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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 1:28:57 AM |
It's also true that there is a glass ceiling and women don't get the very top paying jobs
Not my experience; many, many women get to the top rung of the corporate ladder. However, it is also true that frequently women do not WANT the top paying jobs as it involves a sacrifice of family life. For many women, their priorities in life change once they have kids. LOL, my daughter certainly "screwed up" my priorities! :-)
Sharing expenses has rarely, again in my experience, meant a literal 50/50; good heavens in dating this could get as anal as those dreadful people who pull out a calculator to split a lunch bill. An equal contribution doesn't mean dollars and cents - both my guy and I take each other out for dinner and cook for each other at home. I have no idea who is spending more or less; it just works out.
Once a relationship is established, an equal share based on income is usually fairest as it allows both to also save proportional to income. Likely every couple today divides chores and expenses differently with each contributing based on ability and interest. I haven't dated or been in a relationship with a man who didn't cook and clean since forever. Usually they are better at it than I am; I have to scramble to hold my end up. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 1:33:22 AM | WOMEN DO NOT HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!
Gees, what gives. Only a small percentage of women are living off the gravy train.
Sure-- its great we have extra opportunities-- I'm not saying we should all be barefoot and pregnant; I just find it HIGHLY offensive that men take offense or treat women like extra financial baggage and expect them to bring their own money into it with them. NOT untill ALL women are assured of good jobs. But even then, its not easy.
Are you joking? If you want a career in a field that requires an education, it's as simple as applying for grants and loans. You will get the money from the government via FAFSA and other agencies if you can't from other sources unless you've already exhausted your options via poor decision making or sheer bad luck.
On another note, it doesn't take a stellar job to be financially independant. Any physically and mentally able woman can earn enough money to support herself via entry level jobs unless she's trying to live above her means in that area. Even if women do have a glass ceiling somewhere up in the region of 100k+ (which hasn't proven true amongst the professional women I've known,) that is several times the amount any normal person should need to be financially secure. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 5:07:58 AM |
I have had guys get upset when I offer to pay for my portion of the bill, so I never know what to do.
Welcome to a mans world. We are expected to ask you out, make all the plans, pay for everything and when we don't get another date we have no idea why.
I find this comment "brings nothing to the table" esp offensive. What about beauty, brains, humor, glamor, vivacity, fun, laughter, ideas, management skills, housecleaning skills, cooking skills, parenting skills, charm, wit and endless traits?
Oh yes baby, honor me with your meer presence!
They (women) do the same job (as men), with the same qualifications, but men get paid more. Happens everyday!
No company that I am aware of sets out to pay women less. We have salary ranges for a position and we offer every employee the lowest amount in the range. Some people negotiate more, some not at all. Men generally demand more and are more willing to walk away while women usually accept what they are offered. Men and businesses can't be blamed for a womans behavior.
and then people self -sufficient like myself, can't get a date for coffee..... sheeshhhhh!!!!
Amber I would buy you coffee in a heart beat!!!
You know, women have spent years fighting for their rights in western society and it seems men are quite naturally coming back with their own adaptation to the social shift - even to the point where they can't be manipulated with sexual promises any more (OMG) - none of us gets to have it both ways; not if we actually want balanced relationships. If we want user/used relationships that keep breaking down then go right ahead.
Amen Brother!!! And I will further add that we have learned to adapt by adding more male friendships, more charity work, more hobbies and essentially make our life happy and fullfilling so that we dont "need" a woman. We can now choose based on criteria that suits our needs and desires. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 5:10:12 AM | David Lewis
You're correct but equal pay for equal work is not a right.
It's a privilege that must be earned. I beg to differ. If you're working alongside someone (male or female) doing the same job one assumes you are equally qualified, why then is it a privilege to earn the same money? Of course equal pay for equal work is a right, or does having testicles give you the right to earn more for the same job?
None of us are the same as everyone else, and we're all entitled to look for what ever we want in a partner. If that happens to be looking for someone who is (or is not) financially secure, so be it.
