| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 8:56:12 PM | | Wow!! That was a bomb dropped on you Tinker. But because he told you straight up (and he did not have to do that), he very well may not be the same person he was 19 years ago. I think the guy has guts. I probably would not want my daughter dating him (If I had a daughter), but he sounds like he has no problem admitting his past faults. I think that is a sign of a straight up guy, or a complete psyco. | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 9:38:21 PM | | ^^^ some fix there pasts some don't. Not a question for the internet. you said it yourself lots of negativity on here, how would you know if you had a truthful answer? Some things are not mean't for a stranger to help with. | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 9:51:05 PM | Not a good internet question? I don't understand why, but it's cool.
I would hate to tell the girl to "go for it" and find out later the guy did not learn his lesson. | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 10:07:14 PM | | ^^^ that is why it's not a good internet question, she needs no bullshit answers. which you won't find with strangers and the internet. | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 11:19:14 PM | Hi there Tinkerbelle - answer is you couldnt have, no way. No one could. Its just the part of the 'gamble' and 'luck' of dating. But one thing you can do istake measures to reduce the odds and make a list of 'wierd' behaviour. Leaving 10 messages on your phone in one day woulda been a huge red flag for me. Thats wierd no 1...but I know, someone of us think its romantic and 'wow hes keen' When you go out on a date always take your own car and a back up phone number...oh well Im sure you know the drill...these things are the least we can do, all you can do at the end is say, well...maybe not for me, lucky you found out when you did and give yourself a pat on the back for getting outta there !!! Wow, I do have to say though...this was a 'out there' one. Well if it were me I wouldnt give out my home number to anyone for a quite a few months...Not til I know where he works, name of the company, have his home phoen number and have met a few of his friends...to kinda get a cross-section of what his character is like. Complicated??? you betcha... thats why we are all on the forums..... :D
My red flag list
obssessiveness - calling every hour on the hour
guys who wont tell you where they work
guys who wont tell you where they live
guys who wont give you their home number after about date # 4-5]
guys who dont talk about other people in their lives eg friends and family
guys who go on too much about the exes/problems/they're a victim/money issues
guys on the first date and all they can talk about is a 'nightcap' [ yeh duh on that one]
Big one - guys who answer their mobile when with you, lower their voice...then act like the call didnt happen and their voice does that 'wierd' thing..the uncomfortable voice...lol...
This goes the other way for the fellas too.... | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 11:30:13 PM | sorry meant to say, but clicked too early you can carry this over to the net by asking similar questions to them...just in chat via email or whatever you're doing. Sooner or later though with the net, you ended up having to meet them in person anyway....
If you are getting close to someone on the net...email, photos, cam whatever...if you want a relationship out of it, then sooner or later someone has to talk about meeting in person. Be wary of the person also who talks big...but is no action....just like real life really
I met this guy once who emailed me none stop for 2 months, it grew from friendship to ""love"", he was in the States, I was going for a holiday anyway...so we arranged to meet up, no promises....but well we ended up spending a lot of time together..BUT he had changed I expectecd a bit of awkwardness, but as there was no pressue for a relationship or anything at that stage I didnt understand it...he got over that, we arranged to do a couple of things but couldnt give me his home number..never mind by that stage he knew me 3 months and was talking love and romance, then he bailed on a planned trip after we met, and could only see me before and after certain hours, then he changed his car...citing a windscreen problem, we did stuff and he took previous mobile calls in the tone I said before...all in all...I got the feeling we were sneaking around....anyway...sure enough months later...back home, found out he was married by some wayward email the klutz sent to a lot of people by mistake...
