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 BOIT
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 76
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Sex after so long a timePage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If someone on the first date is asking you how long it's been since you've had sex then trust me, you don't want a 2nd or 3rd date with that guy....you're not missing a thing.
 aprilmist10
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 77
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Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:07:34 PM
wow...this is still going on?...

i had some men ask me that question too, and i told them upfront that it's none of their business...and give them back the same question...so that shut them off a little bit.

basically for me, whoever asked me that doesn't deserve a second date!

but actually, i don't even remember the last time... but when it does happens, this guy should better be prepared because i got a lot of catching up to do...anybody got a spare of viagra?
 HillsideCA
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 78
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:26:39 PM

I can't even think of a clever answer for you

How about "not so long that I wouldn't have been able to turn you sexually inside out IF you hadn't been so rude as to ask such a question on our very first date?"
 Charlie Shift
Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 79
Sex after so long a time?
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:51:57 PM
Abby156, the same thing has happened to me. Several times. I was celibate for 22 years as I was extremely busy making a living for my daughters and myself, and being a very involved parent. After both were gone from home, I realized I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and I thought dating sounded like a good idea. Imagine my disappointment when several men told me flat out that they were not interested in me at all due to my lack of sexual experience. I'll be honest; it hurt my feelings, but, with time, I got past it. Still think it's kinda funny though that they disappeared immediately, just as they did with you, Abby156. I can now be happy that they chose to be honest instead of continuing with me only to have me end up embarrassed or hurt later on when I disappointed them sexually.
 2BlovedeternalE
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 80
Sex after so long a time?
Posted: 12/18/2007 9:33:57 AM
I'm only worried that I may not 'Respond' properly . .
It'll be like losing my Virginity again . .
. . and Hell . . I just got Re-Certified . . !!!
. . .. .. . .
 1chemforme
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 81
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Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/27/2007 11:02:36 AM
Why don't you just hire a hooker . Great sex is when you have it ALLL, I doubt you would know what that means.
 Beedo
Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 82
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:56:06 PM
Don't worry so much about it, there will be some who would
want to have you all up in knots over it problaby since they aint
such great performers themselves.
Hey I'd gone without for years at a time 3 half twice, etc..
not from lack of any desire at all, but from lack of anyone around
to turn me on enough to go ahead with it, plus it's sometimes for the
best to just live/be alone, and I'm just not out and about a whole lot.
You haven't lost anything at all by waiting, and once you start ,you
may be even more exploitative and creative than you knew about,
you'll meet someone you'll click with enough, who you feel intuitively
comfy enough with.
 Next Time Round
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 83
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:08:27 PM
It's like riding a bike -- you never forget. Stayed celibate for five and a half years once and have been for two now.

Best way to get rid of those who have an issue with it is tell them you're willing if their up to it...they'll run like Hell. The jerks don't want to be your first coz they're smart enough to know you're going to fall like a ton of bricks in love.

Then wait till you really are (in love that is).
 hightide40
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 84
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:31:41 PM
Who would even ask questions like that on a first date is beyond me.
Maybe they should just hang around downtown on the corner for a first date, them girls
might kiss and tell.
Guys, lay low, be cool we don't want all the women on this site think we are a bunch of losers.
 yepimlonelytoo
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 85
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:43:25 PM
i did the same thing. focused on my career and too afraid to sleep with anyone other than my ex- still haven't-- and it's been over 3 years. i think that a strange question for someone to ask you, but nonetheless, don't lie. if that person is truly right for you, they will not assume your frigid. i am far from frigid, just being choosy in who i want to be with. again, be honest, they will soon come to know the person you are.
 ponygirl4smokey
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 86
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Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:57:14 PM
If someone had the gall to ask me that question with noprompting, I would probably respond with, "uhh..this morning, why?"

And I am with the poster that said there would be no second date for HIM.....


I have never had a NICE man ask me that......i do believ I would take that as a sign that perhaps this was not a man to pursue a LTR with
 LadyofYouth
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 87
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Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:58:44 PM
Thank you....I agree whole heartedly.......being selective is NOT being frigid and if he doesn't want to have sex with you because it's been a long time, you're right....HIS loss. I notice that so very many men label us women either 'frigid' or 'sluts'.....you cant win, ladies, so go with your instincts. If he INSISTS on sex on the second date then he's NOT in there for you, he's in there for the sex that he can't get with anyone else. So don't give in unless you're at the point in your relationship where you feel there is something there........if he insists, pushes, then he's not worth it. And YES, he should feel flattered that you have chosen to be selective. I wonder why a man would want to be with a woman right away if he feels, somewhere at the back of his mind, that she's done this before. If you're worth it to him, you're worth waiting for. I had a man turn me away because I wouldn't jump in bed with him.........this just told me that he wanted me there for one reason and one reason alone......I didn't want to be there for that one reason and that's why I left. I am a ONE man woman and my selectivity goes along with that..........men just don't know a good woman when they meet us, do they ladies?
 ChaiDrinker
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 88
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/30/2007 1:38:11 AM
Here is the thing...
Some men from dating sites will ask this and also other questions you are uneasy with. Be prepared to just say, "I'm a little uneasy talking about this so very early in the game". That leaves it open to talk about later.

If guys ask you say, 2-3 questions that make you feel uncomfortable, they are not right for you. I'd not write them off at one because sometimes they are just a little clumsy in communication, sometimes they are nervous too.

