| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 4:39:26 PM | I agree with most of what I read that, changes are meant to be the result of our own desire to become a 'better' person within our own values and evolution. Changing in order to meet someone is like dieting in order to fit in in your bikini this Summer.
If we are lucky and relatively open minded, we'll change, and hopefully for the better. I think that once we improve who and how we are, we become happier and more self confident. Those qualities in themselves do attract more people to our circle. So there you are, you might end up with more possibilities. However, it will be your own changes, assuming they are genuine for yourself changes, that will create new filters within yourself. Quantity does not equate quality and lack of quality, within your definition, can be frustrating at times. However, frustration is just an indication of good things as well, another challenge to sustain changes.
As for karma, I think that karma is the law of 'action = reaction'. There's also another element in our world - free will. When we want to change karma, then, we change the actions, we use our free (but not always painless) will.
All the best with your changes and self improvement.
B | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 4:57:01 PM |
Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Without reading the other responses, my gut-level response is a resounding "NO."
Finding a mate is not about how "cool" or "worthy" you are. Finding a mate is about matching personalities, attitudes, schedules and goals. Strengthening one attribute does not mean an automatic score.
However: When you improve yourself, you will improve your happiness, and therefore when you DO find a mate, you will be all the more happy. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 4:57:24 PM |
Am I on the verge of embarking on yet another long, tedious, seemingly-perpetual voyage of self-discovery, self-fulfillment, self-improvement? Not bloody likely!
To me, Life is a long, (not so) tedious, seemingly-perpetual voyage of self-discovery, self-fulfilment, self-improvement. I feel (personally, mind you) that if I decide I've experienced it all and learned it all...and this is all there is...bury me.
Its still not to attract a mate/companion...its to continue to be amazed at Life and what I can continue to glean from it.
I would not change to suite a man...nor would I want him to ask me to do this...nor visa/versa. But I would hope that he, also, expects and relishes the changes that are brought on us by each passing day. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:10:45 PM | Moonchild and Angel ... I agree with you ... self-improvement is ALWAYS a good thing ... and if you have the inner fortitude and spiritual/emotional desire to improve on SELF, go for it! 
I have been a strong advocate of self-assessment and self-improvement for years; it does REALLY help me to know ME better and better and I also believe that if you self-improve for none other than SELF, whether you meet someone or not isn't the goal -- it's being the BEST you can and want to be for YOU ... everything else, including meeting that right SO, follows naturally ... you meet who you meet by way of fate, karma, good timing, or just hanging in the produce section of your local grocery store and chatting up your fellow shoppers ... so much is out of our control ... the circumstances of our lives we CAN control include the desire and the determination to look deeper into ourselves constantly and to improve what we can and want to ... to accept our own flaws lovingly ... and not let our human flaws run our lives or hold us back or defeat us in any way ... Angel ... IMPROVE THYSELF!!!!! You go, girl!!!!! Mr. Right For You will come along ... eventually, or maybe tomorrow ... if not, you have still done something wondrous and special for yourSELF. Bravo! | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 6:16:36 PM | "My chances of finding a mate will improve greatly if women make an attempt to improve themselves. I am not sure if their chances of finding a mate would increase were I to improve myself. I doubt it. I am already too good for most of them as it is. "
The above, oh-so-"eloquent" response from Tyrone Slothrop is truly a piece ... wow, and wow again ... I am in awe of what an obtuse and base being this is ... gag!!!! And gag again!!!!! I am not sure what he has, if anything, to offer ... and I cannot find anything intersting about him whatsoever ... DUDE, YOU NEED A MAJOR OVERHAUL. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 8:05:27 PM | Depends on the actual priorities, if you are acting unnatural just trying to impress someone, that probably won't happen, but if you have self respect enough to care about the way you feel and look at life, the ancillary benefit will probably be in helping attract someone like minded..
well in theory anyway... except for the distance factor, age factor, cultural and philosophical differences...... ad nauseam.. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/28/2007 8:12:00 PM | hanging out at Walmart has proven to me that being a fat lazy SOB with bad teeth or tooth as the case may be is far better for attracting someone then any self improvement.
