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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:27:39 PM |
Do you still pursue him with intensity and respect knowing it is most likely not reciprocated?
Most men will disengage once this information is disclosed as they no longer see you as a credible option, no matter how good the initial perception.
I think there is a difference between men and women here hence why I posed the question.
No. I would not pursue him at all. But, if I liked him and he was someone I wanted to explore possiblities with ... I would not run, I would be damn cool about it and bide my time. I would probably set a timeline, and if he doesn't make up his mind by then .. I'm out.
In the meantime, I would keep my emotional attachment in check, and play the field as well. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:29:15 PM | Betty,
You are usually very insightful and this is no exception. I fully understand your assessment. However, males and females look at this differently. Can males be hypocritical about it. For sure. But this little analogy has no validity.
The friendship analogy is exactly the same. It's a relationship for which you are close, you care and yet you can actually balance more than one.
Also, having multipe jobs simultaneously will most likely cause you to be mediocre at all of them (at best).
I have done more than one different job for years, and done well at both. You leave it where it is when you leave. Period. It's a matter of being in the moment where you are with the job you're doing.
Why? Becasue of emotions and more importantly, the emotions of the other party.
So your friend should be considered when you talk to another one? Should you talk to them and let them know you're considering having another friend?
In males situations, you are also including their ego which is not a hinderance among friends.
NO, but it WAS a problem for females for a long, long time. We didn't like it, but guess what? We got no sympathy for it - it was the name of the game, and we had to get used to it. So guess what? Now we're not only used to it, but we agree that it's a good tactic.
Not so good when women do it tho is it?
Ego or not, this is simply men saying it's only something that's good if they're doing this, not when it's being done to them. At least women are ok with both sides, and we're not being hypocritical about it.
Should women date men they really like for months without any sign of it going anywhere? No. Should they date until they meet someone they really want to get to know? Absolutely. Once that happens, and she decides to stop and focus on that one guy, what would the issue have been?
In the past when I chose to change jobs I did it without rush, and picked what company I would be interested to work for by getting information about the company and the position they had open and comparing it to my goals. I didnt just fax blast my resume and see what responses I got. It not so much if they wanted me but it was if I wanted them.
Job analogies are bad in a sense. Surely you would leverage yourself to the best position with the biggest chance for growth and the most money? You picked a company, so I assume in order to do that, you looked at many. What's the difference?
What if three companies provided all you wanted with slight differences. Wouldn't you be crazy not to interview all three and actually get a one on one feel for the company, the personalities and the way they operated? | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:29:32 PM |
Why do men do it?
I was not going to answer this question since the answer is uncomfortable. But in the spitit of disclosure I will. They do it to score as much a$$ as possible! Most serial dating men are not looking for a relationship, they are looking for some temporary exitment between the sheets. There will be a slew of men who come out after this comment and say "your speaking for yourself, im different!". Trust me, they are lying! | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:37:41 PM |
No. I would not pursue him at all. But, if I liked him and he was truly someone I I wanted to explore possiblities with ... I would not run, I would be damn cool about it and bide my time. I would probably set a timeline, and if he doesn't make up his mind by then .. I'm out.
Fair enough and thank you for this insightfulness. In other words, you would give him the benefit of the doubt with a time expiration. What I am saying is that men, because of their egos, will not give you this benefit of the doubt. And that was the point I was trying to make a while back. Our egos get in the way. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:41:24 PM | uglybetty, ( I like the twist on that name) The differance is looking at companies is done without involving other people.
Dating is involving others and thier feelings.
Looking is one thing, doing is another.
What has this world come to when people are being treated as things and opportunities?
I too go out on many first dates and some seconds, but once you meet someone and it turns into seeing that same person more, then its time to make the effort and close the interviews until you have given an effort to see where that ONE will take you.
Those that are here just to have fun and do serial dating , thats OK, just let the person you meet, know upfront what they are getting into if it goes past the first date. I am not saying I will totally rule out the possibilty of seeing someone on a casual level, if I was feeling the same way about her, but let it be a joint decision or walk away. | |
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| Why do women date multiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:50:22 PM | What I am saying is that men, because of their egos, will not give you this benefit of the doubt. And that was the point I was trying to make a while back.
