| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:49:13 AM | Well first of all you need to stop thinking of men in terms of "they" or you will NEVER ever in your life have anything even approaching a healthy and workable relationship
Maybe if you took the time to get to know a bloke for longer you MIGHT just have an idea what THAT individual one thinks on the issue because rather than not being able to win the reality of the issue is that
SOME men will think a woman isnt long term potential if they sleep with you on the first date, but so what? Who would want to date someone with such a double standard hypocritical view of women ANYWAY?
So its best to just shag em if you want to, and if they dont call look on it as a lucky escape you found out they were THAT screwed up about how they see women early on
SOME men will also think a woman who doesnt put out on a really pefect date IS frigid, and often they will be right or the woman will just be the manipulative sort of uses sex as a bargaining chip, sometimes the date just wont have been THAT perfect for the woman
But those two groups of men arent usually the same men, hence the conflicting views, but if women took more time getting to know and understand men as individuals instead of buying into such nonsensical tripe to begin with they might actually figure that out all by themselves anyway
Infact purely by the virtue of you pondering this issue a lot of saner men would skip past you anyway. Because someone having the need to weigh this sort of thing up rather than just being themselves and doing what feels right to them at the time makes a woman far more likely to be a game playing manipulative sort best avoided at all costs
if it feels right to you and you want to then do it, if it doesnt then dont, its really not that complicated
Trying to decide what to do based on what someone else might think IS being manipulative, facicious, pretentious and false whether the end result is to put out when you dont want to or to not put out when you do
Why expend so much time and thought into trying to be liked by someone who wouldnt like you when you just acted naturally and did what YOU wanted to do?
Isnt it better to just be yourself and wait for someone who likes you AS yourself rather than putting on a false act to make someone unsuitable like a false version of you?
Think about it | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:07:22 AM | Wow....After Paulguy's response, I had to check out the profile. I actually have to agree with Paul.
It really doesn't matter if you sleep with him on the first date or not. Your profile certainly makes it sound as though you will and maybe that's the only reason he's asking you out to begin with.
If it feels good - just do it! But don't expect a call back.
I loved the reindeer joke though!
HR | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:51:28 AM | I've slept with men on the first date!
its happens.
[but its only men I feel I really want to keep around && find a connection with]
&& they always come back for more
&& end up asking me 2 be long term.
I honestly think its the sex that decides if they cum back or not.
I've never had a guy NOT call me.
we always seem 2 develop great bonds && long loving relationships!
however if u keep getting shut down after " sex on the first date" maybe you shouldn't do it any more or turn it up a notch it the bed room!
the guys an idiot it he judges you for giving it up on the first night lol unless it was wack!
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 10:02:16 AM | | Sex wont keep a man around who doesnt want to stay and holding out on it wont keep him around either. If a man wants to be with you, he will find a way to make that happen. But to answer your question-- its safe to sleep with him when you WANT to and he is willing. Just be aware that his decision to sleep with you may have very little to do with him actually being interested in you... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 10:55:05 AM | | If it gets too complicated then sleep with him on the second date. Besides it builds the anticipation and more than likely you will have sex with the same person more than just once. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 3:22:08 PM | | It is unfortunate we even have to have such a discussion. To each his own. People should not be so judgemental. I am not and I can't even spell the word. So what if a woman does, it's her right and should not be judged accordingly. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:01:25 PM | Cosmopolitan says that 73% of the time it is the woman who doesn't pursue after a one nighter. I find that to be true, statistically.  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 4:46:15 PM | Cosmopolitan says that 73% of the time it is the woman who doesn't pursue after a one nighter. I find that to be true, statistically.