The lower you go and the lower you aim the better your chances are of finding your beer soaked cigarette smoking thoothless girl of your dreams.
Self improvement way over rated. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:51:08 AM | The question is so simple... of course! If we improve ourselves physically (lose those extra pounds, fix that bad tooth, laser hair removal, manicures) men will respond. Men are visually attuned to those things. Of all my many women friends, we all self-reflect, practice self awareness and talk about how to make ourselves/our lives better. There is no limit to how we can fix ourselves (be it for a mate or not!)
I think that men generally (and I so hate to generalize here because I know that there are good, enlightened males out there) but like the previous poster said, men think that if they try and change its a fake out. They can't see the benefits to self-reflection unless they are made to do it!
One of my POF friends just put a new pic on her profile. She overnight went from from being 17 favorites to 220 favorites! Goes to show what a sexy, red top can do to improve the stats.  | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:05:57 AM | I am all for self improvement for ME! I am my own best friend & I enjoy growing & evolving as I go through life. What I found was the more I worked on myself...it seemed that I met better quality people (in terms of character & intellect) & lost dysfunctional people in my life! No loss there! I don't consider myself to think I am superior (well, except to a few men I met in here, LOL!), just at a different stage in my life.
My life feels so great right now, that I don't feel the NEED to have a man in my life, although I ENJOY one. When that 1st occured, I started meeting PEOPLE who treated me WAY BETTER than the previous ones! | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:33:41 AM | I think that self improvement can help you find a mate if you feel that you have things holding you back, ie. not looking your best, feeling depressed, having baggage which needs unpacking, etc...
Of course, the key is to recognize that making improvements in these areas is necessary. It seems like a lot of people think they're just fine and it's everyone else who sucks.
Or worse, they feel entitled to a great mate who will accept them just like they are - Sorry to burst your bubble, but if who you are is unappealing - shouting for your right to be accepted as is, will not net you the love you seek. Some need to take a hard look at themselves and get to work. | |
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Tramp
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Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 38 | |
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dimter
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Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 39 | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/29/2007 6:20:35 PM | First the self improvement must be done because it is something you want to do for YOU....and not just because you want to attract the opposite sex.
BUT, I believe that once you have done the work for you, you naturally become a happier and more self-confident person....which is coincedentally makes you a much more attractive person to the opposite sex. So yes, in a round about way it does work.
I quit smoking last year and I am quite happy that I did. I am very proud of my accomplishment and am confident that I will never be a smoker again. But, I did gain weight (which I have found is pretty common) while becoming a non-smoker. And because of the weight gain, I'm not feeling self confident with my body image at this time, and I don't like that feeling.
So, I am now concentrating on eating a healthier diet, exercising more so that I can feel better about my body again.
Again....it's all about how I feel about me, and not who I want to attract. But when I feel good about me (self-improvement helps me to feel good about me, both internally and externally), then I naturally become attractive to the opposite sex as a bonus. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:56:16 PM | I think that all depends on what a person considers qualities. OP..yours obviously differ from mine.
I like making enhancements of the qualities I believe I already possess..but..I do so..for me. Just me. The person I choose..and chooses me..will hopefully do so because of those qualities. Fate..karma..destiny..may very well play the key role in how I find the right man for me..whether I'm a chainsmoker..overweight..under-employed slob w/drunken leechy friends..it's me. Not some trumped-up version of me..perfection personified..but me with all and/or any flaws I may possess. There is a HUGE difference in enhancing what you have and changing who you are. Why would I ever want to be someone I'm not? I would much rather enhance my intelligence..patience..(I would say tolerance..but..I truly abhor that word)..snap-judgements..anger management..etc..than worry about what someone else thinks I look like..or how much money I make..or don't make. My friends? Are my friends. I wouldn't change or exchange them even if they were drunken..leechy..or whatever..for any one! They're there for me and I am there for them..whether I need help from them..or they need help from me..or not. That's the definition of friendship. I like who I am very much..but..learning is growing..and I want to continue to grow till the day I die. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/30/2007 6:53:01 AM | HOLY MOLEY! I am not a chain-smoker, not even a non-chain-smoker, not a slob, I am a few extra pounds & ? the under-employed?. I don't have friends who are leeches or drunks....gadzooks, my thread which was 1/2 serious & 1/2 funny-sarcastic may reflect badly on angelic moi...ooops! 
