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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:33:47 PM | I think that LoudSilence and many others here are very wise when they say things like:
I will never settle! I expect a man to be intelligent,stimulate my mind first and have a great sense of humor.
I'll confess that I don't have a very clear picture of what I am looking for in a partner but I hope that I will be wise enough to recongize it when I meet her. I know that she will be smart, kind, honest, compassionate, and funny but beyond that I don't have any pre-determined specifications. I don't have any plans to settle and to have a clearer idea of what I am looking for might only spoil the adventure. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:20:29 PM | My brain is full now. Can you make all this noise stop ?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am wonderful. I will never settle ! You ____s are all useless pieces of shlt and i will not
stop looking until i find the Perfect Piece of SHlT! I know this because i talked it
over with other people and we all agree. I am NOT bitter and angry ! I never
hold my past and my EXs sins against a person i just met! That sounds like something
that evil bastich i was married to would do! Sure i loved him/her once, but that was
yesterday. Yesterday is not important unless i want to describe how i am better than
that now and deserve a better ____ . WHAT’S WRONG with that ?????
I am NOT perfect, but i deserve perfect ! I am not what the opposite gender wants,
but i will not take less than what i want. I do not understand what the opposite
gender wants. I hate what the opposite gender wants. I make fun of what the
opposite gender wants. I make fun of the opposite gender. Gosh Darn It, I
wants me one of them ! I want mine! MEMEMEMEMEMEME!
Just because i demand a BIG d#ck doesn’t mean i am one.
OR
Just because i want a Perfect Pair doesn’t mean i care to play Perfectly Fair.
If (s)he doesn’t fit me in one way or another, forget it! I am GONE!
Just because (s)he wants me to be something i am not doesn’t mean
(s)he should leave me ! The last _____ left me ! No One should leave ME !
Compromise ? Doesn’t that sound like “settling” ? I will NEVER compromise
Life with my partner will be exactly what i want because (s)he will want it also
otherwise (s)he will not be perfect !
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Give it a rest folks. Read your own messages but switch the genders around..
Would you be alarmed at dating you ? If you hate the opposite gender so much
switch sides and give homosexuality a try.
Saying “ I will not settle” is logical. Using bad examples of bad behavior
to justify this is may or may not be bad logic. But what do you hope to attract
by stressing how fussy you are ? I hope it is not a bad experience
with an Egomaniac.
"I REJECT YOU!" Sometimes sounds an awful lot like:
“You can’t fire me, I QUIT!”
Who says Romance is dead ? | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:30:48 PM |
I had a talk with my best friend Chris and we were talking about how womena re a lot more picky then men. And how they cna afford to be picky and discrimminate against guys for their height and weight. Men just want women and there would only be a few reasons why a man would reject a woman. And the main one is that he is jsut not attrtacted to her.
So...I can't discriminate for height or weight, but you can because you are 'just not attracted to her'....hmmm...and what might you find unattractive? Height? Weight? Face?
Anyway...OT...never settle. I think the older you get the more you pinpoint what you want. I'm at an age where I'm not going to play games and accept less than what I want immediately. I may negotiate or overlook, but I won't settle...period. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:59:34 PM | Said it before and I'll say it again....
It's always amusing that people who constantly state that they won't settle don't seem to realize that somebody else probably settled for them.
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:14:05 PM | | My wants have become flexible, however my needs I will not compromise on... | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:14:55 PM | SOME SEE DEAD PEOPLE.
i see lonely ladies... like dancing princess who should settle. ideals rarely materialize and with a nose in the air attitude they won't stick around long.
settle ladies before your looks are a distant memory. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:01:16 AM |
SOME SEE DEAD PEOPLE.
i see lonely ladies... like dancing princess who should settle. ideals rarely materialize and with a nose in the air attitude they won't stick around long.
settle ladies before your looks are a distant memory.
You are joking aren't you? Maybe, since I've never been a stunner, I don't worry about looks--mine or anyone elses. I have things I do like and things I don't...one thing I will not do is settle. I would rather be as I am now, alone and enjoying what life is offering, than be lonely while not enjoying the life I settled for.
