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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/25/2007 4:04:26 PM | | If you love someone they are not and never will be "a burden". Unless of course they dont find ways to contribute alternatively as a partner if not materially. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/25/2007 4:25:57 PM |
If you love someone they are not and never will be "a burden". Unless of course they dont find ways to contribute alternatively as a partner if not materially. That would be correct... but love isn't present at the outset of any relationship... and many of us have worked too long and too hard to become Financially Secure and aren't willing to risk it simply because another has decided to devote their life to either excess or becoming Betty Homemaker... | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/25/2007 10:31:10 PM | Bang on, as always, pssst. I am at an age where I have to think about my retirement years and I believe the OP is, too.
If a man has been diligent and responsible in saving for that time, and he meets a woman who has not, is it right to expect that he will happily rethink the lifestyle he planned for because he must now halve his hard-earned retirement fund, to make room for someone who was not so responsible?
Even reponsibility aside, is it right that he should lower his expectations for a woman who raised kids that are not his and/or suffered calamities in which he played no part?
I don't think so. Again, I will say, if I have not managed my finances in a way that I can afford a certain lifestyle, I do not have the right to that lifestyle on somebody else's back, no matter how much time I might be willing to spend on mine. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/26/2007 1:11:07 AM | Just seems to me that there an awful lots of WHINERS on here who basically want to be parented and not pay for anything... hence the astronomical amount of deadbeats dads we have out there.
Isn't that what this comes down to, though. Whining that men want women who can support themselves, rather than women who don't want to or can't pay for anything?
There is a difference between not wanting to pay for anything and not wanting to pay for everything. I'm one of those who doesn't (and probably couldn't afford to) want to pay for everything. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/26/2007 2:01:37 AM |
hence the astronomical amount of deadbeats dads we have out there.
Erm, what's that have to do with a guy who chooses not to pay for his wife/significant other/girlfriend's lifestyle choices?
(The topic is men requesting a woman who isn't a financial burden, I.E. "Financially secure".)
I'm sure most of us have heard of women that get paid money for child support and turn around and use that money on themselves, before they use it for their children.
I sure hope you aren't implying that's a men only issue, as women can be deadbeats also.
Anyway, that has more to do with parenting, and being a parent.
There is no correlation between a man who won't pay for his children, and a man who won't pay for his wife/significant other/girlfriend, other than the fact that both refuse to pay for something.
I personally think anyone who has children, should do everything in their power to take care of them, but I don't agree that a man should have to pay the way for a woman.
Paying for children is one thing, paying for another adult is another.
Those are two totally separate issues, which need to be differentiated. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/26/2007 5:53:57 AM | Actually no its not a differentiation; sure we have higher expectations of adults to pay their way, but the fact of the matter is its ADULTS WHO DONT PAY because they are negligible and children cant fend for themselves. Put it in that perspective if you will... fact is-- everyone wants someone to take care of them so they dont have to do it and if they do have to take care of someone they start getting bitter about it. No one wants to suffer-- everyone wants it easy. SORRY... there is no EASY financially or otherwise.
If you love someone DEARLY and seriously, you're gonna stay beside them "for richer or poorer" "In sickness and health". Ah.. hence why the vows are becoming so unpopular...
It would be nice if everyone "came to the table" with enough money to take care of each other, but the fact remains that their is a huge disproportionate amount of people not marrying because they've been passed over for their financial issues.
Another staggering census: According to the New York Times and The National Academy of Sciences, there are 41.3 MILLION Americans in our country today who earn 22, 841 dollars OR LESS.... AND thats for a family of 4. SEATTLE TIMES: March 3, 2007: "the percentage of poor Americans have reached a 32 yr high, with census showing that over 16 million Americans are living in poverty of debt." (which is being disputed because they believe its being underplayed... that the numbers are in the 40 million or more).
WIKIPEDIA: The CIA Factbook and other sources listed in Wikipedia show that currently in the US today over 40,0000 Million people live in poverty and that the US ranks 16th on the Human Povery Index of nations in the world. Just keep Googling to find out how many of your friends and neighbors are suffering with debt.
