| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:55:46 PM | | Good grief, how is this such a loaded issue? Why would sleeping with someone on the first date mean anything beyond the idea that you were attracted to them and wanted to sleep with them? How must someone possibly think of themselves if they would use "was willing to have sex with me on our first date" as a criterion for NOT dating someone? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:08:02 PM |
Good grief Kazot and Divineadivsor, get your own room!!!!!!
If you are interested in a three sum I can be had but Divine is going to need some time to decide what your intentions are.
Again, Kazot...you know nothing about me.
Actualy we are learning quite a bit about you.
We have learned about your insecurity levels and distrust for men and we have learned that you think all other women should be the same.
you change your stance by saying ... you already know someone very well before you go on a first date.
How can that be a change when it never came up. To me it is common sense that a person would want to know as much about another person as they could before deciding whether or not they wanted to go on a date with them much less have sex with them.
Correct. Doing the steps out of order stacks the odds against her, it doesn't guarantee failure. If the relationship succeeds, she got lucky.
David, you keep making these statements as if they were facts but you still haven't explained what you are basing your conclusions on or if you are just pulling them out of your a$$ and hoping nobody notices they stink.
Why would sleeping with someone on the first date mean anything beyond the idea that you were attracted to them and wanted to sleep with them?
You would think it would be that simple. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:24:39 PM |
You would think it would be that simple.
Well, it's not that simple because being attracted to me and wanting to sleep with me isn't enough? Plenty of men want to sleep with me...if all I wanted was sex, things would be simple, in fact, it's easy to come by...I'm not impressed by just sexual desire..as many men appear to be...looking for more than that..
And Kazot..pot calling kettle black...I see more of I'm right, do it my way in your posts than anyone else's? No where did I say you couldn't do whatever works for you..yet, you insist there is something WRONG with me ( and divine, and any other woman who doesn't agree with you), just because we disagree ..
And one more time, though I'm sure I'm wasting my breath....I am neither insecure about my lovability, nor do I distrust men...here is a perfect example of your name calling...you just can't say this is why I think this works , can you? You have to insult anyone who doesn't agree with you...now, you even did it with David...
Ever heard of " you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?" | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:58:11 PM |
LOL Kazot....there's a BIG NO THANKS there!
I'd HURT you!
You sweet little dreamer you.
I would take you up on that but I am rather hooked on one special woman.
I see more of I'm right, do it my way in your posts than anyone else's?
No, where have I said do it my way. I have said my way works and stated the reasons why the absolute claims that not having sex on a certain date or having sex on a certain date are a fallacy.
I know confidence can be misconstrued or intimidating to some people.
you just can't say this is why I think this works , can you?
I have several times but for some reason there are some that think only their way works and they have to give divine advice to us lesser beings.
..yet, you insist there is something WRONG with me ( and divine, and any other woman who doesn't agree with you), just because we disagree ..
Incorrect again.
I believe there is some other issue because of Divines instance that her way is the fact even though we several contracdicions to it in this thread alone.
You have to insult anyone who doesn't agree with you...now, you even did it with David...
I don't recall insulting him at all. I have asked several times what he is basing what he calls facts on he has been unable to so I have drawn the conclusion he must be pulling them out of his a$$. Where do you think he is coming up with these so called "facts" from?
Ever heard of " you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?"
I never considered you a fly. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:24:43 PM | To much minutia, tangents and assumtions of things never said.
I will try and clarify my point and see if that helps.
In a romatic relationship there is no only way, there is no correct sequence. It will not change a nonviable romance to a viable romance by prolonging the time till the couple has sex.
It works or it doesn't. Everything else is a personal preference of the people involved and not an absolute for everyone.
I will be positive and assume you meant that in a nice way?..lol...
Of course it was, you are a human being, not a mindless bug. I may attempt bludgen you with logic and confidence but I wont insult you by trying to trick you with sweet meaningless patronising. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:35:19 PM | | You know nothing about me Kazot. You don't know anything about my experiences, my sexuality or my relationships. You have just made assumptions. I have never made this into anything to do about me. I have made no personal comments about me. But, you turn this into a personal attack on anyone who does not agree with you just to try and cloud the issue. Again, you are transparent and somewhat illogical and now you can add patronizing. You can't say everyone thinks the way you do. The majority don't think the way you do...it does matter....right or wrong...it definately matters and that is what I have been saying all along. So, go ahead and make some more assumptions about me...really, your ignorance and your tactics amuse me. Obviously, that is why I keep writing. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:36:33 AM | David L -----That's not consistent with my experience.
i would have to agree with you... my point was not what is probable but what is expected... i really think expectations set us up for let a down and puts undue pressure on our partner.... expectations have a long term negitive effect on people. Where they feel eventually that they r not there own... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:18:03 PM |
Where do you think he is coming up with these so called "facts" from?
I don't know, I've always thought 99% of the forums are opinion, with a half % fact., and a half % mis-stated fact...lol..
I ASSUME everyone is voicing an opinion, not a fact.
I confess that I think it must be a perception thing, because I don't read it is fact in Divine's posting either..maybe it's presentation too..
