| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 1:36:45 AM | The age old question for women!....If a man has sex with you on the first date, it is a double standard if he feels you are not worthy material to date long term. What about him? He ALSO had sex on the first date. For a man to feel this way, after he most likely iniated the sexual act, is truly full of himself. For a man to think, he does not have to live up to the same standards is not very mature nor is it fair to the woman.
As an adult, I feel, if we both want to have sex, then just do it. If he is the kind of man I would want long term, sex will not be the entire motivation of him coming back. If sex is his only motivation, then I am glad he doesn't come back. To feel guilty or second guess myself is futile. There is no right or wrong answer. It is an individual decision and everyone has an opinion about the issue. You have to go with what is right for you.
If a man cannot wait at least until the second date to have sex and does not come back after the first date, only because you did not agree to have sex, then is he worth worrying about or what he thinks about you? I have had 2 long term relationships after my divorce. Both relationships started with sex on the first date. In my experience, it didn't seem to matter one way or another. I have tried it both ways and it really was not a deal breaker. I go with how I feel at the moment and if I do not feel comfortable with it, I simply do not have sex. I do not make my decision on whether this will bring him back or not for a second date.
Hey...I am almost 50 yrs old and I am not about to play a guessing game on what he thinks of my moral fiber. I know who I am and I do not need sex to define my worth one way or another. Personally, I do not want a FWB and there has to be more than just sex involved in a dating relationship for me. So, I just go with my gut and gave up on trying to figure this whole thing out. As long as I can live with my decisions and still hold my head up high, then that's all I can do for myself. Sure I want Love along with great sex...but putting a time frame on the sexual act is not going to make the difference of whether he wants you long term or not.
I agree...talk about it...I have and then you know what you are getting yourself into. If he is not being honest with me, then that's his problem to live with, not mine.
No one else has to live with what you do...only you. You decide and do not clutter your heart and mind with the "do's" & "don'ts"...God it difficult enough to date and figure everything out...Why make it even more difficult....RELAX! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:25:32 AM | | a strong connection prior makes a huge dififference, n if the sex is good al the more sweeter , i never found there to be a time frame ,,just what feels right,,this wait a week 2 date or ??is so wierd every persons reaction to one another is so varied ,,1 mans trash anothers 1 gold sort of thing | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:03:33 PM |
there is no magic number of dates "when is it safe to sleep with a guy you are interested in." sex, like all other things, is specific to the individual. some guys play the double standard and think that they can f*ck on the first date, then judge the girl they f*cked...other guys aren't phased by it at all. personal morality, perception, and chemistry all play their part. i say if you want to have sex with someone, go for it, don't second guess yourself. if he has issues with your choices, then those are HIS issues, and likely you're not the best match anyways.
I couldn't agree more. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:15:50 PM | This is one matter I am very confused about myself!! I have never done this, but there have been occassions that I have wanted to, but as the OP stated you are damned if you do and damned if you don't!!
In my opinion, makes me feel like a piece of trash, I believe that there has to be that bond and exclusive relationship, not saying I truely love sex, which I do, he just has to be into me, and not just my pants!!
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:16:43 PM | I used to sleep with guuys I liked as quick as I like but I found the same as you to happen and you havea huge point.
However Im 33 now and I slowed down big time. I really get to know someone first so that I trust them and have a very good idea who they are. I have been dumped one for not putting out and was glad after he did!!
A realationship is based on more than sex and I dont want a realationship soley based on it. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:27:39 PM | The age old question for women!....If a man has sex with you on the first date, it is a double standard if he feels you are not worthy material to date long term.
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Ahh yes. Double standard it is indeed.
It is also very rarely the real reason that the mean breaks off after the sex.
What usually happens is that, on that first date, the woman thinks that it's only her boobs that are under scrutinity. In fact its both her boobs and her behaviour.
It's more like a job interview than many women realise. And many women stuff up. eg He's away at the bar getting a couple of drinks. Another guy comes along asking for a dance.
Acceptable behaviour is 1/ Politely refusing him or 2/ Hauling off onto the dance floor, having some fun, and hauling him back to the table and introducing him to your date.
Unacceptable behaviour is 1/ Screaming abuse at him when knockng him back or 2/ Engaging in mutual simulated masturbation on the dance floor, ducking out back for some more for the next hour, and expecting the date to be just sitting at the table waiting for her to come back.
Many women mess up in this way and thats when the new BF decides that one date is plenty.
The trouble occurrs when the woman, in a last ditch efort to get him back, offeres sex on the first date. The sex will rarely be turned down but it wont get him back. The deicision to break up was made several hours beforre. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 3:48:49 PM | | talking from a guys point of view here, if you sleep with hime on the first date, a long term relationship will never happen, he may call a few more times for more sex if he enjoyed it enough, but a relationship will not happen, if you truely like him, tell him this, make him wait, but go out with him alot, show you care in other ways, tell him, touch him, smile alot, look him in the eyes alot..if he can wait without trying to pressure you, you have found someone that may be in it for something meaningful | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 5:07:11 PM | The element missing would be RESPECT. If a man does not want to date you because you dn't sleep with him on his terms, then you don't need that person in your life.
Sleeping with a person on the first date, not a smart thing to do. However, everyone has his/her own beliefs, etc...........Unless you are looking for a one night stand of course. Then I guess it would not matter if he never calls. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 5:28:15 PM | 1/2 way works well. especially if you are really good at that. and you shoudl get that too .. at lieast 1-2 times that way... in florida | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 6:37:13 PM | I like a little teasing!!!
