| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:56:41 PM |
divineadvisor
If you want a relationship it is best to show self restraint.
They also have it drilled into their head that if something is worth anything then you must work for it.
Don't believe the posts above from men who say it does not matter. It does. I know it for a fact.
You just can not expect a relationship with someone you immediately sleep with.
If anything by waiting to have sex with someone you do find out if they are truly interested.
Again, it does matter....do not let anyone tell you differently.
This is why irony has become my favorite word.
It is posts like this that disregard the hundreds of threads and posters who contradict it and still they firmly believe they have divine knowledge and the need to advice the lesser beings in the "TRUTH" of the matter that keep my Irony-O-Meter well worked.
I will let the boards be my empirical evidence.
IT DOES NOT MATTER. If it was going to be it will be, if it wasn't it won't.
Every time you convince someone different you just increase the chances of causing some one misery.
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/12/2008 3:06:03 PM | ^^^I was fully expecting to get replies like yours. I am sure I will get replies from men that are a lot worse. There are not hundreds of threads that contradict what I am saying. Go to the broken heart section and you will find hundreds more confirming it. It depends on expectations and it does matter...anyone with a brain can see it does and if there is a woman who doesn't believe it...see for yourself. If YOU try to convince someone differently than YOU are increasing their chance of misery. I think you must know this. You just picked out little parts of my post so that you could try to prove what you call "truth." To say it does not matter ...that is not truth.
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/12/2008 3:20:01 PM |
Go to the heartbreak section and you will find hundreds more confirming it.
Actualy that is where all the threads are that completely contradict what you are saying.
You just picked out little parts of my post so that you could try to prove what you call "truth."
I only picked out little bits because quoting the entire thing would have been excessive and would not have pointed out the fallacy of your advice any more than the little parts.
To say it does not matter ...that is not truth. It does
It is sad how many bitter cynical women are on this sight trying to help others become just like them rather than listening, learning and trying something different.
Open your eyes, look at the posters. Notice the ones who are enjoying them selves and optomistic are usualy not the ones who busy trying to repress them selves and every one else. They are living, loving and looking forward to romance, sex, love and their life.
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/12/2008 3:23:38 PM | | ^^^LOL....you don't know anything about me. I would not assume anything. I would be the first one to tell people...go ahead it doesn't matter. But, again....it does. It depends on expectations and what you are intending. Relationships typically do not develop between people who immediately have sex with one another. I do look at the posts. Those where women have went out on a date had a great time and had sex and wonder where he is....after he told her how much he loved her and always would. Those were women "looking forward to romance, sex, love and their life." By the things you are writing and avocating, such as, saying it doesn't matter and that people that don't agree with you are repressed, you are increasing someone's chance of misery. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/12/2008 3:34:14 PM |
Relationships typically do not develop between people who immediately have sex with one another.
Again, read the the threads. Holding off has a consistant failure rate.
Many of the successes you wont hear about because they are no longer on a dating site. But if you read back you will find other people who do know people who have had sex on the first date and they are in commited relationships with the person. I am in the same boat with them.
I am not going to argue with you. I have said what I have said.
Of course you are not going to argue about it, no matter how many times you say it you will still be wrong.
The truth of the matter is IT DOESN"T MATTER. If it was going to work it will if it isn't then all the waiting and testing do is make the failure all that much worse.
I don't decide how things work I just notice rather than trying to convince every one else to share my delusion.
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Julip
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Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 231 | |
| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/12/2008 4:01:42 PM |
Relationships typically do not develop between people who immediately have sex with one another.
Geez, I hope no-one tells my parents this!
They met when he came to fix her fridge. I'm pretty sure they had fun that very fitst day on the kitchen bench. He moved in, they lived together for eight years and then finally married in 1959 and went on the have kids. Their great sex life made for a pretty happy family.
So I do not agree with this premise at all. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:23:57 PM |
Open your eyes, look at the posters. Notice the ones who are enjoying them selves and optomistic are usualy not the ones who busy trying to repress them selves and every one else. They are living, loving and looking forward to romance, sex, love and their life.