All the stuff about "opening doors" or "picking up the tab" comes down to how courteous you are or how much money you actually have. It's about having sufficient to support your lifestyle. "Financially secure" for one person could equate to "broke" for another. Hence one poster thinks that 50/60k a year is palrty (pppfff)
For the record I'm financially secure because I've worked all my life. When I seperated from my husband, he remained in our marital home until he was ready to leave it, at which time we sold the house and paid off any debts that either had (he had more than me) and split what was left equally. I hold doors open for any/everyone and I always pay my way. I clean my own car, put my own petrol in it, put air in my own tyres, check the oil and the water, and if it needs fixing I take to a garage, and I don't have any debt. I cook, I clean...the list goes on.......damn I'm such a catch how come I'm still looking????   | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 5:29:54 AM | You are financially secure....I can see this being a good thing. I don't blame the man, unless he is the old fashioned type who wants his partner to stay home. It means he doesn't want to support you ...he wants it to be a partnership.
You like to weare Victoria's Secret and high heels....well if he is good he will get the VS, but never high heels...
You are a career woman....nah, I work because it pays the bills, but my family always comes first. I enjoy my job, love taking care of my patients, but ultimately, my kids and family come first. I don't have huge goals as far as my career, other than making enough to pay the bills and having a little to spare for some fun with the kids. I live a very simple life. I don't need hundreds of thousands to be happy.
Of course, I would not turn down a small payout of $200,000 from the local lottery commission if they feel generous any time soon.
OP, you need to be more realistic in what you are looking for...if you want to be a stay at home woman, then you need to find a man who is looking for that also, rather than slamming those who do not. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 5:49:38 AM | aprincelyfrog
I have had guys get upset when I offer to pay for my portion of the bill, so I never know what to do. Welcome to a mans world. We are expected to ask you out, make all the plans, pay for everything and when we don't get another date we have no idea why. I'd give you a second date if you asked me for a first one.  | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 159 | |
| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 6:53:25 AM | I had to check the calendar after reading this post and yes I thought we are about to enter 2008.
OP, your post is typical of someone who believes because she is a woman she is not responsible for her own success in life and because you are female you expect the life you want handed to you on a platter.
I grew up in a blue collar family, I waitressed my way through college, while I was married I always worked at times making more than my ex husband. Now that I am divorced, I take care of me and I do it quite well but in order to do so I have to work VERY HARD.
There have been men that I have met who have been intimated by the fact that I have a nicer car, house, clothes...whatever than them and I have heard the line "well I don't think I can afford you." My response is "who is asking you to pay for anything?" Having financial statbility at times can be a double edged sword for women, because yes, sadly there are a lot of men who cannot handle a woman making more money than they do.
However, in your case, it really irkes me that you think someone should "WANT" to take care of you financially, where does that sense of entitlement come from? Being financially secure is about a lot more than having money. It also has to do with self respect, discipline, work ethic and possessing the desire to be a responsible contributing adult. If anyone is looking a this as a dollar and cents issue it is you, you are not looking beneath the surface only at the bottom line. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:09:13 AM | Thanks Meface. Thats what I'm looking for in a post; someone REAL and honest and with the value systems we're lacking in todays society. Is life only about money?
Not that anyone cares to read the bible anymore, but I remember a specifically valuable phrase by Jesus: "For the love of money is the root of all evil" Timothy 6:10.
We're not talking about general exchanges required for basic living, we're talking about "the root of most evil is man's desire for status; either greed to increase ones status, or jealousy over losing in the status game to others. Its about throwing people to the wayside, treating them like parasites because clearly they must be losers because they dont have discipline or they arent as GOOD AS YOU. I am not saying I would marry someone who was a complete mess but if my man is a hard worker and has shown himself to be, or at least has good goals and he loses in the end or not, I am going to stay beside him. That is love and that is committment and that is devotion.
I'm sure some of you have been bitten, or used. You dont want to open yourselves up to being "taken" and I feel for those people; I know what its like to have a husband leave you for your best friend (marriage number 4 for them both) because, quote" She has a house and a better job". Sure you'll likely survive financially, but what will you chose to prioritize your marriage to be built upon? I would hope love would be that basis.