But luckily by the time I found out about it I was over it anyway and could laugh...though really its not such a humorous situation....BUT all in all I have met some great people over the internt, some great friends...potential romance sure thing !!....I wouldnt discount it...just be smart and aware, dont be scared to ask questions and listen to your instincts just like in real life
:D | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/12/2005 7:31:29 AM | | Thank you! Yeah I totally agree about being safe, which I am. I don't give guys my home address nor do I have them pick me up at home on a first date. We meet in a neutral location. I also always have my cell phone with me and tell at least one girlfriend where I'm going. I know the signs too. I went on two dates with one guy who NEVER answered his phone. Always called me back. Was always "unavailable", "too busy", "something came up". I figure he was probably married. Sooo hard to tell when people are being honest and it's sad that even men my age still play games. You would think people would grow up and mature. I don't do games. I'm a straight shooter, honest to a fault but ALWAYS considerate of others feelings. I've been on first dates where all the guy does is complain how much of a bioch his ex was. RED FLAG. Woman hater. Yeah, we've all had bad ex's but move on. Your current date doesn't give a rats butt about what a demon your ex was. Really!!! It's one thing to let a guy vent, which I've done to try to be a good listener, but when they go on and on it's like,ummmmmmm, aren't WE on a date here? I believe that people can change and that people can be rehabilitated and it is possible that this guy isn't the same guy who picked up a blunt object and beat a man to death in a cocaine induced rage but would you like your sister, female friends, or daughter dating one? I will pass. Not to mention the fact that he lied about several things outright during our conversations and lied by ommission/not telling me things and if someone lies to me, I'm gone. That's a deal breaker for me. Anyhow, I will have to listen more to my gut instinct. I give people the benefit of the doubt a lot and silence that inner voice that says, something is wrong here. No more, that inner voice is there for a reason. I'm listening............. | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/12/2005 7:39:28 AM | | Hey, I like the way you think! He did have guts, thank God! I would really freak out if I had dated him or God forbid, after getting to know him slept with him and he dropped that bomb on me. Sorry but it gives me the creeps thinking I kissed a convicted felon. Never met anyone that murdered someone before. Bloody hell!!!! Wouldn't that freak you out if you went out with a chick who had killed someone? 19 years in prison. Don't you think that would screw someone up in the head? He said he used to get beat up all the time in there. Not to mention if he was some guys bioch. Ewwwwwwwww!!!! Away from society for 19 years. Didn't know how to use a cell phone, cd's, dvd,s. Think of all the things that have happened since 1996 and he's missed it. Half his life in prison. I feel bad for the guy and I hope he is rehabilitated and can start over but I can't put myself and my kids out there. He was an addict too. Once an addict you are an addict for life. Not to say that he can't stay sober but does anyone want to hook up with an addict? I'm glad it's over and I will be so much more careful, ask more questions. I also might want to log into this website my friend told me about where you can type in a person's name and see if they have ever had tickets or been arrested for anything. Not to be paranoid but damn you have to be careful nowadays. I sure as hell never thought I would be going out with a convicted felon! | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/12/2005 7:50:18 AM | There is a link to do background checks on this site (or there was--I can't find it for you now)--but is will cost you about 40 bucks (not part of POF, I don't think)--type in background check on a search engine--there are plenty of them.
That guy has been gone since 1985--I remember 96 like it was yesterday. :)
As for a convicted fellon--well, that guy killed somebody, but it does not take much to become a fellon anymore.---no mommyof2---I am not a fellon--lol---In fact, I understand the USA (the people who enjoy the most freedom in the world???) has a much higher incarceration rate than any country in the world.
You like the way I think? (I think)--Thanks---I like your smile, your a super cutie. | |
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JmanTO
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 135 | |
| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 6/12/2005 3:06:07 PM | | Lol, of course internet dating doesn't work, man! It's no different than real dating! I'm amazed that people actually think that because they're online, the rules change all of a sudden. If your not getting dates in real life, your not gonna get them online either. I'm not saying this directly to you Daza, just in general. | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 6/12/2005 3:51:22 PM | | Tinker, thanks for telling us about your internet experience. I don't expect to meet my ideal woman here but who know! You can be anyone you want to be here in cyber loveland and sometimes you can get shocked when you meet someone. Or meet someone who seems great then you find out you are sleeping with an ax murderer. I think people should be forgiven for past transgressions, if they have truly changed but in your case I think you did well by not being his new love intrest. Rick | |
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| Internet dating does work