Why doesn't everyone take a deep breath and realize..yeah, sometimes it works, for some people...most of the time it doesn't and Kazot..maybe that's how YOU see it..but, trust me..I've known and dated far more men than you have..many more feel the exact opposite, and you conveniently ignore all the men and women who say so..there are just as many men who think its slutty, and are just looking for sex, maybe, actually more than those that feel differently..you can't presume to speak for all of them. And they are just as vocal on here.
Not being interested in a sex only relationship, I'm not going to set up a situation where that's what I get. It has nothing to do with being cynical or bitter..I am neither..it is just realistic. The TRUTH is there are many men who just want sex, and will say anything to get there. ( Excluding those who are honest about it, who appear to be the minority)..until you are a woman and deal with a bunch of men online, don't presume to speak for them all.
And, there are even some who espouse what you do, only as another tactic to get women to go along. Not saying that is your motive, but, it is there. Many women, who are neither frigid, bitter or any other negative , guilt thing some men like to use...just aren't interested in having sex with every guy they are interested in, till one of them sticks? And that's basically what you are saying...every time one goes on a first date with someone they would be interested in dating, they should hop into bed with them, and take their chances. Sorry, my body isn't a testing ground...someone who is truly interested in me won't mind..and for myself, that's the ones I date.
And btw...I'm having a great time, I'm not repressing anything, I'm living, and very happy..just waiting for the right guy to come along...
Maybe it should be acknowledged that though one way works for some, another works for others. And for those that don't mind the first date sex...go for it...whatever floats your boat. But, don't tell me there is something wrong with me, because I CHOOSE to do it different...to each their own... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/12/2008 6:27:00 PM | It's a bad idea to sleep with a guy on the first date because he will take that to mean you are easy! Maybe on the second date, or even on the first date, if you are getting all kissy faced you can decide together how many dates before sex. But first date is a sure fire way to go from being a 10 in his eyes to a 3 (or even a -3). So be smart and think of the future you want. Establish values and make your decisions based on those values because that way 1) you will be true to yourself and 2) you can make your decisions based on the future you want and not the heat of the moment!!
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:25:24 AM | The TRUTH is there are many men who just want sex, and will say anything to get there.
And how does holding off change that?
You are building strawman arguments arguing about what I am not saying.
This my entire point, IT DOESN'T MATTER. If a guy is going to want you for only sex it wont change him by making him wait a few dates it will just waste your time and emotions.
If the guy isn't that sexual he wont mind waiting because it isn't a priority to him and it still wont be a priority a year later, five years later or ten years later. You will just be an older unsaticefied woman who would really like some sex and romance.
If the guy is sexual and he wants and LTR he is going to bail because you are presenting a cold fish rather than a hot sensual woman.
I am not the one losing out here. When I was dating there were lots of women who were willing to put out, they just weren't the right one for me. I didn't need to go thru your little testing ritual, I ignored and kept well clear of woman who thought sex had to be earned rather than freely given as part of a romantic relationship.
It paid off, I am now in a realationship with exactly the type of woman I wanted and we are both happy.
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:07:06 AM | Enigmasculine...you sound like you have a real low opinion of women.
Kazot...Why do you think it is so necessary to put out on the first date? It isn't necessary. There are other things than sex that go into whether a relationship will be long term. I think that is what you are saying also. That whether or not you sleep with someone that is not what determines whether there is a relationship. What I am saying is that not all men have your view. There are a lot of men that will look down and think differently about a woman if they immediately sleep with them.
Not only this, but men will generally try to sleep with any woman they come across whether or not there are any feelings. They will play like they are interested even if based on the first couple hours of meeting they have determined the woman is not right for them. So, a woman can be thinking that date went well and sex could have a whole other meaning for her ... he could be thinking something entirely different. At least if the woman never hears from him again, if she hasn't slept with him it is no big deal.
