| When photos lie
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:36:33 AM |
I am pretty straight forward with the info on my profile and that includes my photos. I've posted head shots, shots from further away, with glasses and without because I don't wear them all the time, and a grainy webcam photo. I want people who contact me to see ME. What you see is what you get and I would never want anyone to think I had deceived them.I would much rather find myself attracted to who a person really is; not what they are pretending to be.
Exactly!!!! I am constantly changing my pictures on here because it is as you say...
I want people on here to see ME, at best and at worst. So far, the men that I have met face-to-face have said my pictures do not do me any justice. 
I can not agree with you more, I would much rather find myself attrated to who a person really is.... not what they are pretending to be!!!!
~UNIQUE~ | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:03:16 AM | oooops!!!!
attrated I really meant attracted!!!! | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 1/2/2008 10:12:58 AM | After reading the OP and reviewing the the photos on my profile, as well as most photos of myself on my computer, I've come to this conclusion: I'm guilty.
Guilty of wanting to put my best foot forward. Guilty of not putting up pictures of myself just after I've woken up with crust in the corners of my eyes and hair amess. For shame, for shame.
I'm super guilty of the overheard, stretched out arm shot. But I like to think I have good reasons for it.
Reason numero uno: My arms are short :( I have to stretch them out if I want to take a pic of myself, without using a mirror.
Reason dos: But aside from that, even if lots of people use internet dating sites, I'm still not comfortable asking a friend to take a lovely picture of me, to put up on one.
Reason trés: Subconsciously I want a taller guy, so taking pictures from overhead, it kind of what I imagine they'll be seeing me like anyway :P
Here's the thing...some days people look better than others. And on those days I'd like to capture that image, to perhaps motivate me or cheer me up when I'm not looking so good.
But at the same time, I too have fallen victim to "pictures from 50 pounds and 5 years ago".
If someone is interested in meeting someone from here for a date, really, truly, genuinely interested....they'll most likely put effort into how they look before they leave the house...at least you'd hope so.... | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 1/4/2008 6:07:07 AM | Wow Ajax, never thought of reason numero tres! You make a good point! Not only very clever, but very thoughtful of you, trying to look at you from someone else's "vantage point". BTW, your photos look fine! | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 1/4/2008 6:49:23 AM | Why try to fool someone with 10 year old pics ????
First meeting will tell all.So why waste each others time...
I can understand not real clear pics( mine aren't the best ,but recent) ,etc...but come on ...5-10 year old pics !!!
Be Real !!!!
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| When photos lie
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:00:45 PM | Great post. I deliberately didn't post any pictures of me fixed up with makeup or what ever...I want them to be pleasantly surprised,That I do clean up nicely if I work at it.
I also don't believe in putting up glamour shots.. To me that is such false advertisment..I mean who really is going to look like that all the time..
I have met a few people off this site.. 4 looked like their pictures but better since I could see the animation of them.. 2 well let's just say they were delusional that they looked like they did in high school or something. I am not sure
1 was absolutely drop dead gorgeous in real like..Just didn't take great shots of himself. I was like Holy crap this guy is gorgeous.
Just my .o2 cents | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:50:16 PM |
Camera at arm's length, shot from above.
Do you mean like your picture on your own profile ???
Pot kettle, kettle pot | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 1/19/2008 6:00:06 PM | Old photos. Very few people look like they did 10 years ago.
Some of us look a lot better now than we did ten years ago  | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 1/19/2008 6:45:25 PM | So.....wondering what you make of my whole red thing I have going on? Sorry, no trick, just a bad camera. I kinda like it, like a red hanky draped over a budoir lamp, no?  | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 1/19/2008 6:54:21 PM | | well sume of us cant afford 2 buy nice CLEAR cams just so people can see wut we look like on the internet. ever think of that? it doesnt mean everyone who has those kinda pix r ugly or fat or hideous | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:14:38 PM | I agree with you OP. Here's my two cents on the subject.
First off, a big THANK YOU to the many folks who do have a clue and post multiple clear photos of themselves. Whether I am attracted to your pix or not, I truly appreciate that you play fair. And though this post is written from my point of view as a male looking at women's profiles, it's clear most of my comments would also apply to men's pix. This is no way an attack on women, or a claim for superiority, It's simply one guy's perspective on what I look for in scanning profiles and what I feel is an effective approach for posting photos to improve one's chances on the internet dating scene.
Let's get real folks- it's 2009, and it's not much harder to get clear digital photos of oneself than it is to put the toilet seat down. If I can't get a clear idea of what you look like from the photo/s you have posted, I have to assume you either don't want me to know what you really look like, don't care enough to actually meet someone, are disturbingly naive about the importance of physical attraction to most men, or are too incompetent to post clear photos or get help to do so. Whatever the reason, my first impression of you is negative, and I burn rubber to the next profile.
