| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 12/28/2007 11:49:10 PM |
Until then a cursory glance at a profile and pics along with an 'I like you, do you like me?' is more than enough effort to invest in a 90% likely chance of being shot down.
Come On , Ya cant be Serious? Isn't this slightly akin to 'Not making zee bed , cuz its just gonna get messed up again' ?
I wonder if the #s in that projection were manipulated , Internally? 
On the *FlipSide* : Whilst we all Do prefer that details are observed/recalled , it Can get a tad *muddled* in 'here' (POF)
'Paying Attention' Is 'one thing' - But? Depending on the Amount of correspondence that one Does exchange , it can get difficult to recall details. *shrug*
Of Course , I do 'Pay Attention' ('considerately') - Just , um ... It seems that me/myself
am Not a 'details person'? I tend to 'go' a Lot more on ~Feeling~
I 'Get' though . | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:45:55 AM | I have had a theory about this for some time now. I call it the "New Fish Syndrome".
~~ MEN ~~
I would lay odds that most of the guys who join POF hit it hard for about 2 weeks, browsing profiles, emailing and IMing every woman within an acceptable radius who they find attractive. After that there is an adjustment in the distance criteria for about a week. Followed a week later by another sweep of the local radius with slightly lowered expectations. If their intro is effective and they get a response of say 10% this triggers either scenarios 2 or 3, depending on her.
Scenario 1.) Read/delete. At this point is when we see them hit the forums bashing, whining, and complaining.
~~ WOMEN ~~
Women join POF are immediately inundated by the masses of email that it takes them 2 weeks to get through the first barrage and sort out the potentials from the raff. Then they start responding to them. Well unless they are unemployed and have no children and no life, they typically read/delete the raff which triggers the scenario above. Now the responding emails takes them a few days, which triggers the scenario 1, except the few lucky buggers who got a response which in many cases triggers scenario 2.
Scenario 2.) Response, but lack of memory and or no attention span. At this point is when we see them hit the forums bashing, whining, and complaining because she wanted to be "just friends".
Scenario 3.) Response, but lack of memory and or no attention span. At this point is when we see them hit the forums bashing, whining, and complaining because she had responded to so many of the raff and discovered that they only wanted a FB, and she is too busy playing the field to distinguish which are raff and which are not.
The problem they (gender not related) run into is that they send so many intro emails out in the first 2 weeks that there is no way they can remember anything about the people they sent them to and if their intro is effective, they are pressured to get onto the next email/call/date.
A small percentage have the endurance and stamina to hold out for “the one” and actually spawn. A relationship that is.. LOL
Then a new school of fishies swims in…
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:07:18 AM |
~~ WOMEN ~~
Women join POF are immediately inundated by the masses of email that it takes them 2 weeks to get through the first barrage and sort out the potentials from the raff. Then they start responding to them. Well unless they are unemployed and have no children and no life, they typically read/delete the raff which triggers the scenario above. Now the responding emails takes them a few days, which triggers the scenario 1, except the few lucky buggers who got a response which in many cases triggers scenario 2.
Scenario 2.) Response, but lack of memory and or no attention span. At this point is when we see them hit the forums bashing, whining, and complaining because she wanted to be "just friends".
Scenario 3.) Response, but lack of memory and or no attention span. At this point is when we see them hit the forums bashing, whining, and complaining because she had responded to so many of the raff and discovered that they only wanted a FB, and she is too busy playing the field to distinguish which are raff and which are not.
well, perhaps - for Some (really dunno)
HowEver ? 'Personally'?
Not AnyWhere Near MY ~experience~
Never 'Inundated by the Masses' (start/middle/OR 'now')
'Joined' 3 yrs ago (deleted/came back/deleted/Etc)
First 2 weeks : Had NO 'Clue' as to 'HOW' the whole 'dating site/Internet in General'
'Goes/Works'
No pics up - for first week
-Initiated 'contact' with 'few in my area' , gave brief description of 'SELF'
*Some responses / some No
No 'expectaions/disappointments/etc'
Pics up - second week
*'discover Forums, check them out'
*Have Had One Date (made/had Prior to My pics being up - have Seen his)
we met , had 'fine' time , First words outta His mouth "Oh,Yer Pretttty!"
(aw shux, "Thanks")
Date was neither 'Good nor Bad' , just No 'Connection' *shrug* 'Onward i Go'
InStead of Writing a BOOK , of my 3 yrs 'here' / POF (on/off)
Simply : I Never 'came Whining/B itch ing to the Forums.
