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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/26/2008 12:57:16 PM | I don't have any restrictions on my profile. What's the point? If I'm not interested in someone I simply say thank you but I'm not interested. I don't need to point out their race, age, or sexual orientation. I don't owe it to anyone and most people seem to accept that.
Personally I think pointing out a racial preference is looking for trouble that some folks seem to desire. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:36:33 PM |
Well you have a LONG wait ahead of you. They don't call it racism or racial prejudice my dear....they call it PERSONAL PREFERNCE. You'll get very few to admit that they have racial prejudices. In a way I guess one can't blame them, the one woman who did was beaten up for it, yet it's perfectly okay for guys to say it and people say "there there, you have aright to your PREFENCES!!
There's a difference between personal preference and outright insulting a particular group of people. Have you read this woman's posts? Obviously not.
And why oh why is the topic listed as "racial restrictions" when preferences are really only set on cultural backgrounds? Unless you are saying there are people who have "Personal Preferences" based solely on what another person looks.
Hell. I have personal preferences. I don't date anyone from a chinese, korean, or japanese background. It doesn't make me racist. Why? Because I don't say things like...
"I ain't gonna be dating no chinaman or stupid japs but if y'all alright with 'em then shut up."
Because that's basically what your friend (the woman you are defending) said about black people.
So before educating people on how personal preference is not racism, "my dear", please be informed of what kind of discussion you were joining on.  | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/26/2008 1:46:09 PM | Now where have we heard this before:
my best firend was a black lady
dating a black however is another story for me.
It reminds me of the old " I'm not prejudiced. Some of my BEST friends are Black....but I wouldn't want my daughter to marry one."
and by the way it is jsut a preference.
What did I tell you Lixiette?
Because that's basically what your friend (the woman you are defending) said about black people.
Trust me I am not defending her. Far from it. I just found it fascinating how people jumped over all her and yet when men make similar statements, it gets excused as "personal preference". If people are going to jump all over her, shouldn't they be juming all over the men too? One can hardly expect women to be honest when there is such a double standard.
As stated before, as long as people do have these out moded ideas, I think restrictions makes sense. At least then people won't waste time contacting people who wouldn't consider them any more than they would consider the man in the moon. | |
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Posted: 2/26/2008 1:54:38 PM | i am of eastern european descent and jewish. my kids are african american with one british grandma, and peruvian (spanish and indigenous heritage). when i was a kid, you were not white--you were italian, irish, german or russian or polish jewish (all different cultural histories), southern black or haitian black or jamaican black, or puerto rican. later on came the cubans. all had different cultural histories and our generation was in the initial process of blending together. my fortune was that my parents loved the diversity and i was exposed to many different people. by the way, very occasionally, i came across a "protestant"!!! in fact, my first date was a protestant and i met him at a catholic dance. not until, i went to grad school, upstate ny at the age of 24, did i learn about the full range of protestant religions and cultural backgrounds.
so much for nyc in the 50's and 60's and 70's. at any rate, living in an irish catholic neighborhood, i was discriminated against when i reached dating age, and needless to say--i later married an irish catholic and the neighborhood kids all went for jewish mates and people of color--well, i'd say about 1/3 of them. the rest went "catholic" which was then half irish and half italian (and by the way, their parents were not happy either--especially if just first or second generation working class parents). this was all relayed way later to my mom, when one of the neighborhood kids (then grown), came to apologize to her for their parents behaviour and thank her for all the cultural exposure from all the people who constantly visited our home.
so, when my kids come home and tell me about a "white" person and either blend or not blend into groups of "white", "black" , "mexican" (not peruvian), or "mixed" kids--we sit down and further discuss the more subtle variations. like what kind of white? what religion? first or second or third generation? political leanings? education? because... all of these variables enter into the likelihood of a person's upbringing and this is on top of the fact that where we are situated, what some areas call "interracial" dating, is a no brainer here. but, someone still will acknowledge your background and depending upon which community, you will be more or less "noticeable" even if accepted. personally i love the differences and like to hear the stories of different cultures. for those whose families have been here for generations, they don't get this and prefer not to talk about it--but they subconsciously assume that being "american" is being like them!
how you ferret this out on a dating site, with most people being rejected for the full range of preferences, becomes more difficult. job, education, height, weight, distance , travel, interests, religion, personality, et al--all factor in.
so i would not take or ASSUME it is automatically the race thing, unless you are told specifically. for many, a picture is the first criteria. with a picture, you can get rid of some of the more obvious racists. to be able to get rid of such people and not waste "your" time on them, is a more "efficient" way of looking at it.
