Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Woman who never calls      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ladyvenus
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 76
Woman who never callsPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
That's one of the things I have always been concerned with, CassaGo, which as you said, is calling and have them be "rudely dismissive." I would be very upset about that. I also don't want to call and it would just happen to be that he's on the other line with another woman or maybe even getting ready to go out with someone else and I'm totally unaware that that is going on. Just the thought of my calling and that would be happening is enough to scare the crap out of me, so I don't call. I don't want to feel foolish; even if I didn't know that was going on, he would know, and he'd be laughing at me behind my back. I'm not talking about this gentleman in particular, just men in general.
 ladyvenus
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 77
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:18:01 PM
Something important to learn about many women, Aprincelyfrog, is that the workplace is different than the romantic arena. Women should be treated in the workplace just as a man would be treated in terms of salary, benefits, and that type of thing; however, in the romantic arena, women still want romance, wooing and such. Frankly, it's one of the few benefits of being a woman.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 78
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:19:53 PM
You’ve been dating for almost two months; there’s “a whole lot of nooky going on”; you’re pulling the John & Yoko and laying in bed for 19 hours; things are “pretty hot”; he’s always “smoking”; you’ve done “pretty much everything, but the ultimate bulls eye”; you’re mulling over the possibility of “please, baby goooo alllll the waaaay”; all THIS, yet you’re uncomfortable about initiating a simple phone call? Hello, Central? I think you’ve got some sort of Ma Bell block. This just doesn’t make sense to me.
 ladyvenus
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 79
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:23:33 PM
Absolutely, Englishlass, you haven't seen THIS 70-year-old! He has the body that any man would envy, even a 25-year-old. He is a very handsome man. Excellent posture, very erect, great chest and arms. I mean, he is hot! He looks like he would be in his early 60s.

And you are right that he is cool - very easy to be with, EXTREMELY physically affectionate; he always wants to hold me and have my head on his chest when we watch TV, so I have to lay down next to him with part of my body on his chest. It's very nice, indeed!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 80
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:28:13 PM

I also don't want to call and it would just happen to be that he's on the other line with another woman or maybe even getting ready to go out with someone else and I'm totally unaware that that is going on. Just the thought of my calling and that would be happening is enough to scare the crap out of me, so I don't call.


You are one scary insecure woman. Just do me a favor, when he dumps you. Don't start a threat here saying what a bad guy he was. Realize that this is all of your own making.
 ladyvenus
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 81
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:28:22 PM
Wow, lovelylisa88, I think you are getting close to the root of the issue I have with not wanting to phone. Bottom line: I don't want to call and then feel rejected if the voice is cool or dismissive. A mother issue, no doubt, as that would make perfect sense. You should be a therapist! :)
 LaughingBlueEyes
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 82
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:31:23 PM
You want him to call you more and yet you do not want to, as you term it, "initiate" a phone call. In my opinion, you should not only call this man, you should marry him. I'm sure not too many men would put up with this kind of attitude for very long.



He has the body that any man would envy, even a 25-year-old.He looks like he would be in his early 60s.
Yes, the 25 year olds are all wishing their bodies looked like this.
 mrwizard766
Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 83
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:44:28 PM
If I've sufficiently chased a woman and spent some time with her (dates) then there eventually does come a point where I'll say "FUDGE IT!" and break contact if she doesn't call or even ask me to do something. Anything less tells me that she's not as interested as I'd like her to be. I'll never say when that point may be because it's been different among the ladies I've known.

OTOH this is not an excuse for women to be passive aggressive and just let the guy lose interest. If you are not into a guy after dating a few times then TELL HIM SO!!! Guys don't like to be the fallback plan for a Saturday night either.
 *Carpe_diem*
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 84
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 8:55:57 PM

it should be obvious to him that I certainly to care about him from my behavior when we're together.
It should, but it may not. Never assume anything, much less how ones feelings are perceived to another.

For me, if it is in the beginning of a relationship/dating, I would infer that zero communication from her indicates zero interest. If she was interested, she would call. That also applies to unreturned calls and messages. Usually, that tends to be a true statement.


To me, men are impossible to read.
A great many men say the same thing about women.

You need to communicate with him how you feel and he needs to do the same with you.
 ladyvenus
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 85
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/18/2007 9:51:49 PM
Oh, come on, Laughing Blue Eyes, when I said that he has a body that a 25-year-old would envy and that he looks like he's in his early 60s instead of 70, I was talking about two different things: 1) the body and 2) the face, which looks quite a bit younger than he actually is. He has a very attractive face; at least I like it.
 ladyvenus
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 86
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:57:37 AM
All right, people, I followed the advice here. I decided that one initiated call in almost 8 weeks would be OK and not make me seem "needy" or something.