Be careful how you judge-- it will come back on you. I dont speak just as a wanna-be Christian but as a person who has learned that karma comes back on you. Think about the days of the depression-- what happened to so many of those rich folks who lost their fortunes? The jumped out of windows and shot themselves. Be careful how much you predicate your value on human life because of money. I think Meface said it best as did some of the personal emails I have received in my box sharing the same sentiments. Thanks to those of you who show that there are some in the world who dont define value of a soul by money alone. I dont know what else to say now. Interesting to see what comes out of the woodwork on this topic though. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:12:33 AM | | Yeah sure, I'll give you an answer. I spent my 20's, 30's, and 40's working hard to build my law practice. Along the way marriage failed and I struggled for 12+ years to maintain my job (women call it a career) and raise my son entirely singlehandedly. Did all the sports the school events, homework, school projects, travel soccer, ice hockey, bumps, bruises and boo boos, college application process, cars, prom, home from work when he was sick, diapers, the whole bit. Know what? At this stage of my life I don't want to fricking take care of someone else's financial needs or be with someone who needs me to be able to afford a house and cars and so forth. How can that be so hard for you women to understand? If you aren't financially secure then you're not who I want to be with. I'm not looking for a traditional woman who needs to be taken care of. Screw that. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:14:57 AM | I am not looking for someone who is rich or executive by any manner, but self sufficient and not reliant on anything like welfare, alimony or child support is a requirement. I have no interest in a woman that is looking to hop on the gravy train.
To further answer the question, I like professional women because they have a similar education level to mine and I find I have the easiest time talking to them. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:24:04 AM |
Yeah sure, I'll give you an answer. I spent my 20's, 30's, and 40's working hard to build my law practice. Along the way marriage failed and I struggled for 12+ years to maintain my job (women call it a career) and raise my son entirely singlehandedly. Did all the sports the school events, homework, school projects, travel soccer, ice hockey, bumps, bruises and boo boos, college application process, cars, prom, home from work when he was sick, diapers, the whole bit. Know what? At this stage of my life I don't want to fricking take care of someone else's financial needs or be with someone who needs me to be able to afford a house and cars and so forth. How can that be so hard for you women to understand? If you aren't financially secure then you're not who I want to be with. I'm not looking for a traditional woman who needs to be taken care of. Screw that.
ROFL! Right on Clambroth! ^5 | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:39:19 AM | Going to keep my post directed to the OP.
First off: "I dont expect a man to take care of my debts; thats my issue. But I dont expect to be treated badly because I'm trying to improve myself and struggling while getting there."
I agree whole heartedly with you in that statement. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have things fall in their lap, without some struggle. The fact that YOU are trying to improve your situation, is worthy of applause and admiration.
Secondly: "I'd like to know one person on this posting board that doesnt have debt! Gees-- come on! Even as married or living together- you've both got debt. Debt is an unfortunate part of living. Sure we can focus and live our lives doing the best we can to avoid stupid mistakes -- to not be aimless and set good goals, but unless you've got alot going for you financially, you're not ever going to have it easy-- "
I have no debts. I sold my home, paid off all debts, downsized to what "I" need and live I within my means. Yes, we all make 'stupid mistakes', but it's up to each of us as individuals to correct them, the best way we know how. No, life is NOT easy for most. Most struggle everyday to keep their heads above water. To those who work hard at maintaining an honest and decent life, while doing their best to support themselves and perhaps others, I applaud you!
Lastly: "People's hyprocisy on here is staggering-- you dont want anyone to want a free ride, but you dont want to date someone that has their own issues because you dont want them to drag you down.
Thats not sharing. Thats just selfishness... love is about what you can give to each other-- not about what you can get from them."
No one wants to be used. Not for money or love. We are all different by nature. We seek that which is most familiar to us or best suited for us. That in no way says we disapprove of those whos situations or values, are different.
Yes, love IS about sharing. It is about give and take, but until two people reach that level of comfort in each other, dating in itself, is nothing more then a weeding out process to see if there would even be a remote possibility for a long, lasting and loving commitment.