If you're in the rising minority, then Good for you, but dont make the rest of us out to be LOSERS when everyone is suffering... just some thoughts....
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:02:27 AM | I make less than 20k a year and seem to survive well enough on my own, granted it may be easier to do so where I live. I'm hoping to make more in the future for a more comfortable lifestyle, but school is my main priority right now.
If you love someone DEARLY and seriously, you're gonna stay beside them "for richer or poorer" "In sickness and health". Ah.. hence why the vows are becoming so unpopular...
All well, but as others have pointed out we aren't talking about being deeply in love. We're talking about selecting what we consider potential mates. If a woman is in debt up to her neck or simply unwilling to work to support herself when she's perfectly capable of doing so, what good can possibly come of dating her? Someone like that isn't just undesirable to me, they're a risk to my own financial stability, and my very survival.
Disabilities or mutual debt earned during a marriage are fine, but that can happen to the man or the woman indiscriminantly.
It would be nice if everyone "came to the table" with enough money to take care of each other, but the fact remains that their is a huge disproportionate amount of people not marrying because they've been passed over for their financial issues.
Most people can earn a solid 15k-20k with no experience, which should be enough to contribute in a relationship. I don't think most men say "I want a financially secure" woman in hopes that she's going to take care of them. They say it in hopes that she can take care of herself, for the most part. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:56:13 AM |
I don't think most men say "I want a financially secure" woman in hopes that she's going to take care of them. They say it in hopes that she can take care of herself, for the most part.
EXACTLY, and it should go both ways. Too often guys suspect women of golddigging if they want a financially secure guy.
Like with anything else, it's probably unwise to expect a potential mate to "fix" your life, be it financially, emotionally or in any other way. Relatiosnhips will be a whole lot more stable if people come to them without expectation of it being a life raft, and have done most of their "homework" and "maintenace" prior... | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/26/2007 9:41:53 AM |
If you love someone they are not and never will be "a burden". Unless of course they dont find ways to contribute alternatively as a partner if not materially. Since WHEN did posting a profile with "requests" translate into automatically becoming "partnered"? Why would one request someone who is insecure, who has a poor work ethic, or who doesn't make the slightest effort to accentuate their gender attributes?
The question asked was, "Why do men REQUEST financially secure women." Why do employers request applicants with the skills necessary to perform the job that is available? I'm a journeyman pipefitter, should I walk into a hospital and condemn the administration for not considering me for the position of head of cardiology? Hey, I may not have the skills they NEED, but I'm certainly willing to do as you suggest:
ways to contribute alternatively I certainly do have many things that I can contribute.....why are they so darned picky?
Do you see the folly of your argument? I'm sure many of you may be surprised that I have in fact run into men who see my "financial security" as a serious negative to a relationship. LOL! Yup, believe it or not....it's very true! The last 2 men I've been involved with found this to be the primary flaw in our relationship. I didn't need their money, didn't need their power tools (got my own and know how to use them). I could probably hook you up with one of them! They want a woman they can impress with their money....except they don't have much. Ohhhh, what's that??? YOU want a MAN who IS financially secure? Hmmmm...interesting!
Where ARE all these men who are looking for a woman's who's financially secure? I sure can't find one! I got the Victoria's secret part covered, just can't find a man who's willing to be just a "boy toy"! Sheeeessshhh, some people would complain if you hung 'em with a new rope!!!! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/26/2007 10:59:15 AM | If there are 41.3 million people under the poverty line there I guess there are a lot of people that can be matched up. I doubt many millionaires would be interested in what I have to offer, just as I am not interested in people who make less than an X dollar amount. I'm not going to say what that X amount is, because for this argument, it doesn't matter how much I make or how much I wish my potential spouse to make.
I don't have "must be financially secure" on my profile because it isn't the greatest attribute I'm looking for, but it does carry some importance. I applaud you on bettering yourself with your schooling, which I assume will help you get a better job, into a higher income bracket, all good things.
Maybe fall in love with someone who has less than you, then when you complete school and get into a new career, you can help to raise both your standard of living. Oh wait, you don't want someone with less, you want someone with more right?
