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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 1/29/2008 4:56:47 PM | Yikes!
oh Kirstie...this is a hard one, and i'm trying hard to be objective, but hells bells woman what are you wasting your time with this selfish creep for?
of course men feel passionately about us, not all, but some, it takes two people to make a relationship work and yours sounds incredibly one-sided
i can't help thinking that you are selling yourself short, being with him. Sure be friends for as long as you like, but you deserve to feel valued and loved too. 'Friends with Benefits' my arse! i'm amazed you went back for more after that comment. I'd keep my options open if i was you. it seems a terrible waste of a good-hearted person to me. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 1/29/2008 5:31:13 PM | The way I see it is the OP felt the chemistry right away and it didn't happen for the guy.
I believe the connection happens almost immediately if there is going to be a connection. What a lady may mistake for a guy "using" them is simply the guy not having/making the connection.
While some people have to see how the person acts in public or how they treat service people or how they get along with their family or a myriad of other things some people have to "see" what that the sex is like.
Just as one may meet a person who fulfills the above requirements it does not necessarily mean a relationship spark will ignite. IMO, the word "used" is used too often.
In the case of the OP I can not understand why they waited two years! It boggles the mind. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 1/29/2008 5:38:48 PM | | I think most women need some kind of emotional attachment to feel good about sex. I don't think men do. Again, Im generalizing, but it seems that way. I think sex is sex to a guy, love is something else, separate and apart. I think they go together for most women. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 1/29/2008 6:08:36 PM | | Of course men feel emotions when they have -- bzzzt --- bzzzt --- we.feel.emotion .... we.feel.emotion ... bzzzt ... we.are.not.robots ... CLANK! ... we.are.not.robots ... our.master.imperative.is.to.feel.like.humans. ... bzzzt ... of.course.we.feel. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/1/2008 11:41:23 AM |
I think MOST women NEED some kind of EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT to feel good about sex. [Emphasis added]
Not "MOST" . . . . but it does seem that more than half of the women out there THINK with THEIR EMOTIONS and NOT with "THEIR" BRAIN/INTELLECT!!! Which makes it seem that "MOST" women are "emotional" "psycho" "not together" "don't have a good head on their shoulders" . . . etc.. . . etc. . . etc!!!
I think sex is sex to a guy, love is something else, separate and apart.
Then we have men who ONLY USE their SMALL BRAIN to think sending the wrong message to those poooooooooooooor EMOTIONAL women . . .
Moral to the story: "If . . . WOMAN - used their BRAIN ( not their emotions) to think and . . . MEN- used their BRAIN (not the small head) to act . . . there would be less misunderstandings . . ."
To EACH their own . . .
~Myth~ | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/1/2008 3:22:18 PM |
Not "MOST" . . . . but it does seem that more than half of the women out there THINK with THEIR EMOTIONS and NOT with "THEIR" BRAIN/INTELLECT!!! Which makes it seem that "MOST" women are "emotional" "psycho" "not together" "don't have a good head on their shoulders" . . . etc.. . . etc. . . etc!!!
I can think with my brain/ intellect...but, not usually about love or sex. Women who can make it sound so simple..it isn't..it's a personality trait...I cannot control my feelings..I can only try to understand them, and I do make an effort to try and think rationally..doesn't always work...so, I think I'm stuck with it. And I'm not ashamed because I have emotions and feelings, I'm just aware that sometimes that means I don't make rational decisions...OTOH...I guess I still believe love isn't rational, and neither are feelings. But, it's ok to have them.
And I also don't believe that just because I have emotions doesn't mean I'm psycho, not together or "emotional" like it's a bad thing...it is just who I am. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/1/2008 4:28:48 PM | | it wouldnt surprise me to read one day that men feel far more them women when it comes to sex ,,we want to do it all the time ,,we always come ,,we dont complain about poor performance because its all good and sometimes better ,,we arent just trying to have children and will enjoy it even if its just for pleasure,,i am starting to think men get a lot more out of the act of sex..women have been useing sex to control men for ever | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/1/2008 8:11:16 PM | | I can't speak for any other men but I can't have sex at all if I don't feel some sort of caring or connection at the very least. The closer the emotional bond the better the intimacy and the sex. I guess that's why I've never just had "casual sex". It's never been possible for me. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:59:04 AM |
jennyann68; Msg: 176 - Men were put here to drop sperm and very seldom feel anything but a need to do just that,,,But if lucky two souls will mesh and then you have a loving man and magic for a Life time, Most men are frigid as they have to keep looking as they have never found the right woman to be all things to him ...This came from a shrink with a Phd.
