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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:12:30 AM | Well a woman can ask the same question to the men.Why do men have to date so many woman at one time.I guess you have more to pick from LOL.Hell if a man can do it why can't the woman do it. And if all else fails with one, you have back ups.   | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:18:02 PM | HappyGilmore2:
Misspriss. What you are saying makes perfectly rational sense. But we are discussing men and how they actually think which is not always rational (and often hypocritical). For instance, a male who is not a serial dater will reflect and assume that his behavior is shared by you until proven otherwise. Once he finds out that it is not shared, then he checks you out! They will not give you the benefit of the doubt! The men who has no problem with serial dating women are themeselves serial daters and as discussed earlier, have a different agenda. This logic applies to your 2nd argument about sex as well.
Hence, why I like a man who *IS* rational and non-hypocritical.
Just don't equate ego to insecurity. Sometimes a large ego is caused by great self confidence, sometimes by the lack thereoff. And all men have an ego, the question is just how big
I unequivocally disagree with you. And the rational and non-hypocritcal man that I desire to be with will as well. I believe a person's ego is the part of them which focuses mainly on the more "shallow" aspects of life, and it reacts to perceived threats of others to it's desire to "look good" FOR other people (in many aspects of life). I also believe that this **IS** " insecurity ". Therefore, imo, great self-confidence NEVER causes a big ego. Genuine self-confidence is the antithesis of a big ego.
and i've got nothing to prove to a man, either he likes what/who i am ...or he doesn't
Once again, this makes perfectly sense. But the reality is different. The non-serial dating male will never give you the chance to show him who you are and the serial dating man does not care who you are. That is why it is a loose/loose situation and why som many serial dating women end up saying...."I only attract the wrong kind of guy". This underscores why the serial dating approach does not work when trying to find "the one".
The reality is I will date as many men as it takes for me to meet someone who is on similar wavelengths as myself on most levels.
What sounds like here, is those men you are speaking of **who are insecure ;)** assume women who actually date a lot also have sex with every man they go out with. I can only speak for myself, and this is not true for me.
I don't consider myself a serial dater, so I can only hope this does not apply to me. I want ONE man to have a relationship with. That's it. ONE, just ONE who can handle THIS! lmao
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:11:12 PM |
The reality is I will date as many men as it takes for me to meet someone who is on similar wavelengths as myself on most levels.
Please do not take this question as a snug remark with punt intended. But I have to ask you the question. How is it working out for you? | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:42:18 PM |
The reality is I will date as many men as it takes for me to meet someone who is on similar wavelengths as myself on most levels.
Please do not take this question as a snug remark with punt intended. But I have to ask you the question. How is it working out for you?
it seems you may have meant that with a touch of humor ... however, i don't think it's funny.
because, it also seems to me that i must speak a different language than most of the men in the world. so, no, dating -in any capacity- doesn't seem to be working for me. obviously, in your world, my desire to have a life partner who respects me ... period ... and doesn't see the actions of my past as a "threat" to his ego ... is a desire unlikely to ever be fulfilled. even though i don't have anything in MY past to be ashamed of.
thanks. thanks a lot. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:58:18 PM | | Because they cannot make up their minds, they are afraid of commitment or most likely just are taking advantage of fools that most men are. If the woman cannot make up her mind and only date me after a few dates, I'm out of there. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 2:31:30 PM | nebula22 wrote:
It's because they are HO's and want everything they can get from every man they meet
Talk about a rude and sexist remark! You should be ashamed of yourself. If that was a stab at sick humor, it fell far from the mark.
Instead it made you sound like a typical bitter man. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 2:36:18 PM |
it seems you may have meant that with a touch of humor ... however, i don't think it's funny.
No. There were humor intended. Nor was it a sarcastic remark. It was a serious question and not ment to hurt you or make you feel bad in any shape or form. If I did, I sincerely apologize as it was not my intention.
I guess the real purpose behind the question was if what you do today is not generating the desired results, why don't you try a different approach?
Once again, im sorry if I came accross as sarcastic. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 2:43:21 PM | | sarcasm doesn't bother me anyway, no worries. it just hits me as sad because through all of our discussion on this thread, you still appear to have no understanding for what i am trying to express ... thanks for trying though. it is what it is, and i'll be single until i'm not. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/8/2008 8:55:48 PM | Ladies,
Participating in this thread by saying " the same reason guys do" is just a waste of a post.
State something of substance and don't waste posting space with responses like that.
I personally don't agree with multiple dating once you have had several dates with the same person.
If you meet someone you like and have had several dates with him, back off from the rest and don't bring in any new ones either and give that ONE relationship a true try.
Stop keeping all those back ups, dont worry , if you give that ONE relationship a good try and it doesn't work out , its not like you can't pick up and just get back into the dating pool, but if you don't show that person you are willing to give it a good try with him, he won't ever take you serious and aren't we all dating to ultimately meet a permanent partner?
