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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/24/2007 5:07:01 PM | Ok, this could be a bit harsh for some. TOUGH!
My local matches, within 10 miles come to over 600 women. IF I did as some guys do on here, messaged, said hi, and tried to get those women into bed on or before the first date (guys, tim hortons is NOT a date, it is a meeting, a preample to a possible date), I could probably convince 6 of them, That leaves alot of wasted opportunities, plus, any women I could convince, I wouldn't want to spend my life with. I mean, if she does that for me, how many guys came before me. Pardon the pun.
I know a lot, probably the majority of guys think women on this site are desperate, lonely, hard up, and out of fresh batteries. WRONG!
Women, the majority of them here, are fed up to the gills with @holes hitting on them in clubs, trying to get a quick score. They are fed up with dating some guy, investing months, and comming home to find him with the neighbours poodle. (or any other thing he can catch or sucker into bed) If a woman wanted 'just a guy', for god sake men, LOOK at the women on this site, do you think they couldnt get a guy in seconds, just by batting an eyelash or smiling at a guy in the grocery store while he is buying 60 hungry man frozen dinners (sure sign he is single by the way) do you imagine they couldnt find one before leaving the store?
What women on here are looking for, is another type of guy, something they haven't been able to meet, either because they are a bit shy, have hectic work schedules, or a small social circle, or any number of reasons, mostly they are sick of being hit on by men who think they are nothing more than a nights amusement.
I'm not the most handsome or well built guy on this site, not deluding myself there. I'm maybe average at best. But, the point is, you need to distinguish yourself from being just another guy in an endless list of guys. Guys have feelings, guys are smart, guys know about more than the latest hockey score. Guys do actually have an intellect. Guess what, so do women. Women don't always want to talk about how pretty they are, they know they are pretty, they get told that in probably every message they get. I mean, sure, acknowledge the fact, it lets them know you noticed, but share something with them that you dont share with your buddy joe at the pub. Most guys here can read, unless they are getting mommy to help with the big words. Find women who you can have something to talk about besides how good they look and how hot you are for them, and how bad you need to get them into bed. Don't worry about getting them into bed. Don't even try. When the time is right, you will know, either that or she'll club you over the head and have her way with you.
If you are a mechanic, talk to women who like trucks and atvs. I'm a computer nerd, I work in tech support. I am also well read in popular fiction, classics, sci fi, poetry, I understand art, I am not an artist, but I can carry on a decent discussion about art. Current events, did you know it is now illegal to have intercourse with a woman if she is drunk in scotland? You can talk for at least an hour about that alone, it will say to the woman, "hey.. this fella is having a conversation that doesnt involve football, maybe he wants to hear my views, maybe he thinks I am more than a bit of fluff?"
Do you guys see what i am saying? There is more to men than sports and sex.
If you are just looking for a bit of ASS, go to the Blvd and pay for it, It costs less than I spend on the average first date. It costs less then most guys spend plying a woman with drinks at the bar. *L*
Women want to know they have more to look forward to that grunts between plays of the sports game, and watching you scratch yourself during commercials.
And guys.. "I'ld like to do you" is not a good line to catch a womans attention. You are men, they KNOW you would like to "do them" but they have thier pick, why should they want to do you? So if you guys don't get what I am saying, well... there is no hope. Visit the 'mens' section of the nookie boutique, and stock up on tv dinners. The guys that do understand what I mean, you got a shot. keep fishing. You don't expect to catch a trout using a bass lure do you? If you have the bait for trout, fish for trout. *grins* | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/24/2007 8:24:56 PM | Your argument is compelling. I too have taken a softer approach to this online dating. Your right that people (not just women) shop around on this site and most don't mean what they say. It comes down to perceptions and expectations and ultimately attraction. Dating online is an "always something better out there" scenario and sometimes that sucks.
I like your advice, and if we were smarter our profiles would look better than they should to appeal to the window shoppers out there. I am on a journey to see how much fun I can have with my profile. I have a feeling when I go through the next profile change I will have more women stopping by for a peak at what I may be able to offer.
Great thread. | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:00:19 AM | ok well heres my list and if you can find him I would be soooo greatful
tall yes over 6 ft black I love a sexy chocolate man with full kissable lipps who know how to sex a women right of course he has to have it working in that area.. size matters lets see he has to passionate yet strong sensitive yet manly and if we get our wishes hell he can have money too... lets see he has to be a faithfull man who wants only me and will love me unconditionally faults and all... he will ahve a deep sexy voice and make love the second i call..
so theres my shopping list WHERE IS HE??? lol | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:09:23 AM |
ok well heres my list and if you can find him I would be soooo greatful
tall yes over 6 ft black I love a sexy chocolate man with full kissable lipps who know how to sex a women right of course he has to have it working in that area.. size matters lets see he has to passionate yet strong sensitive yet manly and if we get our wishes hell he can have money too... lets see he has to be a faithfull man who wants only me and will love me unconditionally faults and all... he will ahve a deep sexy voice and make love the second i call..
so theres my shopping list WHERE IS HE??? lol
Oh, the tall, ebony, passionate, well endowed, strong, sensitive, rich, faithful, attentive men? Yeah, I've seen them, they're hanging out back over that way, next to the 25 year old women with no kids and big breasts. | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:51:32 AM |
trueserenity wrote: Ok, well here's my list, and if you
can find him, I would be soooo grateful: tall, yes, over 6 ft black.
