| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:39:45 PM |
I'm a pretty attractive guy (hot to a lot of girls whatever) and honestly it affects us all.
When it comes to women, attractive women that is (somewhat young, thin, pretty etc)...the worse your treat them the more they like you. I've experienced this SOOOOO much in my life. If I am out at a bar/club and acting like a c0cky you-know-what, the girls eat it up and well, pretty much can't get enough.
Because you were meeting them at a bar. Trust me those are a "type" of female. Girls that frequent bars will tell you guys ate it up when they acted like jerks too.
So it doesn't matter what you look like or what you can offer..the prettier the girl, the more likely she wants a jerk. And don't deny it lol I have proved it many times in my life and it is a cycle which I hope one day will break (and NOT that I would or have ever mistreated a girl..I just mean they like that side of a guy which in all honesty should never be considered attractive).
This might just be what you're telling yourself. You say you've never mistreated a girl but you know that when a guy is a jerk she's more interested.
I'll give you an example. You contacted my room mate on here a while back and she blocked you because you sent her a jerk of a message for no reason. If girls like jerks she wouldn't have blocked you.
Like my profile says...attractive and normal is rare. Plenty or great girls on this site...but not for me. And a few attractive ones...but you know what...it's not all about the looks. It's about someone actually looking for the qualities that will keep you happy in 10/20/30 years...and NOT the ones that will make you happy for a night of two.
I agree with you here. But I also know that you need to change your approach because it is something about you that may be ruining it. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:13:19 PM | i agree 100 percent women talk about us being shallow they should look in the mirror
they want to meet a nice guy thats total bullshit they like being treated bad and it really sucks for us guys that are nice and try to do the wright thing i give up women should realize a player is a player and most of the players are the big mussle heads who are going to get in your pants and bye bye so ladies maybe it's time to stop watching soap operas and get back to real life us so called average guys are the real men of the world we work hard we treat women with class and respect is'nt that what you all say you are looking for so like i said look in the mirror | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 10/2/2008 8:52:16 AM | "write one basic e-mail, copy it and send it to every compatable girl in your area"
People can tell when they are getting a form letter.  | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 10/12/2008 6:15:06 PM | I totally agree with this statement, very hard to get a date these days. I've tried match, passion, lavalife, yahoo.
All is the same result if you aren't a model or beefed up jerk forget it. the only problem is internet makes talking and dating so much easier that whats the point of going to a bar?
 So we men sit here in front of a screen waiting to be found. | |
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tink3
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Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 56 | |
| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 10/16/2008 5:53:10 PM | | I do agree with you at some level. Its not that we go for the hot guys. I personally have found the ones I have dated are complete profile liars. This is not easy for either sex beleive me. I guess we just have to go through many and hope the right one comes along . PJ | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 11/18/2008 7:03:39 AM | | What I'd like to point out is this is a "DATING" site. So when people complain that men or women try to meet to quickly, I don't get that. This isn't a meeting site, those are the groups. I find that a lot of the women want you to be ready for an LTR, and then say take it slow. A date does not a commitment make. Also a date can just be an evening of hanging out with each other, which is an easy way to get to know if this is a person of interest. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 11/18/2008 1:51:23 PM |
What I'd like to point out is this is a "DATING" site. So when people complain that men or women try to meet to quickly, I don't get that. This isn't a meeting site, those are the groups. I find that a lot of the women want you to be ready for an LTR, and then say take it slow. A date does not a commitment make. Also a date can just be an evening of hanging out with each other, which is an easy way to get to know if this is a person of interest.
This is what I'm not understanding. Why do so many guys take the term LTR so literally? Nobody goes on a date and says that's it, we're in an LTR. An LTR doesn't even become an LTR until it's been long term, lol. All it means is they're dating but if they hit it off with someone they'll go on another date and another date and are open to it becoming exclusive. I've talked to some guys who don't want any type of relationship They just want to date different people. Which is fine but this just differentiates the two. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/3/2008 4:17:35 PM | Reading through this thread it is apparent that dating on the net is not necessarily unfair to either sex specifically. It is what it is, or rather - what we have made it. Think about it, the net dating scene is more like a glorified "catalogue". Kind of like when you were a child looking through the Sears and Roebucks "Wish Book" Christmas catalogue. You take the idealized version of the person you hope to meet and use that as your framework. You search and browse and send messages to all of the people who fit into that box and see who writes back. It's nothing more than the evolution of the whole "fast food" menatality that permeates American society.
Now, as with everything, there are two sides to that coin. The person on the receiving end measures your email and the profile you have created against . . . you guessed it - their own idealized version of Mr. or Ms. Right for them.
Are all of the guys looking for just sex? No. Well, at least not this one. Are all of the women being measured against super-models? No.
