| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:20:47 PM | Its not 'unfair, as such , in my opinion you win some, you lose some, if we all spent our lives evaluating the validity of a task we would stich where were at. which is in the dark, does anyone know whats round the next corner. ?
just stick to contacting people who you like the look of after reading their profile etc . focus on the positive, and if they don.t reply, their loss!! move on up the bus.
chow4now
xxx | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:39:19 PM | | Wouldn't it be nice to find a dating site that is just that??? a dating site. It seems that alot of sites attempt to start off as that but in the long run often they turn into something else. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:19:14 AM | | I would extend this idea one further. Getting to meet someone and trying to differentiate yourself from all the other guys while being yourself. I am fortunate to have mostly female friends to ask questions, but none of them do online dating. So here I ask lol! I have had a few great dates recently, however, a good guy can feel like "just another one" after walking her to her car. To much opportunity for some women spoil the chance to allow a good man through? | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:26:10 AM | 
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:26:27 AM | Not for Nothing....
But I have to agree to a point. I run across profiles every so often that just amuse me to no end, not that they are idiotic but they are fun. I've mailed to just say that, and usually get no reply. I don't get it.
I've answered each mail I've gotten so far. It isn't hard, maybe a tad time consuming but that goes with the territory I think. And is just plain old fashioned common courtesy translated to the modern electronic age.
As for looks. I'm no different then anyone else I imagine. A good looking woman is not a bad thing but if they do not have the insides to go with it, then what does it matter? Being a large guy, and all that goes with that in the dating world, I still maintain that the Person is more important then the Package. But that too has been lost I think in many way.
This goes for both sides of the gender fence no doubt based on the feedback I get from my lady friends who use this, and other, sites.
Just my .02 worth, you mileage may vary. Not valid in Alaska, Hawaii, or the Virgin Islands.
Rich | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:44:07 PM | You've only been on-line 7 months and have a very short profile. Maybe the problem is that, when things don't go the way you want immeadiately, you give up and start engaging in "I give up" behavior, like sending out 50 messages that are cut and pasted to the girls that fit YOUR criteria.
Then you start posting very defeatist stuff in the forums, to advertise that you are grumpy because you didn't get your wish.
The truth is, you are cute, but you have kinda a bad attitude. Why are you on the internet if it's so unfair to you? | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:08:37 PM | | The fact you felt this thread was a good idea just shows why woman aren't emailing you back. You're not entitled to a response, you have to realize that if you went up to a bunch of girls in a bar chances are that very few of them would pan out into anything. It's just life, its a numbers game. Just keep trying, don't come off as defeated and someone without confidence. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:29:46 AM | | I try and answer every email that I get. Also when I am emailing someone I try to pick something out of their profile or the picture and will make note of it. I also try to send a quick note to my favorites every few weeks | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:11:13 AM | | I wouldn't say it was unfair-but it is common curtesy to reply when someone greets you. I try to reply any e-mail I get, I think not responding shows a lack of respect for other people. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 7/22/2008 8:15:09 AM | Oh man !
Sadly, I am so relieved to read this post. I thought it was just me who was feeling so ....shut out. Sign....
I am not concieted, not even close. I am a people person and I love to meet new people
as often as possible. Especailly women for obvious dating purposes.
Dating , not simply sex!
But , alas....after trolling several online introduction sites, I am stuffed , overfilled actually with several helpings of "humble pie". It seems that the more emails I send, the less positive repsonse I get. If I send out 3-4 personalized emails a day, ones that I take time and put a lot of thought into, maybe I get 1 or 2 replies back a week.
So, thats 3-4 a day x 7 = 24-25 emails a week resulting in 1 or 2 replies back. These replies are typically 1 or 2 sentence responses that lead nowhere.
My conclusion is that this is because most women are bombarded with emails everyday and they just pick and choose who they want reply to.
Unfair, that is an understatement. Yet, I will persevere clinging to the hope that one of these days I will be one of the chosen ones!
Guys , don't give up!
Hang in there brothers, our day will come!