I have said my way works and stated the reasons why the absolute claims that not having sex on a certain date or having sex on a certain date are a fallacy.
I think you way worked for you , because you found someone who was of like mind. Which can be true of any of our opinions, finding someone who feels the same. The thing is, there isn't only one "like" mind, there are many..and to presume, just in this case, that all men think as you can be dangerous to those you are talking to...
At any rate, I don't believe when I have sex guarantees or doesn't guarantee whether a relationship develops at all. I do believe, that for me, my comfort that it is a possibility at all does not happen on the first date. It's always a risk. But, some of us do learn from experience, and my experience is the opposite of yours...I, however, haven't thought since I was young and naive that sleeping with a guy right away would make the odds go up. ( Of a relationship) On that we agree. And I learned that one real fast. Nor has my experience shown that waiting guaranteed anything either...so,
In the end, it is about comfort levels and what works for someone. I'm real happy for those who had sex on a first date, and it turned into a LTR... but, I don't think it's that common, and presenting it as such is a misnomer in my mind. And I acknowledge that most men see sex differently than most women do...so, yes, I am cynical about anything they present that seems to benefit their point of view over mine...and being online has reinforced that...I see it as logical to keep that in mind when listening to anyone on this subject...
I also must say , maybe I'm old fashioned, but I prefer the build up and anticipation method, much sexier to me.
And really, I'm pretty accepting of others points of view, whether they are for me or not...but, what really draws me to these kinds of threads...is the names one is called for looking at an issue differently than the OP, or dominant posters..there are some things that have no absolute right or wrong to them, they are up to the individual... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:46:22 PM | Forgive me for saying this for I have sinned....
Now that that is out of the way...Do what pleases you...operative term...pleases you. Don't be coerced into it and make sure it is worth your while, no regrets. I'm assuming that this post came from the notion that men think women are easy if they sleep with them on the 1st date... well, gee, what does that make the man? Easy no. 2! (Double standards, ha!)
If he doesn't call back, so be it, he missed out...but you had a nice lay and hopefully a big O if you played your cards right!  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:02:30 PM | I think my question is, when is it safe to sleep with a guy you are interested in?
Depends on the two people involved. If it's a woman "sucumbing" hesitantly and regretfully and with unrealistic, needy expectations from a man she barely knows - first-date sex would likely not have a pleasant after-taste for either party. Hence the common scenario of it not going anywhere.
I've had first-date sex a few times, and it's never turned out badly. It's ALWAYS developed into a nice relationship of one sort or another (ranging from one that began on that first date and ended 25 years later on the day he died, to shorter, but still pleasant, lover/friendship, if not "true love" things), and here's what I've learned: each of those men told me of previous experiences THEY had with "first-date sex" that quickly became creepy and scary - and THAT'S what turned them off. Not the sex, or at "which date" she decided to have it.
They ALL heard the "I've never done this before" line. They ALL heard the "you just 'used' me for sex" line - to their horror, after being TRICKED into believing this woman actually WANTED to have sex with him. Huge, negative stuff. Stupid, dishonest women.
Frig the rules. As if the "relationships" of all POF experts who say "wait" have turned out more successful than mine. Hmm. Right. You're all as single as I am, ya twits. I'll have sex when I want, and let the chips fall where they may. If my "hypocrite" radar is on the blink and by chance I have sex with an attractive man who "judges" me for doing exactly what he's also doing ... oh, I guess I'll wonder for a few days about my own "judging" skills, but other than that, what's the big deal? I don't have sex unless I'm aroused, which means I would have had a bit of pleasure, if nothing else.
My "truth" only counts for me (as opposed to quite a few on this thread who think their "truth" is ultimate): First-date sex is as likely to net a good relationship as 3rd-date sex or 100th-date sex or no-sex-until-marriage. Depending on the two people having sex. | |
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Gypo08
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Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 291 | |
| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:06:11 PM | To the op, who isn't around probably because this is another old bumped up thread...
Why not sleep with him before the date? Then if he's terrible, you cal cancel the date before you waste any more of your time.
(Of course you know I'm kidding) | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:13:35 PM |
I confess that I think it must be a perception thing, because I don't read it is fact in Divine's posting either..maybe it's presentation too..
Well we could just go with the hubris of anyone wanting to be called "Divine Advisor" or we could just go and read her posts for the number of times she claimed her opinion was "fact".
I'm real happy for those who had sex on a first date, and it turned into a LTR... but, I don't think it's that common, and presenting it as such is a misnomer in my mind.
Zangie, that is either misrepresentation or obfuscation. It isn't common for any date to turn into an LTR. I doubt you think every one should stop dating because most of the dates don't turn into an LTR.
I also must say , maybe I'm old fashioned, but I prefer the build up and anticipation method, much sexier to me.
Sexy and anticipation are in the mind, I didn't even go out on a date with a woman unless I was attracted to her mind and personality first.
I fell in love with the mind and personality of myu SO long before we ever met, the physical consumation of our relationship just completed the acknowledgement that it was a romantic relationship, an "item" if you will.
