| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:45:57 AM |
beats the heck out of someone who bores me
Nothing personal here, acttwo, but I hear this all the time from women, they find some men 'boring'. Basically, if you're bored, it means that you can't think of anything interesting on your own, and expect someone else to entertain you. That makes the 'bored' person the 'boring' person. I've never been bored in my life. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:54:49 AM | Been there...done that...I'll never settle again....it means you don't love yourself enough to get the very best...we all deserve the best.... | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/2/2008 3:55:09 PM | Assume for a second that you have this ideal list of ten qualities that your dream partner will possess, regardless of whether they're physical or not, and regardless of how specific or vague they are. Next suppose you meet someone who hits 9 out of 10 of those points, and who makes you think there's romantic potential. Now, the question...
Would giving that relationship a chance be "settling" for something unacceptable?
Me, I have very few requirements, and few relationship killer qualities (things like racism, which would just turn me stone cold off a person). I just take each person as I find them and see how I feel about them, and if a romantic feeling kindles in me then so be it.  | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/2/2008 7:00:58 PM | A house settles.
With all its creaking and cracking and groaning and moaning.....
Now, how many houses are there here?
Get those hands up.
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:45:20 PM | | saying you are willing to settle is like saying " i wll gladly serve 50 to 60 in my local Penitentiary" | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:09:39 AM | No... "to settle" is to give up the idea of a "perfect" person, and being willing to overlook a few imperfections for a chance at being happy.
If you are holding out for that "perfect" person, you will die alone. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:11:26 AM | I don't know when "then" became "than" or vice versa. I do know that this thing should have spell/grammar check on it, but I am willing to "settle" for a woman who makes a few errors--for I know that I do as well in life as well as e-mail. I would not call it "settling", I would call it finding out I like them after taking time to know her, gathering information (it's called dating) and making an intelligent decision about how I feel when with her--or maybe just as important, how I feel when away from her. And giving her time to do the same, it takes two to tango.
Boys and girls, there is no perfect person--there is only a person perfect for you. Do we go through many others until we find that one--sure we do. Do we make mistakes along the way, again, sure we do. A famous person once said, (para-phrasing here) "if we do not learn from past history, we are doomed to repeat it", this applies to our personal lives and choices for partners we make as well as all other parts of life.
If you have a list of qualities, or an "idea" in your head of who your person should be, then as it was said earlier, you may miss a possible (or even "the" one) as they hold the door to Kinko's open for you....I am sure I have made this mistake--I am human. As for those women I missed, I apologize.....
Just a few thoughts from me...enjoy your day---and keep your eyes and mind open. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:34:27 AM | Thanks, Doc, for putting what I wanted to say in such clear terms. I have let a few good ones get away in my lifetime, and sometimes have wondered if I am too choosy. The bottom line for me is that I am no longer willing to settle, for someone who is wrong for me in more than a few ways, just so that I am not alone.
My sister is currently in a yoyo, on-again, off-again relationship with a real smooth talker. This man could sell ice to the eskimos, FHS, and, even though she knows that he is not sincere, she keeps going back to him. He knows exactly what to say to send her running back. She says that she cannot cope if she is not in a relationship, and that being with him is better than being alone. I have told her several times that I would much rather be alone than be with the wrong man.