Anyways, thanks for the input & reminding all of us that anything we do SHOULD be for ourselves, although I think if everyone were HONEST, they'd admit to some ulterior motives at certain times in their lives! No ONE is that perfect
Why even us angels have a LiL  in us & if we don't we should
 HAPPY NEW YEAR! | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:00:10 AM | Does chain-smoking , being overweight, under-employed ( whatever your definition of that is) or having friends with undesirable qualities - automatically earn someone the " SLOB" and " LOWLIFE" label?
That I think needs to adressed first, before considering whether NOT beeing lumped in with that group makes someone a person of much higher " QUALITY".
I think for starters, we might consider great peeople of history, who acutally possessed some of those very characteristics you find offensive.
Winston Churchill comes to mind. Mother Theresa , not a chain smoker, certainly filled her life with '" Untouchables" .
All the great religious figures of the world who moved and shaped history.
I'm sure we can all find people in our own lives, who perhaps aren't exactly high-powered career types, and who maybe have a few friends one mght consider a bit " off", but who are loving caring people, and making their world a better place.
Let's look inside first, and then maybe others don't seem quite so uanppealing as they might at first glance?
And another thing to consider- how do we know when we're " good enough" , and good enuogh for what? | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/30/2007 3:44:53 PM | No I'm no angel, no Im no stranger to the street
I`ve got my label, so I won't crumble at your feet
And I know baby, so I've got scars upon my cheek
And I'm half crazy, come on and love me baby
So you find me hard to handle, well I'm easier to hold
So you like my spurs that jingle and I never leave you cold
So I might steal your diamonds I'll bring you back some gold
I'm no angel
No I'm no angel, no I'm no stranger to the dark
Let me rock your cradle, let me start a fire with your spark
Oh come on baby, come and let me show you my tatoo
Let me drive you crazy, come on and love me baby
So you dont give a darn about me, I never treat you bad
I wont ever lift a hand to hurt you & Ill always leave you glad
So I might steal your diamonds I'll bring you back some gold
I'm no angel... | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/30/2007 5:52:33 PM | By our age, I expect good self esteem from myself and others. If you don't have it by now, when are you going to get it?
This becomes relative to when it took a blow. Coming from an unexpected relatively recent divorce mine took a nosedive at age 49. Not everyone's situation mirrors yours and is found within the same timeline. By our age I expect someone who has a broad sense of understanding and wisdom. If you don't have it by now, when are you going to get it?
As for the OP, birds of a feather flock together. You can figure it out from there. One other thing, we don't all seek the same thing so quality is measured from many directions. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:08:33 AM | From one angel to another..
I understand you were giving examples..and not necessarily dictating your opinions of people..or their (bad) habits. I know I was just giving examples back.
I have to be honest with you..I do those things I stated (enhancing my inner-self) for me..and no one else. I've always had a thirst for knowledge..and that's what I work on most..for me. | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:51:55 PM | I'm too old to be improving myself with the thought of increasing my chances to find a mate.. I am what I am! Not saying, I don't need improvement, everyone does. But if someone can't accept me as I am right now, they probably won't were I to lose 20 lbs or increase my bank balance (well that may help, lol)
Maybe I'm just happy being single... when I make improvements they are for ME and without any hidden agenda.. JMO | |
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| Do you think working on yourself/improving yourself will improve your chance of finding a mate?
Posted: 1/1/2008 7:31:00 AM |
For those of us of "an advanced age," let's be friggin' realistic here, y'all! I've reached a point in my already long-enough life where I'm comfortable with where I am, who I am, etc. Am I on the verge of embarking on yet another long, tedious, seemingly-perpetual voyage of self-discovery, self-fulfillment, self-improvement? Not bloody likely!
I see this way too often in middle aged men. They are basically done with life and coasting downhill. When we stop growing, we start dying. I feel like my life is just getting to full-speed; I've got at least another 20-30 years of productive life left. Why would I tie myself to someone sitting on the sofa waiting for the grim reaper? | |
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