:laugh: No offence guys, but I consider that ^ to be humourous; only because it's such a BIG BLOOPER & This came from a shrink with a Phd...yet I think http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr03/women.html is funny too, & I wonder whom / what is an expert?
Seriously though...whichever way I look at what you wrote jennyann68, it's obvious that doesn't apply - most men.
Larissan04; Msg: 180 - this guy is a cad...
And Kirstie is a ?...Surely not a victim?
blowinbubblez; Msg: 182 - I totally agree with you....I wonder why it's so different for us??
I hope you'll be able to see things more clearly after you've gained some understanding.
EmeraldCove; Msg: 143 - A simple read of neurology and/or endocrinology will demonstrate over and over again that biochemically, neurologically, hormonally and physiologically men and women are wired differently.
Men And Women: The Differences Are In The Genes; - http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/03/050323124659.htm
lancetyrell; Msg: 181 - So YOU didn't want it then?
OP'er wrote -
Kirstie_uk; Msg: 47 - I guess I slept with him cuase I liked that feeling of attention and being wanted (even if it was just for sex)
Larissan04; Msg: 183 - lancetyrell~
see, the thing about most women... the key word here is most... is that we can't separate love and sex the way men can.. if we are having sex with you it is because we like you...or maybe even love you... but you men are different...
you guys aren't like that... for you, there is the ability to completely separate lust and love and i truly think that is why there is so much miscommunication and lack of understanding between the sexes...and why so many women end up getting hurt by you guys... lol!
lara
Yes sure, men & women are different in that way...besides that, alot of women tend to misunderstand / misinterperate their own feelings / emotions as well as men's, (meaning; confuse like/attraction/lust - love). However, is it fair to blame men or women for hurting one another if love isn't reciprocated, - either of those reasons?
IMO, it is because many of the crucial steps - developing relationship are missed;- (eg. getting to know each other, determining appropriate compatibility, developing primary emotions - initial bonding / connecting stage - intimacy, etc...) which usually leads to probs; - lack of understanding, etc. occuring.
Lament; Msg: 186 - The implication is, any human being will feel something deeply emotional when making love to the one he/she loves. Making love completes the circle of connection between two lovers. If the deep emotional connection isn't already there, nobody - not man, not woman - is going to get emotional over a loveless affair. spacemanspiffter; Msg: 187 - ....the lady in question ALLOWED herself to be used. Not only allowed Lara but accepted the circumstances for quite a lengthy period.....The OP gave up the goods the first night. Setting the precedent for the rest of the relationship. ON HIS TERMS. Larissan04; Msg: 198 - "she gave up the goods on the first night..."
do you really believe this stuff? why are women somehow disrespected by men when they have sex with them? whenever i hear a man make reference to a woman sleeping with him to soon, i always have to say, "you did it too didn't you?," and why has it been put upon women to be the arbiters of a man's morality? women like sex too.
you said, "op allowed herself to be used by this guy..."
this is utter nonsense....
I was not being insulting to men, nor was I putting them down for being wired the way they are. i'd rather understand what "IS" then whine about what is "NOT." all i was trying to do was point out this difference so as to facilitate better understanding. your reading into it some sort of offensive nuance is in your own head and more likely has something to do with your own guilt on the subject. I don't agree - ^ IMO, you have insulted & put down spacemanspiffter. I thank you spacemanspiffter. Although some of what you have written in this thread is somewhat right, Lara; I think you are missing the point & the way I see it - you are only looking at this from your own PoV. Of course the guy's opinions are going to be different - y/ours' sometimes...men/women often do tend to think / feel differently - many things, however, that doesn't mean spacespiffter's opinion is wrong / unbelievable / nonsense. Perhaps you didn't read / understand all of the msgs Kirstie wrote? Mgs - 1, 4, 6, 47, 58 & 152. Kirstie_uk; Msg:1 - I met a guy about 2 years ago on a different dating website... went for a drink... got on great and ended back at his place.
Msg: 47 - Yes I made the mistake of sleeping with him on the first date.... Kirstie made the choice; - allowed that ^ to occur... Kirstie_uk; Msg:1 - After he got what he wanted he said that he was not looking for a relationship just 'friends with benefits'.
Obviously i made the mistake of sleeping with him for two years.... then continued to participate with him in a FWB relationship - which was on his terms, during the following 2 years....thereby, allowing him to use her - allowed herself to be used, during that time. Does that make sense yet Lara? Article: Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love - http://www.12simplerules.com/affiliates/article9.htm | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:59:26 AM | I think emotions are a tricky business and (this may sound cold and uncaring) love at it's core is not emotion. Love can be expressed in an emotional fashion, but only in conjunction with a set of beliefs. Emotions are tied to belief systems. If you didn't believe that sex and love go together, you wouldn't feel love in conjunction with sex. There is no absolute right way to express love. In general, men and women show this in various ways. Emotions are auotmatic reactions that communicate an intent based on a core set of beliefs you hold. You can't separate the too without understanding the reason behind your emotional reactions. Without understanding the reason behind your own emotional expression, this ends up complicating the understanding of behavior expressed from another because you judge the behavior in light of your beliefs and emotional communications. This is where breakdowns occur in interpersonal communication.
