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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:24:41 AM | | How do you know she was disgusted? I'm sorry but there seems too be a lot of assumptions here.She was 22,she was disgusted,he was a pig(probably true)I am older and when i go out for dinner for some reason the waitresses will call me sweety or darlin,prob hoping for a bigger tip..lol..but i just tell my date "where was she when i was 20-30 whatever and made light of it and never had a problem.I think you people are making far too much of this..all the lady had too say was i dont think this is working out and left,simply leaving is being as boorish as he was and stooping too his level.Face it,not all people are compatible. And i personally find it insulting too be classed as an old fart or a perv becuase some of you have a problem with your sexuality too the point where if a man looks at someone younger or more attractive you brand him...Get some self confidence and get on with life..Happy fishing!! | |
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Guess
| | Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 128 | |
| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:38:41 AM | AlienSecrets You are completly right about that.Should fit very well with a thread like that to keep up the standard in this Forum...
It is about manners,no doubt!But what is best then,that he would have been false and been focused on his date or that he flirted with the waitress, I dont believe that he was intrested in the waitress anyway,if he wasnt a border line pedophile do...Or should he have been focused and polite with a date,that he wasnt intrested in?There is to many dates that dont understand when you are not intrested in them and that can create that you have to be very clear,if that is bad manner,well then bad manner is excused. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:49:33 AM | Ave Caeser, you obviously missed the OP point................................. Its not his age she has a problem with , its the fact that they were out on a date and he's ogling the waitress in front of her, were not talking a quick peek, were talking ogling all night and flirting ignoring his date which they are supposed to be on,Does this make sense?
She kept bringing up the fact that he was 50 and she was 22. Why is any of that relevant? It isn't. I'm older, and I do look at young attractive women all the time. I would mot behave like this, however, under any circumstances, with a date. If i were out with some single guys, then I might flirt. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:54:00 AM | Thanks for this thread, I have learnt a lot about why certain ladies are fed up and think ALL guys stare at any young thing that walks by. Many of you assume that our eyes wander no matter what, NOT all guys are like that, yet I get into trouble, because of all those idiots that do stare, once with a lady, the only way to keep her happy was to stare at the ground when we walk on the pathway or at the gym, there was no winning, I was a guy and I stare was the responce, NOT true, I now know where she was coming from! At the gym, I do look at other people exercising both male a female, not for reason I am usually accused of, I check out what muscle s they are working, and how those exercise work certain groups, then I will try out the routine, since I am more into muscle toning, I learn more from ladies as I can see the muscle more clear Guys have muscle mass, they bulk up ladies tone, but there is no win win, and I know why ladies get mad, this thread has taught me a lot, both from male and female perceptive. So if you think a guy is staring at something he should not be then ask him, I know I will tell you without being hestitant excalty what I am looking at and why, and you will be amazed it's NOT WHAT you think...
BUT one thing I know for sure, first date or any date, the lady you are with get full attention, that is what you call being a gentleman, even if you are NOT into her, be a GENTLEMAN about it, and guys stop the crap that we are HARD WIRED to stare, you make the choice to stare, DUH!! it's not rocket science, devote your attention to your date, it's called being a gentleman!!!! | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 10:26:22 AM | The old " guys are hard-wired to stare" handy-dandy standby, needs to abolished like the relic it is, to the dusty musty store-room where all the male-concocted fallacies are banished to.
Guys, as woman, I"m as " hard-wired" as any man of ANY age, to look at and appreicate a sexy male form.
So what ? My brain happens to be attached TO my eyes, and has the ability to direct my eyes AWAY from other guys, no matter how god-like their appearance, when circumstance and common sense dictate.
So give up the tired old sorry excuse already.
Some have questioned how I know the young waitress was uncomfortbable with my date's eyeballing.
Here's a hint. After the first or second time she approached our table, she made of point of barely glancing in his direction, and directing all her questions, comments etc at me. Looking righ into my face, and not HIS.
I've been in on that side of the table, doing her job, enough to know exactly why she didn't look at him , talk to him , smile at him etc etc.
She was uncomfortable, creeped out, and disgusted.
Does that satisfy?? | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 10:42:20 AM |
Does that satisfy??
Not necessarily Lisa. Having some training from the dining industry I can tell you that as males if the woman was flirting with the waiter we would always stress that the waiter not lose focuss on the man at the table. The man may not enjoy the woman flirting with the waiter and take it out on the waiter by stiffing him on the tip. Lord knows i had enuff women ripping themselves a few handfuls back some twnety five years ago when i waited on tables....and yep...the guy always stiffed me on my tip.
Same goes for the waitress. She may not have known who's floating the bill, and quite often a man will pick up the tab and the woman will handle the tip. So she's shooting herself in the foot by not paying attention to you as well.