As for the coffee thing - if you are meeting a total stranger whom you have exchanged a few emails with and maybe spoken to on the phone a few times it is somewhat inappropriate to suggest a three course dinner followed by dancing and a show. You need to see if there is any chemistry in person and a cup of coffee in a casual setting is the perfect place to do that. If you would rather have a guy try to lower your inhibitions by buying you alcoholic beverages fine - you are just setting yourself up for a fall.
Personally, I would like to find someone who A) is kind enough to at least respond to one of my carefully thought out emails and B) would actually exchange more than two or three emails before falling off the face of the planet. Or , C) have the common courtesy to say that they don't think there is a connection.
To quote Lo Pan from "Big Trouble in Little China" - " . . . but we all keep trying, like fools." | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/8/2008 2:45:13 PM | We are all human...and honestly if I read a profile that says "looking for a great guy, tall, handsome, athletic, sweet, successful blah blah"...and I write and get no response, it makes a guy wonder. What the hell? I mean...I am a very laid back person, but after countless dates (mostly with people who really weren't for me), it can get frustrating.
At a bar, I do attract girls that are like typical guys...want one thing. Maybe something about me says "hey I just want sex"! Am I a flirt? Definitely. Do I look like the type of guy who just wants that? Could be. So here I am trying to meet a nice, atrractive, normal girl...and seems like they just don't exist (sure a lot of great ones do, but again let's be honest, there has to be a certain level of physical attraction). Is it in my approach? Should I be more "hey I'm super-happy guy and I love dating!" ?? haha....I don't think anyone who really wants a significant relationship and has gone on more than a few dates is very optimistic about the whole situation. I'm not bitter at all...but I am realistic about the world of dating we live in (look at the divorce rate....apparantly I can't be that far off).
And honestly I seriously doubt I wrote the message to your roomate without any reason at all..lol..if that was the case that I even did. But if I did, I do apologize...because like everyone else, I am sure we don't all really come across like we are in person through an email or two. And that is what matters...in person.
And as far as the mistreating part, let's just say I met another person who said "looking for a reformed bad-boy"..and I asked what she meant. Someone who in the past has been a male-whore, got into fights, arrested, etc. She seemed like a great all around girl..someone I would like to meet. But seriously, why would any normal person want someone who has made bad decisions in their life, past or present. I mean...if they did that's fine. Its normal. But to actively seek a person who obviously does not have the best value set going for them...seems absurd. It is like me saying "man seeks former b*tch"...silly. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/8/2008 2:57:22 PM | And as far as the "LTR" thing..why are people so afraid to put that? If you eventually want to be with one person, marriage or whatever, isn't that what should be listed? If you know your long term goals...or at least one of the major ones, it isn't that hard.
Dating? So that means someone is here to just date random people for the heck of it. Kind of like if you were 19 and just want to experience the world of dating and not ever commit....EVEN if you hit it off.
Hang-Out? Is this a friend-finder site? lol.
Other? lol I love that one! At least they are being honest ;)
I think people assume putting LTR will scare someone off. If that person wants a long term relationship and proclaims it after the 1st, 2nd whatever initial date, of course that's insane! Then it's just creepy. But knowing that you are here for something far more than a hook-up, a friend, or to experience different people with no desire for anything more....LTR seems completely normal and fine. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/8/2008 3:27:18 PM |
And honestly I seriously doubt I wrote the message to your roomate without any reason at all..lol..if that was the case that I even did. But if I did, I do apologize...because like everyone else, I am sure we don't all really come across like we are in person through an email or two. And that is what matters...in person.
This was a while ago. I don't know what your reason for messaging her was, but it was rude and caused her to block you.
And as far as the mistreating part, let's just say I met another person who said "looking for a reformed bad-boy"..and I asked what she meant. Someone who in the past has been a male-whore, got into fights, arrested, etc. She seemed like a great all around girl..someone I would like to meet. But seriously, why would any normal person want someone who has made bad decisions in their life, past or present. I mean...if they did that's fine. Its normal. But to actively seek a person who obviously does not have the best value set going for them...seems absurd. It is like me saying "man seeks former b*tch"...silly.
That is ONE person. You can't base your opinion of women off of one or even a hundred women. There are billions of women in the world, women do differ. To say women prefer one type of guy, in this case a "bad boy", is a gross and false generalization. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/8/2008 4:09:47 PM | I don't know the whole story so can't really respond to that. Maybe I said something sarcastic and was taken as rude, or whatever. Bottom line like I said, it is very difficult to get the real you across based on a bunch of words typed on the spur of the moment. I doubt half of the people, inside or out, on here end up being what someone thought...good or bad.
