| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 6:51:15 PM |
Hey. Froggy, if I ask you out, I can't afford $150 for dinner, but I will pay if you will go to a restaurant of my choice and ability to pay. But more likely, I will invite you to my house and I will cook for you.
I don't care where we go... make it a muffin at starbucks... I'm not picky. When I am dating someone we typically decide what each can afford to spend on dating each month and then we match the minimum amount equally and live within the means of the one with the less money... but we both pay equally.
I have dated women who could not afford as much as I could and I have dated women who could buy and sell my butt with ease. This way has worked well for everyone and left us all feeling respected... but it probably wouldn't work for everyone.
I find that men my age don't want me to pay for dinner; in fact, some have been offended when I offer.
Most men don't want to risk loosing the date by being labled cheap... and its been said in this thread... men dont want to pay because we are cheap.
I open doors for men because it is a common courtesy; when a man steps quickly to open a door for me, I smile and say, "Thanks."
I once had a woman tell me... and I quote... "you dont have to open the door for me just because I'm a woman" to which I replied, "I didn't. I opened the door for you because I'm a gentleman." I would open the door for man or woman. I would help man or woman on/off with their coats. But, like I said earlier... I have also dated the "independent woman" who objected to my opening the car door for her but then not offer to pay the dinner tab... I guess indepence only goes so far! LOL
[block]Equality never negates politeness.[/block]
Amen! Sister! Amen!
And I would love the opportunity to have someone else cook for me for a change... my ex lives across the country so I cook 7 days a week, 365 a year... yep, a welcome change indeed! LOL | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 6:53:38 PM |
What about the Man who becomes disabled..
"becomes" is a key word. Life events happen, ups and downs, people loose jobs, health etc. That's where loyalty and partnership comes in. That's different from someone coming (or trying to)come into a brand new relationship with already existing debts and issues and the expectation that their new partner to take care of them, fix everything from the get go. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 6:58:00 PM | | Wow, could it be because we request financially secure men! Cut the poor guys some slack - what's wrong with providing for ourselves. At least that gives us options and we don't have to depend on our well being on the generousity of someone else. Poetic, welcome to the 21st century. Aren't we are getting what we asked for? Serre | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 7:03:51 PM | Alien, I would let you cook for me too! This boy has no hang ups on anyone cooking for him... my ex lives on the other side of the country so I have cooked for all my kids for a long time... I dont even get time off for good behavior!
As far as men asking if you wear Victoria Secret,,,,,tell him it's a 'secret' only to be revealed to someone worthy
Victoria has no secrets... she sold them all to become financially secure for me like me!!!
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 7:05:09 PM | I prefer man who is financialy stable and secure, so if they are looking for a financialy stable woman, its ok , why not if there's a chance. Women can work too, 2 income in a family is better than one.  | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 7:11:35 PM | I dont expect a man to take care of my debts; thats my issue. But I dont expect to be treated badly because I'm trying to improve myself and struggling while getting there.
I'd like to know one person on this posting board that doesnt have debt! Gees-- come on! Even as married or living together- you've both got debt. Debt is an unfortunate part of living. Sure we can focus and live our lives doing the best we can to avoid stupid mistakes -- to not be aimless and set good goals, but unless you've got alot going for you financially, you're not ever going to have it easy-- the whole idea of wanting a partner though that doesnt incur them any problems is ridiculous. As everyone of you likely has some financial issue or another. People's hyprocisy on here is staggering-- you dont want anyone to want a free ride, but you dont want to date someone that has their own issues because you dont want them to drag you down.
Thats not sharing. Thats just selfishness... love is about what you can give to each other-- not about what you can get from them.
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 7:20:06 PM | First, I have no debt so I am one. Everything I own is paid for. There was a time my big screen tv was broken for three months. I could have paid to get it fixed using my credit card but I chose to wait until I could pay cash.
I want someone who has already fought those battles because they understand my thinking and if we fall on hard times I know our battle back out of the cellar will be easier because we both no the way.
Its the same reason I wont' date someone who is overweight... I work out 5 days a week and I generally eat a healthy diet. People who dont live my same lifestyle dont understand it and it causes friction where I don't need or want friction.
