| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:34:25 PM |
Again... most of you are in debt somewhere- somehow. Wait before calling the kettle black.
There are many people my age of both sexes who have no debt at all. The house is paid for, the kids are independent, the student loans are cleared. I am not one of them, but if such a gentleman were to ask me to, say, go skiing, that can be an expensive proposition. Is it fair for me to expect him to pay for everything? 2 lift tickets at $135, 2 lunches at $15, gas at $20, that's $320. And my contribution is the pleasure of my company? I don't think so.
It is fair and right for that man to assume that if I accept his invitation, I will be paying for more than dessert, and I will not have to make some major sacrifice to do it.
That principle carries past the ski date, OP. If I can't afford to keep up with the lifestyle that he has earned by his hard work, good decisions and responsible planning, then I have not earned the right to share that lifestyle.
If you want to be Mrs. Cleaver, and that is what you have set your heart on, then good luck with it. But our predecessors fought long and hard to escape that "pearls and high heels when he gets home and don't ask where he's been" expectation and you are a throwback to a benighted time. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:39:23 PM | You're right. Women have every right men have, and a few more men don't have. Can you give me one example of any right that men have that women don't? (USA
They do the same job, with the same qualifications, but men get paid more. Happens everyday! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:43:17 PM | | ^^^ Not necessarily. I make more than some of my male counterparts because I negotiated like a man to get it. I did not just accept that because I am a woman, I had to expect less. I played their game, on their turf, by their rules, and isn't that what the women's movement asked for? A level playing field? | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:45:20 PM | str8ahd,
You are correct about the cost of dates. I recently went out with a man who had paid for our previous 3 dates and paid for the activities in the afternoon, I asked if he would like to attend something else in the evening and said it would be my treat. We had a great time. Another time, I invited him to something and purchased tickets. Told him that the group we were with was going to dinner before, would he like to go? He said yes. When the waiter came to the table and asked about who was on which ticket, my date said we were together. When the bill came, he picked it up and paid for it, I had planned to do so--he makes a lot more than I do, but I had invited him. When we arrived at my house, he came in for a few minutes, said he had to leave, hugged me and said thanks for dinner. I never saw him again.
I have had guys get upset when I offer to pay for my portion of the bill, so I never know what to do. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:47:23 PM | I have mixed feelings about this. It's true women have more rights nowadays. It's also true that there is a glass ceiling and women don't get the very top paying jobs. I would hate to end up like that heartrending scene in Amy Tan's "The Joy Luck Club" where they're having a fight because the wife has got to pay equally for everything, down to the ice cream. One day she complains she never liked ice cream and doesn't eat it. So the husband finally drops charging her for ice cream. He makes 6 times what she makes! Doesn't sound like a whole lot of caring to me. I will never again date a guy like I had in college who made me pay to the last penny, the taxes on my dinner out. There is a difference between a social climber wanting pearls, Cadillacs and furs, and someone respecting your company so very little, they won't let you get away with a penny! Shame on them.
I just asked a guy what he meant by finacially secure. He said you had to have savings in the bank and property. Who's got money like that nowadays? It limits you from knowing a lot of nice people. It's also a very relative question. If you pay all your bills and have a running car, I consider that financially secure. Esp, living in LA, that's most people here's definition of a bum. You have to ask what it means.
I find this comment "brings nothing to the table" esp offensive. What about beauty, brains, humor, glamor, vivacity, fun, laughter, ideas, management skills, housecleaning skills, cooking skills, parenting skills, charm, wit and endless traits? Is life only about money?
Anyway, what ever happened to love? I mean, you adore someone so much, you really want them to eat oatmeal while you're eating steak, sleep on straw in the barn while you sleep on silk. That's just a servant, or a slave. Do you let them in outta the barn when it rains? | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:51:39 PM |
That principle carries past the ski date, OP. If I can't afford to keep up with the lifestyle that he has earned by his hard work, good decisions and responsible planning, then I have not earned the right to share that lifestyle.
I don't agree with this. Relationships don't, or at least shouldn't, break down into dollars and cents. You should each do your share, but if one of you has more money the other can make it up in other ways. We all have something to bring to the table.
I have girlfriends who can't afford to eat in nice restaurants and so when we go out, I pay. They might invite me to dinner at their house, or pick up drinks in return.
My boyfriend has fewer assets than I do, and so I pick up more of the expenses. But he still pays in the proportion he can afford. I don't consider that "gold digging" but just sharing in a way that makes sense.
Unless the man his buying his dates real estate, I don't think he needs to worry about "golddiggers". Who'd date someone for a slightly better meal?
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:54:49 PM | | Whether it's a man or a woman, I understand the desire to avoid getting involved with someone who will bring financial insecurity into your life - e.g., bad debt, bad credit, inability to live within their means. I have sympathy for someone who had a bad break and is stuck with medical bills, or is paying off student loans, but wouldn't likely have much in common with someone who got in over their head buying things they didn't need or doesn't take responsibility for it later. I don't know that I'll ever feel financially secure, but I certainly feel a sense of freedom and less stress being debt-free. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:10:01 PM | meface: the glass ceiling is a myth. I would love to see a study that takes into account length of time, hours put in, requirements of job, number of sick days taken, and then normalize it over a set period of time. To this date, this hasn't been done.