Although, I will admit, you're scenario sounds very logical and quite plausible.
I remember last year at Christmas when the whole family was sitting around watching some tv. Flicking it around the dial, some womens tennis came on with Maria Sharapova looking as lovely as ever. I laffed because both of my brother in laws made a point of making out to both my sister's what an ugly dress Maria had on that day...and o how terribly skinny she was and everything...
Anyways, getting back to your OP, you dated a stiff. That's it, that's all. You should take that new bit back out of your first date on your profile because it makes you sound unnecessarily bitter. You can be bitter over the guy, but don't let it comproise your future fishing opportunities because then the guy's behaviour has affected your outlook on life...and you shouldn't allow that to happen.
You cannot allow someone else to take control over your attitude. You can get as irked as you want about this guy, but don't be "cautious", I think is the word you used a few posts back. Maybe cautious isn't necessarily the word you were looking for, I dunno, but you don't need to be more cautious. If anyhting, the little waitress needs to be cautious of this guy. You just need to get your head back on your shoulders, realize the guy treated you like a turd, and put it behind you in the rear view mirror. No amount of caution is going to help you screen out letch-like behaviour in others.
Good Luck. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 10:56:41 AM | Slysterling is soooo right. Get your "negative" stuff out of the profile. Just like all the women who say "no players," you identify yourself as a former victim of that behavior! You will draw it to you again, if you dwell on it. Also, I know this is not a profile review, but why do you care if a guy has a pic in a lazy-boy rocker? Hell, that is just more info for you! I love when guys (and probably, gals as well - though I see less of them) have pics highlighting their drinking activities! Tells me so much. Anyway, the last thing people want to see in a profile is a list of everything they don't want. Good luck! | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:26:55 AM | Ave Caeser, everyone looks at someone if they're attractive, thats human nature
but I suspect the OP was talking about while they were on a " date" and even if the date isn't going well , its disrespectful to be ogling someone else was her point.
The age thing was just a add on to the story. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:42:52 AM | Thanks People for your helpful input, I took your advice and removed my little added blurb.
I think it's only human nature, when we take the time and make the effort to be out on a date, we want, and expect the person we're with to be focused on us!
I faced this behaviour all throughout my very long marriage. Maybe that's why it struck such a resounding note to find myself again in the same uncomfortable situation.
Brought back alot of painful hurtful feelings I hoped I wouldn't have to experience again.
My ex was gawker too, he'd be very sneaky and stealthy about it, but it didn't take much to see through it.
He had a habit of eyeing young girls, teens etc, which was disturbing and perplexing to me.
I was in denial for years about this as he was also a very moralistic, church-going type.
That's my story, and perhaps it explains my strong reacton to my date's antics. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:53:46 AM | You must have been out with my former significant other! LOL For whatever reason he thought that young women would find HIM as attractive as he found them! And they didn't. All he did was make them nervous. And no, he wasn't like that when we first started seeing each other. Or he just didn't show his true colors for a while. Regardless, consider yourself lucky that you got to see that side of him before you had invested a lot of time with him.
Actually the first time I ever noticed the SO ogling someone it was my son's GIRLFRIEND. He made her so nervous that she got to the point that she wouldn't even come to the house with my son if she knew that pervy perveson was going to be around.
Obviously our relationship didn't last :) | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:03:49 PM | Uh - oh
I faced this behaviour all throughout my very long marriage. Maybe that's why it struck such a resounding note to find myself again in the same uncomfortable situation. Brought back alot of painful hurtful feelings I hoped I wouldn't have to experience again. My ex was gawker too Sounds like you are attracting/attracted to a "type." That's on you to figure out how/why this happens. Personally, I have rarely noticed such behavior, and if so, it seems to be most likely in someone I am chatting with casually. I do not recall ever being on a date where this had happened. You should make the first meet more casual and less time consuming. Best to go for drinks at a location having hot waitresses. Provides opportunity to weed them out, if you seem to have a pattern, here.   | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:10:32 PM | Went through something similar at the coffee shop. He moved seats and was staring behind me to a woman who was sitting by herself.
That's usually a red flag the the date is doomed from the get go especially on a first blind date.
It's not personal. It must be a thing men in the 50's do. I get it from 70 and 80 year old men...creepy. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:14:15 PM | Man some people will justify any kind of behavior at all. His behavior was inappropriate and rude . There is no way to justify that . You don't go on a date with some0ne and ogle someone else the entire evening because it's rude. You can really tell by the responses on here who behaves this way because they are jumping to the defense of this so called man .
Men and women who behave like brainless idiots over some hot kids are old farts. Like they want some old person when they can have someone their own age. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:31:48 PM |
As much as it pains me to say this but Raychass is spot on ??????