*Never 'Spoke' a W O R D of my date with Gentleman , Ever , To Any (at/on/in POF)
And , Simply - I just HaveNT had Any of the 'experience' that was 'spoken of' in ^Dat^ post
I Did have a 'Long Term' Realtionship , with One that i 'met' , In/On the Forums , from another Country , YES - we Did travel/meet/live together , For Real , in zee Flesh , after Many Months of correspondence.
Tis Over Now (obviously) , I just dont 'Relate' to Any of ^
Perhaps Some Do? None that I Know / Know Of *shrug*
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 12/30/2007 7:55:57 AM |
Come On , Ya cant be Serious? Isn't this slightly akin to 'Not making zee bed , cuz its just gonna get messed up again' ?
I wonder if the #s in that projection were manipulated , Internally?
I am serious, mostly. Listen, I am not sure how it ended up this way, but on this site and in real life guys are expected to do the vast majority of the pursuing and initial contact, and women are left to do the actual choosing and weeding out. What this boils down to is too many women want to put up trite vapid profiles that list interests such as 'shopping' and 'hanging out', and then sit back and with no effort at all on their part have their choice of the prince charmings that message them.
And to be fair, too many guys just want to browse through pics, single out the hottest, youngest, blondest, most well cleaved women, and expect to get resounding 100% positive responses to simple 'Ur hot, wanna hook up?' messages.
Ha! It's not going to work like that. If you aren't going to put effort into this system, don't be upset when guys don't bother to either. If you want to be lazy and just sit back and wait for Mr. Right to show up in your inbox, don't complain when guys are just as lazy and send out feeler messages to everything with breasts without bothering to pour over every detail of their profiles.
How to fix this? I propose a couple of simple changes.
1. Limit the number of first contact messages that can be sent out to something like 3-5 a month, like the 'be mine' roses. This will dry up a lot of womens e-mail boxes, make it so men stop trying a 'machine gun' approach, and make it so women have to become active participants in the profile searching process.
2. Indicate on the profile how many first contact e-mails a person has gotten in the last 30 days, and how many they have responded to. This will make someone think twice before they waste one of their first contact messages to mail out a model quality hottie that has gotten hundreds of messages, and responded to 1 or 2 of them, thereby distributing first contact 'chances' to people that are probably more in the senders league. | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:36:48 AM |
If you don't pay attention, you will be left standing in the rain, in a thunderstorm because the train has already left the station!!
I have to agree. But I believe people pay attention in different ways. One way would be for him to show you he is paying attention through what you write or profile. He could show you he is paying attention through noticing a picture he may find attractive. I also believe that people put out there what they believe will get them attention if attention is what they seek. Typically based on past experiences. The guy in grade school who was always complimented on his looks may expect that it is what attracts others to him now. And vice versa for a women. | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:02:03 PM | i very rarely pay any attention to what women have to say...............most of the time its all lies any way..................................... | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 12/30/2007 12:11:17 PM | Yes,.. I do think it's wrong for men to send you an invitation to view, and when you open it, see them masterbate on a web cam... but I would not agree to the term "visual rape" at all! Ooooh,. wait, what were you saying.. I'm sorry.. "momentarilly distracted"..  | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:06:41 AM | I am reminded of a story Sam Keen tells of a novice who asked his teacher about the secret to life, and the great teacher said “Attention.”
“But I have come all this way, can’t you show me something more?” And the master replied, “Attention. Attention. Attention.”
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:19:02 PM |
I have to agree. But I believe people pay attention in different ways.
I'd agree with that. When someone talks to me, face to face or via email or phone, they have my attention. If I'm too tired or distracted to pay attention, I don't attempt to engage them in conversation and will ask to postpone until I CAN pay attention, or respond and say I did read your email and I'll respond tomorrow. Just to let them know they're not being neglected.
I've answered nearly every email here (other than the offensive and rude....even some of them) usually if not within 24 hours definitely by the next day. I do have people occasionally (men and women) ask for help with something and I don't want to answer until I can thoughtfully. I do try to help and when someone is looking for help with a problematic situation, even if I can't direct them to someone who could better help them, I try to give a new perspective and some options.
I never try to portray myself as an expert on anything or some guru with limitless wisdom (haha), but I am someone who truly does care about people. Sometimes it's just to let them know they're not alone, give them hope that things will be better and to keep their chin up and not lose hope. I need that myself sometimes.