As it turned out, he wasn't feeling well, so I cooked some food and took it over. He seemed very happy to see me and hugged me the whole time.

I was only able to stay for an hour, since I had a ton of things that I left undone to cook and drive over the food. I guess I didn't overstay my welcome either, since I was there for a relatively short period.

Thanks for the inputs and analyses of the situation. By the way I realized that I didn't mention before that another reason why I don't like calling, especially him, is because apparently, he has been used all his life to having women fawn all over him. I am not about to do that nonsense and I don't want to be manipulated into being the one who has to do the calling in order to stroke a potentially oversized ego; I'm not sure if he has that, but just in case. Anyway, I don't want to beat a dead horse, so I'll just say again, thanks for you ideas and thoughts regarding my initial question.

Happy holidays to all!
 merlotman41
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 87
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/19/2007 2:10:35 AM

You are one scary insecure woman. Just do me a favor, when he dumps you. Don't start a threat here saying what a bad guy he was. Realize that this is all of your own making.


OMG.......I actually agree with this post..

OP, you obviously have some issues that you need to sort out....ummmmm

1. your brain
 coolswimom
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 88
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:36:14 AM
[Oh, and dashriprock, don't be all down on the OP. She is not to blame for this. It's all the messaging that women get about "being too needy and clingy" that results in this tiptoeing. We constantly bombarded with the idea of not smothering the guy or scaring him off with our "clinginess." So this is what you get for complaining about clingy women. Men have to make the moves, since they complain when women take the initiative. You can't have it both ways. ]

Thank you for that Dumplin!
I recently met someone (on POF) that I really seem to hit it off with. He called me for about a week and a half EVERY day sometimes 3 times a day. I really like him and we have tons in common. ( he knows who he is) however after the week and a half marathon he suddenly stopped calling for about 5 days. I could not reach him he wasnt calling me. Let me say that after having been through a crap load of BS games I immediately jumped to the cunclusion that he was bailing out and just didnt have the nuts to just SAY SO. My point is that when this happened I didnt want to "seem" like I cared (IF in fact he was just "moving on" without notice) In reality I did. So I called my cousin and talked to him to get a guys perspective. First thing that came out of his mouth .. You dont want to "seem TOO needy"!!! In spite of his advice I decided to take the honest approach and told him that it bothered me when he didnt call all of a sudden (it happens there was good reason ) BUT he said he didnt think that "I" cared that much .. WTF is that am I supposed to Do with that ? when I feel what I feel Id like to just go with it ( risky?? YES- Pretentious ??NO)which way do you want it .. The truth is I am a single mom and yes I would love to have a partner that I can count on and trust , and because of the load I DO get Drained and needy from time to time..If by that you mean (love, emotional support, listening, affection and just a little plain old fun) then YES I am needy. who the hell isnt ?and If you are Looking for long term.. why are u Here If you are not in some way Needy???
 Seavoyage
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 89
view profile
History
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:04:57 AM
Well, none of the women said that she is playing a game. They say that when men do that. Of course, you are trying to protect yourself, but that often limits the growth of a relationship. I think if you really want to talk to the man and connect to him, you don't need to call him everyday, but you could instead of talking to him twice a week increase it to three times a week. You don't want to go from one extreme to another. Start picking up the pace until you both reach a certain comfort level. For me, as a man I respond to the warmth of a woman. I wasn't that into a woman, but when she was really trying to be very warm and caring to me, I noticed. If you want something from him, stop thinking too much about what you can get and think of what you can give him to respond more...
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 7:44:23 AM
OP:

I'll bet if he were a millionaire/billionaire playboy with a lifesyle of variety and endless instant gratification, and with a bottomless money pit to finance it all...his "missed call" log would be littered with your number, pretty much within a time pattern of every five minutes!

Bah...Bah...Bah!
 easyriderbabe
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 91
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:36:58 AM
Good god, what kind of woman are you? Remember why we burnt the bloody bra! Equality. Are you some sort of goddess who only climbs down from her high horse to accept the pearls and swine, get a life woman!
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 92
view profile
History
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:47:45 AM
> Good god, what kind of woman are you?

This kind:

Something important to learn about many women, Aprincelyfrog, is that the workplace is different than the romantic arena. Women should be treated in the workplace just as a man would be treated in terms of salary, benefits, and that type of thing; however, in the romantic arena, women still want romance, wooing and such. Frankly, it's one of the few benefits of being a woman.