Wtf! I have seen you around the forums a few times ,but other then that i have no idea who you are . So why you are in pain i have no clue. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:41:36 PM | It's possible that you're reading into the situation a lot. I've seen lots of women do it.
When they do it to me it's a certainty that it's the last date not just because of their assumptions, but because I just don't do uncomfortable.
Then again he might be a creep. I wasn't there so I couldn't say. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 2:36:08 PM | When they do it to me it's a certainty that it's the last date not just because of their assumptions, but because I just don't do uncomfortable.
This is the crux of the issue. Sometimes it does not matter how wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, exciting, etc. etc, a person is, if the other has some bizzare assumptions about the opposite sex, the date is not going to work out.
Also, I find it amazing that people are assuming that the woman who happens to be sitting with the oogler must be unattractive or not engaging. Next time you are in a restaurant, look around and see if you can spot a beautiful, interesting woman sitting with some some guy who is busy drooling over the other ladies in the room. This happens quite often.
For example, I know a lady who is physically beautiful, intelligent and an all-around great gal who once had a boyfriend who spent his time flirting with other women. Actually, he treated this wonderful lady as though she was something unsightly that was stuck to his shoe, even though it was clear she could do much better than him. (She obviously ended up leaving him for someone who treats her like gold.)
This thread makes me think of the book, "Smart Women, Foolish Choices". Sometimes, both men and women need to kiss a few frogs before they find their prince or princess. | |
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Nona37
| | Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 144 | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/16/2007 3:30:14 PM |
Thanks People for your helpful input, I took your advice and removed my little added blurb.
I think it's only human nature, when we take the time and make the effort to be out on a date, we want, and expect the person we're with to be focused on us!
I faced this behaviour all throughout my very long marriage. Maybe that's why it struck such a resounding note to find myself again in the same uncomfortable situation.
Brought back alot of painful hurtful feelings I hoped I wouldn't have to experience again.
My ex was gawker too, he'd be very sneaky and stealthy about it, but it didn't take much to see through it.
He had a habit of eyeing young girls, teens etc, which was disturbing and perplexing to me.
I was in denial for years about this as he was also a very moralistic, church-going type.
You are welcome, and I hope that out of all this, you did receive some good and helpful advice. There were some good ones on here.
No hard feelings eh, but you do deserve better and that gentleman acted very unlike a gentleman. You are better looking elsewhere for your guy.
Good luck and keep smiling, it helps too. | |
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:59:53 AM | ^^
I agree.
Just forgive, forget, things like this happen, just choose your dates better and wiser next time and just maybe do some introspection on yourself and then if and when you feel the time is right to start all over, just pick yourself up slowly but surely.
"One person who shows forgiveness to a wrongdoer is more powerful than a person who conquers an entire city, but the one that does not forgive and keeps the bitterness in them, is in a worse state then a leaper"
The choice is yours!!
Best of luck to you.
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| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:31:58 PM | "She kept bringing up the fact that he was 50 and she was 22. Why is any of that relevant? It isn't. I'm older, and I do look at young attractive women all the time. "
IMO 50 and 22 is pretty unacceptable. He humiliated his date and made the poor waitress feel uncomfortable. Even though these girls are nice to your face, they are laughing behind your back. We women know this and don't want to date the old fool that does that. I'm sorry but it would be embarassing to me to be with someone who is making an idiot out of himself.
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Savona
| | Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 150 | |
| First date- and he ogles the 22 yr old waitress all night
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:40:26 AM |
What an eye-opener that was. Any comments?
Hi OP,
In case you are wondering what the young woman thought .... here is a story ...
My daughter worked at a golf course while she was working her way through school. At a banquet that my daughter was serving a few of the men ogled at her, as she is very beautiful.
BUT this one man in particular made a total fool of himself asking her if she was one of the draw prizes, trying to brush her body as she served and such.
Then a very interesting conversation was overheard by my daughter, this man and a couple of others went to the same university at the same time as her Dad did. The next time my daughter went past these men, to remove their plates and again this one OLD FART was hitting on her she casually mentioned ....
"Oh you went to XYZ University, so did my Father ... maybe you know him."
Since my X is also in the sports hall of fame, YES they actually did know him very well. So my Daughter said she would be sure to tell her Father that she had met them and how they treated Daddies Little Girl. Hahaha
Home coming was just around the corner and no doubt they would all be there .....
Anyway YES they looked bad and the one very rude man would be seeing my X soon, clearly he looked stupid and clearly since my X was a line man, he might get squashed too .... hahaha
So the moral of the story is, you never know who you insult ... might come back and bite you in the ass.
Savona | |
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