Be aware that sometimes men think that because you are on a dating site, you are there for their entertainment and you are obligated to send them more pics and give them details you don't want to share. It's called sleeze-balls. Beware of the sleeze-balls.

Protect yourself from the sleezies so you can keep a positive attitude about the hotties.

 javalover_52
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 89
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:45:03 PM
Great answer. You could also reverse/switch the gender and it would still be a great answer!
 ChaiDrinker
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 90
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/31/2007 12:16:22 AM
Oh, one more thing...Maybe he disappeared because he's a stupid lowlife and knows he is a stupid lowlife and he knows you are smart enough to figure out that he's a stupid lowlife and that you obviously don't sleep with any old stupid lowlife...Hence, no chance with you. Hence, he moves on to find someone needy and less intelligent.

You will find that this is like natural selection playing out at it's best and happens often.
Many times when a guy is not right for you, he knows it and he's doing you a favor. Not all men are chivalrous gentlemen, believe it or not.
 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 91
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Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/31/2007 12:21:25 AM
I can relate, I once went 17 years without sex. Twas horrible. ^_^
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 92
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Sex after so long a time
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:07:41 AM
abby: You don't need people in your life that would look down on you because you don't have sex with tons of people or want sex instantly. Personally, I find that an admirable quality and can relate to it myself. I have had very few partners and think it shows you are safer to be with and don't just give it away to the first person that comes along. I have to be very comfortable emotionally with someone to have good sex with them so waiting isn't a problem for me. It would be nice to date someone with the same mindset. I'm sure I'm not the only guy that thinks this way so don't worry, I'm sure you will meet someone who actually respects you and is willing to wait.
 socalmach1
Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 93
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:15:53 AM
It's all about chemistry............I am waiting for the right one!
 sadlisa
Joined: 12/7/2007
Msg: 94
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Sex after so long a time
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:30:32 AM
ilmao!!!!!! good answer!!!!!! cracked me up totally!! good job!
 dave4754
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 95
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 5/23/2008 9:34:07 AM
It is not appropriate to ask that at the first date. Sex is important and should probably have some discussion around the time it happens or prior to, but geezz learn something of the lady first and if there is a chance at a relationship(if that is what you want) them let the games and questions begin.

Odd to hear the pressure of sex from the female perspective, obviously you are conflicted as to should you or shouldnt you too. We humans are considerably confused dont you think?? Should we just live to love and dance like noone is watching??
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 96
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:07:28 AM
First of all you should not seem to think anything. You should know what they think. Ask them if they think you are frigid.
 DAVE632
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 97
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Sex after so long a time
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:09:00 PM
Just an inconsequential observation regarding the OP's first question and some of the comments following ...

There appears to be an enormous GAP in etiquette re: sex life discussions between divorced and widowed folk.

With divorced first there is an unwritten LAW that you do NOT speak of the ex - EVER for the guy but the woman can rant on about what a "%#@*&" her ex was and how she'd lop off her left leg just to be able to ZAP him one more time in court or crush him in front of his friends or at work. That's OK apparently.

There are exceptions of course but from my experience that seems to be the norm

Many divorcees rush out and have sex with tons of people just to feel their freedom again and prove that they are still desirable. Cougar bars are full of 'em. AIDS stats show that the 35 to 60 (prime divorce ages) represent the second highest transmission rates in the west.

Widows / widowers speak fondly of their departed mates. Loss of intimacy (sex) is one of the biggest factors and it is discussed with the kind of reverence one talks about losing a beloved pet. It isn't dirty or invasive - it just is and we miss it. The length of time involved is also more a badge of honor. The longer it's been the more we realize the depth of loss it has been for the other person. There is no "well you're not over her yet - bye" There is the understanding that we wouldn't even be talking if tragedy hadn't pounded us BOTH into the floor. We acknowledge this and talking about our departed loves is done with little or no jealousy or confidence issues involved. Time, from my experience, is NOT an issue. It isn't embarrassing at all not to have had sex for YEARS after losing a mate.

Another point. Many who have LOST a mate (VS managed to RID themselves of a spouse) simply CAN'T have sex again for a long long time. Don't get me wrong. We can still be horny even very soon after the death (a WEIRD feeling believe me) but simply being with another body is almost physically repulsive. Emotionally, it is a HUGE hurdle to leap. Especially the first time with somebody new. That's a damn weird feeling to and no matter how much it is completely illogical it still FEELS like you're cheating.

Ya, and many of us JOKE about getting our BORN AGAIN VIRGIN certificates from the government.
 SirVyvor
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 98
Sex after so long a time
Posted: 2/26/2009 1:39:01 PM
sex after so long a time? I've always enjoyed a rather over-active libido. . .well. . .according to other people it's over-active, for Me, it's just right.
I've always been a sensual being, and since age 7 a highly (so I'm told. . .possibly in comparison to a less active libido) sexual individual. I've never hidden the fact I have a heightened (again a guess in comparison to lesser intense sexdrives) sex-drive.
I am admittedly an orgasm junkie. . .if GOD made anything better. . .he kept it for HIMSELF. I enjoy pleasure, and am quite hedonistic?. . .I like Me, I like My body, and have NO Compunctions about allowing those close to me the ability to experience the complete ease and freedom I feel in their presence. . .translation, I'm most comfortable nekkid. clothes are too good at hiding the truth, or more mildly. . .making something you may not enjoy more palatable. . .like medicine in a sugar cube. when I am attracted to someone, they have the choice. . .keep up, or be left behind. . .life is hard. . .then we die. that's the truth, as I experienced it. . .
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