1) which is why i would not discuss dating others, unless he is discussing NOT dating others. ;)
2) which is why men should never ask questions of women about dating and sex that they cannot handle the answers to.
and if his ego is THAT big that he can't handle it, then honey ... he isn't someone i want to be in a relationship with anyway. big egos are detrimental to healthy relationships. because, really, it means he is insecure in who he is... and i've got nothing to prove to a man, either he likes what/who i am ...or he doesn't. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:52:58 PM | Well Laurel you Make alot of sense. so your 2 pence was worth it. I was never of the date more then I man at time for the same reason I never juggled balls,I'd get confused lol. O felt if you met someone you would go out a second time it was worth it solely getting to know that person and not taking away from really and honestly getting to know them. But you are right lol why sit home waiting to get to know them to find out where it will lwad when they are out there dating. I mean dating too as I don't sleep around, I have to be in love to make love not just jump in the sack for sex. So why not date more then one at a time? Not going to sit wasting time anymore. I guess I should thank you for the wake up call
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:57:30 PM |
What I am saying is that men, because of their egos, will not give you this benefit of the doubt. And that was the point I was trying to make a while back. 1) which is why i would not discuss dating others, unless he is discussing NOT dating others. ;) 2) which is why men should never ask questions of women about dating and sex that they cannot handle the answers to.
Quoted for truth.
I'm not going to worry about a womans past. I'm more interested in the now while she's with me. If she wants to share some of the "loser stories" when we're more comfortable with each other, then we can have a good laugh. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:05:19 PM | PuukaInEdmonton...you better worry at least a little about someone's past because what you don't know CAN hurt you.
It's not the loser stories you need to worry about or be discussing.
What do I mean? Well consider the title of this thread:
"Why do women date multiple guys at once?"
Multiple is never a good thing for so many reasons.
Now use the brainnnnnn...thinkkkkkkk!
Ohyea..this is a statement that applies to male and females. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:29:09 PM | Ohyea..this is a statement that applies to male and females.
Yes it does but the reasons are different lol! Way different! Also, guess what guys the serial dating females find in their tropy chest, you guessed it, the serial dating men. And we know what the serial dating men are all about lol! So I am going to reitterate this statement.
PuukaInEdmonton...you better worry at least a little about someone's past because what you don't know CAN hurt you.
Yes and in more ways than one!!! And that is why there is no benefit of the doubt from the males who actually use the large head to make decisions! All Weather, I like the way you think!! I'm with you all the way here. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:59:18 PM |
PuukaInEdmonton...you better worry at least a little about someone's past because what you don't know CAN hurt you. Yes and in more ways than one!!! And that is why there is no benefit of the doubt from the males who actually use the large head to make decisions! All Weather, I like the way you think!! I'm with you all the way here.
*Grrrs* at sheltered life that I've led and my naivety. I was thinking more along the line of women that -just- date and are not looking for intimate encounters. I would be somewhat leery if it was what I considered "too soon" in a relationship before getting intimate (assuming this is what you are referring to, if not, then I truely am clueless and am glad I'm not looking to get in to anything right now) | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:53:36 PM |
uglybetty, ( I like the twist on that name) The differance is looking at companies is done without involving other people.
People run companies, and more than one interview with a company that you can actually help if you are unique in what you can offer may involve dissapointment. But it comes with the process, not THAT different from dating. You may meet someone you like and want to stick with, but you also know that they have to go with someone they click with physically, mentally, etc. If you don't click with them in that way, you're aware that they will probably continue to look...and it's part of the process.
Dating is involving others and thier feelings.
Looking is one thing, doing is another.
You can only look so much in both situations before you have to visit and experience. Feelings aren't particularly heave when you've not known someone for more than a month. Again, if you're dating someone who's in love with you for six months and dating others as well, that's one thing, but early on, there's no attachment (unless someone gets overly attached or puts too much into it too soon, which - let's face it isn't wise); as time goes on and you get to know each other beyond the initial, THAT's when feelings get involved.
What has this world come to when people are being treated as things and opportunities?
People are at the helm of all of that...early on it's about making sure you aren't making the wrong choices and fact finding. Attraction is part of it, but you can't base a whole relationship on attraction. There has to be more - ya gotta do your homework.
I too go out on many first dates and some seconds, but once you meet someone and it turns into seeing that same person more, then its time to make the effort and close the interviews until you have given an effort to see where that ONE will take you.
You and I don't disagree on that, but until you've decided it's a definite or not (outside of the attraction/extreme personality mismatch, which you can gauge in about 8 minutes tops) to go further, you're still in that dating zone.
Those that are here just to have fun and do serial dating , thats OK, just let the person you meet, know upfront what they are getting into if it goes past the first date. I am not saying I will totally rule out the possibilty of seeing someone on a casual level, if I was feeling the same way about her, but let it be a joint decision or walk away.