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A "little" teasing, is a girl who lets me undres her, as far as her lingerine before she suddenly remembers a TV program she wanted to watch.
So I end up watching the program, and just feeling her up, knowing that sex will eventually follow but not for half an hour.
And at the end of that she's more than happy to enjoy the sex.
Thats a world away frm being messed around. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 6:40:15 PM | In my opinion, makes me feel like a piece of trash, I believe that there has to be that bond and exclusive relationship, not saying I truely love sex, which I do, he just has to be into me, and not just my pants!!
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Point taken Tiny but there's a second point which was raised.
What about when it's obvious, from that very first date, that he isn't goign to make you feel like trash?. That he's into you, AND into your pants. And anything else he can get hold of. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/26/2007 9:41:50 PM | | I didn't even kiss my wife until the 3rd date. I was 32 at the time. I think now I would expect a kiss unless the night was a total drag. But jump in the sack on the first date, not for me thank you. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 3:40:29 AM | Your right pghmark. I think some people confuse sex with love, respect, trust and relationships. I can't see how one can judge this on the first date. Even though this is 2007 all a woman/man has to proceed her/him is thier conduct. Don't let a man/woman fool you into thinking that doesnt matter because it does.
If you have sex on the first night and if the man/woman comes back , you become a friend with benifits or just a sleep over that is comfortable with being with someone . Some would rather have someone or anyone than the right one. You become nothing special. Nothing that a man/woman is going to go out of his/her way for. Unless its sex. I call that being a pillow buddy. Those are the type people that are on the "Peep Hole Alert" ( When the door bell rings or there is a knock at the door they looking to see if you have anything bigger than a tooth brush with you or someone else hasn't showed up before you do.)
In all honesty I will say that sometimes and I'm sure it's rare that a couple meets and everything in the world is in line and sex the first night was wonderful and a relationship followed. If it were more common than we wouldn't be on a singles site discussing sleeping with someone on the first date! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:57:15 AM | I did and it was wonderful..it was right! I think whatever feels right it should happen. Men and women can tell the kind of person you are wether you do or don't get in the bed on the first date. I have never slept with a man on the first date until resently. Again, it was wonderful and I will cherrish it forever....even if the ralationship does not continue.
Hope this helps!
K | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:57:17 AM | | I'm not offering an opinion here...just a statistic that may put things into perspective. The National Sexuality Resource Center reports 30% of women who meet a man on line have sex with him on a first date. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 11:10:58 AM |
Msg 81: It's more like a job interview than many women realise. And many women stuff up. This reminds me of the time I was on a date with a guy. Everything was going fine until he came back from the restroom and called me a drunken wh@re! Just because he caught me making out with a guy at the bar. Come on, I am sure it was not the first time it happened to him. I just don't understand why he would have to call me names. I am a high class lady! How rude! He really needs to work on being a gentleman!   | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 11:19:00 AM | I would NEVER sleep with a guy on a first date. You just don't sleep with someone on the first date, I'm sorry but you just don't. As ****y as I may sound but anyone who sleeps with anyone on the first date is only looking for one thing and are completely stupid.
When is it safe to sleep with someone you're interested in?
- It completely depends. One person may be ready to sleep with someone approximately 3 months into the friendship/relationship while another person may wait a bit longer until they are ready.
I'm sure not all guys are like: Ooh, I'm going on a date with a hot girl and I'm going to sleep with her tonight. There are plenty of ways to show a guy that you are interested which do not involve sleeping with him. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 12:24:22 PM | I guess for me it comes down to this...every LTR I have ever had...came from sex on that first date.....I guess if I am not interested enough to go all the way the first time...I am never gonna be that interested in you..... I was married to Tom for 26 years...and then with Sam for 3........
I NEED A MAN WHO INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATES ME AND PHYSICALLY EXCITES ME.
and I don't see going into six months of dating to only see things don't work in the bedroom....cause that is a big part of a relationship to me.....
and its all good....If I never catch my man..LOL......I am happy......I love POF........it has provided me with many a one night stands....some true friendships......and yes even my last LTR. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:25:49 PM | If you sleep with a guy on a first date because everything seems so right.,he never calls . If you don't sleep with him he never calls.
A common female misconception. Whether you sleep with a guy or not on the first date has nothing to do with him calling or seeing you again. If he's attracted to you and therefore interested in a relationship then he'll continue to call regardless, but there are limits. If you don't sleep with him when he is interested in a relationship with you then eventually that will have a negative affect.
Are you supposed to deny yourself the pleasure ?
Never deny yourself pleasure. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:24:11 PM | | I married a woman i have sex with on the 1st date us men is not going to turn it down now even if we know were not going to call back. Its wrong i know but women do it to been done the same way before | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:26:29 PM | I wanted to add i feel in love with her right off the bat it was so hot we couldn't keep our hands off each other.....couldn't help but to make love to her right then and there
I never regetted it but we didn't make it i am single again o well | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/28/2007 12:34:46 PM | | guitardude.......its true...I have had sex with men that I thought would be fantastic in bed...but would make lousy life partners...sometimes ....women have sex for sex sake......I read on an info site.......1 out of 3 women on a dating site have sex on a first date........I guess we would not advertise....if we were not somewhat secure in who we are....and a little more liberated than a woman who still waits for friends to set her up....and speaking of that.... you should see what my friends think are suitable dates.....can we say....look what the cat dragged in yech!!! | |
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