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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:10:32 PM |
Are you supposed to deny yourself the pleasure ?
I want a happily ever after relationship, and that has to include a good sex life.
Now that you have read this are you as confused as I am??
I think my question is, when is it safe to sleep with a guy you are interested in?
Only you can answer that w/ your partner.
I would say No, to the first date...I mean, what do we learn on a first date??
Think about it...all the diseases out there now and plus, you need to have respect for yourself as well. Making love w/ someone is a serious, that's why it's called "love" right?
While dating your friendship, bond, love for each other is growing...it needs to grow, plus...anticipation for that person. I don't know, but this is how I am...if you sleep w/ someone on the first night, then that would be called just sex or pleasuring yourself. While you take that risk, you are also risking herpes, AIDS, etc...yes, you could us protection but let's think about herpes now....Ughhh..even the thought makes me sick! (reminder-there's no cure for herpes!)
This is my opinion bur wait until you feel right (if it's the first date, then that's up to you) and if he doesn't call ya again because you didn't sleep w/ him...well, then he's not worth it! We are adults, correct...this isn't high school!!!!  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:16:36 PM |
talking from a guys point of view here, if you sleep with hime on the first date, a long term relationship will never happen, he may call a few more times for more sex if he enjoyed it enough, but a relationship will not happen, if you truely like him, tell him this, make him wait, but go out with him alot, show you care in other ways, tell him, touch him, smile alot, look him in the eyes alot..if he can wait without trying to pressure you, you have found someone that may be in it for something meaningful
I agree 100%!!!
There are other ways to show you care for him...until you both decide you want to move to the next level. That makes it so much more meaningful and long term. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:31:06 PM | I disagree with the whole "if you DON'T sleep with him he won't call" thing - rubbish!
Boys always call if they're interested in you. If they don't call, hey they just weren't that into you.
I should write a book ....he's just not that into you...damn, too late :( | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:40:48 PM | Time to wake up! If they never call, you use your self destructive motives to make it happen.
Sleeping on the first date shows your NOT in the real world and have little respect for yourself.
The other person might continue to have interest in you UNTIL you sleep with them. before marriage.
Sleeping early in the relationship seldom leads to long term, the opposite happens , next to breathing air, sex is the easiest social activity to get. Not knowing what do you do with the other 22-23 hours is the reason for the "No Call" separation.
It's tough to say NO to sex, but I know if a woman says yes to me and I say NO; she will say yes to some other guy. Who would want someone long term when they have more going on between their legs than between her ears.
If they do not call you; they started using you before you said "HI" .
Your their one night play toy. They may not call because they can't remember your name.
Avoid places where you find people who are willing to sleep with you before you marry. Best wishes your an   | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:00:51 AM | Depends on your comfort level with him/her and what you're after.
I don't do one night stands out of the club or parties or whatever anymore because it's risky and not often fruitful.
How do you show a guy that you don't just fall in bed with everyone? Well fckuing him exclusively is a way to do that. I understand what your trying to accomplish by denying yourself the pleasure, but in the past I've had so many good relationships and friendships come after sex was had on the first date, that for me, holding out wouldn't necessarily translate into anything important, I mean everyones ufcked someone before. It only matters that you're into each other.
Sex is really personal for some people, and holding out might be more of a defense mechanism for themselves rather than a way to show the opposite sex that they don't fall into bed with just anyone... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:36:34 AM | Don't sleep with them on the first date...your thinking is mixed up here. Believe me I am no prude. But, I can tell you if you want a relationship to develop you do not sleep with someone right off the bat. If you sleep with them imeadiately they are going to think you do that with everyone. Also, you give everything up and leave no mystery. What do they have to look forward to. I believe men are bought up to believe everything worthwhile is something you need to work for. Also, you never have a man so much under your control as you do prior to sleeping with them. If you don't sleep with them they are thinking about you and ways they can please you and make you happy....that all puts things in place for them to start developing feelings towards you. They like the chase and the anticipation. Don't make it so easy for them. They will lose interest and move on.