A first date is not the time to sleep with someone if the woman is thinking there could be a relationship. There are men with very different views of women and who have very different motives. The only way you find out who a person is and what they are about is by taking your time and getting to know them. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:12:14 AM | didn't need to go thru your little testing ritual, I ignored and kept well clear of woman who thought sex had to be earned rather than freely given as part of a romantic relationship.
I don't see a problem here...I just don't go on dates with men who expect sex on a first date. And you are wrong, most men just looking for sex, do not go on another date...plenty of fish in the sea. Not worth it to them. And I wouldn't go on a second date anyway.
There is no "testing" ritual at all kazot...I usually know before I accept a date, where he stands on the sex on a first date issue, I obviously don't go on the date if we see it differently, once in a while I get it wrong, but, easily fixed. I have had enough LTR's and dates to know that all men don't think like you, and any who ASSUMED that I didn't love sex ( even some unconventional sex..OMG..lol), have their own problems. Talking about sexual attitudes is something that happens quite soon in the getting to know you stage. And anyone who met me in person would see quite clearly that I am a sexual being.
I don't think it has to be "earned" either, that is an attitude some men want to ascribe to it...it is just the common courtesy to consider my feelings about it...sex without emotional involvement doesn't work for me, it's empty and feels like I am just a means to an end. Until I am somewhat emotionally involved, and feel right about it, I'm not going there. And the men who feel the EXACT same way, or at least, understand where I am coming from, haven't got a problem with it. And their sex drive is very strong, trust me on that one.
They just have some control...out of respect..not because they think they are being forced...if they truly are interested in me, and are attracted to me...they can wait a bit...and these are the kinds of guys I date. There are enough of them, that I am not left out in the cold with dating..What works for you, works for you, what works for me, works for me,,,I have never been with a man that wasn't as crazy about sex as I was...all this still sounds like a campaign to convince women that they MUST think just like men, or something is wrong with them...some of just don't and never will
I'm not missing out on anything, except finding the RIGHT guy..which has absolutely nothing to do with whether I have sex on a first date or not...and I'm happy with my choices, and my opportunities...who knows, soon I may have my profile changed to "forums only"..only time will tell...
EDIT: It is freely given in a loving, romantic relationship...but, the loving and relationship part doesn't happen on a first date? That's the point...it's given freely once those two happen... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:21:28 AM | I am not going to argue with you. I have said what I have said.
Well it is obvious we have confirmed one thing... 
Kazot...Why do you think it is so necessary to put out on the first date?
I never said that.
I said it doesn't matter. If you feel that you have to waste your and his time going thru some kind of meaningless ritual fine but it probably isn't going to change the outcome. I am pointing out the fallacy of what you are preaching as "TRUTH".
At least if the woman never hears from him again, if she hasn't slept with him it is no big deal.
LOL And he walks away thinking Damn she was nice I just need some one who is more sexual.... She loses out...agan just because she some how thought it was better to wear out her golden coochie by pissing thru it.
A first date is not the time to sleep with someone if the woman is thinking there could be a relationship.
That is the best time to sleep with a man. If a women seriously considers that guy to be someone she would like to develope an LTR with then sex will establish a bond on his level or it will show that an LTR wasn't in the works.
The only way you find out who a person is and what they are about is by taking your time and getting to know them.
You don't consider "sex" part of getting to know your potential mate, companion and lover?
Your logic is sorely lacking in logic.
all this still sounds like a campaign to convince women that they MUST think just like men, or something is wrong with them...some of just don't and never will
Just the opposite, it is to explain that women convincing other to think as they do have no clue how men think.
I see the number of threads from woman who just don't understand and the number of women who preach to them to continue to do the same thing that hasn't worked before.
They just have some control...out of respect..not because they think they are being forced...if they truly are interested in me, and are attracted to me...they can wait a bit...and these are the kinds of guys I date.
Thats a very self centric statement. How about if we take it from the other side and see if you still agree.