Personally (and ironically) I don't date to settle down because I think it should happen naturally...and dating with a goal is a lot like a business plan. I believe that once you do like someone and things develop, there should be no pressure to make it a certain thing or time frame as much as you should just enjoy it.
For me, it'll always be casual dating until someone comes along that sparks a desire in me to go beyond casual dating. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:00:15 PM |
*Grrrs* at sheltered life that I've led and my naivety. I was thinking more along the line of women that -just- date and are not looking for intimate encounters. I would be somewhat leery if it was what I considered "too soon" in a relationship before getting intimate (assuming this is what you are referring to, if not, then I truely am clueless and am glad I'm not looking to get in to anything right now)
Puuka lol! I understand the sarcasm in your statement. I guess it is time to let you into a little secret! A reality check sort off without punt intended. And this is comming from a past bad boy to a nice guy so listen carefully because I am not bullshitting you! That same woman, yes the goodie-too-shoe who would not push the envelope and who is not looking for intimate encounters on a date with you is having sex with the bad boy on the 1st or 2nd date. Yes the very same one! The one you think is straight laced! They date you, they screw the bad boy! Most likely in the very same night! That is why they don't push the envelope. Not because they don't want to, but because they are getting it from somewhere else! This is also how I know that most serial dating women have a "backup plan" for dates. When she leaves the date, who do you think she calls?? Wake up!!
Trust me, i'm speaking from experience!! | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:02:27 PM | y the heck r u puttin it on ALL women i know plenty of young beautiful girls on here that only date one ata time
THATS how u sort em out the ones that dont think enuff of u to keep the facts straight ur job to figure out whos the best bet
kathi | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:15:05 PM | Wow uglybetty..what a complement that you took all that time to totally disect my post and address every single point I covered.
Thats better feedback then some date I have gone out on...lol
I still think it sounds like a big case of "in search of the BIGGER BETTER DEAL in here.
kathareeene, I am happy to hear those women still exist, because I was beginning to get the thought they didn't.
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:20:55 PM |
Wow uglybetty..what a complement that you took all that time to totally disect my post and address every single point I covered.
Thats better feedback then some date I have gone out on...lol
That's what happens when I sit with my green tea, I get all "point by point" about stuff.
I still think it sounds like a big case of "in search of the BIGGER BETTER DEAL in here.
I think a lot of times the "best suited partner" gets misunderstood as the "BBD"...although some continuously shop with no clue what they really want, most are looking for the package that's perfect for them.
....I can never type "BBD" without thinking Bell, Biv, Devoe. It's just the DJ in me, I guess. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:26:56 PM |
I was not going to answer this question since the answer is uncomfortable. But
in the spitit of disclosure I will. They do it to score as much a$$ as possible! Most serial dating men are not looking for a relationship, they are looking for some temporary exitment between the sheets. There will be a slew of men who come out after this comment and say "your speaking for yourself, im different!". Trust me, they are lying! .
Ha! I think this is the most honest thing I have read in these forums in awhile! Thank you, Happy Gilmore!
Actually, I completely agree with your point of view on most of what you've said in this post. Before joining this site, I never in a million years would have dated more than one man at a time-never even considered it. I had a few long term boyfriends when I was very young, and I married when I was 24. I got divorced at 30 and, boy, the world sure seemed to change a lot in 7 years! I met a man off this site initially that I was crazy about, but I didn't understand what seemed to be manipulative games coming from him for awhile, and I couldn't tolerate it, so I broke off contact. I've dated several men since then, and I've realized what it was- They are dating other women. And playing mind games-doing the whole pursue and retreat thing. I come from the school that if you hit it off with someone, if there is chemistry and a connection, good conversation, fun, etc...if you "click" then you will take that and develop it further. Apparently, that isn't the case anymore. Everyone seems to want instant everything, and if they find one small hitch they run for the hills, instead of taking the time to work through it.