From anecdotal evidence, I can say that when women put off child birth, then they climb just as high as anyone else. If you choose to have children, then its a choice that you make and you have to pay for your choices. Its as simple as that.
Secondly, most people should have money in the bank and/or some sort of investment properties in their thirties - most of my friends do. IF you don't then you either spend out of your control or had a messy divorce earlier on. I understand that you are in Los Angeles, but Toronto and LA are pretty close in cost of living, and I believe that they are pre-registered savings accounts that you can set up that act as tax shelters. If one started at age 20, 1200 per year and nothing else (unlikely as one's salary increases), in 15 years its enough for a down payment on a condo or something. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:10:26 PM | You're correct but equal pay for equal work is not a right.
It's a privilege that must be earned.
jnh456 wrote: They (women) do the same job (as men), with the
same qualifications, but men get paid more. Happens everyday! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:13:20 PM |
I'd like to know one person on this posting board that doesnt have debt!
Debt is an unfortunate part of living.
As everyone of you likely has some financial issue or another.
you dont want to date someone that has their own issues because you dont want them to drag you down.
I have been debt free for twenty years.
OP it is suprizing that you fixate on men asking for a woman that is financially secure. If a man has an idea of what he wants what is wrong with asking for it. My profile says that I prefer a woman with creative tendencies. You ask for an educated man.
We all are looking for different things in a person but I would guess that each and every one of us is not looking for someone to drag us down. But I could be wrong. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:18:54 PM |
I'd like to know one person on this posting board that doesnt have debt!
I have no debt right now.
I don't make frivolous purchases, and am rather frugal.
I'm looking into college though, so I might be going into big debt for awhile... 
they shouldnt hound around for fiancially secure women-- not yet anyway!
Why not? Some women do it plenty.
Because I run into too many people just looking out for themselves and seeking the next best deal...
And what, pray tell, are you doing?
You seem to be whining about the fact that you can't have it "your way".
Not everyone believes in Burger King's "You can have it your way." slogan. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:21:13 PM |
I have had guys get upset when I offer to pay for my portion of the bill, so I never know what to do.
Some men are not use to playing any role other than as the provider. If you paid your portion, he will interpret it as a rejection of what he has to offer in the relationship. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:22:09 PM | WOW!!!!! As a hard working woman who has turned down dates and long term dating with guys who wanted to "take care of me" in the financial realm because they didn't want their 'woman' to have to work, I'm totally embarrased by the woman posting this topic and any men supporting it!
Any guy I date better expect a woman to be able to take care of herself financially; how pathetic to want otherwise. It's the money monger women with double standards who jade guys that are available now... and then people self -sufficient like myself, can't get a date for coffee.....sheeshhhhh!!!!
and please don't confuse self-sufficient with being a "women's libber"....I'm saying that two people should seperately be able to take care of themselves before getting in a relationship together... | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:22:57 PM |
I so sick of men today...
This is not my first sure as he!! will not be my last on the subject.
Be Cause They Are Male as in men Not as in A MAN.
save it boys I have heard it all before and I still stand by what I Say | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:26:52 PM | I'm not saying I never let a man pay. That's not what this thread asks. I believe the guy should pay for the first date. I usually pay for the second and play it by ear from there.
This thread is about why men want financially secure women. There are lots of answers, including that they are bums who want a free ride. But, giving the benefit of the doubt, it's because they have every right to expect that she has been as responsible as he. And because the women's movement has levelled the field and thank goddess for that. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:31:42 PM |
It shows to me the break down of the moral fiber of society if a man ASKS for such a woman.
You said it . Any woman that is with me her money is her's. I pay or it is not going to happen. I guess that is way in today's world I'm finding it is cheaper to live alone. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:41:17 PM | psst its to bad you dont have more usefull comments, im glad your not busting my balls!!!
Well my oppinion is that the guy dosent want you to get married to him for the money, he wants to get married because of friendship, companionship or he just dosent want to get married to a freeloader !!!! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 10:47:00 PM | Does the fact we are on a FREE dating site say anything about our financial savvy?
I hadnt really thought about the money side of things,beyond he must be working and drive........didnt think ide be judged on income either (on top of looks,age,size etc etc) you can have better quality of life if you work as a couple i spose, i dont expect to be kept, in fact i dont think i want to share my home even,less complicated....but i think a man could pay for the first date .... then 50/50 on agreed venues after that.....? I can be happy with a bag o chips and a walk on beach, doesnt have to be a restaurant every time....I do understand why 'financially secure' men dont want a woman who's in debt,got 3 kids and looking for a free ride though....
I spose some shop at discount stores,others at high street and a few at Harrods !!!
this dating stuff........so damn complex
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 11:25:57 PM | My guess is because they actually want a balanced relationship with a better chance of working. I've spent most of the past 15 years working with women who are better paid than me - the reason people get more pay is because they're more focussed and more purposeful - and they seem to have more self-confidence and respect for things. I was once married to a woman who wouldn't go to work (that was my part in the relationship and like a fool I played it). I would never take that traditional role again. Her favourite term was 'useful' when talking to me.