I'm not looking for a prince, but simply a man who respects me, loves me just as I am, and who walks beside me in life, laughing, communicating, and growing together as we walk into the sunset.... May be corny, but that's what I want. He doesn't have to be handsome or rich to get my attention. He just has to be a man who is genuinely interested in sharing his life with me, the good, the bad, the hills and valleys, the triumphs and the failures.... | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:52:03 AM | | Yes absolutely will settle. Wait for a dream guy.. I'll miss the boat. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:35:45 AM | I think that through a series of failed relationships you figure out what you want
"Gee...if I could take the honesty of Bill, and the outgoing nature of Chris, the intelligence of Andrew, the way with kids of Mark, the gentle lovingness of Justin, the demon in the sack of Dave and mix that in with the comfort level I had with Ken it would be perfect" | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:52:47 AM | | It's okay NOT to settle when you have reasonable standards. Reasonable standards are based on what you have to offer. The problem is some people have unrealistic expectations. They want their potential date to have qualities that they don't have. Then they complain when they can't find a date. Can't have it both ways. Let's face it. An attractive, slender/fit woman with no kids and doesn't smoke will have more dating options than an ugly, obese woman who is a single mother and a smoker. A tall, rich man with hair will have more dating options than a bald, short man who works at McDonalds. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:01:01 AM | | I guess people have different definitions of 'settling'. To me it's deciding to be with someone you don't want to be with, just to be with someone. That is a lot different than accepting the fact that someone is not perfect. I can totally deal with that, but I won't be with someone I don't want to be with or don't feel right being with. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:14:17 AM | | nope sorry just settling to have someone @your side ( or maybe not?) I agree I'll take great friends instead of a mate (or should I say someone of opposite sex) who isn't compatable.. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 10:14:57 AM |
beats the heck out of someone who bores me
Nothing personal here, acttwo, but I hear this all the time from women, they find some men 'boring'. Basically, if you're bored, it means that you can't think of anything interesting on your own, and expect someone else to entertain you. That makes the 'bored' person the 'boring' person. I've never been bored in my life.
My full sentence was someone who bores me or I need to pull along behind me. I absolutely agree that you can't expect someone to entertain you, but you can expect them to participate in some of lifes activities...you have to have commonalities...you have to have similar goals--well, I do anyway. I want to have things to do with a partner, as well as things separate....I want to have ideas on our future that at least somewhat marry up....I expect no one to entertain me, but I do expect to have more in common and to make each other laugh and enjoy life than not.
That actually goes to friends as well...someone that doesn't challenge or stimulate will be an acquaintance, but probably not a great friend. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 11:09:02 AM | | Alienware. I agree with you that women are too picky these days, but that is completely off topic. OP was just pointing how people in their middle ages still do not have more specific criteria when selecting possible companions. I would suggest posting this as a seperate thread, though you are bound to get countless numbers of women telling you how wrong they think you are and how whiny you sound. Everything is based on one's own perspective, so don't think that I'M calling you that, just realize that others will. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/3/2008 12:24:51 PM | I think you bring up a good point.
I know what i want but it's hard to find that cause when you meet some people they might be what you want but in time you find out that they were just playen you.
I will go out with just about anyone but when it come's to who i will settle for I don't know.
I just think if the person right for you and they have some of what your looking for then fine, i'll marry them, but if I feel it is no good in my heart, then i'm not going to settle for them.
I don't ask for much but I can't find anyone to be with. But I don't really go out and I hope that i'll meet someone on line, but then the ?en is. Are they just saying what you want to here.
Well I hope I stayed alttile on the topic.
But it hard for me not to just settle for anything cause i'm get so lonely and just want someone in my life to fill that void. I think that's what it really come's done to. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/17/2008 11:12:47 PM | Women seem to want prince charming to come riding out of the sun on a white horse and sweep them off there feet. But after reading all the profiles of these women with unattainable expectations I feel I’m more like what the horse left behind! (for those of you who didn’t get that it starts with an "S")
So reading here that women are willing to settle for less gives me a little hope. And since I’m a 49 year old virgin don’t you think its time I should settle, and maybe settle a lot. but there are some lines even I wont cross.
Oh wait, here comes prince charming!
Oh, there he goes.
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/18/2008 7:16:11 AM | | OP, I have a prescribed list of criteria in my head that I look for in a woman. I don't need to fill all of these in order for there to be chemistry with someone, and if I'm in the dating phase I'll give just about anyone the time of day if I have the time to do so. I think it's rude to exclude someone immediately bc they aren't exactly what you are looking for. If that's the case you may look forever only to miss out on a hidden gem. Some people hide a lot of their qualities, especially the good, endearing ones. With that being said I just came out of a very unfulfilling marriage where my ex and I were two totally different people and I refuse to settle for less than almost perfect, in my eyes. I think everyone deserves what they seek in life, and if you are reasonable in your expectations there is not reason to not obtain it. I know what I want and honestly I think I've found her. She just needs to break down the walls and let me in. But we're working on that. ;-) | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/18/2008 7:45:20 AM | I think the people who find true love are the people who accept the fact that most of us DO have to settle. They accept that and they have decided in what areas they absolutely will not settle and in what areas they will. And the older we get, the more this becomes true because most of us have an attraction level to other people that lags a bit behind our own personal attraction level. Again, recognizing that and being realistic in our expectations is an early step in finding a mate with whom we can truly be happy.
