boomer messups. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:07:19 AM | Perhaps you are just finding the wrong men. It's one thing for a guy to want his woman to be happy, do things to make her happy, whatever...but who can respect a man who caters to their every whim? If I were a woman, I would be disgusted by that too, and I am certainly disgusted by women who go through a string of men like that, using them and then throwing them away, and then whining that they can't find a "real man".
Believe it or not, there are non-pussifed men in the world who don't have to be ***holes to be men.
Merry  X-mas  | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:18:57 AM | | There is no greater pain in the ass on god's green earth than the woman who follows you around demanding that you master her. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 1:14:34 PM |
why is it that you lose yourself when it comes to women?
Perhaps it is revealing that so many are missing the point BIG TIME!!!!!
The OP is not talking about wanting a man to MASTER her, or a man who is disrespectful, or a man who is not kind, loving and sensitive. She is referring to men who LOSE themselves, so to speak; men who are not actually being themselves; men who are in fact putting on a performance but NOT for the woman's benefit; they are ever so "nice" and accommodating to gain an advantage for themselves - motivated by FEAR and not love!
If some of you guys get off the defensive, the OP's points may become a tad clearer to you! | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 1:21:04 PM | i quote "When men start to fall in love they lose themselves. All of a sudden what they think, or want does not matter. They just want to please the woman. And I must reinstate...when men BEGIN to fall in love with a woman."
So your complaining that these men falling in love start doing selfless acts?
Have we all gone mad?  | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 3:27:03 PM |
Have we all gone mad? We're talking about relationships here, do you really need to ask?
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 3:31:58 PM | | I don't want a man to take care of me!! Thats an insult. I want to be independent. Not depend on a man. Its nice for a guy to let women take control of the relationship instead of him being in charge. Thats the old days. I'm not ever going to depend on a man for support. Even though its way better for 50-50 now. But eh some men like being the b@t@h in relationships. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 3:42:47 PM | I can't stand girly-men. Metrosexuals and all that...pfffft....I always want to tell them to suck it up and get it together dammit. I have no clue why any woman at all would be attracted to a guy like that but then I'm not female so I guess I wouldn't know.
Guys who go out of their way to wait on a woman right in the beginning should probably be cut a little slack though. We've been getting this message for like thirty years now that women want a "sensitive" type. Well, we looked up the word just to make sure and we're doing our best. Eventually we tire of trying to be something we're not and get comfortable with the relationship.
Anyway, girly, sensitive , metrosexual types always make me reach for the sidearm I don't carry. Lol...no , I don't despise them that much but I do always want to explain to them that showing a little aggression isn't necessarily a bad thing when it comes to women. Then I slap the wussy out of them. (JK but I wish it was legal. Like the old timey movies where the guy grabs the other guy who's freaking out, slaps him across the face and says "Get it together man ! Grow a spine !") | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 3:44:05 PM | Sometimes it's just easier to go along and be agreeable.
I was in a relationship with a gal who always had to have her own way. When she didn't have her own way, she pouted. Whenever I wanted to do something she didn't, a fight followed. Sometimes it's just easier to go along with something you don't want to do, then put up with the drama that takes place when you don't. It's got nothing to do with being "alpha" it's just not having the endurance toput up with conflict as often as some would like. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:29:43 PM | Well I know what the OP means and I agree to a certain point. There are things to please a women but to please women just because you think you will loose her is wrong. She will either leave you or stay with you.
If I do something to make a women feel special to me, its just that I am doing this because I like too not because I am trying to keep you from leaving me. I do not think of myself to be dictator in the relationship. All women want a guy that has his strengths.
I love independent women who can take care of themselves, who do not have to rely on me to take care of their every need. I find that unattractive if a women has to depend on me for everything.
Just allow me to do things that make you feel special because I think you are. No questions ahy, just allow me too and enjoy it. | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:44:01 PM | I would say any man that is into you this much needs to give you the boot and head off with someone else. Obviously if you're the type to try to treat him like a "door mat" than he isn't worth you.. and hopefully he'll realize that and get himself a chick that will worship him and S)(*)* him off whenever he feels like it.
It takes two in a relationship, and no one should hold any power over the other. I personally like to "quietly" move off to another chick if I find this one girl is trying to treat me like garbage. I've got more than enough seeds to place in my sacks if I choose to... i't sad how she doesn't know that though | |
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| When men get all GIRLIE.
Posted: 12/17/2007 7:01:11 PM | | Whats wrong with being girly? Don't be so judgemental.....thats what I say. Look i can be manipulative and it's fun when i can tell the guy is all talk or immature/a liar. However i realy like a guy who is adorable that is my own attraction;;;some women like tough men , some like ugly ones...remember "women" we are all unique and different we come from differnt cultures and that makes us all unique. So i like nice sweet guysbecause i feel safe to be nice and sweet back.......I don't like tough guys unless they realy are because they have that personality and even the hardest guys have some feelings.......... | |
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