You settle...you're more than welcome to...not this girl. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:17:53 AM | | Ugh...why does this subject always have to turn into a man vs woman thing? There are a lot of us, both sexes, that are single....we're all in the same big pool looking to find that one great love...or just happiness. I think possibly a big problem we all have is that we dont know ourselves well enough to be able to find a companion. We have spent so much time looking for that perfect someone that we have never looked in a mirror and said wait a minute, I just want to be happy and make someone else happy, how hard can that be? But it IS hard...damn near impossible. Just like the OP said, we dont know what we want, men OR women. We can say we do but of the couples I know who are happiest, its been with someone who they never would have "settled" on at first glance, it took time and then took them both by surprise. Those are the relationships that tend to last. The ones that are calculated and based on what we feel we "deserve" by following a checklist of what we want or what we think would make us happy...usually dont. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:58:14 AM | I have been using dating websites for about four years. I've made contact with lots of guys and met quite a few of them in person. I believe myself to be smart, funny and sexy. Thankfully, I've made some really good friends. Some started out like they could be relatiosnhips and one or the other of us changed our minds. One wanted to move in with me almost right away. While I really liked him as a person, he smoked like a fiend and was a terrible slob. I knew I couldn't live with him but he is still one of my best friends. After meeting all the people I've met I've discovered that I am not willing to settle for less than everything. Not talking about lots of money (though he does need to have a job). Not talking about someone with the greatest looks 'cuz if they've got nothing to say, I'd get bored pretty quickly. I'm a big girl and someone with a little extra weight is not a problem. I'm interested in lots of things so need someone who's also interested in lots of things. The strong, silent type is not for me. It's funny how someone you don't think is that great looking, looks better all the time if they have something to say and can make me laugh. So many profiles ask for someone who's honest but they can't follow thru on it themselves. The guys who say, "Yeah, I'd like to see you again," then never call or return an email. I'm just looking for a human being who can treat others as they want to be treated. i still have hopes that person is out there for all of us. Happy New Year everyone!   | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:18:30 AM |
I just find it troubling that women have this sense of entitlement.. "I deserve..."
Why do you deserve this? Is it because you've kissed so many frogs that you think you DESERVE a prince?
Can you offer the same things you REQUIRE from your match?
Absolutely I can offer in return everything I expect from my partner.
Really, you need to be offering far more in return than you are expecting to get, or require.
Why? For one thing, someone who matches your requirements will also have many other qualities that you don't care about - things which aren't important to you that you don't count. Therefore he's offering far more than you're asking, so you need to be offering far more than you're asking too. Or else he would be 'settling' for you. And you don't want that.
For another thing, what you think you offer and what the world thinks you offer are very rarely the same thing... most people have a vastly inflated opinion of their own qualities - and crucially, of the level of importance those qualities are in a partner.
For these reasons, if you're unwilling to offer ( in your own eyes) far more qualities than you require in your ideal partner, you make your chances of finding someone far slimmer.
But wait, isn't offering more as a person than you get in return compromising your self-worth and settling? No. No it's not. Settling is receiving less than you are happy with, not receiving less than you believe you offer.
Be more than the partner you want, and don't let your ego & greed persuade you that you want more accordingly. Deep down your values don't change. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:10:39 AM | act two msg 33...
no i'm not joking. if you don't settle i believe that many of you will have years of loneliness as well as your ideals to keep you company. some of the "must haves" i've seen on some profiles are hilarious. but then again some women feel a sense of entitlement or "what i deserve" attitude. eventually it turns to bitterness and she blames men. i've seen it. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:36:03 AM | To me, it's not an issue of settling.
I don't need any self empowering words like "I'm better than that", or "I will not settle", or
"I deserve more". I have a enough self worth to not parade around announcing it. My god, it sounds like an Oprah motivational speech.
But as I said, I don't see it as settling. I'm not out looking for a woman with x, y or z. We're talking about people here! You can't make your own perfect person! Everyone has their faults, I'm sure Jessica Simpson really is as annoying as she was on that show.
Haven't any of you ever been in love before?
I have.
And on paper she sounded like a train wreck. I could go on about negative qualities in her, about all the bad things that would probably drive most people away. But there is that mysterious alchemy, that thing when you put two people together and they just click.
