| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 1/9/2008 5:19:28 PM | | Jess...This guy is a player. He wants his cake and eat it too. I went out with a guy exactly like him. They are big fat liars. So he is finished with one girl so he wants to see you again. I would not give him the time or day. Tell him the truth. When you tell a guy like this you are on to him, he will get busted and not want to speak to you again. Believe me GET RID OF THIS GUY...HE IS TROUBLE..He will keep bouncing back and forth. At the end you will only get hurt. I went back after 8 months to the same type of guy. He was doing the same thing...so I got wiser and after a couple of dates I saw similar behavior and I confrontd him and that was the end. I more or less told him off. He tries to contact me from time to time, but I know he's not getting any action so I just delete his emails. These type of guys are jerks. Find a REAL MAN...Good Luck | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 1/9/2008 8:18:06 PM | umm, I think you missed the bright flashing warning lights right at the beginning.
You knew he just a few weeks and already he was buying you "14K gold necklace with a firestone opal "??
Sorry, but I think it was FAR too early for someone to be giving gifts of that magnitude and to be honest if I'd been in your position I couldn't have accepted something like that.
Small, thoughtful gifts mean so much more than someone trying to buy their way into one's affections that I'd be on guard 100% of the time if that happened.
Sorry it didn't work out with this guy, but there are thousands of genuine, decent guys out there that you could do a lot better with than this one. You just need to screen them a little more first.
Good luck! | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 1/26/2008 4:05:30 AM | Jess,
Can I begin by saying that for a start you should not seek or better still heed advice from bitter, twisted, strap-on wearing individuals who are only going to advise you wrongly because they are pissed off that they have had similar things happen to them in the past. Jaded advice is not advice my darling, it is misleading bullshit.
Secondly, if all of you bra burning bohemians from the isle of LESBOS believe for ONE second that men are the only ones who play this game, then you are about as silly as those toys you have in your bedside table draw!!!
As for you Jess, on behalf of all of the good men of this world, I would like to say that you sound like a sweet girl with a true belief in love and faith in how good a relationship can be. Never let go of that, otherwise you will just end up like the rest of THEM!!
Truth be told...No one here can tell you what this guy is doing! For all they know, he could be a saint. But dont let the egocentric ramblings of a few misguided and bitter fools, taint your ideas of what can and will be a potentially fulfilling part of your life.
Follow your head and your heart.....but dont follow others.
Best of luck to you.
Rob | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 1/26/2008 4:27:10 AM | Sorry to hear you're going through this but unfortunately, this is not uncommon with a lot of guys. The guy is either married and playing around on the side or he is just a player. There isn't a girl around right now that could satisfy his ego so he seeks it everywhere. The minute you stop contacting him, his ego feels threatened so he has to contact you more with the flirty messages.
Do yourself a favor, block him from your myspace and email. These types of guys are useless in trying to discuss anything because they will tell you anything you want to hear at that very moment to pull you back in but the second he turns around from you, he's doing it again to another girl. The necklace worked... he got what he wanted. Try to take this as a hard lesson in life and learn from it and move on to better things.
Take care,
Erin | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 1/26/2008 6:23:51 AM | | Jesscarmen, DON'T FALL FOR IT! he probably got dumped by this other gal and is wanting to come crawling back to you, don't even fall for it.. these are games men play.. either that, or he wants to play two women at once.. he's a ***hole, don't even give him a second chance.. I've experienced the same exact situation as you did, and I was glad I didn't give the guy a second chance because he ended up crawling back to the other girl and actually ended up marrying her and then divorce later.. so, honey, men play games just like we do.. only they are more sneaky and snakes in the grass about it.. he would have been more of a gentleman if he had been honest with you and told you he was interested in someone else, at least you would have had closure, and been able to move on with your life instead of wondering.. men just don't understand how much it hurts us when they just disappear for no reason, and then they think they can have you back when things aren't going so well on the other side like they thought it would.. go on with your life honey, there are much better people out there that won't do that to you.. | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 1/26/2008 6:46:33 AM | The inevitable question is this: why do we want to expose our vulnerable conflicted selves to someone else? Because we want to love. We take the risk, we walk out into light and offer ourselves to a love. This feels wonderful, but when things get tough we run back inside ourselves. We choose the familiarity of fear and lovelessness over the vulnerability of love, until we feel safe enough to go back and try love again. That is essentually the rhythm of every intimate relationship- risk and retreat . Until something miraculous happens. We look around and we're living in light. Love has been silently weaving our higher and lower natures--blending fear, anger, survival, and protection into the energy of devotion, trust, compassion, and exceptance.