It is a Darwinian world... like it or not...
Its past my bed time... "I have enjoyed the banter with those of you with the wits to banter and I have been amused by those of you who were witless." ... not sure where I read that quote but it seems appropriate. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 7:22:06 PM |
People's hyprocisy on here is staggering-- you dont want anyone to want a free ride, but you dont want to date someone that has their own issues because you dont want them to drag you down.
Are you even reading or are you too busy postulating and ranting?
Yes.. most people have some debt... well many people anyway. Not all of it is BAD. School loans, for example. I'm responsible for my own debt. Period. Marrying me doesn't mean he takes on that debt. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 7:24:42 PM | | In romance novels love fixes everything and they live happily ever after. I am afraid that IRL it's not quite as simple as that. It will be *nice* if someone helps, but it should not be by any means entitlement or expectation under the guise of love, and that's what it sounded like. It's a hypocrisy to expect someone else/relationship to fix the issue that a person had to begin with. JMO. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 7:50:33 PM | Many of us have spent our lifetimes to become financially secure. I personally don't expect anyone to "take care" of me financially, nor am I prepared or able to take care of anyone else. When I embark on a relationship, I would want to be sure that there was no such expectation. I would, however, be very uncomfortable as well in a relationship where a balance sheet structure was in place. Spontaneity is essential to me. Sometimes I pay, sometimes he pays.
My self esteem demands that I bring as much to the table as my partner at all times and in all situations. Is that not what partnership means ? | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:10:30 PM |
I'd like to know one person on this posting board that doesnt have debt! Gees-- come on!
I have no debt. I'm sure I'm not alone. Debt for a house is smart. But debt for anything else can easily be avoided by living within your means and delaying gratification by a few months.
Financially responsible men and women expect the same from their potential partners. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:36:29 PM |
I'd like to know one person on this posting board that doesnt have debt!
sigh... I have done an admirable job of primarily lurking in this thread. Poetic, I did not have an inheritance and did not have a settlement from a marriage (I say that because many people assume money came from something other than hard work and saving). I lived debt free, saved, travelled some and bought my house with cash... until my live in relationship ended in 2001. After settling with my ex, paying spousal support and hefty legal fees, I now have a mortgage. I'll have that sucker paid off in time, but it sure wasn't where I planned to be financially at this time in my life. Oh well, life is what happens when you are making other plans.
I have never judged anyone by monetary standards, but have met people as people. Consequently, most of my ex's have earned less, sometimes significantly less, than I did. I have supported partners through financial troubles when they lost their jobs or different problems when they were otherwise knocked down on their knees by life. That is what you do for people you love. So, there are people like this... I do not believe for one moment that I am all that unusual.
Do I WANT to START OFF with someone who needs my help in order to walk through life? No. No way. No how. I want someone who enjoys their work and lives within their means, is happy, optimistic and is the sort of person who you know, whatever comes down the pipe, they will be there to help you rise to meet the challenges that life throws at you. Not a quitter or a whiner or someone who feels they are entitled to have life give them something just because they were born. A partner. An equal partner, where each may contribute different things but each make an equal contribution. An equal contribution to the enjoyment of life and an equal contribution to solving the problems in life. We both create the life we lead.
Frankly Poetic, you do not sound like someone who would roll up her sleeves and get down to it when life throws you a curve ball. You sound like someone who would go off to the sidelines and whine about how hard life is or that someone else should handle the problem for you. I might be wrong about that... perhaps you are in a bad way currently and are sounding more dispirited than you normally are... but what you have posted in this thread thus far would lead me to that conclusion. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:41:15 PM |
I can't respect a woman who can't cook at least as good I do...
In my case, this means "Can you boil water without setting off the smoke alarm?"
Student and poet - no income. Not yet a BA - yet says educator - nothing wrong with trying to improve your lot in life. However, with the level of bitterness in your OP and responses, any guy who read your writing - and you are a professional writer as a published poet - would likely go running for the hills.