I know better that to create a perfect woman on paper. I know better than to have all these ideals about what I want in a person. Because, for me, all that flies out the window when you're right there, in real life, with the person. I could sit here and tell you about everything I want. But everything changes once it's face to face. Everything here is theory; real world experience/situations are much different. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:50:07 AM | This topic has been done and redone, but it still grabs attention.
People shouldn't be willing to "settle," but they should be realistic in their expectations. For example, butt-ugly, obese people who insist on having someone beautiful are most likely doomed to disappointment.
By the same token, when I get an email from someone who appears to have graduated from the third grade and then abandoned formal education, that man is not going to appeal to me. Notice, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT SPELLING ALONE.
There are certain physical traits that appeal to individuals. I like tall men who are well built, but the last man for whom I "fell" was short and thin. I am not going to shut someone out based on some things such as age or height, but there are some things on which I will not compromise. Intelligence is one.
On the other hand, I will not ever have sex again with a man who looks as if he is twelve months pregnant. I did that; I loved the man's personality, but eventually, it couldn't compensate for . . . other things. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:59:50 AM |
i see lonely ladies... like dancing princess who should settle. ideals rarely materialize and with a nose in the air attitude they won't stick around long. settle ladies before your looks are a distant memory.
Tomozzo, if looks alone were the qualifier for finding a mate, then a lot of people, including you, will remain alone for the rest of our lives. Believe it or not, you are not everyone's cup of tea in the looks department, and I sincerely hope that your personality is better than what it appears to be judging from the quote above.
The fact is, most people are not beautiful, and yet we manage to find partners.
Lonely? I was married for 25 years and in a longterm relationship after that; at many times, I was lonelier in those relationships than I have ever been living alone. Loneliness is a state of mind, and people who cannot be alone and find happiness are lacking emotional stability.
Women or men who latch onto someone because they fear being alone do not only themselves a disservice, but also a disservice to those they grab as life preservers.
Last winter, I dated a man for three months; he was ready to commit and move in, but I couldn't do it. I realized that the lip service I had given for years WAS really true, at least for me: It IS better to live alone than to live with someone who doesn't suit you.
And yet, someday, I sincerely believe I want to live with someone again. If I can't find him, then I will become the crazy cat lady. It will be a lot more fun than living with a man who bores me and for whom I settled because my looks are gone.
Edit: Tomozzo, after I looked at your profile, I saw that you only date women who are at least five years younger than you. That is called "male menopause." Settle for an older woman, dude, before it is too late.
Snort. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 8:31:49 AM | Hmmm.... I think I'm holding out for a serial killer. Better yet, a gay guy that has gone straight!  We're dealing with future variables of what we want and it's just like the Gumpism..... you never know what you're gonna get. Sure, there are qualities in a guy that I would love for him to possess, but I'm realistic enough to understand and accept that the man that I fall in love with may not have ANY of those qualities. It's more along the lines of keeping your options open, than setting in stone a desire for anything in particular. I wouldn't call it settling............ refocusing, maybe? But if the guy ends up being a jerk there's no way I'd stay with him. Even if he had all the qualities that I wanted. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 12:19:36 PM | tomozzo...well...if that's what you believe good for you. As I said in my original post (and was stated by another poster after me) I'd rather be alone and happy than in a relationship and lonely...been there and done that.
I'm quite happy keeping my ideals and desires company...beats the heck out of someone who bores me or who I have to pull along behind me. I was lonelier married than I have been single...sorry, but I think you really are way off the mark...we all have our thoughts though! | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:48:42 PM | [I'd rather be alone and happy than in a relationship and lonely...been there and done that.]
I agree. Whats the point of a relationship if it brings yu down all the time but I believe yu cant be too prescriptive.
People change, mature, grow, go through life changing situations that their personality can change. What is witty today can piss yu off tomorrow.
I think I want to find someone sexually attractive and whose interest I 50% share. I really dont want to share all his interests. But mostly someone not stuck in their ways and subject to change and compromise cos all long as there are two people involvedm theres bound to be differences.
I cant stand people who can discuss things and find a compromise or people so rigid they cant bend a little for anyone else. so my list is not long and I am not willing to settle, I just can't prescribe people who I will feel attracted to.