They just have to have some passion...and respect..not because they think they are being forced...if they truly are interested in me, and are attracted to me...they will be willing to and interested...and these are the kinds of women I used to date.
I have had enough LTR's and dates to know that all men don't think like you,
Which in its self should show you something. I wasn't dating for multiple LTRs. I was dating for ONE LTR. My marriage lasted 24 years, my next one I hope is my last and I want it to last the rest of my life.
I think some of this is a missunderstanding. You are approaching it from the view of strangers meeting. I like to know the person I am going to go on a date with very intimately before I will even consider meeting them. By the time we actually physicaly meet there is a bond and the physical parts are just to see if they match the mental and emotional parts enough that an LTR is viable. By the time I have met the women I am interested in we are usualy at the point of wanting to rip each others cloths off and consumate the romance.
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:36:29 AM |
That is the best time to sleep with a man. If a women seriously considers that guy to be someone she would like to develope an LTR with then sex will establish a bond on his level or it will show that an LTR wasn't in the works.
Sigh..that's the point...I'm not going to sleep with every guy I might be interested in, so HE can judge whether the sex is good enough for a relationship..just can't be that casual about it. Plus, this means that his only criteria is sex...bad move on so many levels.... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:36:36 AM | Kazot: I give up...you just have no clue. You seem to think it is some kind of ritual or testing...it isn't. It is basic common sense. I would never feel like I am "loosing out" if a man walked after the first date because I didn't have sex with him. I would be glad he did. The first date is not the time to find out whether you are sexually compatible. That is what this thread is about a "FIRST DATE." You need to find out if you are compatible in other ways before you add in sex. It should definately not be a make or break deal.
Now I see you have edited your post above. You are now saying you know your first date intimately...LOL. Well that is not your typical first date. This is my last post...I do give up... I think your points are rediculous and transparent. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:39:03 AM | | Lol..you dont do anything ...a kiss yes..but why dont you call him....men are reactionary with woman..well at least i am..no need for sex on a first date....i think calling and talking work maybe ask him to do something after all this is the 21st century go ahead try it out. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:45:50 AM |
Sigh..that's the point...I'm not going to sleep with every guy I might be interested in,
LOL I wouldn't date a woman unless I was interested in having an LTR with them. Maybe you are just easier than I am?
Kazot: I give up...you just have no clue.
Yes, it shows by the number of bleeding heart threads I have posted about bad dates, being hurt, and relationships that haven't worked out.
That must be why I have had such an incredable dating experience even though I don't like dating.
That is probably why I am in a relationship with someone so incredably matched for me.
I just don't have a clue. My bad.  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:43:28 AM | LOL. Well that is not your typical first date.
That is my typical first date.
A person would have to be an idiot or a glutton for punishment if they didn't know enough about the person they were going to meet if they were interested in having sex with them or not. The internet and the telephone are wonderful devices, you would be surprised how much you can get to know about a person if you actualy talk to them.
This is my last post...I do give up... I think your points are rediculous and transparent.
Of course you do.
Maybe I just haven't went on a lot of crappy dates to developed such a low veiw of the opposite sex. Yep, I just have no clue how to do it right.
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PeterC
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 244 | |
| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:45:40 AM | | Depends, id usually clarify the intention of a meet/date before I went on it, and take the necesssary precautions, toothbrush & cologne !!!!!! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:58:00 AM | | Kazot: You are just full of contradictions. You pull little bits and piecies of peoples posts ...out of context...to make your point. Then when that doesn't go well, you completely do a 360 to say..you know your first dates very well. There is no point arguing with you. You do not get to know people that well over the internet and the telephone. Not enough to have sex with them...not unless you are into that sort of thing. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:14:09 PM | | Divineadvisor, I agree with what you wrote about women waiting to have sex. The guys I know do think that women who put out right away are easy and don't want to have a LTR with someone like that because they think that women like that either have no self-control or have loose morals. I actually know a friend of my friend's girlfriend who sleeps with guys right away and is now really bitter because she almost always gets dumped after maybe one more date with those guys. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:14:16 PM | Kazot: You are just full of contradictions.