Posted: 6/12/2005 4:18:54 PM | | 1 of the reasons you probably aernt having much responses is because youre criteria is so closed keep it opened accept people who wanna date friends and all that the key is to keep an open mind about anything and everything dont really give age a limit put it to 20-40 err something cause hell when you meet some1 you click with thats all that really matters things can evolve from a friendship starting out trust me i know i had a killer date lastnight 4th date in a row it was double and man i had the best time of my life with her lastnight i met her online here so main thing is keep an opened mind youre criteria is kinda limited so make it a lil more unlimited and c how you do k bro? aight peaceout | |
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| Internet dating does work
Posted: 6/12/2005 6:04:34 PM | | Matt, I have to disagree about "loosening your criteria." I don't believe men or women should have to just settle. If you don't smoke and don't want to date a smoker then you should say so. Way too many women settle or put up with a guys bad habits or contrary lifestyle because they are so desperate to be loved and to be in a relationship that they compromise their values and beliefs. It's ok to have standards as long as they are realistic. I am not looking for a millionare or a sugar daddy. I am not looking for ONLY a doctor or a lawyer or only someone with blonde hair but I do have standards. I will not date anyone in their twenties- too young for me. I want a mature man close to my age. Nothing wrong with that. I won't date a smoker. Too many in my family have died from cancer or emphasyma. I prefer guys that are tall. I prefer guys that are of the same faith. Statistics show that people who are more alike, have more common interests, have similar backgrounds are more compatable and make more lasting partners. Opposites may attract but they don't last. So I have to disagree. You've gotta have standards period and not just haphazardly date anyone and everyone. Yeah I'll have fewer dates but they will be more meaningful. It will take me a while but when I find the right person it will have been worth the wait. I settled for 12 1/2 years and ended up divorced because we were too different, way too opposite. I won't do that again. | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 6/12/2005 6:07:48 PM | Cuter guy, yeah I like the way you think. You are a sweetheart! If I find out the website people can go to for background checks I'll let y'all know. It's by state. I still believe that there are a lot of good people out there. I still believe that you can meet someone great on the internet. I've known too many people who have found "The One" online. You just have to be patient and be yourself. There are plenty of fish out there........LOL | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 2/13/2008 5:08:55 AM | | I have met a few guys,but also if you read an e mail we can't respond to everything and if you are not interested,,,it can be a bit mean but no response...but on the other hand had a few guys that led to a few dates...then poof they dissapear.I think it gives too many options and they become serial daters it sucks.Women get there share of let downs believe me...But have hope. | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 2/13/2008 5:44:48 AM | I did meet someone that I'm serious about after meeting 5 men that didn't work. But he was up on line for only a few weeks. I feel so lucky to have found him
What I found about online dating was people do not tell the truth. They say they are looking for long-term, but they are into online chatting, flirting, the thrill of the chase, getting laid, free loading, etc. Some seemed addicted to being online. And some people are so financially strapped they cannot even afford to pay for themselves on a date, let alone buy you a cup of coffee.
My present relationship is growing and has the potential for long, long term. But if it doesn't work out, on line is not right for me. | |
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| Can I get some sound advice?
Posted: 2/13/2008 5:47:46 AM | | Run, run, run. That's just way too much baggage for anyone to have to handle. 19 years of out society -- bound to be all kinds of problems. You have to take care of yourself and not ask for trouble. Plus he waited for how long to tell you -- until there was an attachment of sorts! HHHHHMMMMM -- not good. | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 2/13/2008 10:51:40 AM | I have only been on this site two weeks but from what I am seeing I am very optimistic. I have already made alot of friends and talked to many others and received two teddy bears and I am not even trying that hard. I think my key to this beginner's success is just being nice, kind, respectful and a little bit funny. Remember there is alot of tough competition out there for both sexes. In a way its virtual "meat market" version of the bar scene without all the excessive loud music in the background. Well, to lighten things up a bit I have included a quick beginner's guide to Internet Dating on POF. I hope maybe there is something in there can inspire you.. or at least make you laugh alittle bit.
If you are not having luck here at POF you are either not using the right bait or you are fishing in the wrong place. Here are some examples of fishing in the wrong place:
- you are a 50 something year old man fishing in a pool of 20 somethings.
- you are an overweight couch potato fishing for athletic types
- to you a fun date is share a six-pack of cold buds, afterwards grab a dairy queen treat to kill the munchies and see where it goes... and the people you are fishing for are wine and food connisseurs.
- your profile is barely legible due to numerous grammatic and / or typographical errors (a.k.a spelling errors) and the profiles you have been messaging are senior members of writer's clubs.
- your idea of travel is a trip to the supermarket and back and the pool you are fishing in are well-traveled even migratory fish with over a billion frequent flier miles.
- your idea of dressing up is washing those everyday jeans of yours, throwing on a new NIN teeshirt, and a hit of musk oil and in the pool you are fishing the fishies are consultants in the fashion industry.