My bad. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/26/2007 11:29:30 AM | | it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man...and vice versa. i want my future partner to bring something to the table other than DEBT | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:08:45 AM |
fact is-- everyone wants someone to take care of them so they dont have to Bull.
I’ve never asked another to support me financially, nor would I ever. I’m fully capable of taking care of myself and am damned proud of the fact I will not compromise on this subject.
At the same token, I will not accept a man in my life whose idea is to have me take care of him. I have my children and gladly support them, I don’t want or need another child to add to my obligations. If I had wanted that, I would have continued having children.
Having said that, I’m not opposed to taking care of whomever I choose to spend my life with if, after the relationship has formed, they become unable to do so themselves.
That would be the vow of For Richer or Poorer, not from the outset.
there are 41.3 MILLION Americans in our country today who earn 22, 841 dollars OR LESS.... AND thats for a family of 4. Perhaps if they stopped swilling beer on the deck of their trailer and procreating as a past-time and started to devoted some of their time to self-improvement they would be able to better their lot in life.
Just keep Googling to find out how many of your friends and neighbors are suffering with debt. You mean the neighbours with the satellite dish, large screen television, regular pizza deliveries, etc…
That’s not my problem to deal with… if they choose to live their lives in such a fashion, it shouldn’t be my duty to pull them out of the mire they’ve managed to immerse themselves in.
If you're in the rising minority, then Good for you, but dont make the rest of us out to be LOSERS when everyone is suffering... just some thoughts.... Then don’t force your over-extended lifestyle on the people who have scrimped and saved to ensure their future is more comfortable than yours…
This is a two way street… the same way I cannot force you to become more responsible financially to ensure security, don’t expect me or others in my position to downgrade our lifestyles to match yours… or to willingly support someone who has no desire to support themselves…
Just some thoughts from the other side of the fence… | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:23:33 AM | ^ ^ ^ ^ I agree with this. My entire life I have been debt-free even when I made little money and couldn't afford what most people had.
I have never had a car loan, a mortgage or a credit card that wasn't paid off at the end of the month. People think if they don't have a lot of money, there is no way that they can do this, but they CAN. There's nothing special about me; I just decided not to spend it if I didn't have it.
If you do that, and especially if you do that and get a higher education so that you can move up to a good job (or start a business like I did) you can be very comfortable later in life. But if you spend every dime you ever had from the time you are young, you'll never get there.
Now personally, I don't care if a man is as well off as I am, and my boyfriend is not. But he pays his own bills, shares in expenses of the relationship and doesn't ask me for money.
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/27/2007 9:40:31 AM |
Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Because they've already dealt with an undesirable situation that involved a freeloader and they'd like to make it clear that the door those freeloaders usually are free to walk through is closed and welded shut in that perticular man's vicinity.
The only people that should be offended/sick of it when a person requests someone who is financially secure are 'gold diggers' and 'bums' who are cancelled out of the equasion.
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/27/2007 2:21:45 PM | I'm horrified.
For the record, I "request" Financially Secure (why the upper case?) men. Is that bad? Or is that okay because I am a woman? Huh?
Miss Poeticbliss: I have checked out your profile and some of your other contributions to the forums.
You "request" a partner with "at least a BA - preferably a Master's or beyond."
You "request" a partner with a "good job" who "should be ambitious and intellegent."
Men must be "awfully sick" of reading things like this.
If a man values similar attributes ... he will be moving on after reading your profile, probably looking for a woman with a BA or beyond, etc. It's a fact that people tend to seek mates from within their own socio-economic realm. That's not to say that any two diverse types of people can't fall in love, but this site is just about the seeking.
In any case, do you not see the hypocracy in your double standard, which seems to be based on absolutely NOTHING other than a gender bias on your part?
Is some ambitious, intellegent, well educated guy here on POF supposed to snap you up and financially support you ... because you are a female person? That's IT?