All I want to know from your photos is if I feel you are someone I might be physically attracted to. There are some photos I consider clear green lights, some clear reds, and some maybes. If I feel you aren't giving me a clear look at you, you go straight to the reject pile. I don't have the time to find out in person (and honestly, I already know what I'd find out).
No one (male or female) wants to show up at a first meet feeling they've been deceived by photos. It's understandable that we'd want to put our best foot forward, but your photos should match what walks in the door. Having worked in the film/theater biz, I can tell you any actor serious about getting work knows that their head shots shouldn't glamorize them or leave anything to the imagination. The folks doing the casting invite the actors to auditions based on their photos, and if someone walks in the door that doesn't look like their photo, they are swiftly shown the way out. When you show up at a meet looking different than what your photos lead one to expect, you will also be shown the door (even if the other person is too polite to get up and leave immediately). Besides setting yourself up for rejection in person (rather than online before both people have invested time), you've also proven yourself to be deceptive and inconsiderate of others' time- not desirable qualities for most of us.
Rule of thumb: your photos should give a good idea of what your face and body look like (NOW, not 5/10 years ago). This is easier to do with several photos than with only one, so post at least one clear headshot and one clear full-length photo. It's not "egotistical" to post multiple (clear) photos, it helps others get a better idea of what you look like.
Weight: Many are self-conscious about extra pounds. Each of us has a range we find attractive, and temporarily hiding it and hoping "it won't matter" in person just proves you to be manipulative. Save everybody the time and post some clear full-length body photos. The person who would be attracted to you still will be, and you won't waste the time of others. Don't assume everyone is looking for slim/slender/thin/skinny (speaking for myself only, thin has never been a turn-on, though I do have an upper limit).
Common mistakes/deceptions:
Some already mentioned by the OP. While most of the following list are fine as EXTRA photos, they should never be the ONLY photos you have posted, or your primary photos.
The sunglasses photo: what are you, friggin' Brittany Spears? Take off the shades and show us your eyes.
The "M_Space" cellphone looking-down shot: one of the most common distortion techniques. What body are you hiding below your bust? Hand your cell to a friend to take some real pix.
The group shot: OMG, which one are you? Don't make me hunt through 5 other girls trying to figure out which one you are. Try cropping.
The long shot: a photo of some person in front of something, somewhere in the world. If you must, please CROP the photo to your body.
Artsy photos: mood lighting, shadows- yup, you are hiding what you look like, Next?
Overexposed photos: same as above, just hiding in the light instead of in the shadows.
Pet photos: aaaaaaw...who cares? I want to know if YOU are cute, not your puppy/kitty.
Pretty photos: flowers, sunsets, creeks...same as above. Fine as extra pix, as long as I already have a clear idea of what you look like. Otherwise, just annoying.
Reaaaally small photos: is that a person in that little square there?
Pixelated photos: just a small photo blown up into a large blurry photo.
Out-of-focus or motion blurred photos: more artsy crap.
Only one photo: the visual equivalent of "trust me." Ehhh, nah. Fool me once...
Extreme closeup: nice, um, eye?
Sideways photos: maybe sometimes these are not your fault, but please get help to rotate them so we don't have to look at them lying down. Such photos suggest you are lazy or don't really care.
Ancient photos: applies only to us older folks. Unless you also have recent photos posted, 10 years or 10 pounds ago is another attempt to deceive (especially when not labelled with the date).
Remember, your goal is simply to post photos that make the guy you are meeting in person go "ah, there she is!" instead of "WTH, is that her??" Really, ask yourself: if you were your date waiting in a cafe, would you recognize you from the photos you have posted? If you aren't sure your photos represent you clearly, ask friends (especially guys). Creating realistic expectations through clear photos goes a long way to making online dating a more enjoyable experience for everyone. Happy dating! | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:51:50 AM | | People always think my eyes are brown when in fact they're hazel with some green. It's hard with photos to get the right colour. It also depends on the time of day the photo is taken, the angle etc. I can look different in different pics. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:55:39 AM |
I can look different in different pics.
I think that's true of most people. That's why it's a good idea to post multiple photos- the more information a person is given, the better they can construct a complete image of what someone is likely to look like. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:18:31 AM | Great post! You definately see these a lot on here. Especially webcam photos that aren't very clear and old pictures. And then I check them out on facebook or something and the pics there look NOTHING like the ones on here!
Something else I've noticed: far away pictures and no close ups. Lots of people look great form a distance, and then a close up picture is scary. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:48:42 AM | Don't know that I agree that people intentionally alter images or over expose to hide faults, I think most people don't know how to work a camera. A lot of people also don't have good cameras and tend to use auto settings that switch to high iso to get the exposure right. I don't think most people here think about composition of a photo either. I am a pro photographer and I can make a 40 year old woman look like she is 20 but I doubt the bad photos here are much more than just bad photos.