Besides....I would rather not sleep with someone and have them not call me, then sleep with someone and they don't call me. If you sleep with someone that is no guarantee they are going to see you again. Actually, if it is on the first date the statics of him calling are not in your favor....and I mean significantly. You ask when is it safe to sleep with a guy you are interested in. Well, definately not on the first date. Once you sleep with them there is always a risk...prior you have the upper hand and you are calling the shots. Once you sleep with him he has the power and can decide whether he wants to call and persue something deeper or ignore you and treat you like a slut. You can have a good sex life after you have him get to know you and not just on a sexual level.
There is no magical number....but, I would wait at least three dates. And I stress the word at least. You know something....I have men that have been contacting me for a year or more who I have never slept with. That is because I am not interested in them...I let them know....but, still they persue. Then I have some men who I did sleep with and they don't contact me at all. That is because they already received the end result and there is nothing left...they moved on. They probably don't give me a second thought. I know if I slept with these other men they would not contact me like they do. They would have already moved on.
Take it from one who has made mistakes and learns from them. Don't sleep with a man on the first date .... make him long for it. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:26:35 AM | | Hi, its really very sad story that a lot of men on these datings are only looking for a "quickie thing '' and a lot of women would take an invitation to have a drink with the guys they like and of course once the alcohol sets in , they'll end up in theirs beds, I don't think they pretend to be drunk they knew what they were doing and because a lot of women do things like these, then men think they're sleeping around, which I can conclude that's really the case! If a woman is straight (I mean moral) she won't do this on the first date, 2nd and 3rd and 4th you have to find to get to know this person first. No wonder so many STD around (I work in the hospital), men would test you even if he wants to, but the real thing is, there are some men and women who are really honest looking for a good relationships. If a man is interested he'll pursue you but if he doesn't it means he is not interested on you. I new this guy who joined the rsvp, all the women he asked to come to his place for a dinner on the first day, came and had a good time, they were all end up sleeping with him and go home the following morning, so you can tell its not only the men to blame! So women good sex is important in all good relationships, but you don't call relationship when you just met the guy! And you don't go to his house on the first date it means "yes" for them ... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:31:33 AM | You know...men and women can be so different. A woman does typically believe sex will bring them closer. Afterwards it is the woman remembering his touch and thinking of him and how he made her feel. Where it is different for the man...he now most likely has no thoughts what so ever other than he finally had this release. And that is all you are now to him. I know as a woman I would be thinking ... oh it was wonderful I can't wait until he calls. But, most likely you are the farthest thing from his mind until he needs that release again. And that release to him means nothing more than taking a sh!t. And up until that point it was all flowers and love notes.
Trust me...somethings will always remain the same. I don't mean to sound bitter. But, that is the way it is. Offline I wouldn't bring this up...but, it is something I know to be true no matter how manipulative men might think I am or how much they protest that what I say is not true. I think it is known, just something not often said. It is not very pretty but it is reality. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/29/2007 7:31:22 PM | | I think I'm confused about the whole decision-making process on this one -- why do (or not do) something with the sole expectation of influencing how HE will feel about you? makes utterly no sense -- YOU are the only one you can control, YOU are the only one who's interests you should be concerned about (that early in the relationship) so do what YOU want, not what you think he wants you to do.....uh does that make any sense? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:08:24 PM | Maybe I am crazy but it is a diffrent time now then it was 20 years ago. If a woman wants to enjoy herself then she should and who cares. If you want him to take the lead then just let him know you're interested. Any man worth his salt is going to know if you are interested in him.
If I am interested in a woman it won't make any difference to me if she sleeps with me or not the first date. If she does, hey lucky me,  but I still want to know more about her, and if she doesn't want to sleep with me but is still interested and there is chemistry then I want to know more about her.
I say have fun | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:26:47 PM | | ravishing, I don't know what to tell you for why guys don't call you one way or the other after a first date, but if you opt to sleep w/ any on the first date, you might want to make it memorable for them, so that your chances of a call afterwards might improve. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:46:06 AM |
Only you can answer that w/ your partner.