- you are a fisherman that dogs want to eat because of something you radiate and you are fishing in a pool of fishies that have their own personal packs that would make the Dog Whisperer blush.
Don't blame POF if those aforementioned fishing pools are not working for you.. blame the evolutionary process... it CANNNN be cruel ! :-))
Wrong bait:
- No pictures
- Severely yellowed pictures due to age oxidation !! Keep the photos current ;-)
- pictures poorly touched-up. In other words, people can see that something wierd was done to the photo but just can't quite put their finger on it :-))... Hey ... if you're going to touch up your photo.. be sure to do a good job of it !! You really shouldn't even attempt to touch up your photos !! Don't be afraid to take 1000 webcam shots to find the perfect shot to put on POF. That is exceptable. Photographers do this all the time. Just don't touch it up.
- Pictures of your gorgeous pets, your beautiful kids, your wonderful house, your fabulous car, fantastic places you've been !... BUT NOT ONE OF YOU !! I especially like what appears to be the same white water raft photo (no individuals can be distinguished being hidden in the same color wet suits) that appears on a godzillion profiles at POF. Does anybody notice that its the same photo ? Was there a big white water rafting event which everybody on POF attended and received the same group photo ?
- Photos in which you are growling, frowning, hating the world, appearing to be plotting something terrible.... people, you need to smile. You are greeting people through this site for the first time and a greeting always involves a smile.
- Show the entire face. Showing one eye or missing the top of a head always makes the observer wonder.. how about that other eye ? What's happening on the top of that head that this fish wants to hide ? Actually I am teasing alittle bit here.. Showing any part of the face is better than not showing anything.
- No interests. To meet more interesting people, put more interests. People can also search for you by your interests as well and can be a great way to make friends.
- Negative items or items of frustration in your profile. Each negative item you put in your profile will cause a certain portion of fishies surveying your bait to run in fright so keep the negativity to a minimum.
- Excessive demands in your profile. Each demand again will cause curious fishies to swish their tails in a quick get-away when they release that they are not the fish you really want. The problem here is that there could be some matches or friendships made "on the fringe". For example, there is a young lady on here I would love to contact and practice languages with because she is like me in that she has learned 5 languages. The problem is that I cannot contact her because her email settings are for men 30-47. I am 48. Ouch !! Barely missed the opportunity !
Another big problem on here is that people are in such a feeding frenzy to find the perfect person they don't give many new found friendships a chance to grow. Later, after they have been rude to well-meaning candidates.. and come to realize it... well.. its too late. | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:15:58 AM | Another big problem on here is that people are in such a feeding frenzy to find the perfect person they don't give many new found friendships a chance to grow.
I had something happen a while back that fit your scenario to a Tee.
I stopped by a local hangout to see a friend's band play & they were having a POF get together that evening. While @ the bar getting a drink, a young lady started flirting w/ me & asked me to come join her group....a young lady that had previously read/deleted an introductory Email (polite, well composed, funny, not too brief/long, etc.) of mine (from back when I was single). It was VERY tempting to issue some snarky comment, but I managed to refrain. Thanking her kindness & wishing them a good evening, I left their company after a while to help the band load out.
The last thing I heard from her group......."Now how come there can't be guys like that on POF?"  | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 2/13/2008 11:18:39 AM | | Youre not actually supposed to have your date on the internet. The idea is to leave the house once in a while. | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 2/13/2008 12:40:38 PM | very funny insight made me laugh,and I agree,toooooo many choices,but if someone just does not do it for you move on right? | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 2/13/2008 12:48:23 PM | Internet dating does not work..Say it isnt so!..Too many choices, really..."Where"?Post a pic, add a line of garble goop and hope someone will communicate with you...Face to face communication is the best, no doubt...How in the world can you read anything into a pic and a bunch of lines...Face to Face...But this can be fun at times, baring the delusional quacks..   | |
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| Internet dating does Not work
Posted: 2/13/2008 1:02:47 PM | | The MAJOR problem with internet dating I think is it's ass backwards from how you usually meet /attracted to the opposite sex. Here you get to know what he/ she is thinking & feeling thru email & chat. Your mind builds up daydream expectations. Then when a meeting finally happens you get disappointed & frustrated that things didn't click like you were hoping. Real chemistry & attraction is a complex biological response hard~wired into our caveman primal instincts. | |
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