Eddie | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:34:24 PM | | I really don't think so... It's email. It isn't the same as talking to someone face-to-face. A no response = not interested. To be honest, if I see "you have a new message" I'd rather it be positive than a "sorry, not my type" type of email from someone. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 8/26/2008 9:31:58 PM | | My foreign friends all tell me that american women give them a very hard time so they go back home. I would agree because I always get dates when I go abroad (no pun intended) coming back home is very unpleasant! Nice to not want to come home to the place you were born. American men to american women are basically worthless. My buddies here that are not divorced are all married to asian chics. The others who are divorced, one had a heart attack over it, another was married 4 times, now there's a tough guy. I'm not tough but I'm not a sucker either | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:00:57 PM | I'd agree with ChiefSteve if he didn't make us woman look that bad. Yea dating abroad is better at times and then again we can run into the same problems. I like guys from here and from abroad, but when you come down to it American men can be as pushy and too into looks like many woman. I've met guys here that I would love to date and some I'd love to kick in the head and some I just need to run from.  Guys just really say wat you really want and stop all the BS, and that goes for us ladies too.   | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:58:44 PM | I often get one liners... like "Hey, let's chat!" I would love to write back and say " Hey, who are U?" One liners give me the impression that the guy doesn't have much to say in the first place. So I don't write back. The guy doesn't have to look hot, just intelligent. Smart is the new sexy!
Guys also beef up your profiles, if your profile is all about how you love to kiss,and hug etc, it doesn't say much about you.... except you probably have one thing on your mind. How about making an effort to get to know someone? Have them get to know U?
Not everyone I email writes me back. Maybe my pic or profile doesn't click with them. Hey, that is ok! | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:32:28 PM |
My conclusion is that this is because most women are bombarded with emails everyday and they just pick and choose who they want reply to.
This I don't get... the guys who are following this logic as being unfair or somehow rude/shallow... why?
Your at a party and you overhear a woman discussing the merits of book that happens to be one of your favorite reads... while on your way to join this conversation an averagely attractive woman tries to catch your attention by saying, "Hey you... I like tangerines!" What would you do? Stop and talk to tangerine woman, or press on to join a conversation that includes a woman who you might have more of a connection with?
For those that expect women to respond to an e-mail just because you took the time to write what you feel to be a well though out e-mail, consider...
In the above example of the book and the tangerine... Would you stop and tell tangerine woman, "I can appreciate your taste in fruit, but I'm really not interested in discussing it with you. "?
Are you all looking for quantity or quality? If you send out 1,000 e-mails and meet that ONE person, or maybe even a few friends, then in the end wasn't all that writing worth it? With all the "silent rejection", doesn't it actually feel better when you get a good response because you at the very least know that the person might be genuinely interested in what you have to say?
To the guys who send 3-4 messages a day... really... there are THAT many women on this site that interest you? I guess if you're searching nationwide, then maybe... but in your area? | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/3/2008 12:19:43 PM | After reading this thread, I've come to the conclusion that internet dating is just unfair. Period.
I'm in the position of the guys here. I'm the one who writes or "IMs" and gets no response. Not being young, slim nor competitively attractive, I am left with the "happy" chore of shaking my head in dismay at the list of men who have "viewed me" but did not contact me. I believe my profile is great: it's honest and interesting, smart and fun, just like I am. But the picture sure seems to puts the kaibosh on things.
I know I haven't been out here that long, and I'm supposed to be undyingly patient, but, folks, let me tell you....it hurts. And like you, Eddie, it seems that the more I try, the worse it's getting. It's hard to keep a positive attitude or maintain hope when rejection is the order of the day.
I often try to resign myself to the fact that I'm going to end up alone, but a part of me just can't believe that every single guy out there will only pursue Barbie Dolls or fat chicks who will throw themselves on their backs out of sheer gratitude!
 I am sounding like Mrs. Whiner from SNL! | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/6/2008 1:19:42 PM | I agree completely with all of you!!!! Now I am on here to find someone that I can relate to as she can relate to me, so when I come across these girls or should I say women and i send them an e-mail because we have similar interests then they read them and dont respond WTF!!!! F'n RESPOND!!!!! I would if you sent me one its not hard to type something out here ladies... So now I feel why should I even bother sending you ladies any at all if all you are going to do is read them and not respond back!!!! I am a nice guy who I think is attractive in my own way. Bottom LINE DATING JUST SUCKS IN GENERAL!!!
Thank you for letting me rant
Ivan | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:19:15 PM | I have to go along with what most people have said in this forum. I find when I spend the time to write a thoughtful email all I get is, "Thanks for the email but I don't think we are a match". I do the cut and paste thing as all I am really doing is bringing my photos to their attention. The few people that reply to me end up drifting away as they get more and more emails. I do not send email to women who are know are out of my league. I have dated very beautiful women in my life and average women as well. In the real world women try to pick me up all the time. I have been on this web site off and on for years and have never met anyone in person from here. What does that tell ya?