I would say No, to the first date...I mean, what do we learn on a first date??
Think about it...all the diseases out there now and plus, you need to have respect for yourself as well. Making love w/ someone is a serious, that's why it's called "love" right?
While dating your friendship, bond, love for each other is growing...it needs to grow, plus...anticipation for that person. I don't know, but this is how I am...if you sleep w/ someone on the first night, then that would be called just sex or pleasuring yourself. While you take that risk, you are also risking herpes, AIDS, etc...yes, you could us protection but let's think about herpes now....Ughhh..even the thought makes me sick! (reminder-there's no cure for herpes!)
This is my opinion bur wait until you feel right (if it's the first date, then that's up to you) and if he doesn't call ya again because you didn't sleep w/ him...well, then he's not worth it! We are adults, correct...this isn't high school!!!!
ok i knew it wouldnt be long before the STD issue would creep in.....and the problem with that is sleeping with someone on the first date is no more dangerous than sleeping with someone on the 10th date ... ok lets face it to be 100% safe on STDs you would have to go with your intended partner and get tested 3 times ... wait 6 months ...without taking your eyes off of each other then go get tested 3 more times and ...do the dead before you take your eyes off each other again ... THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX ... just safer sex ... i see so much crap about the risk of STDs ... really no way to place odds on STDs ...its not a horse race.. problem is you would have to include every horse that every horse in the race had ever raced against ...and every horse they had ever raced with and so on ...point is a virgin can get a STD te first time they have sex even if their partner has only had one other partner ... so the odds go from zero to astronomical with your first encounter | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:48:38 AM | This is my theory, for me it's always made sense, because to me in reverse the same is true: However dimensional you are when you sleep with a man you're getting to know is about how involved he is in you after the sex.
In the beginning (first date, or meeting), he can only care about what he knows and can only attach the intimacy to the body parts - there's no time spent, so although it's nice, it's not extremely special or memorable. If you've spent time with him, you talk, you laugh you do things together that you both enjoy, etc etc he learns more about you as a person, your intelligence, and other things about you that he might find interesting, or respect and admire. Same if women were to sleep with a man they barely know, they might attach a great deal of hope and projection to the event, but basically it's the same - they can't REALLY care about or be that impressed with him, because he's just one dimensional to her.
If he sleeps with you after he's discovered other things about you, then he might find you to have more dimension. If he enjoys spending time with you separate from the sex, he might find it sort of a bonus to what he's already learned. Same with women, a man will be more special to her once she's discovered his skills, personality, intelligence, humor and all that....sleeping with him is sort of the cherry on the sundae.
IME, the only time he'll stop calling after he's gotten to know you a while is if he finds something about you outside the bedroom he doesn't gel with. Whether he's slept with you or not will be irrelevant. But basically from the time you meet him, you're going from a sexual object and figure of attraction to a multi dimensional person with thoughts, feelings, ambition, laughter, activity, etc.
Does that make any sense? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:14:16 AM |
Are you supposed to deny yourself the pleasure ?
I had sex on a first date before. It was ackward. But it did not seem to affect the longevity of the relationship in comparison to the length of other relationships. What did get me was when she said before we got involved, " I would understand it if you never want to see me again." Oh the irony.
Whether he's slept with you or not will be irrelevant. But basically from the time you meet him, you're going from a sexual object and figure of attraction to a multi dimensional person with thoughts, feelings, ambition, laughter, activity
Makes sense to me. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:30:20 AM | LOL I love it! Should've started in these forums instead of the single parents ones! There were a couple of real drag men in there,,,,but I love this!
Bianca...I wasnt talking about teasing. When I mentioned 'half way' I had oral in mind.