i say, explore those with the same interests, start with "friends", converse via forum topics, etc. most of the people i know met that way anyways. the reality is that if you look at statistics we are becoming more and more "brown". to me, what matters most is the sparkle that is in a person. for those more superficial, that's their problem!
i have a disabilty (lymes) and was discriminated against intitally by a large number of men--most of whom were morons in their own right, because i have accomplished more than most of them put together and their criticism of me was that i was "limited". i was also disriminated against for being an older mom--they didn't even get to the part where my kids are "of color". they just wanted all of my time. well, guess what? that just ain't going to happen. i give more than most people to the people who are in my life. but i don't just melt and give up on my own interests and accomplishments. just because someone else wants to make up for all that has been missing in their lives to date. to me, a relationship is a partnership. i am proud of who i am.
you should be proud of who you are and keep looking like the rest, keeping in mind that many "white" guys are in the same boat. just for a full range of other reasons. so what if they won't date you? i was able to weed out the shallow ones that much more quickly. it's not a glass half empty. it's a glass with the full half, saying come and get me!!! and by the way, make sure that you yourself are not equally shallow. | |
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Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 105 | |
| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/26/2008 2:59:00 PM | yeah. a lot of men contact me, when they know damn well they'd just want sex, nothing serious.
i'm the chocolate fantasy you'd never take home to mother...
men and women should put on their profiles:
i'll have sex with any race, but i won't get serious with you.
that's a covert form of racism. | |
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Posted: 2/26/2008 3:02:38 PM |
i'm the chocolate fantasy you'd never take home to mother...
My mother wouldn't want you anyway, she's straight.
Seriously, my family may be as white as they come but they would accept you as one of their own. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/26/2008 9:26:05 PM | | almondcookie ur right i wouldnt want my daughter to date much less marry one. but freinds is great jsut nothing beyond that. would u date what u are not intereested in .......the answer is no u would not. if blacks are not my interest then why would i date them? i dont feel im doing anything wrong im jsut doing what i feel is right for me. | |
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Posted: 2/26/2008 9:59:35 PM | Well , you are certainly entitled to run your life as you see fit. With respect to the friendship part, although we do share one common interest, we could never be friends.
Anyway, I don't think you have a thing to worry about. No educated Black man will ever bother you. Come to think of it, no educated White man will bother you either. Yes, we all make mistakes. No one is perfect. My typing is far from perfect. I make my share of typos and I only catch them upon closer inspection. However, you don't seem to be able to write more than a few words without making blatant spelling errors. These clearly aren't typos as you spell certain words the same way all the time (e.g. jsut, wouldnt, intereested).
Given your lack of education and where you are based, your mindset doesn't surprise me. It's what I would expect. What is of concern is when others who are educated and well travelled have the same mindset. I would expect them to know better but many of them don't. | |
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Posted: 2/27/2008 3:38:52 AM | | u have no idea what men of any race will do so please only speak for yourself. and by the way ,i dont wnat to be firends with somenoe who starts arguments for kicks in here. so u have no worries. a little education for you ...there are alot of people with same opinion as me. so dont bother telling me who will date me and who wont. what a dumb thing to say. by the way this is not english class so its not really important if i type too fast and make a spelling error...that is just anohter way u try to lash out at me and i really dont give a damn. i guess it shows what kind of person u are. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 5:50:31 AM | You know,,,,,with all this bullsh*t and insults being slung around from MOSTLY white women who are trying their damnedest to look holier than thou in THIS particular thread,,let me TRY and set you straight. First of all,,,,,not wanting to date black men/women or any race other than their own is NOT,,repeat, NOT being racist. It is in fact,,a PREFERENCE. Do you know what having one means?? Do you know what being a racist means??? Racism is HATE. Pure and simple. It means not wanting anything to do with that particular race and that includes being friends with them. Wanting only to date within your own race is a PREFERENCE, ffs. I have a gf at work who's best friend happens to be a white male,,,she is a black woman. They hang out together,,,he is at her house every -single -day. I once asked her why they arent a couple and her response was,,,she is not attracted to white men in THAT way (her words, not mine). She says she only dates dark skinned black men and that does not include light skinned black men (again her words). Did i take offense to that? Nope. Why? Because thats her PREFERENCE. She doesnt hate him. She just isnt ATTRACTED to white men.
Im telling you this because this goes both ways. Everyone is attracted to what and who they are attracted to. Am i attracted to black men? Nope. Am i racist? Nope.
So quit trying to impress people in this thread by jumping down others' throats for their PREFERENCES.