I assisted for years before I went on my own and there are well known photographers that can hardly work their cameras. I also tech and rent to photographers because I shoot medium format digital and it is always funny to see a dslr shooter get their hands on a medium format digital camera and watch them crash and burn with it so I have to step in and say there is a problem and I need to reboot it and reset it for them, if a pro can't get it how do you expect a amateur to get it?
I think you are really over thinking this. Most women I have went out with on this site are actually better looking in person. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:21:33 AM |
Something else I've noticed: far away pictures and no close ups. Lots of people look great form a distance, and then a close up picture is scary
Those are called blockomores (they look good from a block or more away)
There are also "butterfaces"--everything looks good but her face.
I get suspicious when every foto is quite blurry, or always from the same side. It's actually quite fun to look at the fotos and see exactly what the person feels is a flaw (big chin, big nose, over-all ugly face, fat body, whatever). I know of one guy who has as his main foto one from about 1980, when apparently he felt he looked the best. Now, of course, he's a LOT fatter (like, 100 pounds fatter) and older (like, old). I was chatting with one guy who admitted his foto was 15 years old (I'd thought, 'damn he look sgood for a 53 yr old!'). Then he sent me a pic of him now. Really, he looked normal, so why not put THAT one up? It put me off, too, because basically he started with a lie, and if he'd started as his "real" self I probably would have liked him just fine. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:31:59 AM | | I havent met anyone that did not look like his photo except the dracula man. His photo was a bit blurry and I couldnt tell he dyed his air pitch black. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:56:36 AM | M14,
I think you have a point, that some people don't know what constitutes a good photo to post on a dating site- which is why I wrote my post. On POF in particular, because the site owner is trying to keep his bandwidth/costs down, the photos are strictly limited in size and resolution (quality), which can make a poor photo even worse.
Regardless, there are also many who choose to post photos that are intended to withhold information. I've used internet dating off and on since before online photos were the norm, and I learned early on never to meet anyone without a photo, or having photos that seemed to be less than the whole picture. Now I simply skip past those profiles. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:40:42 AM | When a guy contacts me & they have only 1 picture on their profile & when I have asked for more pictures they tend to look very different. For the most part they are old pictures. This is a dating site...please post current pictures. Not ones from years ago. I look at that as a lie. It's very frustrating.
We need to see what you look like today. Then I've gotten an attitude from them "looks matter to you, huh?". WTH?? Last night I talked with a guy who's (1) picture turned out to be old & he said he was a few extra pounds on his profile & it turned out he was quite a few extra pounds. (2 lies)
What happens when they show up for their date & they are found out??
I just don't get it! | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:56:04 PM | Message 89 - I see you have many photos that show your differences. So are you staying grey or going back to brown? Either way you look ok in my book.
I don't want to confuse people too much because I often change my hair during the year and have gone lighter then darker. I have met people before who were not expecting me to be a brunette and I think they may have been wondering what happened to the blonde in the photo..................LOL Never mind! | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:35:12 PM | But I love playing "guess the profile person" picking them out of a group of people. A kissy face in every single pic is awesome too. I just try to have some decent ones. I use my iPhone. Me doing stuff. Me posing like a fool. Head shot. Bod shot. Doing stuff shot. Doing nothing shot. Along with current height and weight.
Give them the info, let them decide. I met a couple face only people.
Lived and learned. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:04:17 PM |
I think you have a point, that some people don't know what constitutes a good photo to post on a dating site- which is why I wrote my post. On POF in particular, because the site owner is trying to keep his bandwidth/costs down, the photos are strictly limited in size and resolution (quality), which can make a poor photo even worse.
Regardless, there are also many who choose to post photos that are intended to withhold information. I've used internet dating off and on since before online photos were the norm, and I learned early on never to meet anyone without a photo, or having photos that seemed to be less than the whole picture. Now I simply skip past those profiles.
I doubt most people on here even have photoshop, I doubt they have ever been taught how to optimize a photo for the web or even know how to tweak the photo so when you apply the color profile for the web it looks good. If the site owners are worried about bandwidth they should let you host your photos on another site and link them so the other site took the bandwidth hit for the images.
I never post my best photo, it helps eliminate more of the vain people that only date based on looks. I met a woman from here last weekend that looked WAY better in person than her photo but sadly had zero social skills to go with it. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:40:19 AM | And then there are the guys that look like the CryptKeeper or Father Time - and claim to be 48 years old on their profiles!! LOL
I'm sure they were handsome BEFORE electricity...sheesh. | |
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| When photos lie
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:11:10 PM | ^^^^^^^Now that is scary stuff!!!
And another reason not to meet anyone from a dating site................ | |
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