Thats just because most women still cling to an outdated set of nonsensical double standards and gender stereotypes along with a set of manipulative mindgame playing techniques and use the phonecall as an invisible test or hoop to be jumped through and wont, no matter how much they want to talk to a bloke phone him
Instead they would rather sit around expending more energy whinging and whining about him not calling them than dialing would have taken ending up at the conclusion that if "he" was interested then "he" would have called but missing the glaringly obvious fact that if "they" were really interested they would have made the call themselves
So basically women are just pre programmed to be manipulative, insecure and ignorant where phonecalls are concerned and only a very special minority are socially evolved enough to have the self confidence and nerve to initiate contact themselves
Anyway, cosmo is fembot brainfood for the dimwitted easily brainwashed majority of game playing women, who really cares what goes on with cosmo followers anyway unless youre having a desperate phase in your life? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 5:24:18 PM | I have this question too, remember this is a internet sight, if a guy wants sex when you first meet, think of all the other girls he's met on line and done it with.
I am looking for a relationship that isn't based on sex too, the only way I think to accomplish it is to have a relationship before you have sex. It's hard, but I think it is possible.
Mer | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 6:14:54 PM | How about that elusive thing called 'magic'?
Whether it's for one night or many more, you'll never know until you try.
Me? I haven't had the problem. Too honest, I guess. Or is that too 'transparent'? (Heh, heh. Laughing at meself.) | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/19/2007 7:57:58 PM | | not sure, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If I would feel really attracted, I would and take my chances that he'll call again. ha His loss. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 12:59:57 AM | dear cunning,
ahahha
wow
you really over analyzed this one.
I found that women don't call bc they lose interest.
[atleast I do && most of the younger crowd of females will agree as well]
&& I'm a proud cosmo reader!
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 6:15:17 AM | | whether sex happened or not ever kept me from coming back ... other things have .... but really great sex could make me over look other deal breakers... people that think sex is not important in relationships are the ones that dont get second dates... whether or whenever sex happens i want to know early that it will be as important to the woman as it is to me ... in other words even if you have some reason for not having sex at any point in the relationship its important that i know that when the relationship becomes sexual that it will be good for both .... not feeling wanted = bad sex | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 6:18:12 AM | | You're asking the wrong question. You think it is a matter of 'when'. It's not. You're an adult and so is he. Act like an adult. Who says this is the way it is? Why do you care what other people think? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 6:26:10 AM | I think too much emphasis is put on the decision not to meet again is about the sex.
Perhaps he didnt like you for other reasons, maybe the ex he wasnt over wants a second chance, its not really fair to pigeon hole the guy thinking its all about sex.
As much as it is a social problem for women not to feel guilty for wanting just sex, its just as big a problem for guys who are condition to think women who sleep with men they dont know are not going to be a faithful partner.
Its not double standards, you have as much right to dismiss a guy for not being selective over who he sleeps with as he does for you.
At the end of the day, some guys want to feel special. | |
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Iowa44
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Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 43 | |
| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 9:00:58 AM | When I was in a college I met 2 women at the same party,went on a date with one,had a good time but no sex,she went home for christmas for a mnth.The second girl lived nearby,we went out over Christmas,had a good time had good sex,good all the way around,dated her for a year.
When we came back from break,the first girl threw a fit,when I told her I had gone out with someone else and was happy.She then used some line that"good girls don't put out till the fourth date," ,called the other girl a slut for sleeping with me,but then offered to prove that she was better in bed than my girlfriend,I don't know how her head got so filled with female rules and regulations but I was happy with what I had,and in my way of thinking it goes kind of like
A good woman already in my bed is worth a dozen maybes in a bar. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:26:53 PM | I do appreciate all the answers... I should have know I would be judged by some.... the question wasn't truly just about me... I have girlfriends who wonder the same thing.......and yeah I do KNOW what I want...healthy friendships....and occasionally even sex... ( am no I am not afraid to let that be known)..... Do I want an LTR....... some days..... but it does have to be with someone who semi understands or "gets" me....... I am funny and fun..... interesting educated.....love a debate ( hence this forum )..... sure I am sexual...I am also a good cook ( when I want to be) a fantastic Mother and grandmother ).... a really sorry daughter and sister...lol......
I love POF because unlike other dating sites it allows me to be me...... and I truly like the forums and the people I have chatted with here......
