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 Iowa44
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 51
How do you perceive lonersPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
The main reason I choose to be alone is that I find it difficult to tune out irritating people.If I have to listen to someone I think is shallow or ****y I would rather go for a walk out in the middle of nowwhere and listen to nature.
 kathy411
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 52
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:01:32 AM
Loners are fine, as long as they have social graces, when they need to.
 quo_vadis
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 53
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:11:31 AM
all thread participants,
i see some very insightful comments in this thread, and so far enjoyed reading it. i think just about everybody has a valid point here, as people tend to be loners for a variety of reasons, some healthy, some not so much. i think the ideal loner type is one who has a few, very healthy relationships with a handful of people, and knows how to be there emotionally for someone without stifling or overusing them. this is generally the type who makes proper use of their alone time.
as someone put it, "isolation can be damaging" and some stay to themselves simply because they dislike themselves so much they want to stay out of public eye. usually this type of loner is easy to spot, as a result.
wolfie's comment i find troubling, "A male loner in human society faces the same issues as a male loner in many animal societies.
Predators perceive him as an easy target, groups of his species perceive him as a threat." perhaps in our teens and twenties this is a prevalent mentality, but i have found that fades as we get older. those we picked on in our youth we tend to rediscover intellectually, when we grow up. some still dont, and they are missing out on the diversity of life. pay no attention to them. there are plenty of freethinkers to go around.
as for kupcakesforyou's comment regarding poorly balanced, to me it begs the question, "well-adjusted to /what/?" believe me there are plenty of neurotic people that travel in groups and whether you are by yourself or in groups simply isnt a reliable indicator, but nonetheless, people are and always will be making snap judgments about each other when they could be together having a good time. perhaps it is those judgments that the healthy loner is adjusting themselves to. good luck and all the best.
 ngat73
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 54
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:12:07 AM
I grew up in a large family and so I am actually the opposite and it is difficult for me to be alone. I actually find it quite attractive to find a man that can be by himself. I am staying with a girlfriend right now because I have an old lady at my place but when I come home when I was staying at my own place I would feel really lonely but after a few hours I feel okay and am able to entertain myself. The only time I ever go anywhere by myself is Vegas or some place with a casino. I can self-entertain myself pretty easily on the black jack tables. Besides, I usually end up in a new adventure because always meet people there. I'd get baseball players and their crew trying to get me to accompany them to their parties or wherever they are headed off to. I use to have to go out by myself when I moved to a new city for a job, but usually end up meeting a group of friends prettily easily.

But, no, I don't find loners creepy. I find people that are content with themselves an attractive quality. And, my selfish side likes it too because when loners fall for you, their attention is normally toward you and you only and many times are able to fulfill most of my needs where I don't opt for the "open" relationship or I am more likely to commit to a relationship.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 55
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:22:45 AM
Quo, great observations.

I have small group of people I consider to be friends. It is a difficult group to join, as I have to know you would take the sniper's last bullet for you to be allowed in.

The drawback is not having people to call for favors. If I have a flat tire, I have nobody to call for a ride. When I want to get away for a weekend, and it is further than comfortable driving distance, I have nobody I trust to watch my dog. Thus I never go anywhere.

However, it does cut down on the amount of people who call me only when they want something.

Kupcakes comment caught me in a way where I ask "Is YOUR perception of 'normal' the standard for the world?" Maybe everybody you know has the some quirks and is on the same wavelength, and thus appear "normal" to you as meeting the standard that YOU all normal.

I like deep thinkers, people who don't bullshit me, and for the most part the people I consider friends are of the ilk where I can talk to them for 20 minutes every 6 months and we are caught up on each other's lives. (Possibly because we don't HAVE one, but that's another issue.) We email and text some, but there's never one of those annoying 2 hour phone calls. With work (including lunch and commute) and sleep consuming 20 of the 24 hours in my day, I have 4 hours per day to myself. I have more to do than talk on the phone for 2 of my 4 free hours in a given day.

To ME, that is normal. Maybe to others it is not.

But you know, when I wake up in the morning, I know that for the rest of that day the only person I have to impress is me.
 lone56wolf
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 56
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:32:03 AM
If I am the yardstick I gauge others by, then my guess is a loner is someone who's been sucked dry too many times and now is either regrouping or realizing he/she can live (if not lonlier sometimes) without the drama.

Steve
 MzFirefly
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 57
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:42:28 AM
Would I think it "Creepy" if you were at an event alone?..No..But
I was married to a loner..he never wanted to go any where with me..he often retreated to another room ..leaving me alone and when I would enter a room he was in I was never acknowledged..and as for doing "Couple" things..FORGET that it was Not happening...he always refused going to any gatherings where there would be large crowds and family events were not Happening either.To this day he goes to work comes home and lives his Life..ALONE!..It is sad, but that is his choice and how he feels comfortable...And I respect that.

I was once told by his Aunt...I am suprised you both are married ..as (name unmentioned) is very much a Loner..and here I thought it was me causing him to run away from me.

