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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 2/16/2008 1:44:54 AM | | I don't want to date more than one man at a time. But I am going to have to change how I date cause it's not working. I meet one guy, put my all into it. They say they are looking for LTR also. And get played, the guy ends up having others on the side. I need to take things slow and not fall so fast. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/11/2008 12:01:50 AM | 1st off, dating is just that.. dating! There can be many reasons for a person to date from one extreme to the next. Some people are looking for good company with no strings, others for potential relationships... let me stress "potential". Initial dating is NOT a serious relationship, therefor, unless the commitment level has been agreed upon, there is no reason to assume that it exists.
Reasons why some may date more then one person? Could be just the luck of the draw on timing. Have you never been interested in more the one person at a time? What would you do if both happened to show interest in you at the same time? Sometimes there is nothing on the dating front and sometimes when it rains it pours. The poor soul can't win! lol.
Dating is also a learning experience. The more you date the better knowledge you may gain of learning about yourself.. your likes, your dislikes, what attracts you, the qualities you look for in a mate, your goals for the future, and the type of person you want to share it with. You may find some things you never thought were important to you truely are. Even the worst dates can have positive outcomes in your prospective of what you want in your future.. or dont want for that matter. When you have a better understanding of what you desire, its easier to bypass the people who arent right for you, no matter how great they are, and get closer to the one who is. Then its back to square one with seeing if there is "potential" with that person, and eventually, hopefully, agree on commitment. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/12/2008 9:27:42 PM | Women who choose to date multiple guys at once will have a very difficult time finding a good guy. Most decent guys don't want to date a girl who's seeing a bunch of guys. Only players will put up with that behavior. The same is true of guys who date multiple girls.
Whether or not it is true, many guys will automatically assume that a girl dating multiple guys at once is having sex with many, if not all, of them, and that is a huge turn-off. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/12/2008 9:38:22 PM | Cause there are women and men players.
I say let them date each other to their collective hearts content. Just as long as they don't spread any disease to the rest of us. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/12/2008 10:07:20 PM | Ok so from a girl who is kind of doing this sort of thing. Ok so I might talk to multiple guys online yes, but I want to say about 3 work out of 5. So I talk to multiple guys go on different first dates in order to see what happens. But then once I find one I like I have to tell the 2 other guys that I don't like them in some nice way not cause they are ugly or mean, but cause it just doesn't work out. But thats just me looking for the right guy and I'm a single girl so I have that right. It's not cause I am not mature, or I like the attention. Because I don't! its hard having guys get obessed with you after only one date you feel awkward. I know that sound horrible but it happens and I hate it, but there also times when a guy has a side that you just can't live with. It isn't me dating other people while in a serious relationship thats called cheating. If you want to find the right guy how else are you going to find him if you spend a week trying to get to know one guy why not try 3. Most guys say they understand when I mention that I have gone a first date with someone else they don't care. I'm sure half of them are doing the same thing. If anything they realize that she is just dating which puts less of a stress on them cause i'm clearly not crazy and falling in love with the guy off the bat. I think that its healthy to date other guys. That as long as your not having sex with each one why not, I might kiss or make out , but only if i see a potential. Sometimes your judgement is wrong and you do things that you shouldn't of after learning more about their personality. I feel like some people judge me thinking i'm some **** who dates multiple guys and then breaks there hearts , but i'm just a single girl looking around and if the guys get that vibe from me I see no harm in it. Well I shouldn't say this but this week i have 3 first dates lined up each one with a different type of guy. If one ask me if I was dating anyone else I would say that I have gone on a couple dates. So my point is I think that the way I am doing it is ok and that as long as your honest and open its ok. Cheating is never acceptable and cruel , but it happens and when it does the relationship is over. javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/18/2008 6:09:09 PM | not just women but everyone! Everyone is a flake and can't make up their minds about who they want to be with.
Personally, I can't date multiple guys. Multi-tasking is hard enough as it is. Just be upfront and be honest if you think you and your date don't match or at least be friends! | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:42:04 AM | It's odd that up until 20 or so years ago, more women dated just one guy at a time, and some of them found out after sometime that we weren't the only ones HE was dating.
At first we were hurt and offended, and then began to realize it might not be a bad way to do things. Investing yourself in one person from day one and not bothering with anyone else can make things more intense, way too serious, it can be too much too fast, and if you're not dealing with someone who's got your best interest at heart, it can be a waste of your time - however, maybe there was a person you met two weeks ago that was better for you, but you turned them away to stick with this current bonehead?
So some of us changed the way we did things, and realized that it was better to hang back and really learn who someone is, while not cutting off other options until we knew that there was one person that we clicked with who WAS worth investing our time in. Kudos to men for actually teaching us this, and that's not sarcasm.
To be fair to men we dated and ourselves, we expected that men were pretty much still doing the same, and we embraced it and didn't take it as a jealous issue - after all, we now knew it made sense to do things that way. However, a lot of men (as evidenced by this thread) didn't find women doing this to be something they would be ok with, even though those women by default are ok with them doing the same.