I did not say all women...that would be ignorant and silly! What I meant was there are a lot of great girls looking for not-so-great guys. And vise-versa. Whether they say it or not...it's just what some people really desire. I know...because I was one of those people. And have met MANY alike. Maybe it is being young..who knows. Maybe when you can select from a good group of people, you want what you can't have. It's more exciting. But the older I get, the more I realize this is not the way to a lasting relationship. It's not about the spark, the challenge, the initial feeling, whatever. It is about the person as a whole..their similar beliefs, values and general sense of being. That I think is what gets overlooked and why a lot of people can't seem to figure out why the are single.
P.S. I am a hypocrite I know when it comes to many things. I want a great girl..but sometimes I do like the one with the edge. I want stability, but at the same time I need a little drama here and there. I don't want it too easy, I do want a challenge. I say it really is about the person, but then again I seem to date girls who look exactly alike at times! But at least I realize it and am honest about it...and hopefully will practice what I preach one day. Until then, I am just a guy barely 30 who is learning a lot about himself and others and trying to make sense of it all :-D | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/10/2008 10:43:31 AM | | Internet dating is also unfair to "more mature" women. I am 63 years old and get a lot of emails from very young men who are just looking for sex. Many of the men who are my age are only interested in meeting young "chicks." So I am frustrated because I have a lot to offer to a man who is intelligent enough to give me a chance. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/10/2008 3:18:44 PM |
I don't know the whole story so can't really respond to that. Maybe I said something sarcastic and was taken as rude, or whatever. Bottom line like I said, it is very difficult to get the real you across based on a bunch of words typed on the spur of the moment. I doubt half of the people, inside or out, on here end up being what someone thought...good or bad.
It definitely could have been sarcasm but it was something that unless someone knew you well would view as very rude. I wish I could remember exactly what it said but right away I was like, "What a jerk". She doesn't normally block people right away but she did after that. It was pretty forwardly rude. Just be careful with your approach at least on here lol.
I did not say all women...that would be ignorant and silly! What I meant was there are a lot of great girls looking for not-so-great guys. And vise-versa. Whether they say it or not...it's just what some people really desire. I know...because I was one of those people. And have met MANY alike. Maybe it is being young..who knows. Maybe when you can select from a good group of people, you want what you can't have. It's more exciting. But the older I get, the more I realize this is not the way to a lasting relationship. It's not about the spark, the challenge, the initial feeling, whatever. It is about the person as a whole..their similar beliefs, values and general sense of being. That I think is what gets overlooked and why a lot of people can't seem to figure out why the are single.
From the first reply of yours that I quoted it seemed like you were referring to women in general and not just a small amount. I'm sure there are both women and men out there who are so damaged they look for losers. I never said there wasn't. I can select from a very large group of people and never wanted someone who was a loser. So in these circumstances we can really only speak for ourselves. I think there are A LOT of reasons people are single. We are all such individuals that it's hard to find others who we can just click with in a significant other type of way. As a woman I find most men I meet are, sexist, listen to what society says "women want", don't view me as an individual therefore go on who they think all women are instead of getting to know ME, don't take care of themselves [appearance and otherwise], lack any individuality themselves, etc. Obviously this isn't so for all men nor would I ever say it is. No woman wants someone like that though.
P.S. I am a hypocrite I know when it comes to many things. I want a great girl..but sometimes I do like the one with the edge. I want stability, but at the same time I need a little drama here and there. I don't want it too easy, I do want a challenge. I say it really is about the person, but then again I seem to date girls who look exactly alike at times! But at least I realize it and am honest about it...and hopefully will practice what I preach one day. Until then, I am just a guy barely 30 who is learning a lot about himself and others and trying to make sense of it all :-D
I think a lot of people can relate to this in some sense. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:40:28 PM | | I think it is the same for both. Us older woman don't get much mail at all except in the beginning. It is a race either way, but I think the guys have it easier, because if the woman are too forward then we get either a bad Rep or they run for the hills. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:26:50 AM | Agree with what your saying for the most part, only one thing it happens to me all the time.. Have never had much luck with these dating sites.
Few dates here and there.
I wonder how men feel if women send them messages? do they think your being too forward.
I sent out a message once to a guy who was very young and said wow you look older. he blocked me.
Ya think would take that as a compliment because when I was young I wanted to look older. thank god now I have my dads genes lol | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:31:39 AM | for me looking for long term but it takes time to know a person so going slow is a good thing you find out about the person by dating. Have jumped too fast into relationships in the past learned don't work that way... Men seem to only be interested on going fast when you meet them they just want sex. and if they don't get it they don't talk to you again.
At least for me.
then again have talked to some women who say you do have sex with them and they still don't call.
so are you guys just fishing to see who is the best in the sack and not accually care about the person.............. ? | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:32:55 AM | You must be one of those one of a kind men then.
