| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:50:45 PM | Something to debate and consider:
Anyone heard of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy. According to evolutionary theory, men should lose interest in a women who sleeps with them to easily. If I have sex with you after meeting you twenty minutes ago, then yeah, maybe in twenty minutes you'll be sleeping with someone else. 9 months later, how do I know whose the baby is? Men who raise other men's babies don't pass on their genes, so guys who used to emotionally invest in "quick" women were wiped out of the gene pool a long time ago. Anyhow, the dichotomy theory suggests that men see women in two different ways: potential life-partners, or people we just want to have sex with. If you're looking for a relationship then I guess you know which category you'd like to be considered in.
All this being said, that's just scientific theory, and people clearly have different views on the manner (As illustrated by the mass of responses to your question). Just thought I'd share that nugget of information, how you use it, is up to you.
Please don't respond to this with Creationism rhetoric. I'm not here to preach evolution. I think in this case, the perspective (evolutionary theory) offers something worth thinking about. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:52:30 AM | If you want to why not, and if he does too then why not - well that is what could happen in a world without feelings and emotions and consequences... BUT to be honest nowadays I think that is NOT a good idea really, think that intimacy comes with closeness and friendship... and time... and also better sex... far better than you would have on a first date!
I tend to think that sex on a first date is only really one step up from masturbation.
Think that people should value who they share their bodies with.... do we really want a stranger touching our bits.... I know that as humans it is great to feel loved to be touched but I think that it is better to let our heads rule our hearts... especially at that time when we feel excited and maybe attracted to someone... it is probably a natural process... a reproduction thing going back to when we were more animal like...
but we are not... we are aware of emotions as we have evolved... and we get hurt or hurt others when we become so intimate so soon.... and eventually de-value ourselves.
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:09:48 AM | If it feels right I will but just like the guy if I think it is just a sexual attraction and it has been a while why not......? If I think he is something special I will wait until it is right before I make that decision and it will be mine.If I feel pressured and he is being to demanding I wont at all....... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:21:06 AM | | I usually end up sleeping with someone on the first date, is a high need in a relationship so I wanna get the details asap. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:44:49 AM | I am sure every one has gone over the same thing.
I don't consider my self in a relationship till sex is involved.
And a big deal breaker has been sex, if they don't have the same appetites, unihibitedness and needs as I do then it is foolish to continue. I have gone that whole you can teach me I want to learn route, you either got it or you don't.
So to try to answer your question. do what feels right to you. If you sleep with them and they never call you aren't out anything and you might have had a good time in the sack. If you don't sleep with them and they figure it is cause you have a low libido or you are just not into sex so they move on then you may have missed the one that would have rocked your world. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:53:02 AM | avishingrenee --- "but also let him know that you don't just fall in bed with every one."
Why should he care what has happened before or with anyone else? I would not. You're an adult. You're 49 years old for crying out loud! Do what you want and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:59:07 AM | Nothing like being the "Nice Guy" and waiting 6 months or however long it takes for a woman to feel comfortable just to find out the sex is horrible... Ha this tread is remind'n me of a movie Called " Booty Call" with Jamie Fox Tommy Davidson and Vivica Fox... That poor guy had to go thru everything possible to get some  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:18:53 AM |
Nothing like being the "Nice Guy" and waiting 6 months or however long it takes for a woman to feel comfortable just to find out the sex is horrible...
Good Lord, guys - if a woman's making you wait six months to get laid, then yeah - one of both of you has issues (unless neither of you like sex, that's possible). Move on! Or keep your booty call going until things start to look promising... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:33:22 AM | i never adress this issue. if it happens it happens... So be it. Usually if both people are feeling it it will just be a natuaral thing. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 10:44:13 AM | That is a tough question...
To me, Sex and when to have it is a timing thing...
Too soon, and the relationship (assuming you want one, and are not just "feeling the need") tends to become centered around the sex, and when the sexual part cools down so does the relationship.
Wait too long, and the frustration mounts, and the "needs" increase, and the sex is usually bad cuz by that time, your balls are turning six shades of blue and the slightest anything will cause an explosion. So the sex is usually bad at the start, and that "magic moment" fizzles before it arrives... | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 12:58:19 PM | CHI Grad Student- I would be very very sad if I had to pick between a man that saw me as a life long partner and one that wants to have sex with me. I choose both.  | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/21/2008 1:19:11 PM | Some of the best sex I had was on a "first date". It's cool because it's the thought of someone new, without wasting time to wine and dine her and play all the games to get her in bed...(usually three or four dates).
Anyway, I remember three women who did it all on a first date.. how cool is it to have your butthole licked on a first date!...slamming her up the A$$...cumming in her mouth...within hours of meeting?....thats what I'm talking about!
There was one woman, who I spent a year with...even in a year relationship she wouldn't take it in the A$$...and to meet several on a first date that did...go figure. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/25/2008 6:31:41 PM | fair enough fab-mom. I agree with your sentiment.
Like i said, that's just science, doesn't mean all men are that way.