Please don't judge everyone you encounter in life, by those few who have made you feel less of a person, OP. We will never agree with everyone in life. The best we can hope for is that one day, we will all meet someone who will truly admire us for who we are, regardless if we have thousands to our name, or live pay to pay.
In the meantime, continue doing your best to make YOUR life better and happier and don't let anyone beat you down.
poeticbliss! I'll hope that 2008 will be a more successful and happier year for you and your loved ones. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 7:40:49 AM |
meface: the glass ceiling is a myth. I would love to see a study that takes into account length of time, hours put in, requirements of job, number of sick days taken, and then normalize it over a set period of time. To this date, this hasn't been done.
From anecdotal evidence, I can say that when women put off child birth, then they climb just as high as anyone else. If you choose to have children, then its a choice that you make and you have to pay for your choices. Its as simple as that.
Glad to see I'm not the only one who looks at it that way.
I work in a mostly female environment, and they are always complaining that the men in the shop make more than they do for the same job. yet they never take into consideration that they are out sick more or are taking more time off for child related situations.
Also, they think that their doing the same job yet the guys always end up doing more of the work because whenever a die needs loaded into a press or any other heavy lifting is involved, they stop and go get one of the guys to do it for them. So we have to stop the work were doing to do their job as well. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 8:01:39 AM |
I dont expect a man to take care of my debts; thats my issue. But I dont expect to be treated badly because I'm trying to improve myself and struggling while getting there.
I don't understand why you think a man is treating you badly when he insists on a financially secure woman.
I have debts, but I am still financially secure. I pay my bills, have money in the bank, and don't worry about food, a place to live, etc. Of course that COULD change if I lost my job or another catastrophe occurred. I do not expect anyone else to pay those bills for me. Even if I married again, I would still work and still take care of my financial responsibilities.
I am not rich; I cannot afford to fly to Europe or buy a big car. I don't eat at expensive restaurants, but I am happy with my life. I choose to teach, although it is not financially remunerative, because I like it. I could get a different job that pays more money, but I choose to do something that keeps my interest. Money is NOT everything.
However, if a man wanted me to fly to Europe, I would have to say that I couldn't go because I couldn't afford it. If he chose to foot the bill, it would HIS decision; I would never ask--or expect--him to do so.
To be treated badly is not to be told "pay your bills and I am not going to support you." Being treated badly is being abused, verbally or physically. Being treated badly is having a lying/cheating partner. Being treated badly constitutes many issues, but telling you to be financially secure is not one. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 8:17:01 AM | Yeah love is about sharing but at a certain age in life there are things besides other's debts, emotional baggage and financial limitations I would like to share first. If that person is really the right one then the other stuff might come into play.
To suggest that someone is being selfish in their quest for love because perhaps they are looking to start with someone on a fairly level footing, financially, emotionally and otherwise, sounds almost, dare I say it(?) sexist. Good news is though there's plenty of people desparate enough they will fill the void and not concern themselves with your debts and financial needs. You might just have to lower your expectations a tad. For those of us who maybe don't want to lower our expectations then we'll just have to be eternally disappointed and lonely. Oh welllll. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 8:46:36 AM |
I believe the guy should pay for the first date. I usually pay for the second and play it by ear from there.
Nice trick. "Gee, I feel hungry so maybe I'll accept that date with the dweeb who's been asking me out. There'll NEVER be a second date, but at least I got that free lunch on the first date."
Sheesh. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 8:47:27 AM | From what I've observed, having a competitive advantage
(a certain type of genitalia, skin color, knowledge, skill,
talent, courage, or good looks) does not automatically
entitle one to more money.
tillytoo wrote: If you're working alongside someone
(male or female) doing the same job one assumes you
are equally qualified, why then is it a privilege to earn
the same money? Of course equal pay for equal work
is a right, or does having testicles give you the right to
earn more for the same job? | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 10:50:56 AM | I was waiting for this one to come out...
<div class="quote">Not that anyone cares to read the bible anymore, but I remember a specifically valuable phrase by Jesus: "For the love of money is the root of all evil" Timothy 6:10.
There are sooooo many bible verses that refute your position that you simply can not stand on that soap box...