If you get together with anyone who has some 'thing' you want and then they don't have it any more it's end of relationship. My ex wife wanted babies and once she had them it was end of relationship - financially she was actually better off on state benefits.
I'd asked her a couple of times if she wanted to go work part-time because I could see she was missing something from her life (she wasn't developing) and she told me no. Soon as I left her she started at College and promptly told me I'd held her back!
And OP although you've mentioned you don't like hearing about about how divorce financially damages men I can tell you that 14 years after my divorce I'm still trying to recover from the financial side of it and there's no way I could afford to 'keep a woman' - they are, after all, a completely separate adult. I lost my home, my children and all my financial resources - it took 5 years after leaving to even get my own roof over my head.
My average working week was 70 hours for 13 years and I got one hell of a kick in the teeth for that - we never argued about money because I would just give her the lot - the only good thing my ex says about me is that I was a very hard worker. What a waste of time that was.
I work in an organisation that's 70% women, and there are 1700 employees, and the major earners are the women. Of those who don't earn the higher amount it's because they aren't willing to push themselves the way the higher paid women do.
I was in a staff room of all-female teachers recently when one of the teachers said she was giving up teaching and was going to find a man to support her. You could have heard a pin drop in that room and there were about 10 women in there at the time.
I know of women who bounce from one man to another, using their financial resources and then dropping them when the men have caught on or the money's dried up (my mother was one such woman). Usually women without independent income or a disciplined work ethic are a really poor investment relationship wise as balanced relationships take a lot of work and they're not used to the idea of working as a team.
Women without a job/income are now perhaps seen by men in the same way that men without a job/income are seen by women - as lacking in purpose. It's really the underlying qualities people are looking for - but it doesn't matter what's going on there if people haven't got financial stability nothing much else works.
You know, women have spent years fighting for their rights in western society and it seems men are quite naturally coming back with their own adaptation to the social shift - even to the point where they can't be manipulated with sexual promises any more (OMG) - none of us gets to have it both ways; not if we actually want balanced relationships. If we want user/used relationships that keep breaking down then go right ahead.
We have to offer what we ask for. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/23/2007 11:53:33 PM | From what i get from the question is this: men want someone that can support themselves and contribute to the family. I would like a lady that will also work and help support the family instead of being lazy and not working. i wouldn't mind what type of job she has, it could be working as a teacher (they don't get paid much), just as long as they work or will find a job to work at.
Other than that, the financial issues are discussed with husband and wife. There can be love even if you are looking for a financialy secure woman or man.
From what I have gotten from all your messeges Poetricbliss, is that you want to sit on your ass while your husband does all the hard work. A marriage is not like that, maybe in your little world of yours, but not in the real world. Sooner or later you will find out that the way you think is wrong and it might be too late. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 12:00:03 AM | I have always supported myself in any relationship I was in, and often was the one with the higher income. I always just figured that we were working as a team so, as long as we were both contributing with respect - to ourselves and to each other, money was just a tool that we used together, not a measure of control/ego/competition/etc.
I really don't care how much money my partner makes and I would happily live in a cabin on a beach somewhere if there was mutual respect and affection. I think (hope?) the "financially secure" thing is mainly aimed at eliminating people who are just looking for a free meal and aren't willing to put in the effort to build a balanced partnership. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 12:05:12 AM | | poetic, you said why should a guy care if a woman is 40 k in debt, but shes paying her bills?....because if the guy just met you that gives him a sneek peek into your life and personality, your weak spots and your strong spots, if he JUST met you that's one of the few things he has to go on until he knows more about you,...and he can determine by that if he should let you use his credit card for when the holidays come around....lolol( actions speak louder then words) | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 12:16:46 AM | MAN! That's what I need,.. Some woman with a nice 500K salary, or lots of Daddy's "Old Money!" Hmmm I wonder what kind of bait ya use for THAT one?
Hmmm... (looks in bait box) (SIGH) I don't think I have any...
(Singin')
Just a gigolo
everywhere I go
people know the part
I'm playing
Paid for every dance
selling each romance
every night some heart
betraying
There will come a day
youth will pass away
then what will they say
about me
When the end comes I know
they'll say just a gigolo
as life goes on
without me
'Cause I aint got nobody
nobody nobody cares for me
I'm so sad and lonely
sad and lonely sad and lonely
Won't some sweet mama
come and take a chance with me
cause I aint so bad
Get along with me babe,
been singin love songs
All of the time
Even only be, honey only, only be
Bop bozadee bozadee bop zitty bop
I ain't got nobody 'cept love songs in love
Hummala bebhuhla zeebuhla boobuhla
hummala bebhuhla zeebuhla bop
I ain't got nobody, nobody,
nobody cares for me
Nobody , nobody
I'm so sad and lonely,
sad and lonely,
sad and lonely,
Won't some sweet mama come
and take a chance with me
cause I aint so bad
Get along with me babe,
been singin love songs
All of the time
Even only be, honey only, only be
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