Love, in and of itself, has no expectations. You can express a deep feeling for this indivdual with no expectation of reciprication. You can also continue your friendship and focus your attention to that end.
I would take the experience as an opportunity for self-inquiry to see what exactly it was that brought about the emotional expression within you in the first place. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/10/2008 10:51:45 AM | Kirstie,
Most of my friends feel the same way as I. First, a man is attracted to a woman and in most cases it is a physical attraction. Now depending on how long you both go without having sex, that relationship can be nothing more than physical (one nite stand) or the relationship can foster into something more. But, to answer your question, men do get emotionally involved with a woman. There has NEVER been a woman that I have gone to bed with that I don't care something for her now. Now saying that what is care, care is caring for the other person, and can also not be love.
Good Luck. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/10/2008 11:15:19 AM | Kirstie,
I think they mostly feel physical pleasure....and for a lot of men, not all men, it's quite normal to carry on long term physical relationships( and claim no emotional connection) that seemingly feel, at times, that they care for a person more than they really do. What the real kick in the ass is ...some will stay in a FWB relationship for yrs until they find a woman they deam 'relationship' material. Once that happens they suddenly loose interest in you, or they are too BUSY to see you, because they are busy courting another person.
I don't think you made a mistake sleeping with that man, but perhaps your thinking that sex = emotional intimacy was way off where he is concerned. Not all men behave this way, or women for that matter, but it does happen. I know, because I've been with a man off and on for four yrs...and even now we have a non-conventional relationship that is definitely far more physical than emotional, but there are times he acts like a loving boyfriend....more so than a f*ck buddy.
For me, I guess the confusion arises in the fact that we do in fact 'date' and do things like typical couples, but the one thing neither of us say to the other is 'I love you'. I have very strong feelings for this man, but I don't know that I am in love with him, but I do like sharing his company. If you are unhappy in the way things are going you need to say something or just end it. I've tried leaving him...and for one reason or another we seem to end up back together ( I guess I like the sex). At any rate, you have to decide if he's worth it...and only you know that.
Good luck. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:10:10 PM | My opinion is that unless they already care about the girl, it is meaningless.
As far as your situation, it sounds like you guys are in a relationship......Is he afraid of commitment ? maybe....But myquestion is , does he date other women? | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/10/2008 1:19:53 PM | Or maybe this guy is just comfortable with the situation? wow, a good friend that he has fun with , does things for him, can talk to ,depend on, gives him the loving him the booty, AND best of all, no strings attached! Either he is afraid of commitment OR he got very comfortable with the situation that you totally allowed....But I feel for you, that really sucks to love someone and not get what you want in return.....
I think it's almost inevitable......If you find someone attractive, hang out with them almost every day for two years and sleep with them too ho wcan you NOT have feelings?
this is hard.....If you are hurt by the situation I would talk to him about the relationship factor.....If he truly does not want to commit to you, then I would stop sleeping with him .......I know it's easier said then done!
But, oh , yeah, he's living the good life right now......I feel bad for you and it annoys me that this guy is being like this with you but remember this: a man will only do what you ALLOW! | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/12/2008 5:03:38 PM | God no...
So men dont fall in love when they have sex over a long period of time...?
Men don't fall in love because of sex. We fall in love or we dont. We can compromise real fast, and we can also get into a groove or "contentment". In your scenario, any man could easily like someone, but not love her and sleep with her. Call it satisfying the raw animal needs. Is Sex a want or a need? There is a whole different topic. Most people would shout out that you have to want sex. What if those pesky hormones needed to be burned off. You're growing anxious. Why is it that single men have the highest death rate. Getting married and having sex regularly seems to cure us of this and we gain like 10 years to our lifespan. LOL
Men fall in love over time..but generally that's a real relationship and not the FWB scenario..
This is not mean nor am I being crude. Read this and see it for the example it is. Consider this. You just became a Bowling buddy. He has a couple of guy friends. He probably hangs out with each for different reasons. Charley is his drinking buddy who shares his cigar smoking fancy. Then Peter is his golfing buddy, they cant miss a game without going nuts. The buddies all come over for game night to watch football.