First of all, start with 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 which says "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"
So if you profess yourself to be a believer then you must also adhere to Ezekiel 18:7, Thessalonians 4:11-12, Romans 13:8 and the list of verses go on and on and on about borrowing, lending, repaying... and above all being charitable (and to be truly charitable you must be debt free).
Christ calls us to live below our means, debt free and to help those less fortunate. But as with many Christians, beliefs are chosen at convenient times.
Yeah sure, I'll give you an answer. I spent my 20's, 30's, and 40's working hard to build my law practice. Along the way marriage failed and I struggled for 12+ years to maintain my job (women call it a career) and raise my son entirely singlehandedly. Did all the sports the school events, homework, school projects, travel soccer, ice hockey, bumps, bruises and boo boos, college application process, cars, prom, home from work when he was sick, diapers, the whole bit. Know what? At this stage of my life I don't want to fricking take care of someone else's financial needs or be with someone who needs me to be able to afford a house and cars and so forth. How can that be so hard for you women to understand? If you aren't financially secure then you're not who I want to be with. I'm not looking for a traditional woman who needs to be taken care of. Screw that.
Amen Brother, Amen! I have one of four left at home and my ex has never helped a one of them get ready for a prom... Where have all the good men gone? We are right here but we have raised our bar VERY high!
Merry Christmas! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 11:03:10 AM | I believe that money should not have anything to do with love. To me that means that to date someone neither should have to financially change because of the other person, especially in the beginning.
To be married and take turns while getting degrees, or one person becoming disabled or pregnant or whatever the case may be where income cannot be earned temporarily, of course that person should stick by you in that case. But from the beginning, it's not wrong or rude to want someone who won't cost anyone else around them.
Again, if you are already taking care of your own debts, or expenses, or profits or whatever then it should be no different than while you're single, you just continue to do that...
Then the relationship truly becomes about both of you, and the love you have without any strain on the relationship financially. I don't think men will berate you for having bills and debt if you're solely responsible for your own finances, I suspect men are just trying to avoid paying someone's bills to be involved (and I know women who feel the same about this).
It's really not rocket science. | |
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box65
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Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 172 | |
| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 11:16:16 AM | well .it sound like the jews are coming in time to introduce the BIBLE in this tread
work hard pay your share and be happy and the DEVILS will stay away
most people compliants are because of their bad choice
when I was 19 years old .I when out looking for a girlfriend .my uncle told me never marry one from my same village and to find one that bring at least the wood for the fire to cook the foods we will need
I told my uncle I needed a girlfriend not an slave and found one who was 95 poorer them myself. we were happy ,untill i left the country and her mom intervined in her life ,it was 13 years ago .I still feel the pain from losing her ,and because of that I'm single
I agree there are both women/men who like to take the chance and abuse the parnert in differents ways , fisically or financially .
I wouldn't mind to marry one who would make half wage of what I make .
what bother me most in this forum is most women are smokers and I really hate it smells .
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 11:34:23 AM | BS! It shows to me the break down of the moral fiber of society if a man ASKS for such a woman. Its better he leaves the door open for a woman to be financially independent if she so chooses... but not to be a money-grubbing man-hound by expecting it.
I so sick of men today..
and we're sick of women like you, so go become a lesbian if you can't stand us so much!
P.S: Some women ask for the same thing in men, so it isn't just men doing this.....you can drop the whole feminazi attitude now. There is no break down just because a man wants a woman who is financially stable.....personally, I don't want a woman who has a shitload of debt, or maybe not any debt, but shes simply not financially stable. Your whole idea is WAY off, woman! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/24/2007 11:56:50 AM | I think that financial security means different things to some people.
One of my good friends is a single mom that makes $18,000 a year and does not recieve child support. She pays her car payment, rent, insurance, and other bills on time. To me she is financially secure, she lives within her means.
I also know someone who is single and makes $106,000 a year and is behind on their bills and has credit card debt. To me they are not financially secure.
To me financial security means that you live within your means and know if you can afford to take a grand vacation or buy that flat screen tv. You do not have to make a lot of money to be financially secure, only manage it correctly. | |
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