My aunt used to say, they are many things yu will learn from each other theres no need to get the complete package. The fun is the discovery and changes along the way.... Not too much i suppose
Thats my rambling......   | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:20:42 PM |
settle ladies before your looks are a distant memory.
So it IS all about looks...
I suspected as much.
Cindy O | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:36:22 PM | my point is ladies that you can settle AND be happy at the same time.
it's possible and probable. why in the world do you think settling is akin to being unhappy. oh god, a woman's mind!!!!! LOL
what's rarely probable is meeting a man with your ideals, loving him AND him loving you.
i mentioned looks only because some women depend on them so very much.
you mentioned my looks Gwendolyn. i have to be pretty happy with them considering i'm almost 56 so Gwendolyn i do not believe you. but i'm not everyone's ideal at 5'4" tall. so settling is a possibility for me.
i agree with fourthempire. try to set very few standards. it's the person you fall for, warts and all, that counts. that being said, i desire a woman with natural teeth! LOL it's in my profile.
also i like hip hop music. any 56 year old women out there want to go grind for a few hours at 1 am??? i think not. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 5:19:34 PM |
loving him AND him loving you.
i mentioned looks only because some women depend on them so very much.
Well I don't and all I'm looking for is loving each other.
Just cause I walk into the store doesn't mean I'm obligated to buy something whether I want it or not.
I don't have a big long list of numbers and "must haves". But if I gotta sit down and CONVINCE myself that a guy is someone I want,with time and the quantity of available men being the deciding factors,rather than love and compatibility, now that's a road I have no intention of going down.
If lack of physical beauty means all I get to choose from is men looking for a woman to live off of, or a nurse, staying single is just absolutely fine with me. Having guys want me to just be available when they are horny,with theeir BS that a sex relationship is all I'm entitled to expect.Screw that!( pardon the pun)
I had a good man for a lot of years. He died. I don't have to "prove" that a failed marriage wasn't MY fault. I don't feel a need to "show" anybody anything. I'm not in need of rescue from financial or practical issues. It doesn't bother me to go places and do stuff by myself. Sex? I will not let my desire put me in a position to be played or used. I can't speak for anybody else,but this is how I feel at this point in my life.
If other women are frightened that their looks are fading and feel that they'd better get what they can whether they really like him or not,more power to them. Everybody's gotta live according to their own lights.
Cindy O | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 12/31/2007 8:10:30 PM | | Hey SexyPrincess, what are my chances so far? Be nice!! | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:06:50 AM | Tomozzo, the issue of "THE WOMAN'S MIND" is this... Your idea of settling, may be she is heavier than you would perfer...
Our idea of having to settle is a guy beating the crap out of us, only being into himself, including "as long as he got his, he's good".
I also met someone that was a trainwreck, a total bad idea, and someone I knew would trash my heart... I settled, and low and behold since I hadn't abandon my kids, wasn't a drinking bar fly, he couldn't settle for me..
he told me straight up, no matter how he might try, he wasn't into me that way...
Funny how the heart is...
I also tried to SETTLE for someone that I didn't find personally as my type in the looks department, but once again he just wasn't into me... The moment I showed interest in him after him telling me he was so into ... He was gone... Go figure...
So now there is this guy that is an antisocial, hates going places, isn't into any of the hobbies I like, should I settle for him just because he likes me?
Come on, there isn't just the element of settling, cause I tried that experiement, there is also the element of have that odd little spark that says "yeah, I really want to be with you".
SOOOO back to the woman' mind, she doesn't want to just be with someone to be with them... She wants to be with someone because there is something there, and doesn't have to worry she is going to have to be someone she isn't. She isn't going to be sitting at home while he is out chasing his dreams, or laying under him while he gets his.
Believe me, few men would SETTLE for someone they aren't into... Women don't want to either... | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:02:26 AM | that helps to explain it thyme. thank you. see ladies, I AM TEACHABLE if you'll just talk to me (not lecture or put down).
you're right about men. i might take someone heavier than i prefer as long as she BASICALLY when i would like. or less atrractive than what i would like. or older (had a 59 yr old say i wasn't mature enough and she was right).
kisses for thyme. | |
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