This applies to both men and women! | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/9/2008 2:25:35 AM | Most women I've chatted to about this subject will pretty much admit it falls along the following lines:
- Dating multiple people puts you in a position of more 'control' and less 'fear of loss', since it doesn't matter if any one guy gets dropped (or drops you).
- It prevents you getting too emotionally attached too early to any one guy, since it's hard to split your emotions five ways, or whatever. So again, less hurt.
- It's a massive ego boost to have several guys want you, and most women love that kind of validation.
- It gives you more options, so there's a better chance of finding what you're looking for.
All these reasons apply to guys doing it too. I tend to be more into girls that don't since:
- It shows they're actually interested
- It is more likely they actually know what they want
- It is more likely they're open & honest with with their thoughts & feelings
- It's less likely they're a control freak, or afraid of getting hurt, or an ego-bruising.
To be honest, it shows so many more of the qualities I'm looking for in someone that if I was choosing between two girls to date I'd likely do it on that alone, looks being equal.
I've dated more than one girl at once in the past, but after having to dump one girl I liked and got on really well with because there was someone else I liked too, I took a long look at why I did it and realised I just can't justify it. Sure it's great to have options, and it's nice to have the attention, but there is really no rush to find someone. Why lead someone perfectly good on and hurt them just for the sake of avoiding waiting a couple weeks?
I like to keep my life as drama and stress-free as possible  | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/9/2008 6:47:42 AM | I have to agree with All Weather. If after a few dates, I do feel a lot of compatibility, I will concentrate on just him-to see what developes-providing he does the same. If I was to feel that instant chemistry on the first date, I might even drop the others even sooner.
But I live in a sparsely populated stated. The chances of me meeting more than 1-2 guys during the same time are pretty slim. If the chance arises though, I'm not going to say no to a chance of meeting someone new, if I haven't already felt a 'click' with someone else. But I don't usually date the guy more than 1-3 times if I don't feel the 'click'. I certainly don't want to lead anyone on.
HR | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/9/2008 2:07:01 PM | | because they don't wanna be alone when one guy falls through. it's a defensive measure, and we do it too. It's something you learn....the more diversified your emotions are, the less it hurts you when one disappoints you. That's what I've learned. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:29:31 PM | | I'd really like to know how guys controll the initial stages? Seems to me in my 40's that women today can call if they want,ask if they want and do what they want...They're liberated for crying out loud...Just what is it we control? You don't decide whom you date,whom you'll e-mail back or chat with or give your phone # too or sleep with? C'mon....you date multiple because your not ready for one or haven't met him yet....Nothing wrong with that,men do it too....Don't hand me this control stuff! Most women today and rightly so don't want to be controlled in any way. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:32:48 PM | I have no problem with that...However if it's truly friends first its not a "date" and the guy shouldn't be expected to pay for it....but he usually is!...... | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/12/2008 4:39:42 PM | | going out for coffee to see if we "click", is one thing... as far as dating goes tho', ah'm a one man-woman... (sounds like a country song...) | |
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lobo65
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Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 468 | |
| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:39:08 PM | | I'm kind of old-fashioned, and would prefer to date one woman at a time. Unfortunately I haven't found a woman who feels the same way. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/13/2008 6:12:33 AM | There have been some really extreme reactions on here about the idea of women dating multiple men, as if it's something new.
It's NOT! Dating is not 'love' nor 'committment'. Why do some of you men think you deserve sole interest of a woman? Based on what? If you are only dating you are only dating and until and unless BOTH people want 'something more' and talk about being exclusive, you should be mature enough to understand that you will not be the only guy she is seeing. She does not OWE you exclusivity minus you're asking for it and you ought not to do that until you too are ready to be exclusive only with her.
Till then, neither person owes the other exclusive attention. If you give it without knowing if you're getting it back, well, that's up to you of course but then you have no right to be hurt that you're not meeting new people because you've shut yourself off from them by your own choice and the person you're dating is seeing other people too.
Dating does NOT equal serious committment, exclusivity, nor any kind of social contract whatsoever except between two KNOWING parties. Why is this so hard to comprehend?
Even in my grandmothers day and time dating was not seen as an exclusive activity. It was the period to meet many new men, enjoy being single, and then after time maybe you met someone you fell in love with and married or maybe you fell in love and 'courted' exclusively but it didn't work out for some reason. However, DATING was just that. Dating. | |
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DJKJ
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Joined: 1/11/2008
Msg: 470 | |
| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:51:23 PM | I've been reading this thread with great interest, since the subject
matter is the very reason I've said goodbye to several women in recent
months. It sort of confirms the viewpoint of message #452, who said:
"For instance, a male who is not a serial dater will reflect and assume
that his behavior is shared by you until proven otherwise. Once he
finds out that it is not shared, then he checks you out! They will not
give you the benefit of the doubt! The men who have no problem with
serial dating women are themeselves serial daters and as discussed
earlier, have a different agenda".