Btw OT: I agree with the OP that POF really needs to add this option in the profiles so as to avoid bullsh*t like this. This whole thread is pretty disgusting with all the mudslinging and has gotten wayyyyyyyyy off topic. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:33:14 AM | I understand what you are saying ripley65, but I still think statements like the one above you are well across any line:
i wouldnt want my daughter to date much less marry one
You can disagree. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:03:09 AM | Preference means that one has a tendency to enjoy or like one thing more than another. In other words, we aren't completely closed to the possibility of trying something else. I prefer chocolate ice cream. I would not refuse to have strawberry or vanilla ice cream if chocolate was not on the menu. I prefer tea but if no tea is available, I will have coffee. I prefer men over a certain height because I love to dance and it's easier to dance with someone who is slightly taller, even when I am wearing dancing shoes. Does it mean that I would refuse to consider someone shorter? Definitely not. I have met a few men who are excellent dancers ...much better than me. This more than compensates for the height. So while in most instances I would prefer a man over a certain height, I would not rule out someone strictly based on height.
The word prejudice blends 2 words - Pre and Judge. If we pre-judge someone it's called prejudice. If it's based on race it's called racial prejudice. It means that we rule out a whole group of people based on race before taking the time to interact with INDIVIDUALS, get to know them and judge them based on individual merit. If that is the way in which you approach relationships and interactions, that is your choice but own it and don't shy away from the label. It's racial prejudice.
In my opinion, that is not the way the world should operate. That is not reality. This is a world in which racial prejudice IS a reality. Profiles that list restrictions are helpful. It's trial and error when restrictions aren't listed. Some websites do list the racial and ethnic groups that a person is willing to date. This site doesn't list racial restrictions but it has an excellent forum. The functionality on this site is also superb. No site can be all things to all people. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:28:49 AM | Ripley65,
People are entitled to date whomever they want. But what you are describing is a requirement, not a preference. A preference would be "I am usually attracted to group X, but I would consider dating people from other groups". A requirement is "I ONLY date people from group X". A racial requirement may or may not be racist. It depends on the reasons for it. But people could be limiting themselves by having a racial requirement. Sometimes you can be attracted to someone who is different than your usual type. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 7:56:01 AM | I'm a "minority" as well, and I haven't been having the best luck. Sometimes I wonder if its the whole race thing. Do any of you girls from the UK or anywhere just prefer to go out with guys from your own ethnicity? I am I being paranoid?
I kinda hope I am being paranoid. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:10:46 AM | aeternus, ty for understanding what i was saying, and to comment on your highlighted quote: the only thing i say to that is,,,,the poster of that comment obviously has her own preference (and thats ok, well all do) and i would never tell anyone how to raise their children, but if i had children (and this is just me) i would encourage them to make their own choices like my parents did with my brothers and i, and not force my opinions on them to try and get them to change their minds. Maybe her daughter feels differently than her mother?
Thank you also to both almondcookie and northeast for your inputs and clarifications. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:20:58 AM |
Trust me I am not defending her. Far from it. I just found it fascinating how people jumped over all her and yet when men make similar statements, it gets excused as "personal preference". If people are going to jump all over her, shouldn't they be juming all over the men too? One can hardly expect women to be honest when there is such a double standard.
If I had read other people making personal preference comments that bordered racial, I would've been all over it as well. Whether man or women. But it just so happened that the "news" of the thread was that people were calling just one person on her comments, not two. Perhaps next time before I post in a four page thread, I should bother to read all four pages and keep a keen eye, because I totally have the time for that.
Restrictions do make sense. I have tons of them myself. Like in my last reply to you, I said I will not date men from Asian culture--but not because of what they look like, simply because of the way they ARE through their beliefs and how they are raised. However, as I will restate here, it is borderline racism to make statements against dating people based solely on the reason they look white or black. As it is an insult to people overweight every time somebody says "fat people are gross."
Perhaps I'm being too anal and politically correct.... but somebody has to be the ***hole. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 8:39:47 AM | | It wouldbe fantastic to have restrictions...i would love to block people who have these racist "preferences". I dont honestly even want to try being friends with some one so narrow minded. Its just disgusting to me. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:53:48 AM | | wjould i be considered a racist if i didnt date white men that were heavy set? no u couldnt becuase he is my color but i bet u find something else to call me. quit throwing racism into everyting u can find. its a preference and nothing more. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 2:30:19 PM | | I have a question for Kittenshere, If you met a man that appeared to be white and later found out that one of his parents were black, technically he would be black but with caucasion featues? I ask because my mother is bi-racial, black father, white mother. She doesnt have ANY stereo-typical black features... black and whites alike never know unless she tells them. | |
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Posted: 2/27/2008 2:32:06 PM | | DUH... I forgot my question... how would you feel about dating someone that you thought was white and found out he was black? Would you continue to date him because he appears white? | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:16:22 PM |
how would you feel about dating someone that you thought was white and found out he was black? Would you continue to date him because he appears white?