So now we have women saying of course its smarter to date more than one, and figure out which one works best for you - and it's to be expected that BOTH are doing so early on, and ironically men are saying if they find out they're not the ONLY guy a woman's dating, they're history. To top it off, I don't think all men that say this aren't doing the same - but it's more like something they just don't want to see women do (not that they'd admit that here, or they'd be clearly labeled as hypocritical about it).
I really think MOST men who say they don't like women who date more than one actually do it, but instead of saying they're ok with women doing the same, they're saying I don't and she better not either, so that they can remain the only gender that does shop around.  | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:05:44 PM | Uglybetty, I cannot speak for all guys, but I know that my friends don't try to date multiple women at the same time. I personally would be upset if a girl I was going out with once or twice a week was seeing another guy on the side. Women who do this may have some serious difficulty finding a husband. Many of my friends and I are lawyers and frequently work long hours every week and may only be able to date on the weekend as it is. It's really hard to find a decent woman as it is - how could anyone trust a woman dating so many guys at once?
Even if I had a good first date with a girl, I would just give up on on her if she seemed to be too unavailable for additional dates. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/19/2008 10:33:35 PM |
Many of my friends and I are lawyers...how could anyone trust a woman ... -Posted By: testlogin on 3/20/2008 12:05:44 AM
testlogin, pardon me but how could anyone trust a "lawyer" who is unwilling to show his face?
Many of my friends and I are lawyers and frequently work long hours every week and may only be able to date on the weekend as it is...Even if I had a good first date with a girl, I would just give up on on her if she seemed to be too unavailable for additional dates.
So for someone who can't even post a foto, exactly what might you bring to the table to keep her from feeling the same way about you? As you say...you "frequently work long hours every week and may only be able to date on the weekend as it is." Why shouldn't your potential date give up on you for the same "unavailable" assumptions?
This baffles me...the girls learned it from the guys...duh...and society that allowed the male population to get away with it...girls got fed up and decided ( a bit late, tho) to turn the tables. I would think you might look at it like she is still dating you...she must see something in you worth hanging onto.
JMHO
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:34:16 AM |
Uglybetty, I cannot speak for all guys, but I know that my friends don't try to date multiple women at the same time.
Women don't "try" to date many guys at once either - it's not a game. But if you aren't seriously dating anyone and meet someone you like, should you say "no thanks" because you met one guy a week ago and you're not sure about it? I'm sure none of your friends would pass it up either.
I personally would be upset if a girl I was going out with once or twice a week was seeing another guy on the side.
If you weren't serious and were just starting to know her, why would you expect her not to be? Obviously once you both know you're into each other you wouldn't want to, but until then - why corner yourself? And that goes for both of you.
Women who do this may have some serious difficulty finding a husband.
Assuming they do want one, which is something a lot of men seem to do, how is it better for her to pine away alone at home for a guy she doesn't even know is right for her yet? Can't see that being a great path to marriage either.
Many of my friends and I are lawyers and frequently work long hours every week and may only be able to date on the weekend as it is.
Ok, so none of you can actually put the time into a real relationship anyway - trust me if you only worked 40 hours a week and had weekends off, you'd probably be doing what you're arguing against. Basically you're saying it's not fair a woman do that because you don't have time to date more than one (if any at all) right?
It's really hard to find a decent woman as it is - how could anyone trust a woman dating so many guys at once?
It's just as hard to find a decent man (if looking is what you're actually into). You may know you're a huge catch, but if you don't have time to date much, and she doesn't know you well, why should she put her bets on you and NOT do anything else?
Let me add this. Should one of you lawyers who works a ton of hours meet someone who doesn't date anyone else and wants to see you all the time, my guess is that you'd complain that they need to stop pressuring you to stop working so much, because you're too busy for it, no?
Even if I had a good first date with a girl, I would just give up on on her if she seemed to be too unavailable for additional dates.
Since you're just as unavailable for additional dates, and you've only gone on one date with this woman and know nothing about what might happen from there...how can you expect her to choose you as the one (or how can you expect her to be the one)? I find that really presumptuous and frankly, kind of strange. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 6:54:54 AM | I don't like that this question is targeted at women. It implies women are more likely to do this. Guys do the same thing.
So if you wish to date exclusively, you ought to discuss that with your partner, not BMC on the internet why your partner cannot read your mind. Discussing your dealbreakers with your partner seems to be the best way for your expectations to be met, don't you think?
Until you have had "the talk" with your partner, you shouldn't assume exclusivity. It's as simple as that really.
Personally I have the mindset where I couldn't be in dating relationships with more than one woman simultaneously, but I wouldn't ASS-U-ME that all women that I approach or approach me are of the same mindset. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:18:30 PM | There sure is allot over generalization and stereotyping going on with this thread, especially against the men.
"well, all the guys do it, so why can't the girls"
If all the guys decided to get sex chances would you to?