Where?
You assume things to fit in your world view and then claim I contradicted my self when it is your assumtion that is incorrect.
You pull little bits and piecies of peoples posts ...out of context
Again where?
Notice how I quote everything I address directly. That is so there isn't any chance of missunderstanding what I am saying what was actualy said.
Then when that doesn't go well, you completely do a 360
???? How is not going well?
This is the second time in this thread that you have posted more after saying you were done. I think you have some credability issues or you feel you have to "win" at all costs.
You do not get to know people that well over the internet and the telephone. Not enough to have sex with them...
Oviously many of us do.
And speaking for myself and by the comments of some of the other posters it works very well.
So let me ask you if what you are doing isn't working and what I am doing is, what would the rational conclusion be?
not unless you are into that sort of thing.
I was into having an enjoyable dating experience and find the person for me to love and be with for the rest of my life.
I am starting to wonder what sort of thing you are into?  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:23:34 PM | Chi Grad Student wrote: Men who raise other men's babies
don't pass on their genes.
Millions of men in the U.S. are supporting other men's babies.
If you pay taxes, you're doing it. Many divorced men are doing it
-- so apparently their genes haven't quite died out yet.
Some men don't even know they're doing it.
About 10% of the populace's biological father isn't who they think it is.
SquishSquash wrote: I tend to think that sex on a first date is
only really one step up from masturbation.
You're doing it wrong.
Maksed Hero wrote: Nothing like being the "Nice Guy" and
waiting 6 months or however long it takes for a woman to feel
comfortable just to find out the sex is horrible...
Not necessary to take each one on a test drive. You can reliably
screen women for sexual perfomance in the first few minutes
using the right techniques. When you know what to look for,
sometimes just scanning a few forum posts makes it obvious
who the untalented and uptight ones are.
zangie wrote: Trust me..I've known and dated far more men
than you (Kazot) have....there are just as many men who think
it's slutty, and are just looking for sex, maybe, actually more
than those that feel differently.
If you refuse to date men who think it's slutty,
I don't understand how they'd pose a problem for you.
divineadvisor wrote: ...men will generally try to sleep with any
woman they come across whether or not there are any feelings.
Even if that's true, those aren't the men you want.
zangie wrote: I have had enough LTR's and dates to know that
all men don't think like you (Kazot), and any who ASSUMED
that I didn't love sex (even some unconventional sex..OMG..lol),
have their own problems.
I've never heard of a normal, healthy woman who didn't love sex
under the right conditions, so perhaps the men felt you weren't
experienced, open-minded or proficient enough to meet their
requirements.
divineadvisor wrote: A first date is not the time to sleep with
someone if the woman is thinking there could be a relationship.
Kazot wrote: That is the best time to sleep with a man.
If a woman seriously considers that guy to be someone she would
like to develop an LTR with, then sex will establish a bond on his
level or it will show that an LTR wasn't in the works.
I think if a woman is interested in a serious, meaningful relationship
with a future, having sex on the first date is probably not going to
give her an advantage. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:43:25 PM |
I think if a woman is interested in a serious, meaningful relationship
with a future, having sex on the first date is probably not going to
give her an advantage.
I am curious what you are basing your conclusion on.
I am basing my conclusion on the fact that many men feel a closer and more emotional bond to non family female after he has sex with her than other women who he has not been intimate with.
And that once sex has been taken off the table so to speak a few things will be established. Whether or not the two of you are compatible sexualy and in case he is one of those "players". Both I think it is important to know sooner rather than later.
I think many women mistake what they think was a player with a man who just found she wasn't what he was looking for after they have had sex so he moved on. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:33:47 PM | | Personally I have a hard time respecting woman that give it up on the first date. Unless the sex was really good I don't call them back. I'm not going to say "no" to sex, but I don't see myself having a long term relationship with a woman that opens her legs so easily. I would rather build a non-sexual relationship first. | |
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