I love a sexy chocolate man with full, kissable lips who know how
to sex a women right, of course he has to have it working in that
area.. size matters, let's see he has to passionate yet strong sensitive
yet manly and if we get our wishes hell he can have money too...
You might want to flag my profile as, "Very Unsuitable". | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:37:32 AM | Carbonrus says:Oh, the tall, ebony, passionate, well endowed, strong, sensitive, rich, faithful, attentive men? Yeah, I've seen them, they're hanging out back over that way,
*****************************************************
well yo are the lucky one .. right in your back yard wish I were your neighbor..lol
I know its a Dream that doesnt exist but hey its my dream..lol just having some fun... | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:58:48 PM |
I'm not the most handsome or well built guy on this site, not deluding myself there. I'm maybe average at best. But, the point is, you need to distinguish yourself from being just another guy in an endless list of guys. Guys have feelings, guys are smart, guys know about more than the latest hockey score. Guys do actually have an intellect. Guess what, so do women.
Well said dude. Finally, less b!tching, more how to be better. Good job. | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 2:10:00 PM | Best-Foot-Forward . . !!!
Never Give Up . . Never Surrender . . !!
I'm _Worthy_ of a Good woman . .
and I won't let some 'Bad-boy, Macho-Slob' tell me Otherwise . . !!
Someone is in for a Treat . . !!! | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 5:46:46 PM | Carbonrust,
thanks for your post, I enjoyed reading it and the thread :) I am new to this site - an amateur if you will, I suppose your post has helped me to view this site in a slightly different light.
I've messaged a few ladies on here hoping for an exchange of msgs and perhaps make some new friends. However, I've been disappointed by the number of times my messages have been deleted without a response - or deleted without even being read!
I grew up with manners being pretty high on the education list. If someone has taken the time to write me a message, I normally read it and respond (even if I were getting 100 a day) - In any case, I am hardly writing to supermodels or popstars / celebrities with a huge fan base getting 100+ mails to respond everyday :) I wish more ladies on here had a similar education list to my own.
The fact I am unable to delete any sent mesages is a constant reminder when I visit this site that I was stupid enough to waste my time writing a message to someone who did not want to be contacted by me :( - but we live and learn... | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:00:08 PM | pretty obvious... there is (due to numbers) very few women who'll fit your profile....
My profile might just be too eclectic and over the top. You'd think that quantum physics and spirituality are a lethal combination. Lots look... checking the shelves. I think the "entertainment" value is spot on. | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:17:14 PM | there is much truth in this thread....thanks so much for bringing it up...
If i have gleaned one thing from this discussion, perhaps i was taking this whole online thing a bit too seriously. Just take a look at my current profile. Case in point.
I think maybe if I dumbed my wordy description down to about 10 lines at most, put up some incredibly rockin' pictures of some random fashion designer model ripped from a magazine then sure, the hits would come rolling in by the dozens. I think the fact is no one is really actually going to take the time to read all that fluff material. It's only a personal ad people. Nothing more, nothing less. Guys, If we are emptying our very souls into this webpage then we are missing the point. The pictures are all that matter because it's all window shopping.
....of course I could be mistaken and there could be a select few out there who actually are interested in what i have to say about myself, and so I am keeping the profile the way it is for them. If you really want to get to know me then read what I wrote; it's all there. I was being 100% dead honest about who I am, what i am looking for, and how I would treat that special person in my life. Not to be harsh, but if all you can do is give my pictures a glance, think "geez, what a total dork" and move on, then good riddance. I don't want to get to know you either. | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:02:38 PM | | Put yourself at the end of the aisle. You will be visible to every woman going down that aisle. Eventually you WILL get noticed and be "checked" out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It takes patience, and a sense of humor to sell yourself. Patience...humor....patience...humor...pati oh well u get it.....And talking about patience and humor, try being a 67 yr old woman on this site. | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:06:21 PM | | I think that men shop just as much as women do. I know a collector too. He likes to shop and collect as his hobby. Oh I am sure there are many collectors here, ok, they are called players too... | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 1/4/2008 9:53:08 PM | That's interesting that you said the ratio is 3 women to 1 guy. That's not the case where I am- Pinellas County.