And so, I have learned that to survive with my heart and pride intact out here in this crazy world of dating, I will NOT become invested unless someone gives me reason to. If a man wants to play hot/cold with me, then he will get the same in return. If, after a few weeks of calling/ texting me several times a day, hanging out 3 nights a week or more, and leaving the impression of wanting to "start something" with me, he then cuts his contact down to once or twice a week-well, then I will become busy too. Maybe I'll meet someone who is consistent and sincere. In the meantime, I will have fun. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:39:45 PM | | dude, guess what. Men do it Too. There is nothing Wrong with multiple dating, as long as you are NOT in a Relationship. If You are in a Relationship and You date other people without each others' consent, then that's a Big problem. Otherwise, let the good times Roll. You're a Man, so stop giving a shit what some useless women do. Realistically, a Woman of Your True Taste and Desire will date ONLY You, because she will see how Much You care for her. This is especially important to remember since Women Love attention more than anything. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:55:13 PM | Can you imagine being with that person that you like, (that is still dating others) and you two are sitting on the couch, music playing in the background, candles flickering, all snuggled up and they're laying across your lap looking at you with those beautiful eyes, acting as if they're really in to you, kissing you.. oh so passionately.......but.....wait.....think...... how about who was sitting in that same postion, yesterday and who will be sitting there tomorrow until its your turn again.
Almost makes you want to puke.............well at least it does me.
So all you multi-daters.....good for you, if that's what works for you. When you wake up one day with that wierd sore on your lip, then you will understand.
Just one man's opinion. Just not my style.
"cool stud", you sound like a wild and reckless man....good for you, party on! , and all you other multi daters and partiers, be sure to get tested for everything at least every six months.
With something as simple as a KISS spreading some nasty stuff these days.
Use the internet for more than just POF and do some research, if you think I am talking BS.
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:26:00 PM | | Well, I guess with me personally, it's just easier to filter them out that way. For example, I had a date on a Monday with one guy and another date on Friday. I knew right away on Monday that this guy was not for me. Fridays date went the same way. No love lost, didnt sleep with anyone and I surely didn't proceed to waste anyone's time thereafter. Now if I do lik e a guy and I think there is potential, I may consider dating him exclusively, but what if after the 3rd date you discover there is something about him you just cant live with?? Things that make you go "HHHMM???" | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/7/2008 7:18:30 PM | Don't get me wrong I am not against the one and two dates to feel out the person but drop them if you think there isn't possiblity for something more substantial, not just add them to your collection of "things to do".
I just don't think it cool to be " involved " with more than one person at a time.
When you like someone and he gets up to like the 3rd or 4th date and you really into each other you have to give it chance to develop and you can NOT do that if you still "interviewing" and multi-dating. If everybody multi-dated, then there will never be any chances to develop LTRs and beyond.
Ok....we already covered the health risks involved also. I have said all I had to say (yea, amen to that..I can hear that all the way over here), so this is All Weather, signing out.
Happy fishing | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 8:36:58 AM |
dude, guess what. Men do it Too. There is nothing Wrong with multiple dating, as long as you are NOT in a Relationship. If You are in a Relationship and You date other people without each others' consent, then that's a Big problem. Otherwise, let the good times Roll. You're a Man, so stop giving a shit what some useless women do. Realistically, a Woman of Your True Taste and Desire will date ONLY You, because she will see how Much You care for her. This is especially important to remember since Women Love attention more than anything.
I guess this statement just underscored all my earlier points. The wise woman would look through my previous posts and then apply this knowledge to this paragraph as it is extremely revealing. | |
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| Why do women date multiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 9:15:31 AM |
1) which is why i would not discuss dating others, unless he is discussing NOT dating others. ;)
2) which is why men should never ask questions of women about dating and sex that they cannot handle the answers to.
and if his ego is THAT big that he can't handle it, then honey ... he isn't someone i want to be in a relationship with anyway. big egos are detrimental to healthy relationships. because, really, it means he is insecure in who he is... and i've got nothing to prove to a man, either he likes what/who i am ...or he doesn't.
Misspriss. What you are saying makes perfectly rational sense. But we are discussing men and how they actually think which is not always rational (and often hypocritical). For instance, a male who is not a serial dater will reflect and assume that his behavior is shared by you until proven otherwise. Once he finds out that it is not shared, then he checks you out! They will not give you the benefit of the doubt! The men who has no problem with serial dating women are themeselves serial daters and as discussed earlier, have a different agenda. This logic applies to your 2nd argument about sex as well.
big egos are detrimental to healthy relationships. because, really, it means he is insecure in who he is...
Just don't equate ego to insecurity. Sometimes a large ego is caused by great self confidence, sometimes by the lack thereoff. And all men have an ego, the question is just how big.
and i've got nothing to prove to a man, either he likes what/who i am ...or he doesn't
Once again, this makes perfectly sense. But the reality is different. The non-serial dating male will never give you the chance to show him who you are and the serial dating man does not care who you are. That is why it is a loose/loose situation and why som many serial dating women end up saying...."I only attract the wrong kind of guy". This underscores why the serial dating approach does not work when trying to find "the one". | |
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