Each one of his circle of long dear old buddies is his 'circle' of needs. people to relate to. A Wife completes his needs. Not all wives are 'the best friend' although women are happier if this is the case., she gets the substance to her needs. He has a need to burn off frustrations that sports cant burn. Sports causes testosterone to rise. Only one act burns it off. Sex and fulfilling the propogation need.
So you became the best friend that fulfills his needs. But without the necessity to marry? If he doesnt need kids (Already has one, or his tubes are cut) then that necessity is gone.
He's likely as emotional to you as he is to any of the guys in his close circle. If any of them died or had to move, he'd have it rough.. need to find another person to fulfill that need/enjoyment and then move on...
I say this is a very generic sense. Not all men are this blande and straight forward. How attached we are to the social needs as well as biological plays a major part in it.
But I say.. if you are happy.. then you and him could likely remain that way till your dying days. Both just knowing that you are great friends.
If you are unhappy and you want marriage. Wants kids. Want anything other than the benefits you are giving... believe me.. he's getting more from the benefits than you are... then you should let him know that you are looking for more than benefits and the doors closing.
You have to find what you are looking for.
My great grandparents were hitched at a young age, and not for 'love'. They learned to live and provide for each other. They grew old together and smiled in the rocking chairs next to each other. Their great grandkids brought twinkles into their eyes... even though we couldnt understand a word of their Czech and they didnt know English. But the love and silence they shared was DRAMATIC to my soul.
Thats the Forever that I want.
I'm not settling on some 1/2 priced benefits. I want to buy the full package.
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/14/2008 7:34:18 AM | i dont feel a man has to "want to" feel something if he's to feel emotion in the bedroom, emotions are like taxes, eventually it comes, and u dont ask for it(well probly bad comparison, taxes are expected, but eventually emotion is too for most). this is probably cause alot of girls take sex too seriously, relax, and protect urselves, no big deal. ive slept with girls i felt emotion for and ive slept with some i didnt, but it was just wam bam thank u mam, i still liked the people i was with.. so unless there a total jerk, theres always some type of emotion.alot of men understand the difference between love, and lust, alot of girls,do not understand what they feel for person after sex, they think its love, when really they just like the person alot.
i hang out with a girl about 2 three times a week weve been chilling for at least 3 monthes,im pretty sure she feels more for me then i, her, but i always make it clear were not dating, and if she wants more, find someone else.
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/14/2008 11:30:45 AM | | As a man i must say that for myself iam very passionate and sex to me is a draw....Not that iam horney and want to get off but that iam trying to please my partner and she is doing the same and its just us and its only for us...I love sex but i think that i love my partner more that i care how she feels and i can physically express myself and she can to....I dont know about everyone else but you better believe that iam feeling somethan when i have sex and its not somethan that i want from everyone when iam really into my partner. | |
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/14/2008 2:23:14 PM | Having sex on a first date is usually a disaster. There's no commitment. It's a "physical emotion" which doesn't equal love. And after 2 years and your still questioning his love ...RUN AWAY FAST why waste time. You are just prolonging your desire for a real bonding and your just satisfying your need for sex. If he can't tell you he loves you or say your his girlfriend by now. Than he has no love or any feeling for you and he's just passing time with you. He's waiting for you to finally stop having sex with him, and for you to grow up. You have to question your motives and your emotions before you will ever have a meaningful relationship.
Yes men have emotions but women complicate everything. Like having sex. Sex is a "physical emotion". Enjoy it for what it is. Men put all they're energy in to having sex. It's physically draining. That's why they fall asleep afterwards or are hungry. They're shouldn't have to worry that your emotional needs are meet, when they're working on getting your physical needs meet. Love us, jump us and feed us. And we'll work on everything else later.
Konure , The Love Doctor javascript:smilie(' ')
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| Do men feel anything when they have sex or are they emotionless?
Posted: 2/14/2008 6:05:23 PM | I think we men have 2 completely different types of emotions we can encompass when it comes to sex. The first, we're out of town (or not) we're out drinking, we meet someone, we can't keep our hands off each other, groping during the cab ride, almost consummate against the tree in front of the hotel, wake up in the morning covered with rug burns. go down and get some coffee, drop her off during the cab ride to the office. All day long you wish like hell you could remember her name. (if you're still out there Philadelphia PA and Lincoln NE Hi)
The second, you meet, you date, you kiss, you court, after several weeks you know just about everything about her, her family, her pets, her friends, her job. When you finally have sex you are totally involved. We have different emotions for different scenarios. The first is lust, the second, may or may not be love but the intimacy is close to it.
We are all capable of the same emotions as you ladies. Nobody wants to screw over their friends so make sure the relationship is at least at that stage before you get rug burns. | |
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