Should have used better terms. LMAO,,,,,that is not what I thought you meant,,,thanks for clarifying! But, isn't doing oral on the first date like having sex? I mean seriously, I had a first date who didn't want to stop with the kiss and literally tried to push my head down,,,I wouldn't do it,,,I was like???? If I am going to do that we might as well do it then,,,,,,? Oh well, he was boring anyway so thankfully I didn't allow him to push my head too hard,,,,,eeewwwww! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 8:14:17 AM | In this regard I think it falls back to personally preference. I myself usually won't sleep with the lady on the first date even if given the opportunity. Because and this will probably sound like BS but I'm actually interested in getting to know the person better so we have more in common. Has it happened before on the first date, yes it has however I still call the lady and still try to know here better.
The thing that I keep seeing or reading in this post is whether or not because you had sex with the guy on the first date does it make you look like a slut. Well flip that same thing around what does it make him look like, yep the same thing if your going to judge a person.
I myself believe that no one has the right to judge someone else besides themselves. It sickens me to constantly see people degrade a person of less social/income/etc.. status because they view that they are better that that person. Myself I actually believe the person who is doing the degrading is a lesser person than the person they are judging.
Trev | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:38:53 AM | | its just like this. it depends on the person you date. Some guys and girls just want the ass. some want more than a friend with benefits; but truth be known, if you like a guy or girl tell em. look, so if you want some - get some!, if you don't then your date did not have the game! I'm sick of horny lonely people moping around because the pass up some good loving cause what people was going to think. we have one live , have fun use your heart and your mind and the rest will fall in to place. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:39:20 AM | I am not being catty when I say that your profile pictures might give you a clue about why you are not taken more seriously--they promote nothing but a sexual image, carefully cultivated
and here is the double edged sword!! Some women can be so judgemental. I went into the ops profile to see what the above poster was talking about...There is one picture that is questionable...All the others were fine.
If you have sex and do not feel guilty about it..then don't worry. If you are left feeling used at all...you need to review your approach. Myself I love intense kissing and petting....I would never do this with someone I wasn't thinking about sleeping with..I don't view it as teasing... Course I wouldn't carry it on for a month either...I think sex is often rushed...Its hard to built a friendship that will last a lifetime with someone, when sex is rushed. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 11:45:31 AM | Why would you do that I never sleep with a guy unless we both go to health dept and be completly checked out. Too much stuff out there and do not beleive anyone,
Why is your selfesteem so low as I am sure there is more to yu that a roll in the hay? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:33:07 PM | Ok I am believing most of people on POF are retarded. Cant you people make up your own minds on especially sex things. What works for 1 doesnt work for another. Anybody who sleeps with someone on the 1st date is a slut (men and women alike).
Someone who teases on the first date = a tease.
It is a first date called getting to know each other = doesnt mean with your clothes off  !
How do you think sexual diseases are past on. Do you think, if he has one, that he would care to tell you, right before the 1 nighter. Unless you are  for crabs, you better get to know him alittle better | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:49:18 PM |
I am believing most of people on POF are retarded. Cant you people make up your own minds I couldn't agwee more. But the powiticawee cowect term is ... Wee todd id!  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:26:16 PM | If there is chemistry and something happens do it. When you do oral on a guy, and he gets complacent, wanting nothing else, how about you get him to return the favor and give you oral.
If he was as good in bed as he was when the attraction was between the two of you to lead to the one night sex in the first place he'd call you after the first night. Unfortunately not all men fall into this category. I do know when I go out I'm never looking to get laid but if it ends up happening I'm certainly not, not going to maintain contact with the girl I ended up going home with.
Ultimately though it does come down to you regardless of what you may hear. If you keep all lines of communication open and something happens then wonderful. Sex doesn't always have to happen. Foreplay is often enough most times. I've had foreplay alot before sex and often its the perfect set up for a later possibility should there be more.
But I do like to get to know the person also. For one so I can better please them, and two so you don't feel akward that its some strange person you know nothing about.
In any case good luck. As for the perfect time for sex on a date, its when you both feel comfortable. You should ask before if you're the person you're with will still want to talk to you, and get together but only if you think you'd want to see him more. It helps to ask this because you don't want sex to change anything. As long as you're upfront I don't think you'll run into many problems.  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:54:16 PM | | first date sex is called a one night stand,if i like this woman and want to pursue her and get to know her,first date sex would be a disappointment. | |
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