Because from what your saying I haven't seen many gentleman on dating sites.
very few............. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 1/2/2009 1:04:59 PM | totalpackage,
hate to break it to you but guys don't like the "wifey" type. They get scared if they know if a girl isn't a ho who is going to jump his lamp...a respectable one they can take to their mom is NOT what they are looking for. I've been told this to my face that i'm too "good." They want single serving dates. Replacements, if you will.
I HATE**** men since they don't have much to offer. Those who brag have nothing to brag about. They get pissed when they know that I know that. Nice guys do exist but they are usually taken already. The girl isn't always prettier or smarter...it's like...hmm
guys would rather spend money on a Big Mac cuz they know its cheap and it'll stifle your hunger but they might not splurge for a good steak due to cost and taking a "risk" .
So in a nutshell...guys are an equal problem. You are not innocent either! | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 1/2/2009 2:36:14 PM | i honestly believe it's just as diff. for women... if you're not hot and ready to communicate then no one responds either...
i think the best thing to do with a person that you are int. in is to cut to the chase re. a phone call. a lot can be told by someone's voice, and chatting on the phone.
try to get to a videocall perhaps - before going on a date.
and when proposing a date make sure it's not too romantic - some women are put off by that.
by bro-in-law's friend who internet dates a lot (and is not at all that attractive) told me he does so soley to "get laid" and if a woman goes on a 2nd date - that is guaranteed for him... so u can only imagine what us women are thinking too....
dating in general is tough for all involved!
keep upthe spirits, be positive and u will find what u r seeking!
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 2/3/2009 4:22:39 AM | Oh please...
We have it just as bad. Some of you guys are so conceded it isn't even funny. If we aren't 5'6" or taller, weigh 110, blonde hair, blue eyes, tight ass, and big tits, we are screwed. Give me a break. Not all of us come from great barbie doll genes. I certainly don't and I don't have a gym membership either nor do I want one. I hear guys complaining the women just want pen-pals; the women complain men just want sex.
Men are so damned superficial it's pathetic. I would like for once, just ONE time for a guy to show up for a date...yeah that's right, just show up. Not complain about the DISTANCE, just show up and smile. Maybe not wear ripped jeans, stained t-shirt, be drunk, not weigh more than 100 pounds over his picture, and be at least 10 years older than his profile states too. How about a little honesty.
I get so sick of guys complaining about everything every time I turn on this PC that I started only coming here once every 10 days or so. It isn't just guys that get left out, women get left out too. Both sexes have a bad time of it - some for the same reason, some for different. None of this is a perfect science. We aren't kids anymore but some of us certainly act like it. There is a guy here who has the same picture on his profile that was on a dating site I was on from more than 4 years ago. Now I know darn well he has aged some in 4+ years, but here it is on this profile. But he was posted with several women as a playa - all he wants is sex. Good luck to whomever gets this guy...I never went out with him, he's just an example.
I took myself off of Match.com and True.com, I don't care to meet a guy for sex. I want to meet a nice guy for whatever develops between us that is mutually agreed upon and we feel comfortable with that contents us with compatible feelings. It isn't easy to find.
Just remember, this site is free. I'm not going to say you get what you pay for because I was also a member of Great Expectations in Boston which I dished out 3k for. The site was a hoax. 60 Minutes featured them one evening and after that, they were slapped with suits from multiple members. Also, if I remember correctly, the Attorney General got involved and filed suit against them as well. I did in fact get a full refund in the end.
So you see, guys-gals, nothing is perfect. Most of us are here for the same reasons. That's why Hosting Events is crucial in singles sites. It brings us all together to see if there is a "connection" for some of us. If we **** about the distance than we only have ourselves to blame. If we attend the Events, if gives us a chance to meet other folks in the State that we may have a connection with or even make a friend or two with. Making friends is a good thing for future Events (gives us a place to stay) ha ha.
Keep your chins up guys, we keep ours up. | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 3/23/2009 3:58:46 PM | i met a nice girl here and we met for a drink and of course the picture was 40 lbs lighter,her40 or more lbs heavier.what do you say? i was a gentleman as usual and like her alot but the physical attraction isn't there anymore because of that .
has that happened yet ? lol
also here and other sites,so much anger in alot of the woman.i have to crack up sometimes its so bad,only if they were reading it as another person. marone!
good luck guys | |
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| why internet dating is unfair for men
Posted: 3/23/2009 4:09:54 PM | you know ladies,all guys dont think they are the hottest thing alive and actually are attracted to average looks with alot under the hood.i want a friend as well as a romantic relationship.it isnt every guy that is or thinks he is a so called player ( hate that word) what the f&^k is a player? just want to be happily in love ! the anger girls,jeez
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