In the workplace, she's "equal". But in the private sphere she returns to the world of traditional femininity where she's special and privileged and placed on a pedestal, where it's the man's "job" to give her dates, a relationship, etc., etc.

In other words, she's about selective equality, but otherwise is into the "old sex" (Make Him Earn It).
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 93
view profile
History
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:18:16 AM
Hmm..."equality"...

You mean the woman has the freedom to go wherever she wants, do whatever she pleases (and anything goes, I might add)...and I, as an elligible male...must swallow my pride...keep my nose to the grindstone... and accept the emotional/financial responsibility for her actions without nary a complaint?

MY ANSWER>>>>>>>
 divineadvisor
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 94
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:26:57 AM
I think that is fine at the start of the relationship....but, after that you should feel comfortable enough to call him and talk to him when you want to. If it has only been 7 weeks...I personally think that is fine. Your relationship should develop naturally.
 regalrose
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 95
view profile
History
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:01:31 PM
hrtovgld I know what ya mean...and with my sister and I, it didn't stop with "dont ever call a guy"...we were told it wasn't ladylike to show a guy we were interested, it was ...as you say....his job to show interest in us first. With that kinda raising, it amazes me I ever met a guy to date, much less marry. When you find out how to convert to the 21century...let me know hon, I'm kinda interested in hearin' that one myself!!!

I am not believing this!!! You mean to tell me, that men actually believe that ALL women do that women's lib thing? Geez! Some of us were raised not only "old school" but as in my case, "ancient school", lol. It may seem crazy to ya'll, but it's no less true, so cut the OP some slack. Some of us LIVE as we were TAUGHT, not everyone bucked the system. It doesn't mean we aren't up for change...otherwise the OP wouldn't be askin for advice, but change comes hard sometimes. It ain't got nothin to do with games or manipulation. As I grew up, not that long ago, people (those considered decent in our community) taught men to behave one way, women another. That being, men could do whatever they darn well pleased, but a lady NEVER called a man, nor expressed interest unless she wanted to be "labeled" , and NEVER slept with anyone but the man she married unless she wanted to hang her head in shame the rest of her days. You might be surprised to know that there are alota small, out of the way places that STILL advocate this, as well as other things you'd drop your collective jaws at. I know from reading alot of the forum posts that nowadays women are expected to act like men as far as "chasing" or whatever ya wanna call it goes, and that apparently men actually believe we females all have this modern way of thinkin when it comes to sex and relationships. But, the truth of the matter is, many of us don't and some are ashamed to admit it for fear of being laughed at and play along, then freak out when they get in a situation they can't handle, then guys are like...wtf??? Because the guys (and from the looks of some of the comments, even some of the gals) seem to be clueless that women are STILL being taught this stuff. So try to keep in mind not everyone who doesn't seem quite as "liberated" in their views isn't always playin games...it just might actually BE part of their belief system and they TRULY want help changing. I know I do, yet like I said, that change comes hard sometimes. I wouldn't expect a guy to wait years for it to happen, but a lil' bit of patience and understanding would help. Those of you men out there who are understanding of this, THANK YOU!!! It truly means alot (at least to me!). :)

OP you are so right....Women's lib may have started out a good thing, but ended up as bullcrap! Sure, we should be recognized for our strengths just as men are, but we are not and never will be the same, and I personally am glad. Each has their own place in the world and each are pretty danged wonderful in their own right. Thing is, that understanding could have been reached without goin to the extremes that were gone to, and without makin' guys feel like we no longer need them in our life. We might be self sufficient, far as work and general things go, but (at least far as I am concerned) no matter what kinda front is put up, there's still a place inside MOST gals lives that only a good man can fill ! JMO. Sorry to hear he was sick, but glad to hear ya got up the nerve to call him...maybe that's the first of many changes to come!
 ngat73
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 96
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:04:34 PM
Wow. All this stuff being spewed all over the place is so crazy. My head hurts as it is... Other peoples drama in "real life"...than online. What is the big deal if the OP does not want to call?...And maybe she is a little insecure because she likes this hot dude...although he is like 70 (hard to believe) but beauty and lust is in the eye of the beholder. How is that being manipulative? How does any person have the right to determine a woman's worthiness to be "chased in an extended period of time"? Obviously, she has boundaries and a little integrity. If I went to dinner with a guy to meet his kids during Christmas I may feel the same way, just a date unless something was verbalized to me. Men invite women/friends to important events as dates all the time. Maybe, OP is posting because she is nervous and don't really know if the man likes her. And maybe she likes him too but unsure about her own feelings. Shit...I would love to go back to the 50's where the "gender roles" are not so mixed up and twisted in so many folks.