Tragically, our culture does not teach us to see love this way. And not enough couples ever finish the path to love. | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 1/26/2008 7:40:26 AM | so ? did you ever return the downtown favor ? did you ever buy him anything, cook dinner for him ,call him first ? take him any thing? ever drive your car the hour and 20 minutes to see him? sounds like he was doing all the work.
your words:
After seeing each other and all the wonderful things he did for me.
no where did i see ----after all the wonderful things i did for him? | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:26:59 PM | Really glad to see this post as something like this just happened to me.....from CALVINRAY3 who is also on POF. Is that appropriate to use his name ? Anyway talk about bottom feeders....and I swallowed it hook, line, and sinker !!!! Really let my self get involved with him emotionally based on his actions and words. And just for the record we did share the doing for each other thing pretty equally.
I'm in that older category on POF and really didn't think people in this age group were still playing these enormous games.
After a few weeks of dating and talking to each other on the phone several times a day, we had just had a great conversation ending with him saying he would call back in a couple of hours. Never heard back from him!!!
To make a long story short, turns out he was a liar and still contacting other people although he had said he wanted us to only see each other to see where this goes.
I agree.....sure won't waste any more emotion on him, but it still is a shock and a disappointment to have something like this happen. And dammit, I'm a little hurt by it.
Go figure !! | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/18/2008 5:46:57 PM | I agree with the perspectives in posts 43, 45 and 49.
There is no evidence that the guy used the OP. | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/18/2008 6:13:53 PM | If you live in Newfoundland, I bet I can even name this guy! A friend of mine went through nearly the exact same thing with a guy. 7 dates and he disappeared. Pulled the "I need time" crap and eventually she found out he was needing time to sleep with other women. He never came clean, she just happened to have found out. People like that aren't worth the time and effort we put into them. You think he's calling you "Sweetie", and nobody else? Not hardly. People like that should stay off the dating sites. They claim they aren't ready for a relationship, or don't have the time right now. It's all a game to them once they start and figure out how many girls they can have going at one time.
I wish I had advice for you. Hopefully you can take some lessons from the situation and try to ensure it doesn't happen again. But there's no guarantee. Whether you meet someone online, through a friend or in a bar, the risk is always there that you'll end up hurt. | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:26:13 PM | jesscarmen4.... do NOT... i repeat... DO NOT give him a second chance!!!! resist! pull back! i KNOW it might be hard to do (it seems you REALLY like this guy), but youve got to stay away from this dude. it seems like HE was the one playing games with you (not the other way around like some guys have stated in this forum). i think you had every right to feel uncomfy with his dissapearing act. you know... if you give this idi0t another chance, he will use you one more time and then toss you AGAIN when another girl comes around. he was obviously not THAT into you. stand your ground. you deserve much better than scraps.
good luck in whatever decision you make!  | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:04:07 PM | Easy....he was after ONE thing and got it. There are guys out there who will do and say whatever it takes to get that one thing, even when it means hurting your feelings and knowing they're hurting you in the process. For these so-called "men", it's all a game and women are a conquest to win over, take what they can get from you and move on to the next as quickly as possible.
Don't give him another chance to hurt you. He's already proven the type of person he is...a PLAYER! | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:53:38 PM | Tell him you're too worn out because of your new and far better lover. Then wish him good luck in his life and never have contact with him again. Trust me, he's not the only guy out there who can get you to those big O's  | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 89 | |
| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/20/2008 8:38:57 PM | the story reinstates the one rule i have about dating and men that never seems to fail:
ITS MORE IMPORTANT HOW A MAN TREATS YOU AFTER NOT BEFORE HAVING SEX
thats when u know. u can spend 3 years or 3 hrs w someone, and things will NOT shift until u have sex.
once u have had sex, its like being born again: u have a new understanding on how much and in what ways u wanna continue.
unfortunately, 9 times out of 10, sex kills it. nothign right or wrong, just sometimes u want something until u get it. then its a whole diff ball game.
had this happened at date 3, i promise u would have been the same.
its happened to me countless times, that i thought i was excited and into someone, then we made out and i was over it. most didnt even get to sex before i got the desire out of my system. w some it got to sex, but not more than once.
its easy - true compatibility is rare. usually we delude ourselves for a short while, but all delusions die after having sex.
nothing to do w u, i just think thats all he needed. i believe his intentions were good, just found himself jaded overnight. i hate it when it happens, but u cant control that
sorry, baby doll.
definitely forget about him. notice how he started bitchin about things only once he pulled back, then tried to make u feel guilty about it urself, when HE was the one playing games now. its a very predictable form of defense : attacking the other person to take the spotlight off ur own BS | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:22:35 PM | Hmmmmmm, OP, sounds like he really liked you (either that or maybe he was a player), but he met someone else. Now for whatever reason (either she dumped him or she won't screw him), he's back for more sex from you.
No matter the reason, the underlying value system he has is lacking. If he did it once, he'll do it again ----- to you (and I'm sure he's done it to other women too).
My brother went through the same thing with a girl to whom he actually becvame engaged. My advice to him when she eventually came running back was: if she's the type whose values allow her to do it once, she'll do it again and you're eventually in for a lifetime of misery if you marry her (she probably would have eventually cheated in a marriage).