Wow! Good luck with that! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:44:25 PM |
I make less than 20k a year and seem to survive well enough on my own, granted it may be easier to do so where I live. I'm hoping to make more in the future for a more comfortable lifestyle, but school is my main priority right now.
[...]
Most people can earn a solid 15k-20k with no experience, which should be enough to contribute in a relationship.
Dare I guess that you're in college and your parents are paying for your auto insurance and health insurance? Either that or you live someplace where you don't need a car and are just gambling on the health insurance because you're young?
I don't know what the under 25 auto rate is these days, but many moons ago when I was younger, it was quite expensive.
A 15k-20k job is probably not going to have health insurance included and/or require you to work there for quite a while to get the option to pay for a plan. Fortunately most college students are covered under a parent's plan, and otherwise, the university has probably negotiated a group plan for around $1500/year (??? not sure, I'm guessing here based on what I knew in the past) for students who don't have insurance ... but someone off the street (depending on age, etc.) might be looking at $6000/year (if they're lucky) and up just to get a not so great policy, add kids to the policy and I wouldn't even want to guess ... if you have some kind of known condition, you might just be marked down as "uninsurable".
So, if you were putting $8000/year into health and auto insurance, do you still think you can survive well enough on 15k-20k? It's no wonder that if there are "41.3 million people under the poverty line" (as someone said above), that there are also around 47 million who are without health insurance. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:16:12 PM | Well if I HAVENT seen it all.... just popped into a dating site-- they require a member have A MINIMUM of 25,000 dollars before they'll allow them to sign up!
Gees!
At least POF has enough class not to discriminate against socio-economic classes
by offering a free site.
I have noticed this trend grow amongst online dating sites... what gives????? | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:30:02 PM | Dare I guess that you're in college and your parents are paying for your auto insurance and health insurance? Either that or you live someplace where you don't need a car and are just gambling on the health insurance because you're young?
No. I'm insured via work and school, and I pay about $120 a quarter for public transportation since I live on a busline close to the train station and downtown. No car, no car insurance, and no gas. I bought a bicycle as soon as I moved here and haven't needed a car to get anywhere in the last 16 months (even outlying cities like Salem, Corvallis, Eugene, and Canon Beach.) I do live with a roommate, which keeps my rent and utilities around $350/mo. Some of my friends pay $200/mo, but there are 4 of them in a 3 bedroom apartment. My employer insured me after 3 months of working there, although I doubt it's anywhere near the same quality as the insurance I had under my father's company until he changed employers. The school requires anyone taking more than 8 credits to pay for their insurance package, so I have that as well. They also have a free clinic for students for teeth cleanings, check-ups, and physicals.
I am, unfortunately, building up some debt via school loans through FAFSA, but the goal there is to be better equipped to pay them off by the time I'm out of school. If I weren't going to school I'd probably be making more than 20k, but I'd rather not dedicate myself to something full-time while I'm trying to get through school if I can avoid it.
I'm not trying to knock people who aren't making it on 15k-20k. Not everyone lives in a place where they can rely on public transportation or roommates. My point was only that it is enough to contribute to a relationship, and that anyone who isn't disabled may earn it. It isn't enough to support children or another adult, in my opinion. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:52:51 PM |
PoeticBliss wrote: It would be nice if everyone
"came to the table" with enough money to take care of
each other, but the fact remains that their is a huge dis-
proportionate amount of people not marrying because
they've been passed over for their financial issues.
That's a valid point. There are many women who,
due to staggering levels of mortgage or credit card debt,
are for practical purposes almost unmarriageable. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:04:58 PM |
PoeticBliss wrote: Well if I HAVENT seen it all....
just popped into a dating site-- they require a member
have A MINIMUM of 25,000 dollars before they'll
allow them to sign up! Gees! At least POF has enough
class not to discriminate against socio-economic classes
by offering a free site. I have noticed this trend grow
amongst online dating sites... what gives?????