LOL that reminds me of an in your face racist woman I knew years ago. She met a man in Bermuda by way of short wave radio. When he showed up it turned out that he was a black man with REALLY dark features. She ended up in a relationship with the man but still swore up and down "He's not black, he's Bermudan". The guy himself said his family was from west Africa.
Racists are dumber than a sack of stupid hammers. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 6:01:05 PM | | I would end things . i do not hate or disapprove of others who date other races but this is jsut my prefernce. we should not do what makes us uncomfortalbe. and i dont expect everyone to agree with me. some agree and some dont. but as freinds i like all people of all races unless they do something to me personally. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/27/2008 11:20:29 PM | Gene studies confirm ‘out of Africa’ theories
Findings: Africans also have most diverse DNA, fewest genetic mutations
By Maggie Fox
Updated 1:00 a.m. ET, Thurs., Feb. 21, 2008
WASHINGTON - Two big genetic studies confirm theories that modern humans evolved in Africa and then migrated through Europe and Asia to reach the Pacific and Americas.
The two studies also show that Africans have the most diverse DNA, and the fewest potentially harmful genetic mutations.
One of the studies shows European-Americans have more small mutations, while the others show Native Americans, Polynesians and others who populated Australia and Oceania have more big genetic changes. The studies, published in the journal Nature on Wednesday, paint a picture of a population of humans migrating off the African continent, and then shrinking at some point because of unknown adversity.
This schematic of worldwide human genetic variation uses different colors to represent different genetic types. The figure illustrates the great amount of genetic variation in Africa.
Later populations grew and spread from this smaller genetic pool of founder ancestors — a phenomenon known as a bottleneck. Populations that remained in Africa kept their genetic diversity — something seen in many other studies.
"The one thing that I think we cannot say from this study is that any one person's genome is any healthier or evolutionarily fit than another person's genome," said Carlos Bustamante of Cornell University in New York, who worked on one study.
"You have to think of this at the population level," Bustamante said in a telephone interview.
Fit or extinct
Bustamante's team has been looking at the DNA sequences of 15 African-Americans and 20 European-Americans, examining tiny one-letter changes in the DNA code called single-nucleotide polymorphisms or SNPs (pronounced "snips").
They tested these changes to qualify them as benign, or potentially affecting genes, amino acids and eventually proteins in a way that could damage health or make people less "fit" — in evolutionary terms, less likely to survive and reproduce.
"Like every other study ... the African-American panel as a whole showed more variation than the European-American panel," Bustamante said.
Then his team did a computer simulation of a bottleneck, and found it predicted this pattern.
Bustamante said it is possible some of the SNPs are beneficial, and he said his team and others should compare the genetic changes they found to known genetic changes linked with diseases.
"I wish we had done that (already)," he said.
Genetic variations
In the other study, Noah Rosenberg and colleagues at the University of Michigan and the National Institute on Aging analyzed DNA from 485 people around the world.
They looked for three types of genetic variation, including SNPs and larger changes that involve duplications, deletions and repetitions of large segments of DNA.
The patterns they found produced what they call the highest-resolution map yet of human genetic variation.
They also reinforce the idea that humans originated in Africa, then spread into the Middle East, followed by Europe and Asia, the Pacific Islands and finally to the Americas.
"Diversity has been eroded through the migration process," Rosenberg said in a statement.
People of African descent are the most genetically diverse, followed by people from the Middle East, and then Asians and Europeans. Native Americans resemble one another the most on a DNA level.
The study also found it is sometimes possible to trace a person's ancestry to a small group within a geographic region.
Copyright 2008 Reuters. | |
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| racial restrictions
Posted: 2/29/2008 11:21:35 PM |
I jsut took a look at ur profile and ur black. that explains it.
It does ? If so, i missed it. But then again, i am part Sicilian and you know how dense we can be.
I need to hurry this up and go shoot a close friend. It's not personal, it's just business.
I'm sorry this is so far after the quoted remark, but esad, I had to respond! Of all the wonderful & funny things you have posted, chastising the ignorant (and your postings are almost always awesome), this retort and the entire post with it has got to be the best or darn close. Kudos.
I agree with what some others have mentioned. If a person has a preference and they state it politely in their profile, no problem. If they have ignorant, rascist comments based on archaic stereotypes and hatred, then it just works as a great filter for me. I'd rather not waste my time getting to know someone & possibly like them, and then find out they are a bigot. I don't rule out someone as a potential date because of their skin color or any other characteristic that they were born with and can't change. I only filter out people who are ignorant and intolerant. | |
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