I talk to lots of guys, but I can tell you for the most part they are the "picked over" types...alkies, cheapskates, broker than broke, short, slender (not a very masculine adjective by the way) guys that say where the "growed up" you get the picture... | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:27:05 AM | Bravo, Dragon! What a breath of fresh air! May I also add...the majority of men's profiles list their interests as: some sort of sports activity, motorcycles, camping and fishing. If said guy messages a woman, he's likely to say, "How are you?" or "Tell me about yourself." Whether a woman is wildly interested or not, she stares rather blankly at the message wondering how the heck to respond to that. I KNOW there is more to most men than sports and sex...I just wish they would lead with it!
Or....maybe it's just me! | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:46:07 AM | what I've "taken " from this post is just what we see in each and every profile..different preferences ,likes and ideas of what we're searching for..and the fact that some of us are negative in our responses and some of us can "joke' around  | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:50:44 AM | Dragon and girlrooster make good points. Aside from our photos, Its written words and creative responses that comprise this media. And I find it helpful to think of it not so much as one big ocean, but as a 'land of 1,000 lakes. Gotta pick your lake as dragon said. If you play acoustic guitar, dont write some 'into' club. (I could bang out a string of "If/Don'ts", but I will spare everyone.)
While I probably need to improve my interests list, and on a bad day, I can get a little depressed, the question really goes back to expectations. The site is not a magic wand. The questions isn't "are people falling over themselves because I'm the best thing since sliced bread" (they never have so why would it start now-because its the internet? No.) but rather "is it increasing the number of people that are single who I find interesting, would like to know better, date, and vice versa?"
and the answer to that question would be "yes."
Keep your eyes on the big picture, maintain reasonable expectations, and the glass tends to appear half full.
Or is it just that I had a date last night? | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:26:13 AM |
I think the fact is no one is really actually going to take the time to read all that fluff material. It's only a personal ad people. Nothing more, nothing less. Guys, If we are emptying our very souls into this webpage then we are missing the point.
If all you do is talk about yourself, they don't want to hear it. If you talk about what you like and say it as if it was a story, they will gobble every word. I have women e-mail me thanking me for weird stuff I put in my profile. I've had women ask me while on a date what did I mean by such and such in my profile. Women like to imagine themselves in what would be a journey with you. If in their minds eye they go uhhhh. Forget about it. But if they go hmmmmm. You broke through. And they may want to meet you.
And don't sweat it, there are 50 thousand other ways to screw it up. Hehehe! | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:40:33 AM | Oooh how I love shopping. What a fun thread.
The really funny thing about it is that *I* also read over and over about how picky you guys are...Particularly about a woman's weight. Yet you somehow all think you are prizes and you want the model shaped gorgeous women to want you.
Or there are the guys who put no effort into either their profiles, pictures, or messages, but don't understand why the models aren't knocking down their doors. Go figure.
I see POF more like shopping on Amazon...where product description and product reviews determine ultimately what I'll buy. It's not enough to look at the package, I want to know what's inside it before I'm willing to spend money and time on it.
BUT...seriously, on amazon, the product doesn't get to have a say on whether or not it gets bought. For a date to be made here, the product and the buyer have to want each other... I just can't find a good shopping analogy for that one.
K | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 1/5/2008 9:51:26 AM | | Man, shut up and let people do things their way. You got things wrong anyways. It's a computer. Garbage in = Garbage out. It's as simple as that. People assume things and try to guess things based on reactions because they are just too scared to just lay things out strait. That's what the problem is with ANY online dating site. Then you got the cases of the useual liars cheats and thieves. If you can't handle things on a computer, then I'm sorry. Comunication is paramount. If you can't communicate and stop being paranoid about stuff and just take type for face value, then you're doing the whole communication thing wrong. | |
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| Guys, feeling depressed about this site? This will help!
Posted: 1/5/2008 10:14:03 AM | I hate shopping. I also know women judge their weight harsher than guys do. Some at least. Like guys, other women do lie. But there are alot women who say 'a few extra pounds" and 'average" who are very attractive and who I email.
And some of us do put energy into our profiles and emails.
We ALL dont want models. Many of us know we dont have the looks, personality, and lifestyle to deal with that. (Yuck!). some of us are actually fairly left wing intellectuals who actually are repulsed by the materialism we see out there on a daily basis. Many? actually I have no statistical proof. Just know about me. I can guess about a few others, but they are just guesses.
But there does seem to be a fairly strong dichotomy between looks and intelligence around here. Makes sense though. Sell what u got. If I had to pick though, I'd pick intelligence. 'picky'? I screen out self-centered idiots. I look skeptically at bad English (unless its good dialogue). I look for for subtle, self-deprecating humor. (shows confidence). And good, creative writing. I know "good" is subjective.
kaliecat- I am now having images of ALL the products on the shelf having a say about who buys them. chaos would ensue. Little Pony's (I have a 4 YO daughter), cans of beans, spaghetti. Cant stop laughing. oh, the questions the products would ask! | |
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