Also, many of the people I email do not even take the time to LQQK at my profile? I see my email "read, deleted" and their profile does not show up as having looked at my profile. So what is the point of working on a profile when all the women look at is photos? | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/22/2008 12:42:04 AM | | I think it unfair across the board, but I do have a problem with women not answering emails. It takes a certain amount of courage for a guy to email you in the first place so the least a woman or a man can do is answer even if its to say "Sorry I'm not interested". I thought that's what people were on this site for. So far for me people have been so rude and being from the south to me there is no excuse for grown people to act the way that they do sometimes. I try to be as nice as I can to let them know I'm not interested but they sign off so abruptly cause your not saying what they want to hear or giving the answer to their question they want to hear. It's just childish and just plain ole mean. Read the profile, read the profile if it says I don't want to be anybody's girlfriend then that's what it means. Don't try to read more into it than it is. I think if everyone put themselves in the other person shoes , if you think about how it feels to be on the other side then I think you would be more apt to reply even if it to say NO THANKS. You knew when you signed on that people would be contacting you. It's not fair when people use it to hurt others because that's not what this site is for. I mean just take the responsibility of being an adult when you respond. Truly what the world needs now is love sweet love, that's the only thing that we have so little of. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:43:15 AM | The biggest problem I see with threads like this, is you never look at yourself. It's always the other person who has the problem. Try looking at yourself.
When you send off general messages to people, we can tell. Those I ignore completely. It says to me that you didn't even take the time to read my profile and that I'm just one of the possibly many girls you just shot the same message off to randomly. It's impersonal and, in my opinion, tacky. It also says you might be too desperate. If I get a message that is only a sentence long, I ignore it. It doesn't leave me much to say. Ask me questions, talk about the interests we share, etc.
I agree with a previous reply, stop aiming out of your league. Someone else in one of the other forums put it best. If, on your scale of 1-10 the 10s are never interested in you but the 5s are. Stop going for 10s and go for the 5s.
Some of you automatically point out what you feel are your own faults. Why not change those faults? If you feel you don't look as good as you'd like to, then start to try to look as you'd like. If you feel you aren't as social as you'd like, then start becoming more social, etc. People can feel your insecurities whether it's in person or through emails.
Looks DO matter. They aren't everything but they matter. But everybody isn't attracted to the same look. The media hypes up Brad Pitt but he's not my type at all. I'm more of a Matt Lauer type of woman. What is most important when it comes to looks is that you're happy and confident with how you look. That inner confidence will show through and people will pick up on it. If you aren't a particular someones cup of tea, fine that's life, move onto the next.
When it comes to responding or not responding, sometimes when you say you aren't interested they don't get it. A lot of people treat the messages the way they'd prefer it. I personally would prefer no answer. It's obvious the person isn't interested if they don't answer. Getting a "no thanks" stings a bit. So stop focusing so much on not getting a response as not receiving a response is your answer right there. Even if you typed up a well thought out message, a reply of "no thanks" is the same thing as getting no reply at all. Except the person typed out two short words.
In ending. Dating isn't any different for men then it is for women. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:38:30 PM | I'm a pretty attractive guy (hot to a lot of girls whatever) and honestly it affects us all.
When it comes to women, attractive women that is (somewhat young, thin, pretty etc)...the worse your treat them the more they like you. I've experienced this SOOOOO much in my life. If I am out at a bar/club and acting like a c0cky you-know-what, the girls eat it up and well, pretty much can't get enough.
I'm older now...so this is NOT something that I want anymore. I came to this site to hopefully meet a similar girl...attractive AND normal. But you know what???!! They don't exist!! Well, I am sure they do....but picture a needle in a haystack situation. It's absurd...and so depressing when you really think about it.
So it doesn't matter what you look like or what you can offer..the prettier the girl, the more likely she wants a jerk. And don't deny it lol I have proved it many times in my life and it is a cycle which I hope one day will break (and NOT that I would or have ever mistreated a girl..I just mean they like that side of a guy which in all honesty should never be considered attractive).
Like my profile says...attractive and normal is rare. Plenty or great girls on this site...but not for me. And a few attractive ones...but you know what...it's not all about the looks. It's about someone actually looking for the qualities that will keep you happy in 10/20/30 years...and NOT the ones that will make you happy for a night of two.
I have a lot to learn myself and hopefully one day I will look past the physical myself. But at this point, still searching for that package of what really turns me on and works for me. | |
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