So as for meeting someone that is a "Loner"..would be fine...but to have a relationship with a "Loner"..No
 mindmyownbusiness
Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 58
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 9:44:14 AM
They can be very interesting.......many of them don't speak words but they do speak. They are loners only to some, not to all....meaning that they are picky( at least some of them).....A loner is often not a shy or an anti-social individual....he just enjoys his own company and likes silence. If loner means outsider, I am one.
 Belfastbloke
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 59
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:04:28 AM
I don't understand why you are worried. It's your life and you seem to be happy that way. I admire loners to be honest. The rest of us rely on others to a certain extent (although we don't like to admit it). Loneliness is a terrible thing but if it's not a problem for you, then you have the edge.

J
 Adesola
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 60
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 10:06:54 AM
I'm a loner. I go out to bars, restaurants, and movies by myself always. Rarely do I go out with other people.

I think loners are basically introverts, and introverts draw their energy from solitude, being around people exhausts them....so it has been said. I know it exhausts me to be around people.

But, if you examine this for a second, it all makes sense, and you can change.
I know of 2 major introverts who changed.

Introverts, or loners, find most other people 'tedious' or 'draining'...do you find this?

I do, and it's really because the dialogue that I have with myself is being interupted, this
actually leaves a part of me feeling insecure and unprotected, this then calls upon the mind to create a defense mechanism, a defense mechanism takes energy to keep in place. Voila,
there's my exhaustion of "be" ing around others.

Our locus for control in the world is our subjective experience, rather than the extroverts object relation. Extroverts draw their energy from outside experience, more 'subject' to 'outside object' than introverts. They also feel insecure when left alone too long. I know a guy who literally cannot 'NOT' be alone...he's got some stuff to work out obviously.

The introverts I mentioned before who became capable of extroversion learned it through becoming adept at social skills. They no longer needed the defense mechanism, and described 'socializing' as a wave you kind of ride...whereas an introvert would describe this 'wave' as trite, vacuous, superficial, and are more into one on one intense conversations with 'meaning'.

In a nutshell, I don't think loners know how to draw meaning and energy from the outside, and the inverse is true for extroverts. And the skill of drawing meaning
from outside, or inside, can be cultivated.
 ngat73
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 61
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:00:52 AM
Mzfirefly-This guy you were married with sounds like he has more "issues" than just being a loner.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 62
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:47:43 AM
I think loners are basically introverts, and introverts draw their energy from solitude, being around people exhausts them....so it has been said. I know it exhausts me to be around people.

I agree with that. I am a very good extrovert when I want to be... and I really have people that aren't around me a lot fooled. I talk to strangers wherever I go. I never "seem" uncomfortable in a crowd because I don't let them get wind of my discomfort. Some of my "friends" have a hard time understanding how exhausted this makes me at the end of the day. I have others that don't seem to get it that no matter how much I go out and force myself to be the social butterfly that I appear to be at times, it doesn't make it any easier after over 10 years of this practice. When I go to gaming conventions I'm there for 5 days, almost always by myself... yet always surrounded by people I know. I don't focus on anyone in particular there but I am never alone. I can't walk through the crowded convention center of 25,000 people without running into someone that knows me every 10 feet. :) It used to be the same way for me when I went to a night club, I always walked in alone and out alone but while I was there I knew and talked to about 20-30 people.

The downside though is weeks like this. Much like Eddie expressed, you depend on no one but yourself. Because I do that so much I sometimes find it hard to find someone around when I do need help or to talk... like this week while I'm coping with my mothers high risk of death from pneumonia. My friends aren't used to me calling to talk or wanting to go do something so they all were out doing their own things that they normally do with the other friends.
 lancetyrell
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 63
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:39:52 PM

i used to think guys who watches movies on their own are "losers"...


I once went to one of the LOTR screenings by myself, as usual, and bumped into a couple of friends while coming out. Later on that month, I was round at a lady friend's house, (previously my girlfriend) and was talking to the other two, when they mentioned our earlier meeting. My lady friend turned round and asked "Why wasn't I with you? You could have asked me." I admitted I couldn't remember why, and it wasn't until I got home I remembered... This was the day after she had dumped me, and I went along to cheer myself up...

Lance T.
 thegreatrockyhill
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 64
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:57:17 PM
Count me in as a loner of sorts. I don't need other people. It's nice to have lots of friends, and I am expanding my social circle. But at the same time, I've been burned by so many people whe called my a friend. I've also been disappointed so many times. I'll get to know someone, they seem pretty cool at first, but then the more I get to know them, the less I like them. I'd rather be by myself than around people I cannot stand. And I for too long hung around people I disliked simply because I felt like I needed to have friends.
 black_iris
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 65
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 2:15:31 PM
Haha and they tell me in my software engineering class that the job is all about team work :P

Well, from what I've heard from my friends who work in engineering/IT/comp sci say they don't get too many opportunities to meet new people to form some kind of relationship, be it friendship or love-relationship (besides clients). But why is it that "me" time is important to you(specifically what does it have to do with software market..?)? I don't mean to say you can't have "me" time but you can just relax and chill with friends.

To me, seeing a movie alone would tell me that you are a big movie fan because I usually don't go to movies unless it's with my friends.