On the other hand, evolution never took into consideration what you wanted. It only "considered" what lead to survival...if only survival was optimized by our hunter-gatherer forefathers by a preference for sitting in cubicles from 9-5, watching reality TV and caring about celebrity gossip. Then we'd really have it made in the shade. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:30:44 PM | | personaly i think that sex is a huge thing in a realtionhip so why bother wasting your time developing a relationship wih someone then find out they are realy bad in bed... with peronal experience i have been with somone for a while had realy bad sex then things just got weired... on the other hand i have done the one night of fun on the first date and now we are realy good friends... i think if evrything feels right and ur both in thesame mind set than go for it... dont deny yourself the fun just because it might not go the way u hoped ...just be safe and smart about it and just have fun!! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/31/2008 3:45:47 PM | | " if everything feels right"...then it is. Don't over analyize, don't second guess, god knows you will do enough of that the next day ! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 3/31/2008 4:19:35 PM | Personally I would run from anyone who uses intimacy, or the lack there of, as leverage for personal gain or gratification. I would almost guarantee that they will also manipulate you in other ways as well. Most of us aren't in high school or college, this isn't a game, its simply yes or no. Don't need excuses one way or the other and I can tell you your phone isn't going to ring too often if you keep stringing someone along.
As far as diving under the sheets on the first date...? Well thats another adult decision thats totally up to you.
jmho | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:54:40 AM | | I would have to agree with an earlier post but on the flip side. If a man wants to have sex on the first date, I can't help but wonder how many women is he sleeping with or what kind of women has he slept with before me. I am what you would call a good girl but I do like to have bedroom fun too, with someone I like, how can you like someone enough to have sex when you just met? | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:50:49 PM | | I often sleep with a guy on a first date....... if here is a connect it is there... if there isn't there isn't....... of course this is no guarantee..........but I don't want to spend 6 months getting to know you only to discover we have No bedroom chemistry... sex is a very important part of life to me.... and I want to know we are gonna click in that department.......but in order for us to get there.... the whole night still has to lead up to that moment. | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:05:12 PM | I have been told by some of my closest male friends that although they get a real "kick" when someone sleeps with them on the first date, most of the time they think that the woman is "not the marrying kind".
It's a conflict and often hypocritical but I think it's true.
I just don't believe in playing games...if I feel like sleeping with a man on the first date - I do. I own my sexuality - and enjoy it. If he doesn't respect me the next day then I would say good riddens and he should see how much he respects himself.
We are all adults ... If I can't keep my hands off someone - it's all good. | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 197 | |
| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:12:36 PM | i think the whole thing here is keeping the suspense a bit to make it better.
i know to me one night stands make for pretty lousy sex. to really get to the maddening intensity great sex has, u gotta give a bit of a damn and build up some desire.
otherwise, u get crazy for an hour, then ask urself, afterwards, in the bathroom, what the hell were u thinking and which was the best and fastest way to get out of there
js104 to justice comment- hilarious
chi grad student - brilliant, am impressed
there was a theory that the reason why men find elongated calves (women on heels) and long hair attractive goes back to the beginning of the species where a woman's hair would protect her baby as a warming blanket, in the ancient caves, and also that elongated legs go back to when homo sapiens had to rely on its running abilities to catch food or escape danger.
that is also how they explained why women have an extra layer of fat as compared to men - in times of famine, that extra layer feeds a woman's unborn child for a whole month, which is linked to why a lot of men love more voluptuous women, and maybe subconsciously why that type was so venerated in the older days - those were real and enduring women, not frail pussy cats. not that i dont love pussy cats , cause i , for myself, do he he he
joking aside, the whole idea is that sexual chemistry and attraction is an instinct deeply and closely linked to the survival of the species and it's instinct to evolve and grow stronger | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:26:48 PM | Trust your gut, as is always the best advice.
I dont have a habit of sleeping with people right off the bat. But, when my current boyfriend and I went on our first date- we went to dinner, went on our date, came home to watch a movie, and he ended up sleeping over and we ended up sleeping together. It wasnt because either of us felt like we had to... we just felt right about things. We were technically an item about 4 days later, and it's been over a year and we're still together.
If he's interested, he'll stay. If he's not interested, he wont. And some men will still have sex with you when they're not interested. And some will have sex with you and be interested, and later decide for a million reasons they arent interested anymore. It's a crap shoot. I agree with the posters who said to do what feels right to YOU. You'll never read his mind anyways... so dont try to manipulate him into wanting to be with you. Be yourself, do what feels right... and if hes into you, he will be.
Good Luck! | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/10/2008 3:20:51 AM | lets see one ive carried for years---sex,rock n roll,bikes
But really you just do what feels comfortable between both parties | |
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| Sleeping with some one on a first date
Posted: 4/10/2008 6:41:38 AM | I think most of us have done this at some time in our lives for various reasons. Now I prefer to get to know someone first because I've found that the intimacy is so much better-especially if the sparks are flying for a few dates! And there's no need for the man to get 'blue balls' while waiting. He has two hands---just like I do....
It all depends on what someone is really looking for. I think the ones that are really looking for a LTR will hold off, while those that are just 'looking' will more than likely allow for the instant gratification. JMHO
HR | |
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