I, too, am a published writer - self published, with less than 130 total pages written at age 53. I certainly don't boast it - although I have been purchased on three continents, total sales did not cover printing costs, plus postage. Nevertheless, people have forked out $2 to read my thoughts.
You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. No two individuals are equal. That's why we're individual. I don't have women kocking at my door - very often - and I suppose the OP has been rejected. Rather than improving the profile, or deciding that it might be better to wait until she lands a teaching position - and I thought she an aspiring professor working on a Ph.D. until I read the details - and she's dating professor(s) while still an undergrad! Isn't that politically incorrect? and thinks 50-60K is "paltry"? I'd love to make what a first-year kindergarten teacher makes in my town - but even third-level managers at my company don't make that much.
I want love - and someone who won't dump me because I'm making less than 60K - not asking too much - but won't ever again marry one like the OP. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:43:13 PM | Hmm, I see the typical profile like this:
"You - are financially secure"
"You - like to wear Victoria's Secret High heels"
"You - are a career woman"
"You - are a size 2"
"You - if you live in Dallas have big hair"
I don't fault men who are looking for women that have their financial act together. I don't think men are always looking for a woman who makes over $100K a year, but at the same token, a man wouldn't want a woman making $10/hour and is $40K in debt. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 8:51:59 PM | Why should a man care if a woman is 40 k in debt if she's working a job and paying her portion of the bills? I dont know where you guys get your values from.
Again... most of you are in debt somewhere- somehow. Wait before calling the kettle black.
I have loved men who werent rich, but were well educated and gave me alot of intellectual and spiritual stimulation. I will choose to live rich or poor-- either way, if the person I love is the right one. I know how to live both ways. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:04:31 PM |
Again... most of you are in debt somewhere- somehow. Wait before calling the kettle black.
You still don't get it do you? Several people have said they live debt free. My current bf is debt free. It is not all THAT unusual.
I would be debt free, (although arguably, if you factored in equity in the house, I have a positive balance sheet) if it weren't for meeting the challenges of living with someone who not only was NOT debt free, but had absolutely no idea of how to manage to live within their means... which meant I covered it and saved their butt. I do not regret my decisions at the time, as I have said, there are things you do for those you love. But it does leave me with debt because of being a kind heart, good partner, schmuck (depends on your perspective, doesn't it? LOL)
What I lived is what many are seeking to avoid, and I can not fault them for that... especially because I am one of them.
There are people who have different lives Poetic, focus on them and building your life rather than getting all bent out of shape about how others choose to live THEIR lives. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:20:20 PM | As of today, I'm not in debt - but have been in the past, and may again in the future.
Why do men request Financially Secure women????
It's safer than asking a woman to be a 36-24-36. Asking a woman to be financially secure only peeves off a minority of women - and evidently has some value. Whereas those silly guys who specify a petite blonde not only lose all the non-petites and all the non-blondes, but also most petite blondes, who are looking for handsome, tall guys who aren't superficial about things like looks ;)P
And although I am by training a mathematician, I shan't ask a lady to be between the 80th an 98th percentile voluptuous, with an IQ 3.2 standard deviations above the mean or better, even though that's more or less what I'm looking for.
At least the OP mentions her financial situation; at another site (paysite with a small e and cap H) their matches with me were all females even more destitute than I - and I was a churchmouse at a Shakers church, if that means anything - none of them mentioned in their profile they couldn't do halfsies, even at White Castle.
Now I am moderately wealthy - but not rich, by any reasonable standard. Care to all and Merry Christmas! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:21:42 PM | If you don't like men who hound around for financially
secure women, why don't you ignore them and move on?
I can scarcely see how they're causing any hardship for you.
Poeticbliss wrote: ...men don't have to be rich, but as society
supports them with better paying jobs, they shouldn't hound
around for financially secure women. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:33:54 PM | I know a guy who prefers brunettes, so he simply put
in his profile, "No blondes, please." He got more responses
from blondes than he could keep up with.
Galahad54 wrote: Whereas those silly guys who specify
a petite blonde not only lose all the non-petites and all
the non-blondes, but also most petite blondes,
who are looking for handsome, tall guys who aren't
superficial about things like looks ;)P | |
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