There isn't anything that's wrong with loners, some people like to hang out with large group of people, some don't. It's all personal preference. But what's important to a relationship is ability to open up to your partner and let your feeling be known. Not exactly the easiest thing to do but a sure requisite to a successful relationship.

Iris
 Random Entry
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 66
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History
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:23:04 PM

wolfie's comment i find troubling, "A male loner in human society faces the same issues as a male loner in many animal societies.
Predators perceive him as an easy target, groups of his species perceive him as a threat." perhaps in our teens and twenties this is a prevalent mentality, but i have found that fades as we get older. those we picked on in our youth we tend to rediscover intellectually, when we grow up.


Yeah, wolfie, you are only looking at one side of the coin, man. The flipside is this: When you're alone it is SO much easier to meet people. Try this: Pack your defensiveness away and have fun, be a little forward and daring. Play and flirt like you have nothing to lose -- and no one to be embarassed around when you get shot down, too. You try ACTING like somebody else, mainly a more fun, confidant and engaging YOU, and you will be shocked at just how quick you can be accepted as that some one else and ultimately grow into that role. The little known secret in life is this: The best people MAKE themselves into something by ACTION not reaction. Your attitude directly forms the next sets of circumstances in your life. Don't bite off more than you can chew the first time out but try being a little more socialable. Just focus on having fun. I know you have it in you from what I've seen around here now you just have to learn to share it with others. Eventually it will come so natural you will wonder how you even missed it.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 67
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:32:51 PM
not at all.. i often go to the movies/out to eat, by myself...or just go and sit by the lake with a book.... i love my alone time, (when i can get it.. ).. i find it necessary for "recharging" - it gives me the energy to live life to the fullest and more enjoy being around the bustle and demands of others..
 floating down the river
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 68
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:47:32 PM
Answer:








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 RedCassandra
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 69
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History
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 6:53:47 PM

If you met a guy and a few days later ran into him at a theatre and noticed he wasn't with anyone and asked who was with and in response he said himself...would you consider that creepy?


Not at all. If there is a movie I want to see I have no problem doing it on my own. A band that I like had a concert in Atlanta recently (that's about 5 hours driving from me), and all my friends here are such grown ups - no one was interested in going with me (eh, most of them never even heard of that band). So, I planned a trip on my own... got a ticket online, drove to Atlanta, went to the concert...

Had great fun, by the way... Met some people... Hope that does not make me a creep.

If you have moved as many times as I have, you get used to doing things on your own without ever thinking twice about it. But, if the company is right concert or a movie can certainly be more enjoyable.

 craigMac
Joined: 4/28/2005
Msg: 70
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History
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:06:06 PM
I wouldn't call myself a loner... but a lone soldier. I paid attention over the years nad have my own clear perception of a friend and an acuaintence. For almost the past 10 years I've been moving around Canada and in every place I've been I would say I made One friend and many acuaintences. I still mingle and go out but these days Im more interested in the people that are close to me which could look something like 4 acuaintences, 2 friends and my One and only. I just find that what I'm into is not aways what someone else is into or it's a dream that thay willingly put up too many borders in front of to pursue. I find the way I think tends to aid in a distance from others. I seem to always make "friends" wherever I go but I always find myself to still be the Lone Soldier or as some called me... The Happy Wonderer. I like to keep to myself or have few people around me almost as much as I like to be in the mix, even then I'm the guy that can mingle between different ... "crews" like Mr. Neutral. I fend for myself, I defend myself, my actions are myself.
I find that woman like me more when I`m more sociable and have more people around me... but hey... who cares anyway cause when you got no $$$ in your pockets you tend to find yourself alone any.

Would you ever vote a single (albeit successful & well articulated) man into any kind of political power, whether local municipality or what have you?

How many of you can manage a clean house but can`t seem to keep there room clean or at least not for long. What that person does in their spare time is none of my concern (unless it just undermeans moral standards) cause there are some things I no that I don`t want them to be concerned with. But that doesn`t mean that something is wrong. Single people do tend to know more people so wouldn`t it be a lil`eisier to know whats going down with the people. And that person is for the people ... right...
 Hunter83
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 71
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:11:24 PM
i dont trust people that need to constantly surround themselves with hordes of people.
 A Lesser Known Kennedy
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 72
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/6/2008 11:45:08 PM
Last night I got to drink with John Waters. Why? because I go out alone and dude is like 60 and he still always goes out alone.
 thegreatrockyhill
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 73
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:27:51 PM
One thing I do not like to do alone is go to a movie or concert. I always try to find someone to go with me. If all else fails...I drag my goofy sister along. :P
 atlast
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 74
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/7/2008 6:47:59 PM
Guilty. I never intended to be a loner. It just happened that way. I still like people. I just prefer them in small doses right now.
 frozenskin
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 75
How do you perceive loners
Posted: 1/12/2008 11:24:42 AM
I like loners.

I am a loner. I don't mind being alone. It's hard for me to find people with similar interests. I did find a person, a classmate, that enjoys the kind of music that I do. Every so often we go to concerts.
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