I will continue to have sex on first dates when the feeling is right..... and some times date until he is tired of pursuit and never have sex.......Maybe what it comes down to is I am a PLAYA????...... or I am just not ready for the LTR I think I dream of..... So you have at least convinced me of one thing....I will change my profile from seeking an LTR to looking for friends. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:31:09 PM | | Your right... I have never called one after a one nighter who wasn't thrilled to hear from me..... I guess the ones who don't call are the ones I am really hoping won't. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:44:43 PM | I guess I thought the guy was supposed to call after sex on the first date, I have never called a man after having sex on the first date, I didn't know I was supposed to, I figured if he liked me, he would call me.
This comes from having guy friends who complain about women who call too much, when they got sex, so I never call, maybe I should rethink my strategy.
Is the woman supposed to call the guy??? REALLY?!?!? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 5:09:16 PM | | merkitty..... me to.... I am not one to chase a man........ I don't do much in the way of pursuit but have a profile... I have dangled the bait..... now if men want to know me the ball is in their court. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/20/2007 7:35:53 PM | Welcome to the " Confused mixed-signalled double-standard USA!"
Dang-- its hard out there...
I hate the double standard... sounds to me youve got a dual complex of issues here... you want sex -- you crave it--(with a hot guy) and they want it too... so the answer seems simple enough... but we all know most guys run if youre intimate too early-- or run after the 3rd of 4th date anyway.
I think the suggestions on the posts about going half way are best... however I've tried that too and it doesnt always work. It's such a wide range of combinations and chemistries-- youre never gonna get it right a 100 percent all the time.. so just take it slow, but be yourself, and listen to your inner-voice once you can find it. You remind me of me... we both need to find a yoga class! :)
Hang tough-- you'll find someone I know it! --- Poeticbliss | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/21/2007 3:41:20 AM |
I guess I thought the guy was supposed to call after sex on the first date, I have never called a man after having sex on the first date, I didn't know I was supposed to, I figured if he liked me, he would call me.
Is there some universally accepted rule book floating around then that I havent seen? I was under the impression that men AND women who are allegedly "adults" were "equally" capable of making phonecalls and had an "equal" incentive to do so if they liked someone
This comes from having guy friends who complain about women who call too much, when they got sex, so I never call, maybe I should rethink my strategy.
Well theres a big difference between making 1o calls a day and making "A" phonecall you know, men can also phone "too much"
Is the woman supposed to call the guy??? REALLY?!?!?
depends which century she wants to act as tho she is living in really, so its a personal choice. But deciding NOT to call is fine as long as they dont then become a total hypocrite by whinging when the bloke "equally" doesnt call
I think the real root problem here is insecurity, if a woman calls a man HE then has the power to decline meeting again, the ability to reject.
So what I think is really at the heart of womens reluctance to make any, let alone first moves is that it maintains their power whilst also not making them have to take ANY chances. Either the bloke is the ONLY one risking rejection and a dented self confidence or they CHOOSE to assume he isnt interested
When its often the case a bloke WILL be interested but just isnt convinced enough the woman is for THEM to "risk rejection"
Which then brings in even more hypocrisy where women will say the man is a wimp for not making a first move even tho they go cold at the thought of doing it themselves anyway
Its also just subtly slightly manipulative, it sets a bias to the interaction where it will always be the man putting their thoughts and feelings "out there" first so the woman has the luxury of never being the first one to do that
Its the ancient and outdated nonsense of men having to "prove" their feelings/intentions BEFORE the woman has to take any risk of having misjudged things by showing there hand
Personally I prefer women who are AS likely to be upfront about what they want/feel rather than some shallow pathetic poker playing wimp of a woman. Someone with not only the confidence to know and pursue what they want but the fortitude to not be worried if the want isnt matched and returned because everything that follows is equally balanced and communicative, whereas the kind of woman who would rather sit and wait for you to jump through invisible hoops re something as trivial as a first phonecall will majoratively be just as manipulative and calculating in every other aspect of your interaction and I prefer someone who is an equal on every level for a partner rather than fake psuedo coyness | |
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