Just to give you my opinion on your concern...you are doing just fine. Take your time and go on those dates that you have with him. Enjoy your time. Life is short. And, if you get that moment and the "feeling" than show him how you feel in whatever way you know how. In the mean time... go your pace and show your feelings as you are comfortable...and if it is meant to be than it is meant to be. Nothing is wrong with being a lady...that is the only way to find a true gentleman in this type of dating arena. Trust and sincerity is lacking, and obviously from reading the postings...gentleman are as well
 cocytus
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 97
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:10:51 PM

What's you guys' opinion on this: When I am dating a man, even several months into it, unless it is clear to me that the man is really, deeply "in like" with me or he has even uttered the "love word," I NEVER initiate calls to him. I only call to return his call, to alert him if I'm running late, or if I got lost on the way to where we're meeting and I need directions. Other than that, I do NOT call.

So, I'm wondering how men view it when a woman never calls. Does that pique the man's curiosity or does it start to make him feel that maybe she's not that into him? I've been seeing someone for 7 weeks now and I've only called him when I got lost, to let him know when I'm running late, or to return his call. Having said that, however, he only calls me once or twice a week. We are now spending from Saturday afternon to Sunday afternoon together and we've started to see each other one night a week. He is very affectionate; is always snuggling, cuddling and kissing. We always seem to be physically entwined.

He asked me to Christmas dinner at a restaurant with his two grown children and their significant others. I don't think it has any meaning, other than I'm his date to this event.

Having said that, I'm wondering if at this point I should call. However, since he only calls me once or twice a week, I don't want to get in the habit of initiating phone calls. I want him to call me more. The mushy words and the physical affection when we're together don't carry over to phone calls on the days that we don't see each other. I'm concerned about this.


It should be a two-way street.
Both parties should be willing to initiate phone calls...
One thing that REALLY irritates me is when I give a woman my number...she doesn't call and then later writes me an email (?) and says she feels "uncomfortable" about calling a man first...
And then doesn't give me her number...
WTF?
Setting "rules" for calling...like most things..usually doesn't work to your favor.
 primavera101
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 98
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:19:57 PM
So let's talk about flowers on the first date as a side bar....and realize that many of us meet someone that we've barely talked to on here...maybe a couple of emails, a phone call or two...and we're meeting to 'establish chemistry' as so many of us put it. Do you really want the guy bringing flowers and maybe take you out to dinner when he doesn't know you...now keep in mind he must be doing this for the last 50 gals he went out with...makes you feel special doesn't it... :)..and he also took the last 50 out for dinner...

What should he do on the 2nd meeting/date if he brings flowers on the first?:) a necklace or a ring? :)

Just playing..
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 99
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:29:51 PM
All right, people, I followed the advice here. I decided that one initiated call in almost 8 weeks would be OK and not make me seem "needy" or something.

As it turned out, he wasn't feeling well, so I cooked some food and took it over. He seemed very happy to see me and hugged me the whole time.

I was only able to stay for an hour, since I had a ton of things that I left undone to cook and drive over the food. I guess I didn't overstay my welcome either, since I was there for a relatively short period.



IT seams like its ok for him to feel needy as he is doing all the calling till this one time, i would feel that you are not intersisted and i would say to hell with you, you know it takes two to make any kind of realtionship work even if its just a friendship type realtionship and from what you said are not even trying.
 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 100
Woman who never calls
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:40:20 PM

what I'm wondering is just whether men view a woman who almost never calls as not really into him. The specific situation with this man is that I am VERY physically affectionate. That's my primary method of communication -- holding hands, cuddling, snuggling, hugging and kissing, etc. I tend not to say mushy things because it's extremely uncomfortable for me. However, it should be obvious to him that I certainly to care about him from my behavior when we're together.


Let me get this straight, you hold hands, cuddle, kiss, hug, and it should be "obvious" you care about him.... you are spending most of the weekend with him, doing the same, he's seeing you once a week, he's inviting you to dinner with his kids and their spouses (ie, "meet the family"), so sounds to me like *he* likes you...

And yet, you wont call him and think thats ok.... but him not calling you is a major no-no, lack of interest, etc?? I would hope that a relationship would be a bit more of a "give and take/compromise" than that.

Me, personally, *yes*, if after almost 2 months a woman has *never* called me, I might start wondering if she was really into me.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Woman who never calls