I have accepted the fact we do not all agree on this, and that is ok.
After all, that's what looking for a "compatible" person is all about.
Someone who views things (including dating methods) in a similar way.
There is NO dispute that all previous postings apply equally to BOTH
men and women. So please hold the hate mail, since my reply/questions
are directed to women. And yes, NOT ALL women subscribe to multi-dating.
Oddly enough, just most of the ones that crossed my path.
Unless I missed it, there hasn't been a clarification of what type of
"dating" we are talking about here. In my humble opinion, there are two
general categories, but sometimes people tend to use the term "dating"
without specifying.
SOME people, I did say SOME, use dating as a sport, going out with
someone(s), just to have "fun" (however they may interpret the word fun).
Sometimes it's referred to as "casual dating". Nothing wrong with that!!
And as far as I'm concerned, they could be "dating" 150 people at the
same time. Let's set this one aside. It's self-explanatory.
What I personally have difficulty with (the questions are coming), is
when someone is claiming to be dating for the purpose of getting to
know somebody, in the interest of hopefully developing a long-term
relationship, and insists on multi-dating.
DISCLAIMER: Let's not confuse this with dating teenagers who naturally,
dont know what qualities are important to them. I'm talking here about
mature, 40-something women, who (should) know already, and can also ask
the right questions up front.
So here are some questions, specifically for the mature women, who are
dating for the purpose of getting to know someones, would like to end
up in a committed relationship, and at the same time are determined
to "keep their options open".
1.Do you feel that you deserve 100% attention from one man, or are you
content with receiving 20% attention from 5 men ? (After all you are
going to attract like-minded people).
2.Exactly what is wrong with concentrating your time, energy, and effort
on one person at a time ? Within a short time, trust me, you'll know if
he's the wrong one, and nothing keeps you from moving on to next one.
There's always plenty of fish around. (And you'll continue to receive
150 or more emails a week).
3.How long do you think, a self-respecting man, with at least an ounce
of self-worth, will stick around to find out when you'll stop keeping
your options open ? Since it could take you months, years, or never.
4.Are you prepared to accept that your "open-minded" multiple "dates"
who "can handle this behavior" could also be keeping their options open
forever ? Or will you (as another poster suggested) be complaining that
you are attracting all the "wrong men" who won't commit ?
5.Why would any serious man take YOU seriously, and respect you, when
you don't take your dating seriously yourself ?
6.And finally, (reality check) given that adult dating includes at LEAST
minimal intimacy (hugging/kissing), are you prepared to indirectly
exchange spit with your date's last night's "date" ? (Or whatever else
happens between consenting adults).
Bottom line:
If the guy you are currently dating is just "not good enough" for you,
and so you feel the need to date someone else, presumably because you
think he is a "bigger fish", what's wrong with throwing the first one
back in the water ? Do you think he'll get better with time ?
Please enlighten me. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:19:18 PM | Had to throw my two cents in. The first date determines if I am interested. On a first date, the conversation should not discuss current or past dates/relationships. If you find yourself with nothing to say and start talking about that stuff, someone is not interested (usually me!) or someone is not ready for their next mate. I have learned to say " I am not interested" and I can tell when they aren't. One date said "I'll call you" and I looked him in the eye and said no you won't :) Your not interested and that's ok! If it's a go, the next few dates could take months to fit our schedules . NOW -internet dating is either feast or famine. One month NO contacts, the next month you've got 4. Naturally the dates start overlapping. (I really do enjoy dates, I love meeting new people) One date or even 3 doth not an exclusive pact make. I have cancelled dates to pursue guys who I thought were "better matched" for me and a week later I learn about a deal breaker. When you cancel a date, some people won't agree to meet again. It's hard to judge, so in the meantime there is no reason not to meet/date other people until you are sure feelings are mutual and compatibility is verified :) and that takes TIME. I am single, dating and loving it!! | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/15/2008 8:10:34 AM | | I agree with what girlyankee said. It seems like it goes in waves. Its fun going out an meeting guys, but the challenge is finding compatible ones. I don't do multiple relationships at a time, but if I am not in a committed relationship then why not go out and date multiple men. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/15/2008 9:12:28 AM | I think it is alright to date more than one person at a time. Why put all your eggs in one basket? Of course when intimacy or commitment come into the relationship, its a different matter. Why quit fishing just because one is circling the hook?
Honestly though, i dont have the time or energy to go out with more than one guy==dating gets tiresome after you do it 3 or 4 times a week. If im going to see someone more than 3 or 4 times, and am trying to build something with them, Im not going to be seeing anyone else. But if it is casual, yeah, go out with ever how many you want. | |
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