I believe human interaction and relating is one if not the most important things than any individual can spend their time on this planet doing and I try to do my best at all times. I have responded to some...well outrageous, crude emails, plainly told them so, and showed some compassion for why they'd do such a thing. Doesn't matter how they respond I can only do what I feel is right. If they're still nasty and surly then that's what the block button is for. Most respond with surprise, as they don't expect it and for whatever it's worth at least they've had someone show some humanity and understanding.
I pay attention, I couldn't possibly tell you what a huge difference it's made for me. I know that I wouldn't be compatible with someone else who didn't. It's one of those things I don't consider too much to ask. | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:25:24 PM | ~OP~ Couldn't agree more. I took all of my pictures off for a while ~ it was sort of interesting. Not ONE new contact in a month. Added one picture ~ in came the mail. The profile was exactly the same ~ that weeded out those contacts quickly and painlessly. I don't know what the answer is except to adjust to it and ignore the reality ~ I could post pure bs (which I do anyway) and my options remain the same. It doesn't matter what I say, it matters if "he" likes the pics. How far will that get us? Not very far because I grew out of being that shallow in the 8th grade. I'm with you on this one, I wish someone would read the profile, understand it, and respond accordingly. No such luck. I was joking with a friend on New Year's Eve and said I might have to switch teams ~ she brought up a valid point: That just gives you the opportunity to be rejected by BOTH genders rather than just one.  | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:28:44 PM | I`ve just recently joind POF and I`m still getting used to this site. I infact just noticed that there were forums on here. lol! There are many great people on here and I actully enjoy reading the info posted on the profiles. It allows a small window into who they are and what they are looking for. It also gives you info to talk about if you actually do meet at some point. Anyway, anyone want to read my profile? Hehe!
Have a good one!  | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:00:37 PM | | Heck yeah it's important, know exactly what you mean. I've had messages from guys who I KNOW couldn't have read my profile by things they asked me that were clearly on there. I'm like ok...if you are that illiterate, how are you writing me? getting a bud to do it? Now I'm not saying I'm against the illiterate, lol...just that when someone says they read your profile, you expect them not to be lyin about it....and if they didn't and went only by the photo....kinda tells me they are looking for something specific and it ain't got a thing to do with who I am as a person, yanno? | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:13:26 AM | I see the problem. It is impossible for men to pay full attention 100 percent of the time. Although most men are good multitaskers, there is only so much we can handle. So I propose a solution to the problem, and it has actually worked quite well for me so far. After every couple of sentences say "yes dear" or "that is one fantastic situation" and what you need to do is just remember the key part of the sentence so when they ask you what they were talking about, and they WILL, you will be able to get the jist of it and they will give you full points for paying attention.
This problem is actually one of the easier ones to deal with. The "does this make me look fat" trap is a much more complicated fix.
Good luck! | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:24:13 AM | | Until then a cursory glance at a profile and pics along with an 'I like you, do you like me?' is more than enough effort to invest in a 90% likely chance of being shot down. | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:47:50 PM | | I usually cut a guy a little slack if he misses something pertinent in my profile. BUT if we've talked on the phone a few times or gone out, I'm much less sympathetic to his asking me the same question for which I've previously provided an answer. It smacks of disinterest. Can you imagine what it'd be like in 5-6 years when he's NOT trying to either impress me or allow a fresh, new relationship to germinate? | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:59:28 PM | | Sad, but true I fear a great deal of society has a very small attention span and lost a great deal of feeling for the very things that makes life beautiful. | |
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NERO1
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Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 47 | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:47:05 PM | Listening is a huge part of it, but IMO paying attention involves a bit more.
When it gets to the point where you think...who is this person and do they even KNOW me at all....well I get the feeling they haven't been paying attention. | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:14:10 PM | Sure it is! You can usually tell who has read your profile not just skimmed it. Ever receive one of those copied emails they send out looking for "somebody"? You can tell a mile away it was copied and sent to all the other women on this website in the area. That makes you feel like a little fish in a big pond. I don't take that bait, LOL. | |
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| Paying attention...is it important?
Posted: 5/7/2008 4:01:33 PM | I had someone write and say something about being a brunette. Huh....well maybe he had really bad eyesight, but sheesh my hair color SAYS auburn. You can guess what I wrote him in reply, it was kind but pointed out his error. Wonder why I wasn't interested?
Paying attention is important at first, but I believe it's just as important if you continue to see someone or become involved. Unfortunately more often than not, once someone (gender aside) thinks they have you snagged they seem to get amnesia.  | |
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