I know it's difficult for you. I've been in similar situations in the past. So many mixed signals and it becomes difficult (it becomes a grey area, but trust me: grey areas = some guy keeping you on the back burner while still looking) to believe they aren't as into you as they should be, BUT that IS the bottom line. I'm sure you're pining for him, but time will eventually heal you. The longer you sit there wondering, the longer the healing will take. Do yourself a favor and move on. You'll eventually meet the right guy. My brother eventually met a great woman. (He's married to her now, BTW.) | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:39:41 PM | | You need spaces between the paragrapghs ever 4-5 sentences should ahve some spaces betweent hem for easier reading. Anyway. he gfound someone else its a shock. After 7 dates. Hes;a jerk how dare he treat you that way. is there something you are nto telling us? | |
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Cich80
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Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 92 | |
| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 2/20/2008 9:54:23 PM | So I've just gotta know: What magical things did this guy say to you on myspace to woo you into meeting him? Seems the only girls I write either never reply at all, or accept my friend request, never talk to me, then promptly delete me a few weeks later.
<--Taking notes | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 9/1/2008 6:04:42 PM | | 500 favorites and still here......................................................................You figure it out. | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 9/2/2008 12:02:18 PM | | You're in his little black book now, and he'll rotate you with all the other girls he had sex with stringing you along. | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:52:51 PM | | I know what happened. He fell for someone new after your 7 dates. Now whoever he was dating dumped him and he has the itch to date you. | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:12:45 PM | I don't believe in the rules when it comes to how many dates.
I had a one night stand that ended up lasting 8 years . I have played the waiting game and that ended within a week of saying yes.
Look at it this way-You had fun. You know how you want to be treated (other than being dumped). You recieved a nice gift. And now someone else has the loser.
Gives you an opportunity to find someone worthy of you and your heart.
Good luck..... | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:20:29 PM | I don't necessarily think guys are all players if they decide that don't want to see you anymore. Bottom line, he probably thought he found someone BETTER than you. A better fit for himself...whatever that reason might be. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong but he didn't see you and him together for the long haul.
Isn't that what dating is? Figuring out what we like or do not like? At least he gave you an email saying that you weren't right for each other. Some of us don't even get that...
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:46:48 PM |
Wow! 7 dates and he turned into a poof? lol What did you do to him?
Made him read through this incredibly long post. | |
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| 7 Dates and Poof??
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:48:55 PM | I agree with you Alienware Adam,
from reading the OP's message, I too thought of him saying.... oh my God, this women is soooo posessive, and insecure she needs reassurance all the time.
I have been reading a book from a writer called Mimi Tanner. Here is an insert what I read and it is so true...
If a man stops calling you, then he's sending a message. He may be having doubts; he may wonder if he wants to keep getting involved; there could be anything going on.
But if a man has been in the habit of contacting you - and then suddenly stops - it does mean something.
A guy KNOWS that suddenly NOT CALLING you DOES mean something. So for him to pretend later that it doesn't is just him trying to avoid the issue. You'll see what I mean in a minute - and what you should do if this happens.
When a woman handles it the way Emily did - by simply letting him do what he wants - it helps him so much. He feels FREE. He has no pressure from you. So it's a lot easier for him to see what he'd be missing if you were completely gone from his life.
But LOTS of times, a man will not want to take responsibility for the fact that he was in fact pretty much "dumping" you for a while - because that would make him feel like the bad guy. So he might say that it was also YOUR fault too - because you were not calling him either.
In my opinion, it's absolutely not your fault at all. Instead of letting that upset you, just let it roll off your back. Don't make an issue of it. Let the guy save face.
When a man stops calling, then it is normal to assume that he's no longer interested. Women should not apologize for drawing that conclusion. Guys often want to put it on women, when they are the ones who stopped calling. Let him say that, but don't be intimidated by it!
Don't get on the guy's case about it either. Just show by your actions - that you don't chase men! It's just not your style.
Next time, he is a lot less likely to do that again - and if he DOES - then you know it's time to move on!
After all - when he stopped calling you, you could have decided there was someone else you wanted to date. This guy might have lost his place in line with you.
Let's say you decide to call him. This happens all the time. A woman calls a man when there's a lapse on his part, and says, "Just saying hi; hope you're doing okay..."
So often, women live to regret making this call - because 99 times out of 100, the reason he doesn't call IS that he's backing off - at least for a while. Hey, let him go!
You're way better off NOT calling him. He WILL call you if he really likes and wants you. He is WAY more likely to want you if you don't call him. And that call will be far more exciting and full of pursuit and anticipation. So enjoy it when it happens - because it will!
When you ARE in a relationship, then you and he will call each other in a natural way that makes sense - but during the time when you're building up to that point - you're on solid ground to let HIM pursue YOU. Have delicious fun with it! | |
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