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:10:52 PM | That (expectation) is not consistent with my experience.
Litefoot77 wrote: I would have to agree with you...
my point was not what is probable but what is expected...
I really think expectations set us up for a let down and
puts undue pressure on our partner.... expectations have
a long term negative effect on people. Where they feel
eventually that they’re not their own.
If you don't expect girls to want to sleep with you on the first date,
You need to ask yourself where that expectation came from.
Laughinglibra wrote: So it's all the woman's fault if she
"performs the sequence out of order"?? Geezus...
I am so tired of men blaming women for being the ones
at fault for first date sex.
If having sex too soon reduces your chances of getting
a commitment, you’re going to blame the man? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:19:48 AM | I only read the last three pages of this....way more than enough.......
I see I am NEVER to have sex on the first date no matter how attracted I am to him, ok, got that now. So, exactly what are the rules, when am I allowed to do the nasty deed so I that am not considered an easy slut? And would someone post this so all the men can see they are never to ask us for sex again or make any improper moves. I would like a LTR so guys need to know all this valuable information. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:43:40 AM | If having sex too soon reduces your chances of getting
a commitment, you’re going to blame the man?
As I mentioned in my previous post, there are TWO people involved in first date sex. BOTH need to take responsibility for it.... not just one or the other.
I'm not concerned with "getting" a commitment.... he'll either give it or he won't regardless of whether we slept together right away or not.
What I am concerned with is "giving" my commitment.... my decision of whether I'll give it or I won't does not matter whether we slept together right away or not.
I know men and women are wired differently.... some men will look at women as sluts if we spread our legs too soon and some women will think the man has made a quasi-commitment if he mounts her too soon.
My point is that we are all different and it is those differences that make the world a wonderful place.... it's just that we shouldn't be passing judgement and laying blame on those that make different choices. To each their own... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:58:34 AM | Some posters are voicing opinions about sex on a first meet & some are posting about sex on a first date (which would follow the first meet)-maybe that's were part of their differences of opinion come in. Its difficult to interpret the OP's definition of first.
Each 1st meet/date is different and the length of time one has been talking before hand can come into play. Some people you seemingly get to know really well by phone for a long time (month or two) before you actually meet and some it may only be a matter of days.
If you've been seriously talking to someone for quite a while and the chemistry is there at the first meet, one might be more inclined to have sex than someone they've only spoken to for a few days before they meet- whether the chemistry was there or not.
HR | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/16/2008 8:28:19 AM | | I have done it 3 times, and everytime alcohol was involved. I am to shy if not (go figure). Now that I look back at it, I regret 2 of the 3. And now the older I get, I may want it again if I REALLY click with a woman, but out of respect for her and now my past experience I have definitely learned from it and won't again. Ok I can't say won't, but more likely will not. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:21:34 AM | Sleeping on the first date - well it's like this if something is meant to be
it will be , and if the two people who are consenting adults have that bond
and chemistry already then to each his own.
That does not mean that they will not see each other again by having
sex or making love on the first date - it's there choice and no ones elses.
No one has any right to judge when we are all adults here , and yes some of
us are raised old school with good morals and values but we are also adults
with desires and needs too , but it's our choice between right and wrong.
Thanks for bringing this topic up :)Brenny | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/18/2008 12:18:42 AM | Here Is Two View Points I Have On This Topic Of
Sleeping With Someone On A First Date
I don t think I would go for sex on a first date but then it depends on the chemistry and if two people click straight away and it s too powerful then why not enjoy each other s company. It also depends on whether you know each other prior (so there is some build up) or it s a first time allround thing.
I m not saying be promiscuous but if someONE does it for you and it is consenting on both sides - why not?
Sex is to be safely enjoyed but if the fireworks are there, I think go for it. As long as you are the kind of person who won t have regrets later and not expect a marriage afterwards (because you may never see that person again) - then I think do what you feel is right for you and the situation at the time.
Hell, if you both enjoy it and it makes you feel great, just go for it.
I don t believe I said all that but I think there are too many down moments in life and if being passionate with someone on a first date works for you or anyone else, hey, who am I to judge. Society judges people too quickly for doing things they frown upon but look at 360, we all do things we probably have never done in real life.
OK - confused yet: FIRST DATE SEX: CHEMISTRY/FIREWORKS; GO FOR IT!!!
Sometimes you have to live for the moment.
Another take on this is it's not a good idea. Some men will try to have sex with the woman on the first date and if he succeeds, rarely does it turn into a long lasting relationship and it shows a total lack of respect for the woman. Men want women who excercise restraint. I don t feel like it is a good thing until the relationship is solid. Making love only enhances a strong relationship and helps form a stronger bond. Doing it just for the sake of doing it in the beginning cheapens it and it is not a special thing shared between two people deeply in love.
Then again it's my views on life and the good morals & values I was brought up with as well as a good head on my shoulders too , but who am I to judge we are after all adults here and well live and let live don't have no regrets just go forward life is too short not to follow your heart. There is only one judge of us all thats God him self !!!!
Good Topic , thanks for posting this I read and learned so much from it ~~ Brenny | |
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