It's a time management tool. Some people who are drowning
in a tidal wave of responses from dating sites, and who have
noticed that respondents in their age group without substantial
net worth (i.e. those who are not good at making, saving or
investing money) are very unlikely to make suitable partners
for them. | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:15:38 AM | poeticBliss
Heres a scenario " What about the guy who gets into a relationship with a gal because he is broke ' in debt and wants SEX ''Plays game of I love you "'til he gets out of debt
Then goes for greener richer gal to pay her way and his needed maintenance arround the home "'Some gals are green to this type of game playin or his strategy .
Playin on the womans emotions "time and money ...all along he knows he is just using her for his Selfish "Sexual
Appetite & Semen dumpster ..only to throw her in the dumpster once he gets back on his feet .
What about that GUY "" A real winner uh ? ^Not ""In humane Predator ""is more like it
Woman hater thru and thru ""This type of behavior is merely classed as a cold calulating as..s ""evil to a degree ! Scary to think Men and women are capable of playin & manipulating other peoples Emotions and Mind like that . Happens all the time "Circumstances may be different as to what the motive really is ""But all in all
its leaves the same hurt same pain > scars may very in depth of distrust > btw P Bliss times are different now and women are pretty much on there own in all areas of Life . The Men want the women to pay there way all the way in a relationship "'In another words pay him to screw ya in more ways than one for instance "treat ya like crap ""listen to his nags 'moans & whine "'have Sex any time he likes >Does not take you out he is not adventureous watches every sport there is ""Saves his Money "hes dishonest " a liar "vengeful & a sneak wants to Control your every move ""thought ""even the dam thermostat "
Bio tch if ya dont clean >cook or have sex when he bellows out for it /then throws his tantrum 'or rage " wash his laundry "ect ... And here is the finally "'What if he is Lazy and does not work at all or he is a Cheater & physically abusive as well ......... Dang ""women payin there own way to be treated like shi...t
Ummmm ? think not *
This gal will pay her own way and have some Peace of Mind while doing it "
"Single is better JOURNEY for this Gal !
Can do what I want when I want and if I feel like it or Not ! Do not have to endure the
trama or drama at home "' Prefer to feel Happy & want to come home even if If its Alone ! Not all Men are like this " But there is a plenty who are ""  The Nerve "
Shame on YOU >>>>>Men and Women who put other people thru this ""who are seeking True Love ! | |
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| Why do men request Financially Secure women????
Posted: 12/31/2007 8:22:01 AM |
If you love someone they are not and never will be "a burden". Unless of course they dont find ways to contribute alternatively as a partner if not materially.
Since WHEN did posting a profile with "requests" translate into automatically becoming "partnered"? Why would one request someone who is insecure, who has a poor work ethic, or who doesn't make the slightest effort to accentuate their gender attributes?
The question asked was, "Why do men REQUEST financially secure women." Why do employers request applicants with the skills necessary to perform the job that is available? I'm a journeyman pipefitter, should I walk into a hospital and condemn the administration for not considering me for the position of head of cardiology? Hey, I may not have the skills they NEED, but I'm certainly willing to do as you suggest:
ways to contribute alternatively
I certainly do have many things that I can contribute.....why are they so darned picky?
Do you see the folly of your argument? I'm sure many of you may be surprised that I have in fact run into men who see my "financial security" as a serious negative to a relationship. LOL! Yup, believe it or not....it's very true! The last 2 men I've been involved with found this to be the primary flaw in our relationship. I didn't need their money, didn't need their power tools (got my own and know how to use them). I could probably hook you up with one of them! They want a woman they can impress with their money....except they don't have much. Ohhhh, what's that??? YOU want a MAN who IS financially secure? Hmmmm...interesting!
Where ARE all these men who are looking for a woman's who's financially secure? I sure can't find one! I got the Victoria's secret part covered, just can't find a man who's willing to be just a "boy toy"! Sheeeessshhh, some people would complain if you hung 'em with a new rope!!!!
Where ARE all these men who are looking for a woman's who's financially secure? I sure can't find one! I got the Victoria's secret part covered, just can't find a man who's willing to be just a "boy toy"! Sheeeessshhh, some people would complain if you hung 'em with a new rope!!!!
I am VOLUNTEERING for that position!!!!! Especially for you GBB!!!! | |
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