"All the guys just disappear after a few dates, I don't want to wait around for them"
So you expect for them to wait around for you? Oh right someone said that men have made women wait since the beginning of time, roles can be reversed.
"All the guys this, all the guys that"
Are you fourteen or are you an adult? Girl power Puke Spice, grow up!
Oh I'm not defending the guys, I'm getting to them.
"Girls shouldn't date more than one guy"
Why not, if you don't go after them and you want to play "cool" showing them that you don't need them, they'll find someone else, stupid.
"Girls are out there to get a free dinner and a movie"
Then your obviously dating the wrong women, there are lots of women who feel that their money is worth just as much as your.
I don't see how its remotely even possible to learn anything about someone if your out dating five people at once. With work schedules, hobbies (some might not have any), maybe part time school, you'd be lucky to see someone once in a month. I personally can't learn squat about a person if your not interacting with them or only seeing them once a month. Some of you must obviously be much more superior then myself. Whats the problem with dating one person a few times for a few weeks and seeing where things go rather than a truck load of people. Oh right, you want a rebound date in case that person isn't interested in you, you can jump to the next ship without feeling hurt or rejected. Cleaver!
Its no wonder there are so many disappearing people, no one wants to wait around for the other person. | |
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MCYM
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Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 488 | |
| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:26:03 PM | | Loved your response...erudite and right on!! I have met my share of serial daters...and am equally frustrated. How can you decide if someone is right if you don't invest the time to discover if there is a possibility for long term commitment. If dating is your agenda than own it...don't infer that a long term relationship is you preference...grrr. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:36:26 PM | to be honest, the only way to guarantee you get a date for saturday nite, is
to date at least 3 men. usually two of them are too busy to take you out on
a saturday nite, but the third one usually comes through. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 7:42:54 PM | I think people here are confusing people who terminally date 5 people with people who are looking for something specific and need to know enough about the people they're dating in a month's time or so to eliminate those who aren't a match. Big difference.
NATURALLY if someone's dating 5 people for a year, it's cause for discussion. Duh! Oh and to the person who says you can't date 5 people and see each one more than once a month...I've seen people make that work to a much higher frequency, even if they had a busy schedule. But that's not the issue here...
I know people here aren't actually saying that from a first meet or initial official date that exclusivity is assumed, right? It's ridiculous to do that - it sets you up for major dissapointment because it's an unrealistic expectation. And I really do believe that most people out there want to keep their options open but it's offensive to them that someone else would. It's basically based on what side of the situation someone's on, and that's just hypocritical. It stands to reason that if you're trying to pick who's right for you, that the other person be allowed the same choice.
If a person isn't on the hunt for an SO and just wishes to go with the flow but is open to the possibility of more, the people that aren't for that person will naturally eliminate themselves and there's less pressure.
Someone who's too intense or extreme about dating is more likely to expect everyone they talk to to pull themselves off the market immediately and wait for word that they've been chosen, and that's a bad vibe to put off in a normal dating scene - it scares people away. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 8:01:45 PM | | I'm new here ...this is actually my first post! I decided to respond because I'm going through this right now, well, kinda... I'm a girl who wants to date multiple guys. I have had a problem, all my life, with men getting attached too quickly. I have recently filed for a divorce from my husband (though our marriage has really been "over" for a very long time), and I need to figure out exactly what I want in a partner. I obviously didn't do such a good job of that the first time around, and I don't want to jump into anything serious (like I've done many times before). I joined this site to meet people, chat and hopefully become friends and hang out. From there, dating...and maybe eventually something more will develop. I want to date several people because I feel like I need to see what's out there. As long as you're honest with the people you are dating, I don't see a problem. Once both people feel that it's time to committ, then life is good. Anything less, is cheating both people out of potentially finding someone "meant for them". | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:47:24 PM | | I haven't read all the responses..but has anybody mentioned that different people fill different desires..I might date a guy who likes to hike..then another one who likes the theater..and maybe another one for sports.. there are all different reasons to date someone...until you can find that One..that fills all the desires.. but that is real pressure ..to be everything to one person...why can't we date different guys? just like we have different friends...until the "BEST" friend arrives... | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/20/2008 10:24:17 PM | I agree. The biggest mistake I see people making is
granting exclusivity too soon or to the first comer.
There'll be plenty of time for monogamy after you're married. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/21/2008 7:17:00 AM |
There'll be plenty of time for monogamy after you're married.
Assuming that's what you're actually looking for. Many aren't. LTR is a realistic goal, tho. | |
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| Why do women date mutiple guys at once?
Posted: 3/22/2008 8:20:11 AM | | Dating is for the purpose of getting to know someone, see how you get along together in different situations. As long as they are upfront about the fact that they are dating others it should be perfectly acceptable. As far as sleeping with multiple partners, that really should be disclosed due to the risk factors and the deeper emotional involvement that happens. Sometimes after a date or two you discover that you aren't right for eachother, and since there are no committments, you don't lose anything. | |
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