Me? Hey, just for a laugh, OK? What I'd like is about 6'3", 200 pounds, thick, dark, curly hair, blue eyes, a beautiful smile, awesome abs and legs.... Ok, I could go on but I won't 'cause those things don't matter. They're just "nice to haves" but I'd be crazy not to think I'm gonna have to settle in some of those areas. I won't settle for less than a nonsmoking Christian who will attend church with me, who is a good role model for my children and who is responsible, generous, and considerate. I'll consider most men who fit in that category and decide from there what I "could get used to" and what might be "deal breakers" that would mean the relationship just isn't going to work.
We're all in different stages of what we'll "settle" for and what we won't. As long as you're still OK being alone rather than being with someone who is "less than what you want", then you're fine. Once you're tired of being alone, you need to reexamine what you're willing to "settle" for and maybe lower your expectations a bit. I'm in that in between area right now. I still want a man attractive enough that I wake up next to him in the morning thinking "Dayum! How did I get so lucky!?!" If I go long enough without that coming along, I might decide waking up to something somewhat less than that awe inspiring is OK. I'm not there yet but I'm happy having all the room in my bed to myself, so I'm fine. It's gotta be a balance of being happy with what you've got and with what you're willing to do to try for more. Once that's out of line, it's your own personal perception of it, or your own unreasonable expectations, that will hold you back more than anything. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/18/2008 8:46:50 AM | | Talltexan, I have to agree with you here. I said I would settle for nothing short of ALMOST perfect, and I said it for a reason. Most people have a type of person they like. I am impartial to hair colour, skin colour, race, eye colour, etc. I love tall slim women, but I also love short-average athletic women. But I'd settle on a tall athletic woman or a short slim one, or none of the above if she fit the categories that were must haves. Those are things like must be a good parent or parental figure, must be honest, open, forthcoming, intellectual, opinionated, good in bed, of good moral fiber, non-smoker, not a substance abuser, etc etc etc. I coudln't be with someone who had no opinion on anything, or who lied or was dull or poor in bed and I will not settle on any of these "must-haves". Now, I say this now and I've only been single for 8 months. I'd like to think that I'd rather be single forever than settle on any of these must haves, but in reality I have to admit to myself that if after 10 years I still haven't found someone that fits the mould then maybe it's more beneficial to accept someone who is less than perfect in my eyes than to continue being lonely. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/18/2008 9:09:21 AM | Again..(and this is one of my FAVORITE issues)...it always amazes me that people who say that "they won't settle" seem to forget that it's likely that somebody is settling for them.
The lack of introspection in this area is breathtaking. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/18/2008 9:19:20 AM | | There's no lack of introspection here. I don't want someone settling for me. That's why people say they seek the perfect match. I met a girl this summer that aside from the physical side was perfect in my eyes. But we had no chemistry. I wasn't attracted to her and something turned her off from me I think. Whatever it was it wasn't meant to be. Now I've met someone who's sensational in every aspect, even the physical side of things, and she tells me I'm perfect all the time. But we just have a logistics problem that we are working out in order to make things work. I woudln't want someone to settle for me and be unhappy. I want someone who is looking for everythign I have to offer, and offers me everything I am looking for. It's not too much to ask for. You just have to be patient and keep your eyes, ears, and mind open to the possibilities out there. | |
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| Willing to settle???
Posted: 1/18/2008 9:22:17 AM | @cocytus
Sweetie...you're repeating yourself.
as I look around my present life and think about my past, I can't think of any marriage or relationship where the man in question was "settling" for me.
Picky? What I want is a guy who doesn't get scared after 3 dates that he's gonna get hurt or that Willy's gonna chicken out, or that he might have to rearrange his life a little to make room for being a "we" instead of a "me"( now that particular issue I can almost understand sometimes)
anybody got any NEW ideas??
Cindy O | |
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